I should wait 'til I've cooled down before I write this post. Oh well. I just got back from taking Ben and Mary to meet Ted for lunch. It sounded like a grand plan. We all looked so cute in our denim clothes and Mary had her hair pulled back in a barrette. I thought we even might meet Ted in his office so his co-workers could see the kids. I pictured comments like, "What a cute family", and "Look at those darling kids". We didn't end up meeting Ted inside...good thing. Little did I know, I was transport ticking time bombs in the back seat of my car. They looked like cute children, but they were explosions waiting to happen.
We met Ted with smiles. He thanked me for coming out to meet him. He understands all that it takes just to leave the house. When we entered the mall, something clicked with Ben. Maybe it was a bunch of bad memories (he's just not good at the mall). He was already starting to whine about which way he wanted to go. We ignored him and proceeded to head towards the Food Court, our facade as the perfect family already starting to slip. Ted decided to take the younger ones to get a slice of pizza and I would get our order at Charley's. Ben started to protest. He didn't want Ted to take him away from me. When I say "Ben started to protest", I don't think you get my full meaning. Ben's protests are a full out cry. He has a very loud and demanding cry. He really doesn't care who is looking at him. His mouth opens wide and all of his passion comes out of it in very high decibels. Every one and their quiet, composed lunch partners looked up to see where all the noise was coming from. We pretended that we had everything under perfect control and that we were not rattled by his cries. There were no other families in site because McDonald's was in the process of being relocated elsewhere in the mall. We definitely stood out.
I got the food and met Ted and the kids at the table, realizing as I was doing so, I had just claimed them as my children. Ben decides he doesn't want to sit in his chair, but on my lap instead. He does this sometimes at dinner time. It drives me crazy. But if I want a peaceful dinner, I go along with it. Ben happily plumps himself in my lap while I try to manage a lettucey, mayonaissey, teriyaki, chicken sub with one hand. Ted cringed because he hates watching me try to eat with a child in my lap. It's just not relaxing. He also knows I'm unhappy...but has to watch the whole thing with little control. Mary started to see the injustice in all this and wanted down. She kept complaining until I picked her up. Ted told me to give her to him and then he let her down to walk around near our table. It worked for a little while. Ben got distracted by some construction men using a motorized lift to work in the ceiling. Ted and I managed a smile towards each other. It was meek, but it was our connection of the misery of the moment.
We raced to eat our food, not knowing how much longer we had to finish it. We were right, they both started complaining. It's time to go. We cleaned up our mess and strapped them in their strollers. I can't even tell you now what Ben was crying about, but the cries echoed through the mall and we were the object of many stares. It's at this time that I wish I had the control my parents had. I remember all we had to hear was, "Be quiet or you will get spanked when we get home", and we straightened up quickly. I just don't believe in spankings. I don't believe in inserting fear in order to control your kids. But it looked really attractive at the time. The thing is, we are dealing with the 2 and under crowd. There is no control here. There is no reasoning. Their emotions speak louder than any consequences I could threaten them with. I knew this. I've done this before. I knew we just needed to get to the mall exit as quickly as possible. Meanwhile, my anger was building up. How dare he ruin my lunch? How unfair that I came all the way for this? What a miserable lunch! Ted joined me on the pity party and gave me knowing, sorrowful glances. We raced out the doors and took a deep breath when we hit the outside. Now my anger was at it's peak. Ben was dragging his legs on the ground, making it harder to push the stroller. I impatiently grabbed his foot and placed it back on the foot rest, displaying all the anger I felt inside the mall. I also inserted some words like, "You were not behaving and we are going home!" Like that did any good, but for some reason, I was trying to feel like I had some control of the situation.
I roughly placed him back in his car seat. I had visions of the mom who was caught on a parking lot cam, beating her child while standing outside the door. I judged that women severely when I saw that clip. How could you do such a thing to your child??? I understood what motivated her at that moment. I always take pride in having control with my kids...being patient and steady and consistent. I hate myself when I show this lack of control. Kids are not expected to have complete control. It gets better as they get older....but they are KIDS. Parents should have complete control. Ben hated seeing me upset and was crying more. Ted said he's sorry that we had such a bad visit. As the tears well up in my eyes I told him how I just looked forward to getting past these stages.
We dropped Ted off and I cooled down slightly as I thought about the events. Ben had to be tired. It was not naptime yet, but the last couple of days he got shorter naps and I think the wear was showing. Two days ago it was because I had to wake him up to get the kids from school. Yesterday he was at the Monkey Room and only got about an hour nap there. Most misbehavior in kids can be attributed to being tired. Duh. I know this stuff. But this morning he was fine, he didn't show any signs of being crabby or tired. I guess it just came to a peak at the mall. I know it's not his fault. He's a strong willed child and this comes to head when he's tired. As he gets older he gets easier. He's just starting to reason better...but his emotions are so big sometimes, this clouds his reason. Gee...that happens to me too. I guess I understand.
When we got home, I put him straight in bed...no songs (because he was crying) and no fan. I left the room and I heard him flop himself on his bed and...quiet. He fell asleep immediately.
Someday I will go to the mall with the kids and it will be enjoyable. Someday. I have lots of hope for the future. It seems like many of my sentences begin with "Someday..."...meanwhile, on some of the problems..."Someday" is now. Things are already so much easier than they were a year ago. The kids are only growing older and getting easier. It's inevitable. If I didn't have Sam and Abby as proof, I'd be worried I was raising brats. I remember thinking that with them. You just have to get through the younger stages. I don't know that there's any easy way. It's just frustrating that our activities are limited because of my fears of what I'll have to go through when I take them out. I really don't take them anywhere because of this. I'm ready to get out again. I really feel this is right around the corner. Ben will be 3 in May.
Blogging is great therapy. I feel better already.
By the way, I was voted in as PTO Vice President for next year. The year after I'll be President. LOL. This just makes me laugh. Every time I'm in a humbling situation, I think, "Ha. And you're going to be PTO Vice President." I guess I don't think I fit the mold. They'll just have to make a new mold for me. *wink*
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