Last night, when I left Ben and Mary with the sitter, they both just cried for me. Ben was better about giving me a kiss and hug goodbye, but still did not like be separated from me AND Sam and Abby. They are much better when Sam and Abby are with them. I had a nice break at Blue and Gold and thoroughly enjoyed myself. When I came home, both kids were crashed in the family room. The sitter told me they fell asleep at 8pm and she didn't want to disturb them. When the sitter left and carried them both into bed.
Mary woke up in the middle of the night, because she wet through her pull-up. I wanted to get quickly back to bed so I changed her into dry clothes and let her sleep with me. She must have woken up about four or fives times, running to the door and saying, "Mommy, wait for me! Don't leave!" I guess it kinda showed me the stress she is under and how much she really feels she needs me. It doesn't mean I'm going to accept controlling behavior, but it does help me to provide a balance that feels right.
I'm looking forward to Ted getting home. I'll meet up with him at the noon mass today. I'll do my best to let him fill me in on his weekend and be present to him without saying, "WAIT until you hear what MY weekend was like?"
This morning I was worried that she may not WANT to go to Mom's Day Out next year and that worried me, so I asked her, "Mary, do you want to go to school next year and meet some friends?" and she said, "Yes, I want girlfriends". Thank God! Not that if she said No, I wouldn't do it. It just makes it easier if she wants it, too. I'm so looking forward to the summer when the kids are home, our schedules are free and we can get out of this house more. Maybe that will help Mary focus less on me. And then of course next school year I've termed my Jubilee year, when Ben goes to Kindergarten and Mary will be gone two days a week...and I can take some time for myself.
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