The Happiness Secret

OK. I found another article about finding joy in your life. It was in the December issue of Family Circle. The article was titled "The Happiness Secret" and written by Marisa Cohen. I think these articles came out over the holidays when many people are depressed. Even when I'm not depressed, I love to hear about how to be happy. The article starts by telling you that all the things we need to make us happy are right under our noses, we just sometimes don't notice them because we are too busy looking for it in other places. They say it's unrealistic to feel great all the time. Dana Lightman, Ph.D, a psychotherapist in Philadelphia says, "A full life is complex and filled with situations that bring about anger, sadness and frustration as well as joy". I liked this point. Sometimes I can think something is wrong with me when I have an anxious or down day. But I like the thinking that it's all a part of life and to just accept it as it is. She also says, "Happiness isn't a continuous state. It comes in moments, and it's the contrast between the ups and downs that makes the good times stand out." Amen, sister.

Many people think that leaving each day as if it was your last, is the key to appreciating life. M.J. Ryan, a life coach in San Francisco says, "If you never thought about the future and just ate cake and spent all your money recklessly, you'd end up overweight and broke." Don't you like this article??? Here's a key point made by Lightman:

Make a practice of slowing down and taking the time to recognize and appreciate the small joys around you and you'll create a more positive perspective that helps in all aspects of your life.

Of course, Family Circle has their own steps to follow to find happiness in your life:

1. Make a list of what moves you. Sound familiar? Make a list of the things you love...big and small and keep adding to the list when you think of more. These things should include whatever pleases your senses, stimulates your body and mind (a crossword puzzle, exercise), and ways in which you connect with others (date night with husband, game night with kids). It can also be small things that are easy to do or future goals you can work towards, like planning a camping trip.
2. Pencil in time for fun. Family Circle says to plan these times like you would any other appointment. Do something for yourself (like watching a taped Oprah) or with someone else (movie night with the kids).
3. Get unplugged. "You have to be engaged in the world to experience transcendent moments, which is hard to do if you have one eye on your BlackBerry and one ear on your cell phone, says Stephen Shapiro, author of Goal-Free Living. I call it "being fully present", Oprah's psychologist friend (name??) calls it "showing up". I'm so guilty of being distracted by e-mail, surfing the net, and phone calls. It's a good reminder for me. They suggest also turning off the car radio or CD player and "tune in to conversations".
4. Go with the flow. According to this Family Circle article "true satisfaction comes from learning and stimulating the mind". It's whatever activity you get wrapped up in: scrapbooking, knitting, cooking, reading, etc.
5. Unclutter you mind. When you worry about something or spend your evenings thinking about what you'll do at work the next day, "you'll be too distracted to savor anything".
6. Embrace the unexpected. "It's great to plan perfect moments, but when things don't go as planned, focus on what is possible at that very moment, rather than fixating on what's wrong," says Ryan. For example, tomorrow night we're supposed to have a party for my mother-in-law who is turning 65 and retiring. All week I have been getting the house ready. Tonight I rolled all the l'il smokies with bacon, made my chocolate cheese ball, cubed the Velveeta and cooked the sausage and ground beef for the Rotel dip and the news is telling us we are going to have a huge, full weekend ice storm. We're supposed to get an inch or more or ice by tomorrow morning....NO!!!!! But if I follow what the article says...I can look on it as a free night to relax and spend it with my family. Maybe I could freeze the smokies...or invite the neighbors over. I don't know. I'll let you know what happens. Until then, I'm going to enjoy the rest of the evening with my husband.