My Thanksgiving weekend started off great. Thursday and Friday were relaxing and fun, but by Saturday, I started to drag. Sunday became worse. I think Saturday I was fighting a bug, but on top of it, I was tired of dealing with Mary. Mary is my constant companion, wanting to be held or at least be near me most of the time. I think because of everyone being home, she felt the need stronger than usual. She had more competition and I was more distracted. There are many habits that she has that I've learned to live with. I don't love them, but I try to excuse them because of her age.
Yesterday at church, was trying for me and Ted. We took the whole family to the 8:45am mass. Ben was really tired and he started crying right away (about something I can't even remember). Ted took him out until he settled down. When he came back, Ben just laid on the pew the rest of mass. Mary got mad anytime anyone sat on her toys we brought for her. She was picking her nose and eating her buggers (sp?) constantly. She was NOT whispering anything she said. When corrected she would get mad and say something louder to me.
At one point, Mary asked for a diaper, which meant she needed to poop. I took her out and asked her if she needed to go potty. She said yes. So I took her potty and brought her back in. I noticed she didn't pee much. Back at the pew, she asked for a diaper again. I should have put that diaper on while we were out! I thought she just needed to pee and wasn't sure how to do that at church. No. She needed that diaper. I was NOT going to take her out again. We had gotten up too many times already. It was like there was a revolving door on our pew. And to top it off, we were sandwiched in by Eucharistic ministers who needed to be on the ends. I embarrassed Ted by having her stand up and pull down her pants enough to put a diaper on between her and her underwear. Mary doesn't like it when I do that, but it sure is handy to not have to take off pants, underwear and shoes. She spoke loudly, "Mommy, I don't want my underpants on!!" I quieted her and told her she needed to let me do it this way.
All of this was frustrating enough, but on top of it I was steaming hot, and there was this high pitched ring that was going through the sound system through out the whole mass. Thank God I read the readings last night, because I didn't hear a word. And I'm sure the people behind us could barely get anything out of mass also, with all of the distraction we created.
Yesterday at church, was trying for me and Ted. We took the whole family to the 8:45am mass. Ben was really tired and he started crying right away (about something I can't even remember). Ted took him out until he settled down. When he came back, Ben just laid on the pew the rest of mass. Mary got mad anytime anyone sat on her toys we brought for her. She was picking her nose and eating her buggers (sp?) constantly. She was NOT whispering anything she said. When corrected she would get mad and say something louder to me.
At one point, Mary asked for a diaper, which meant she needed to poop. I took her out and asked her if she needed to go potty. She said yes. So I took her potty and brought her back in. I noticed she didn't pee much. Back at the pew, she asked for a diaper again. I should have put that diaper on while we were out! I thought she just needed to pee and wasn't sure how to do that at church. No. She needed that diaper. I was NOT going to take her out again. We had gotten up too many times already. It was like there was a revolving door on our pew. And to top it off, we were sandwiched in by Eucharistic ministers who needed to be on the ends. I embarrassed Ted by having her stand up and pull down her pants enough to put a diaper on between her and her underwear. Mary doesn't like it when I do that, but it sure is handy to not have to take off pants, underwear and shoes. She spoke loudly, "Mommy, I don't want my underpants on!!" I quieted her and told her she needed to let me do it this way.
All of this was frustrating enough, but on top of it I was steaming hot, and there was this high pitched ring that was going through the sound system through out the whole mass. Thank God I read the readings last night, because I didn't hear a word. And I'm sure the people behind us could barely get anything out of mass also, with all of the distraction we created.
The rest of the day, Mary was crabby and demanding. She doesn't nap anymore unless we are in a car ride somewhere. I was exhausted. I had had enough. Around 2:45pm, I begged for a nap and crashed into my peace and solitude. After my nap, it took a while for me to "wake up". Ted decided to get the tree up and the kids decorated it while I wrapped presents. It was the best part of the day. But the pain from all that happened earlier, still lingered. Ted was supposed to go to the hockey game and passed because of our difficulties of the day and my tiredness. I felt bad about that.
Last night, I prayed that God would show me how to raise Mary. Is there some discipline I should be doing and I'm not? If so, I want to know! No other person could tell me, because they don't have Mary. But God could tell me if he would just get the words out so I could hear him. This morning, while I was sitting on the toilet, he spoke to me. Our day started off the usual way, with Mary needing to be near me. She climbed into bed with me and woke me up. She followed me to breakfast and wanted the cereal I was eating. She followed me to the bathroom when I started getting stomach cramps (too much info...I know...sorry). When she saw me cringing with cramps, she asked me, "Mommy, do you want to hold my teddy bear?" How sweet she can be! I told her that would be great. As she ran off to get her teddy bear, I thought about how she is constantly aware of my every emotion. She knows when I'm sad and wants to help. She knows that sometimes when I'm sad, I tell her I'm tired, so she won't feel sad for me. She feels my feelings with me. What a gift to have a child so "in tune" to me! And then the words I heard next stopped me in my tracks. I heard as clear as day..."She's going to be amazing."
With those words, it was like a burden fell off of me. They were the most clearly positive words I thought of her in a while. I'm constantly worried about creating monsters in Ben and Mary. We are always putting them in time out to keep them from fighting. They disrupt our meal time and keep us from conversing with Sam and Abby, they keep me busy attending to their many needs. These are the thoughts in my head. Which is why I know that message was from God and not me. It came out of the blue. It was such a different thought then the others I was thinking. And then I thought, "It will take an investment of love to get her to who she is created to be, but she will get there." That thought, which immediately followed the other thought, made my sacrifice of this time have some great purpose. If I have a picture of something beautiful that I am helping to create, it gives me more energy to deal with the struggles in the process. Maybe all the fighting means they will stand up for what they believe in! Maybe Mary's clinginess will show up as an adult daughter who calls on her mom when she is sick and is the one to remember her mom's favorite flower and gives it to her on Mother's Day. Maybe the demands will soften into a leader who has a vision of how things should be. Maybe...maybe...
As I write this, Ben is in time out. Ben wants what Mary has. He couldn't get it, so he messed up what she was playing with. None of this is easy. It feels like a broken record, skipping to play the same parts over again. But it's not forever. God's creating something I will be amazed by. But like the lepers, I feel like he has to peel the scales off me first, so I can get a glimpse of what is possible if I just believe in Him and trust Him. Instead of telling me how to raise them, how to discipline them. He changed my attitude. I'm sure this is not a permanent change. I will constantly need to tell myself how amazing they will be. In the meantime, I need to get Ben out of time out.
Last night, I prayed that God would show me how to raise Mary. Is there some discipline I should be doing and I'm not? If so, I want to know! No other person could tell me, because they don't have Mary. But God could tell me if he would just get the words out so I could hear him. This morning, while I was sitting on the toilet, he spoke to me. Our day started off the usual way, with Mary needing to be near me. She climbed into bed with me and woke me up. She followed me to breakfast and wanted the cereal I was eating. She followed me to the bathroom when I started getting stomach cramps (too much info...I know...sorry). When she saw me cringing with cramps, she asked me, "Mommy, do you want to hold my teddy bear?" How sweet she can be! I told her that would be great. As she ran off to get her teddy bear, I thought about how she is constantly aware of my every emotion. She knows when I'm sad and wants to help. She knows that sometimes when I'm sad, I tell her I'm tired, so she won't feel sad for me. She feels my feelings with me. What a gift to have a child so "in tune" to me! And then the words I heard next stopped me in my tracks. I heard as clear as day..."She's going to be amazing."
With those words, it was like a burden fell off of me. They were the most clearly positive words I thought of her in a while. I'm constantly worried about creating monsters in Ben and Mary. We are always putting them in time out to keep them from fighting. They disrupt our meal time and keep us from conversing with Sam and Abby, they keep me busy attending to their many needs. These are the thoughts in my head. Which is why I know that message was from God and not me. It came out of the blue. It was such a different thought then the others I was thinking. And then I thought, "It will take an investment of love to get her to who she is created to be, but she will get there." That thought, which immediately followed the other thought, made my sacrifice of this time have some great purpose. If I have a picture of something beautiful that I am helping to create, it gives me more energy to deal with the struggles in the process. Maybe all the fighting means they will stand up for what they believe in! Maybe Mary's clinginess will show up as an adult daughter who calls on her mom when she is sick and is the one to remember her mom's favorite flower and gives it to her on Mother's Day. Maybe the demands will soften into a leader who has a vision of how things should be. Maybe...maybe...
As I write this, Ben is in time out. Ben wants what Mary has. He couldn't get it, so he messed up what she was playing with. None of this is easy. It feels like a broken record, skipping to play the same parts over again. But it's not forever. God's creating something I will be amazed by. But like the lepers, I feel like he has to peel the scales off me first, so I can get a glimpse of what is possible if I just believe in Him and trust Him. Instead of telling me how to raise them, how to discipline them. He changed my attitude. I'm sure this is not a permanent change. I will constantly need to tell myself how amazing they will be. In the meantime, I need to get Ben out of time out.
1 comment:
She WILL be amazing!!!
oh, and it's boogers. I think. Tee, hee.
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