Poop, Poop, Poop. When can I stop talking about poop? When will it all be over with? I wonder if you do a poop search on the internet, would my blog come up first?? Sam and Abby said that "poop" beats "pee" in some of kind of search word battle. I don't doubt it. Many of us moms are going through this. Which would explain my pediatricians stern voice when he talked to me. At first I wasn't going to bring it up. He probably assumed Ben was poop trained when he saw his underpants on. We were almost finished with the the exam when I said, "We have one problem..."and I went on to tell him what I was dreading to say...that Ben, at four years old, refuses to poop in the potty. I knew where he stood because I heard it at the three year appointment, but I wanted to find out more about his stance on the subject. I challenged, I questioned, I offered what the "field" says about the subject and he stood his ground. This is what the main points were and he was beginning to convince me on what I needed to do:
--This is a BEHAVIOR
--He is being allowed to exhibit this unacceptable behavior
--He is four and can reason....this is a choice
--He needs to be told he doesn't have a choice but to poop in the potty
--He can be rewarded whenever he does
--If rewards don't work, privileges must be taken away (OUCH!)
--Isn't this a punishment? DR--It's not a punishment...it's a consequence....it's his choice. You are very matter of fact about it...not emotional.
--I'm letting him be in charge by letting him doing something I don't find acceptable
--What if he's afraid? DR--that gives him an excuse...You don't need to give him an excuse
--What if he stops pooping and becomes constipated because he refuses to poop in the potty? DR--That is his own choice and he will suffer the consequences of that
--I thought everyone said not to make an issue of it...it will happen when he's ready...DR--*eyeroll* I don't buy into that. This is behavior modification. It should be used on potty training just like it is used on any other behavior you don't approve of.
I learned all that behavior modification stuff. You reward good behavior when it happens and take away the reward when it doesn't. It's simple to follow and pretty direct. I've avoided it because I thought they said to not make it a battle ground and this will quickly become one. I mentioned that to the DR and he said, "No...You are very matter of fact about it. He has control of whether he gets the reward or not." As he spoke, I knew this was a pivotal moment for us. I knew that I was about to jump into the battle field and stand up for my desire to get him fully trained. My pediatrician was arming me with the back up I needed to defend what I want. I just needed the pep talk. I don't go into anything without being fully committed, which is what makes me put off commitment to begin with. When I jump in, it will be ALL THE WAY. I'm using the DR visit as my diving board and Ben is sensing that something is going on around him.
I tell his DR about his favorite computer game, Toontown. The DR says to Ben, "In order to play Toontown, you need to poop in the potty." Ben says, "I can't!". And the DR says, "Yes, you can. You are big boy now...you can poop in the potty."
I looked at my poor four year old, sitting in his underpants on the examining bed. His world is about to get turned upside down. On the way home, we discussed what was going to happen and I don't know that it will quite sink in until we get into it. As soon as he comes home he wants to play Toontown. I tell him he can't play until he poops in the potty chair. "Can I play Nick JR .com? (Here we go). On the spot, I decided I'll have to take away the computer all together. I think the person who will suffer most during all of this will be me! Guess what he is doing right now? He's playing Playstation!! I'll give him a week without the computer. If that doesn't work, I'll have to take away Playstation too. You know how else I'll suffer? What happens when he asks me to change into a pull up? I'm supposed to say NO. Where will the poop go? IN HIS PANTS. Who will clean it up? ME!
When I look at it all. I think in the long run, I'm being trained. I'm being forced to do something I don't want to do, for the reward of the end result. I would say that is behavior modification. I have to change first, before HE can change. This will be hard for me. It will be hard for Ben too. It's like that guy that shows owners how to get rid of the behavior problems with their dogs. He did Oprah and the whole time I'm thinking...he's not here to train the dog! He's here to train the owner!
So here I am...the mom who is not going to let her son be in charge. I can't let him see my weakness, so he will get nothing but firmness from me...because I know better. I've been pushed many times. Often I will allow some pushing, because some things aren't worth the battle to me. But this is a time where I need to stand firm and show him I mean it, or it won't work. I will chronicle the journey. You'll see whether it works or not. My mother-in-law said I have to go in with the attitude that it WILL work and believe it. *Sigh* I'm tired already. And then I'll have to deal with Mary. One at a time.
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