Tomorrow night is my "designated" crop night, but it's one of those things that gets eliminated at a moments notice...and for good reason. Last weekend, Ted worked on the basement all day Saturday and Sunday. We didn't know we would need the extra day. Late Sunday afternoon, I opted out of the family get together at his parent's house for a moment of productive peace to myself (I worked on a PTO poster...it was productive and peaceful). I went to my regular Sunday CRHP meeting at 7pm. I was gone all night. Monday night, I decided to go to Women's Group late so we could have some time as a family before I jetsetted out the door. We ate pizza together...it was actually very nice. Tuesday, as soon as Ted got home I dashed out the door with the older two to go to a New Family Orientation. Of course we aren't the new family, but were asked to be mentors for one. That ended with mass for the Holy Day and Ted met me up at church with the younger two. I spent most of my time with the very loud Mary out in the foyer. Yesterday, the younger two went to the neighbor's, while I took the older two to our packet Pick-Up Night (basically a Back to School night). The kids had fun meeting their teachers, running around with friends...and hanging out with me at the PTO table. So it's been a very busy week. The kids are excited to go back to school.
Now that I can breathe a little I'm thinking about all that's been going on. At the PTO night, Sam enjoyed some of his time hanging out behind the table with me. I think he felt important there. Abby could have cared less...but I've noticed some things about Sam. This whole PTO thing is making him feel very important. At the New Family Orientation, I overheard him say things like, "My mom can answer any question because she's the Vice President of PTO". And last night, as kids were gathered around my poster he said, "My mom made this!". I wonder how my new rash of volunteering is affecting him? Will it influence his desire to do the same when he gets older? I've never heard him say to a friend, "My mom changed 7 diapers today!"...or..."My mom cleans our whole house...all the time!!"...or..."My mom single handedly shopped at the grocery store with all four kids....and survived!". Nope...none of those things have registered on his radar of heroism....but this one has.
The best part of the PTO to me, is least importantly...the title, but it's meeting so many cool people....people who really care, people who want to have fun, people who want to help out. It's bringing me out among the people and making me wake-up little skills that have been basically dormant or underappreciated. I'm remembering that I am a person, separate from my kids, who as abilities and is worthwhile to other people. It may sound silly, but it's easy to forget.
One of the school board members (who was my soccer coordinator...mine...not the kids), told me that she told the other players I wasn't returning. She said they were all very upset and said that I was one of the best people on the team! It's like someone is taking an air pump and, blow by blow, is pumping me up. It's such an awesome, exhilarating feeling. I received separate e-mails from the school secretary and principal about my new Room Parent form that went out to the school. They said it was positive and well written...*wwwoooooosshhhh*...a gust of air goes into my "tube". I make my poster board and people love it. They also the love the idea of me taking pictures all year to record the PTO events and keep them in a scrapbook album....*wooooosssshhhh*...more air. I give a short "reflection" on the theme of the week to my CRHP group and they praise me for it...*wwwwooooosshhh*...I get pumped again.
The more you rely on this sort of stuff to keep going, the more easily it can let the wind out of your sails too. I try not to make "praise" crucial to my happiness. Recognition and praise are not something you can depend on. It's not always there and consistent, but it sure feels good and adds to my momentum when it comes. What's really important are the messages I tell myself. I have more control over that. I know when I'm doing a good job and it makes me feel good about myself to see the results of my hard work. Sometimes, as a mother, you don't see results, you just see more work. It's an ongoing job in which you don't "clock out".
--I don't turn in any fancy memos to a boss, I just give Ted the lowdown.
--I don't give presentations, I just have nice one on one chats with the kids.
--I don't get paid with a pay check, but I have a really cool husband that works for the whole family and shares what he has with me.
--I don't get an annual review, but every now and then I take personal stock on what is working and what isn't working...and I have authority to change it.
--I don't get my own office where I can shut the door and keep out intruders when I want, but I'm never lonely.
--I don't have a secretary take my calls, but I have a great feature called caller ID and two kids that can read.
--I don't get praised at staff meetings, but my husband will thank me for the little things I do.
--I don't get awards at banquets, but every now and then one of the kids will do something that makes me proud...and that's enough reward.
Very few people see the intimate moments I have with my kids and a lot of my creative, loving, or fun experiences with them go unnoticed. But I know they are there. They don't have to be seen by others to feel important. They don't have to be recognized to know they are good.
Yah...recognition isn't everything...but it sures feels good. Especially when it comes from your own son!
No comments:
Post a Comment