Calgon, Take Me Away!!

I don't know if anyone remembers this commercial. I know it was on TV way before I had kids. In fact, I'm sure I was a kid myself. But basically, it shows a mom dealing with the baby crying, phone ringing, doorbell sounding, etc...all at the same time. She's looking a little frazzled when finally, in a moment of sheer desperation cries, "Calgon, take me away!!". The commercial then cuts to this mom relaxing in a big tub of suds from the Calgon bath soap. She has escaped from the hecticness of life and is having her own little retreat.

Sometimes I wish I could cry that battle cry and be whisked off to a sudsy bathtub, alone. When I'm in the bathroom there is at least one other person there. Today, my morning potty visit was shared with three other people: Ted (getting ready at the sink), Mary (I brought her in because she was kinda crabby), and Ben (I don't remember why he was there). Actually, I wouldn't need to be whisked off to the bathtub. I'll take anywhere. This morning was case in point. Ben can be exceptionally crabby in the mornings. And clingy. This morning, he was both. My nephews where here from spending the night and they were watching "Sponge Bob, The Movie". Ted, my wonderful husband, let me sleep in. I awoke to Ben's cries of, "Dora, Dora, Dora!" He has to watch it on that TV because that's where they are all recorded on Moxi (Charter's Tivo). We pretty much heard this throughout the movie. Over and over and over again. Not a pleasurable experience.

When Ben cries and I hold him, Mary wants to be held to. Mary is pretty easy. But she can compete with Ben sometimes. Ben is very demanding. And it wears on me. I can get to the point of wanting to escape. Anywhere, it really doesn't matter. I have a friend who dealt with postpartum depression and she said after having her 4th she wanted to escape to a private island. I knew exactly what she was talking about. When Mary was born, all my kids were sick and couldn't come see her. I came home to a household of infections and no one could touch her. Yah, right. She got sick. It was a very tiring, burdening time in my life. For some reason, I guess I had a delayed reaction. I didn't start getting depressed until she was 6 months old. I mean like wanting to stay in bed all day, crying on the phone with my sister and Ted (while he was at work...poor guy). Ben and Mary were 18 months apart and I basically saw nothing but carpool and the four walls of my house. Even the breaks that I got weren't enough. They would just depress me more because they didn't live up to my expectations and I knew I would have to go back. The burden of it all got to me. Through the urging of Lisa and Ted, I called my Doctor. He put me on Zoloft...50 mg a day. Thank you, Lord for medication! I was much better. I could appreciate my kids and enjoy them more.

I'm glad the medication doesn't make me totally immune to the rough times, because that's life! Even though I'm medicated, I still want to escape sometimes. I just bounce back fairly quickly and I have more energy. I hope to start weaning myself off of it around Mary's first bday. Ben will be 2 1/2 then and hopefully a little more reasonable. Mary will be weaned by then too. Every day won't be a happy day, but it isn't now. If I find myself slipping back into depression, then I will go back on.

Ted has been gone all morning with soccer practise and a church function. Right now, he's helping my parents at their new house... but tonight--is ours. Tonight, Calgon is taking me away. Ted and I are going on a date night. :-)