Last night we went to Chuck E Cheese. It was a fundraiser for the school. I wasn't really planning on going because it was Ted's Men's Group night and he wouldn't be able to come. I couldn't picture me doing it without him because frankly, last time it was difficult and he WAS there. I was hoping they would just forget about it, but then, the kids came home with big round stickers that were good for 10 free tokens each! Tokens are coveted. They are gold in my kid's eyes. I thought about it. I had a bit of a down day. Mommy this, mommy that...I could stand to get out of the house...even if it was Chuck E Cheese's. I armed myself with everything I felt I needed to survive the night:
--Stroller for out of control toddler--Check!
--Sippy cups for those who shouldn't drink from the soda fountain--Check!
--Talk to the older ones telling them they would need to help me--Check!
--Diapers, wipes--Check!
--Attitude of accepting whatever comes--Check!
When I tell the kids we were going, they were so excited. They were more than happy to help with Ben and Mary....especially since it meant we could go. As soon as we got there, we ordered our pizza (regular price! I couldn't find a coupon! uggg), we got our katrillion tokens and went to find a table. I noticed my soccer mom friends all around the place. And when I say soccer moms, they are not only mom's of kids who play soccer, but they are on my indoor soccer team as well! It made me feel really good to see so many people I knew.
Just earlier that day I was saying to my neighbor, no I don't really feel that connected to my parish, if the kid's weren't in school at Sts. Joachim and Ann, I probably could have switched parishes when we moved. I was thinking of how little I do at the school, how little I see the other moms or do anything social with them...I think I was just feeling really disconnected. I was downplaying the role my parish plays in my life. I have my Women's group, my friends, my family...where does my church fit in? For one, I'm within walking distance to another parish, St. Joe's. If only we were a part of that parish, we could have unlimited carpool options. Our kids would go to school with their neighbors. So why didn't we switch when we moved? Well, we had been members at J & A for 10 years, we liked the comfortable, down to earth atmosphere, we like the people there, our kids were making good friends and we'd only be 10 minutes away after the move. But yesterday, all these reasons didn't seem to important.
So this was the attitude I had...until I walked through the Chuck E Cheese doors. I saw a bunch of women with their kids who felt this fund raiser was important. Many came without their husbands because they were still at work. Many have 3, 4, more kids. I like these women. They are the PTO President, Vice-President, Secretary, Treasurer, Abby's coach, volunteers, rooms moms. These are people who I want to emulate...who I admire...who I want to be closer to. This was my soccer team! Our kids are in each others classes. Our toddlers will be in the same class when their turns come. This is part of the reason why I joined the soccer team. I do like soccer, but I also wanted to try to connect myself more to these women.
Having Ben and Mary has kinda isolated me from the social scene. I stay in my car at pick up so they don't cry. I don't volunteer for stuff because I'd have to get a babysitter. Soccer has been my effort to reinsert myself. God wants me at J&A. Even though I'm not doing anything right now...who knows what the future holds? I have yet to tap my potential. I really want to be a part of the school. I don't want to wait til Ben and Mary are in school and Sam and Abby are almost out. I want to do it soon! My mom and dad could help. Even if it's just once a week for a couple of hours in the library, or the computer room. How difficult could that be to arrange?
I feel the stirrings. Stirrings of change. More coming out of the cave.
Two nights ago I read about the Holy Family. My friend's husband was talking about Anne Catherine Emmerich who had visions of Jesus' life and before and after. These were detailed visions. Enough to take up four huge volumes. I have them on my shelf and have read most of the first one but find it hard to read these days. Anyway, after talking to him I was motivated to read them again. I pick up Volume 1 and read where I left off. It was Epiphany! We just celebrated it last Sunday and I was about to read it! Mary and Joseph spent a lot of time in the cave at Bethlehem after Jesus was born. It was like a big party with everyone visiting them and Kings giving them presents. The cave was their protected place. Eventually, they had to go out into the real world. A world full of Herods and other bad people. A world where Jesus was destined to suffer. I think Mary could have had an inkling of Jesus' fate. I'm sure she would have liked to stay in the cave. But they had to leave. They had a long, hard journey when they left the cave. But it was necessary. Jesus went on to change the world.
I'm ready to venture out more. I'm ready to feel more connected to my church and school. I just need God to lead me.
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