A Mother's Rule Of Life

I got one of my books that I ordered from Amazon.com yesterday! And boy was it greatly timed!! This book is a godsend!

Yesterday, I was excited to surprise Ted for lunch. My sister was off work and volunteered to watch the kids while I took Ted to lunch. I had planned this for a couple of days and wanted to keep it a surprise. I asked Ted about his schedule for the day and felt good that he had time for lunch with me. Then, around 11am, I start calling him. No answer. I call his cell. No answer. What? He should be in a meeting! Maybe someone is in his office (cubicle). I'll just wait for him to call me back. Thirty minutes later...no response. I decide to text him, asking him where he is. Becky is on her way and I can't even get a hold of Ted!

Ted finally calls. He doesn't know why he didn't get my previous calls and says he just got McDonald's with a co-worker. I tell him my plans for lunch and he apologizes, but it just didn't feel enough. I hang up, disappointed. He was bringing the McDonald's back to the office. He hadn't even eaten it yet. Why didn't he trash that $5 of McDonald's and tell me to come on up to meet him? Why was he being so practical instead of recognizing that we NEVER go to lunch together?? This was a rare opportunity. I was all dressed up, with full make up, fluffy hair and my husband got McDonald's.

Becky comes over and I explain the situation to her. I decide to go shopping. And shop I did. Ted calls while I'm at Target. I tell him why I feel hurt. He feels really bad. I can feel that he's just starting to realize how dumb it all was...that he could have chucked the McDonald's. I tell him, he would have SAVED money by going to lunch with me because I shopped at Target and Kohl's and spent more than $5. I wouldn't have shopped if we went to lunch. We shared a laugh on this, but it's interesting how I let this drag me down the rest of the day. I don't understand why, but my energy was zapped. By afternoon I was a walking zombie. I think was tired of carrying the weight of my frustration and disappointment with Ted. And when you're tired all the little things feel too much. Ben and Mary felt too much. I had no desire to clean up the house, make dinner, or do anything else. When Ted came home, he could tell I had nothing left in me. It was no longer about the lunch incident. I was just tired. He brings in the mail which was my new book! He lets me escape to our bedroom.

I was so tired that I just climbed under the covers, fully clothed and just relaxed. Sometimes it feels good to escape like this when the husband comes home. I don't know how single mom's do it!! I had crashed and burned. I think it was a combination of everything. After constant screams from Mary denied me a wink of sleep, I decided to get out my new book, "A Mother's Rule of Life". I was hooked from the first page. I'm already a fifth of the way through the book. It's like she takes the concept of FlyLady and applies it to your whole life...including your prayer time. LOVE IT!! In fact, Flylady writes her own recommendation of the book. At first I thought this book would be all about rigid structure, but just like Flylady, it gives you a plan so you can keep a daily routine so important things aren't forgotten...and they become habit. I need this BECAUSE I'm not a structured person naturally. I NEED more structure. Some days I will walk through with distraction after distraction and nothing completed! I just keep getting the message that this doesn't work for me. Flylady was the first thing to get me back on track and now I have this book by Holly Pierlot to complete the picture for me. It's written for any Christian, but I like the fact that she is Catholic. She incorporates the sacraments and making them a priority, too.

After reading, I walked out of that room with a new purpose. I felt refreshed. I'm sure Ted could tell the difference. Now I have to put my money where my mouth is.

This N That

Sometimes my thoughts are little pieces of information. I offer them to you just the same...in no particular order of importance.

--Books--I just placed an order through Amazon.com for the following books: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot, Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, and Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld . I love books. I could buy and buy and buy them, but I refrain. I've been guilty of buying on a whim and not reading them all...or all the way through. Most of these I have thought about for longer than a couple of weeks. I have one whim and that is the "Boundaries" one which was recommended by someone who read my blog on my "Just Say NO!!" blog. But you know what? It sounds like something I need. I could tell my sister was a little frustrated that I bought these books before she could get any of them for me for Christmas. I guess I'm not patient enough.

--A Goal to Healthier Eating--I bought a rice cooker/vegetable steamer for $20 and a $20 food chopper so I can do my very own pureeing! OK, I'm might be crazy to think I could actually start pureeing my vegetables and putting them in our meals, not only to give the kids more vegetables, but me and Ted as well! See...I like vegetables, but I don't always take the time to cook them and I especially don't cook the kind that are really good for you: broccoli, spinach, carrots, cauliflower, squash, etc. I tend to throw in red onions, yellow onions, peppers, mushrooms, etc into whatever I make. So I figure a $40 investment in something that could totally tank, is worth it...especially when it comes to our health. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm waiting for the cook book to come in the mail. At the very least, we might be eating more rice!

--Halloween--We have two Halloween functions this week, which means 6 costumes must be completed!! Yikes!! Sam wants to be Anikan Skywalker (he actually wanted to be Darth Maul, but Dad thought that was too evil), Abby is going to be a rock star, Ben will be Spiderman (hand me down...Thank God), Mary is going to be dressed like a princess with a sash saying "Drama Queen" (my sister's BRILLIANT idea!!). Ted and I should be something because we are going to a trivia night where many adults (and kids) will be dressed up. Hmmm...we could follow the Star Wars theme or do something easier. Whatever it is, I need to decide quickly! I'll take pictures and post them.

--Ben and Mary--Ben and Mary are playing so much better together. Less fighting and more together play. Ben is actually playing dolls with her! He's not hooked on the video games as much anymore. I'm SO grateful for that.

--California Wildfires--Watching the California wildfires made me think, if I had an hour's notice to escape my house what would I take? I imagine that all I would be able to take is what can fit into both cars. Ted and I thought about it together and it was a pretty easy decision. This is our list compiled together: The kids, fully dressed in shoes and jackets, laptop, computer downstairs, fire proof safe (contains legal documents, film negatives and CD's of saved digital pictures), purse, wallet, some food, a cooler of drinks and cold food, dual screen portable DVD Player (for a possible long car ride), mine and Ted's memory boxes from storage, camera, video camera, home movies, cell and palm pilot chargers and the kids' memory boxes. If we had any more time and room, I would throw in clothes. I appreciate any article of clothing I can have for the kids. I love hand me downs and having to buy as few clothes as possible. If I had to leave all of our clothes and start all over for six people...UGH. It would be a pain. Starting over would be a pain period...repurchasing sheets, towels, furniture, A HOUSE!...but that's better than losing things that are irreplaceable. I heard about a family that loaded all their prized possessions in the car and after they escaped their home and drove through smoke and fire, they climbed out of their car to give a big hooray...looked back and their car was on fire!! Later on they found out their house was FINE!!!

--TV Shows--I'm not really into any reality shows. They don't feel very real to me. I LOVE shows like Dateline, 48 hours and 60 minutes. I used to watch them as we caught them on TV. It took me a while to realize I could be recording these with our DVR. I've started recording them and I'm having a lot of fun watching them with Ted after the kids go down and during the day while I fold laundry in my bedroom. I love the way they weave a tail of mystery and watching it unfold. All within one hour (or really, less, because I fast forward the commercials)

--Chillier weather--This past weekend we aerated the yard, seeded in problem areas and sealed the driveway. I shouldn't say "we"....Ted did it all. He said it felt really good to accomplish it but missed his chance to relax this weekend.

A week ago we had a fire in the fire pit. It was very relaxing. The neighbors came over and joined us. We've visited their fires before, so it was fun to break out ours.

--Meal Planning--Meal planning has been going great! I'm such an unstructured person in this category, I rarely eat the meal planned for the day. But I feel I have lots of choices...and I switch it around a bit, but the purpose is served. Last night we had homemade pizzas! I used the bread machine for the dough and split it into two pizzas. After rolling out the dough, I rubbed them with olive oil, and sprinkled the unbaked crust with garlic and Parmesan cheese. After cooking the crust, I topped one with "Four Cheese Alfredo Sauce", cooked, cut up chicken, red onions, mushrooms, artichokes, and mozzarella and provolone cheese. It was so good!! The other pizza was for the kids and I just sprinkled cheese over pizza sauce.

Ok...I think you got a snapshot of my mind. I better go be productive.

My Happiest Moments of the Week

Taking the advice of Elizabeth Gilbert from the book Eat, Pray, Love , I have been writing down my happiest moment each day. Here is what I captured last week:
10/8--Columbus Day. Ted played hooky from work and I kept Ben home from preschool. Sam and Abby were already off. My happiest moment this day was sitting outside in lawn chairs with Ted watching 9 kids (including our own) play in the court...riding bikes, skateboarding, riding skooters, etc. We are blessed!
10/9--Daytime-Taking a walk with my mom, Ben and Mary on a path behind her house that leads to a small playground.
Evening--One on one conversations with fellow school moms at McTeacher Night
10/10--Girl's night out at the mall with my mom and sisters! It doesn't get any better than this!
10/11--Eating icecream with Ted after the kids went down for bed.
10/12--Cousin's came over this evening for dinner and visiting. It was relaxing and fun.
10/13--Relaxing with my guests at our bday party for Sam and remembering when it seemed like a lot more work to throw a party.
10/14--All day crop at Archivers!!! I went all by myself and I thoroughly enjoyed it!!

After looking at my week, I think, I had a pretty darn good week! Maybe that's the whole purpose of this exercise!!

Eat, Pray, Love

I just saw an Oprah show that featured the author of the book Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert. Here is an excerpt from Oprah's website:

Thirty-one year old Elizabeth Gilbert had the husband, the career and the
life that so many women envy. But privately, she was falling apart on her
bathroom floor night after night. Liz left her husband, filed for divorce and
took a leap of faith by embarking on a spiritual journey that sent her to Italy,
India and Bali. Her quest to reclaim her life has now been experienced by the
millions who have read her book Eat, Pray, Love.

She explains what got her to this place of despair..."It was about that I had woken up to the fact that my life no longer resembled me. It didn't look like
me."

And more that is straight from Oprah's website:

Even before Liz took her breakthrough journey in Eat, Pray, Love, she says she has always been a traveler. "I've always been somebody who takes journeys," she says. "And I just wanted to get out of there. I felt like if I didn't, I would die. I felt like a squirrel in a box…sort of clawing at the walls of my life."

I know I can feel that way sometimes. It's when I'm home and swallowed up with needs from the kids that only I can fulfill. I could understand the "squirrel in the box" analogy. Although, I don't feel a need to go to Italy to find some peace, I appreciate that everyone has some thing they do to feel instant relief. For me, it's indulging in a pleasure for myself. Whether it be reading, watching a favorite show, cleaning up the house, cropping, eating, spending time with a friend in person or over the phone, eating out with my husband, etc.

Liz first went to Italy to find pleasure again. She ate, drank and felt no guilt. She gained a much needed 24 pounds onto her skinny frame. She was there for four months before heading to India where she found inner peace. She says you can't find yourself or your faith without some silence in your life. She believes it's the only way to hear your inner voice and God's voice. It was there that she had a life changing spiritual experience where she felt she was in the palm of God's hand. She spent 4 months as an ashram before heading to Bali where she searched for a balance of the freedom of pleasure and the discipline of daily prayer and meditation. It was there that she found love.

Even Liz says you don't have to go to foreign countries to find what she found. She says that you can follow your own journey right where you are. First, I want to get this book. But then, I also want to follow her steps:

1) Every day right down: What do you really, really, really want? Now, this is a broad question and people often don't like those. But if you answer it truthfully, you'll see the variety in your answers. I am going to do this for a month and see what transpires.

2) What was the happiest moment of your day? Sometimes this could be something simple like watching the view from your window, to taking a vacation. I could see the variety here also. I will record these answers for a month, too.

3)Change your mantra. Liz says we all have one. It's not always good, but we do. What do you tell yourself? What do you live by? Are you always saying "I wish, I wish, I wish"? If it's not working...change it.

I'm ready for this journey of discovering myself and what makes me happy. I think I've been discovering it and getting closer to getting my basic needs met...but it's always fun to find out more! Read her site to find out more about the book! I can't wait to read it myself!

This N That

They say if you start typing, you'll think of what you want to say. So I'll just keep these keys moving until something smart or witty comes out. Sometimes I think that's why I do "This n That" blogs. I really don't have one full thought, but a bunch of little unimportant ones. Here are the thoughts in my head lately:
--I can't wait until Ted gets his "make up" commission check from work. (They made things changes at work which made it harder for Ted to sign deals and have promised a check to make up for his lost commissions). I'm making a list of things I want to buy. It's not exciting, but here it is: Fall church clothes for the kids, fall wreaths for the front door, waterproof mattress pads for all the kids beds or at least on the new mattresses (Sam and Abby), plant two trees in the yard (after taking out two dead ones), and carpeting in the family room. Yes, you heard me...carpeting to replace the filthy, germinated, stained beyond belief carpeting in the family room. I found and blog that announced we would wait until Mary turned four to replace the said carpeting. I have found all kinds of reasons to wait but have ignored my true hearts desire. Wait until they are all potty trained (by that time she will be). Wait until you can enforce no eating in the family room (ain't gonna happen), wait until they are out of drippy sippy cups (what..then have them bring full drinks in there? Nuh uh. I think we'll be in sippy cups until they go to Kindergarten!) Wait until...wait until...wait until. I'm feeling the shackles break off of me as I speak. I am free! I can buy soon! I don't have to wait!

--It's time for Mary's big girls bed and I have waited for this moment for so long! When she was a baby I bought Abby's quilt and vowed to find the match with constant searches at TJ Maxx. It never happened. I ended up buying it on eBay and spending too much...but they had to match!! When I bought Abby's bed skirt two years ago, I bought one for Mary. People laughed at me, "She's in a baby bed! It'll be a while!" I didn't care. I had a vision of my girls' shared room and I was planning ahead. What if Target discontinued their Shabby Chic line of bedskirts and Mary had to have a non-matching one?? (They didn't, I just saw it there last week). I even arranged the room so that all we had to do was swap out the bed and put in the new one. I bought a mattress and box spring at an Estate Sale this past summer for $25 (actually a wood bed came with it too!!). Now I am ready. She's not fully potty trained, but the real goal was to have it done for her third birthday, just like I did with Ben. Then, at her party, everyone can come up and see the "big girl's" bed. I can't wait. And she is thrilled, too!

--I love mowing the lawn. I'm not sure why. I think it's being outdoors and having time to think. I think it's also the transformation from tall and shaggy, to trimmed and plush.

--House guests are coming and I'm in a good place. It doesn't have to be perfect and yet, I feel good about how everything is. As I get older, these things get easier...Thank God.

--I did my meal planning for another month. I have new meals I'm trying. If I like them, I'll pass on the recipes. I'm looking for family friendly meals. I'm so anal, I have plotted my whole list by isle location and put it in an Excel Spreadsheet. Yup. That's me. You want a copy? It's of Schnuck's. You may not have one in your area.

--I made new Children's Liturgy CD's for the different seasons of the church. I'm so thrilled to complete this. Abby recorded the final songs with me last night. She is such a trooper.

--My principal asked me to be on a "marketing team" for the school. I agreed because I have not learned to press my tongue to the roof of my mouth for the "Nnnnoooo" word. And actually, I happen to enjoy challenges. We are trying to increase our enrollment and tenure. Sounds like my HR job!! This requires four all day workshops to be trained. I laugh at the hoops I had to jump through: Have Ben skip preschool on those days...check, find a babysitter for the kids...check, return favor of babysitting by painting my mom's two extra bedrooms...check, ask carpool if we can afternoon drive with the morning drive...check! Whoo. It's not easy replacing a mom of four for four whole days!

--We're getting an Arby's near us. Fast food is always big news around here.

--My sister was off today and it was sheer bliss talking on the phone with her. She is a gift from God to me.

--I want to call my friend, Theresa in Australia...which requires planning with the time change. I'll write it on my to-do list and then it will really happen!

--Ben peed in his bed last night. He's potty trained, but accidents still happen. It's a lllooonnng process.

--I gotta end this blog and pick up Sam and Abby from their friend's house. They are swimming!

An Overdue Snapshot

Yikes! It's been 11 days since my last entry! Here we go:

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--Catch up on cropping!!! I've scheduled two crops for myself, OUTSIDE the home, because it's the only way I keep the commitment. This is a TOP priority now. I've slacked too long and I'm just getting further behind. It's time to treat it like maintenance and have a regular schedule of cropping. Because time is at a premium, I'm settling for two a month until I do a crop weekend in January. I'm not waiting for my friend's homes or schedules to be available...I'm scheduling them at a local crop store...so if I need to go by myself, I will. No excuses.
--Finish painting the railing upstairs
--Ask my mom if she can watch Mary while I'm Mommy Helper for Ben's preschool
--Take Sam to get his bands put on and pay the Orthodontist a lot of money

What have I accomplished in the past couple of weeks?
--Fly lady!! I've been following her plan. We've gone from the Kitchen, to the bedrooms, to the Master Bedroom. I've cleaned out closets, drawers, the fridge, painted baseboards, railings, and touched up doors. My house is so much easier to clean now because it is organized! It is the most exhilirating feeling to finally be making it a priority. I felt too overwhelmed before, but now the time is right. I just grab time wherever I can get it, kids napping, Ben at preschool, weekends when Ted's home. It's like my house is ready to be on the market and it's not for sale! Before I needed an excuse to keep my house this clean...a birthday party, a babysitter coming over, etc. Now, I'm ready at a moments notice. Ted's cousin's family e-mailed and asked if they could stay at our house for the weekend during a family golf tournament. I didn't have to think twice. Sure! Four more people added to our houseful of six. It's great to always feel "ready".
--I had my first PTO meeting with the parents. It went great! I showed the slideshow and got a lot compliments from it. We also had samples from our Shop For Our School vendors and there was plenty of food for everyone. We also had a speaker from our new Keys to Success program. It's DONE. There are only two a year and the last one is in April.
--I've done a lot of organizing for PTO that would be boring to anyone but me. We've got Chuck E Cheese coming Monday and a Fundraiser at Chuck E Cheese's Monday night. The following week, we have a McTeacher night. At the end of the October is our Family Halloween Trivia night.

What's been bugging me?
--Mary won't wear underpants anymore. She wants her diaper. I guess the constant pottying in the toilet was too strenuous. She did it perfectly except for the poop part. She doesn't want to do it anymore. I'm stuck in the diaper stages a little longer. I'm going for a big push when she turns three. The girl is stubborn, she may not like the "Ben Approach" of do or die. We'll see. I'm giving her a break while I think up a game plan. 1) Hide diapers and tell her we are out. 2) Offer huge incentives (what's bigger than the Care Bears, big girl's bed and ear peircing that I've already offered her??) 3) Wait until she's ready.
--How behind I am on cropping
--My family room carpeting is FILTHY. It is really disgusting. I don't know how old it is because it was here when we moved over 3 years ago. You know how you put off putting in new carpeting until your kids are out of the messy stages? I don't think I can wait for that. I'm thinking February or March when that income tax return comes in. I know we said no more home improvement while we save for highschool, but I'm sure this small little improvement couldn't hurt?
What's been making me happy?
--My involvement in school
--Fly Lady
--Accomplishment
--A sense of purpose
--Ben finally enjoying preschool instead of begging me not to take him
--The PTO meeting is over

This, That and The Other

Bedtime with Ben and Mary--Lately, we've been trying to group Ben and Mary together on the bedtime routine. Before, continuing the habits of Mary's baby years, we'd lay Mary down and then put Ben through the brushing teeth, reading stories bedtime routine. Then I realized, "Duh...it's time she got in the habit of brushing her teeth too,"... instead of just playing with her toothbrush. And "Gee, I guess she deserves some book reading too!"

After coming to this alarming conclusion, we started our bedtime routine for Ben and Mary 15 minutes earlier so we could allow for the extra time to deal with them both. You would think this would be easy. Why can't it be?? Well, it's the book reading part. I've never had it be so difficult to read to two children before. They each picked a book and then when I started to read one, the other one cried because their book wasn't read first. So after that night, I started alternating who got to go first. I thought this would solve the problem. No. They fought over being able to respond to the questions in the book. Ben would always beat Mary to the punch on answering and Mary would start crying. So then I said, "If it's YOUR book, you can respond to the questions...if it's not, you have to wait until your book". Not tonight. Ben wouldn't agree to this and instead of having a nice, charming reading session, it ended up with tears and tantrums and Mommy deciding to read to no one. This has happened more than once. They are so competitive. I'm wondering if we'll have to take turns with them individually? I know. It's ridiculous. I think so too.

Fly Lady--On to other topics. The whether has been beautiful here lately...in the 70's in the afternoons and lower in the mornings. I love having the windows open with fresh air breezing through our house. Fly lady has been going great! The system is keeping my house clean! In fact, Abby's birthday party was such a breeze because I only had to worry about the meal! Not the house! The zone this week is the bathroom and an extra bedroom.

Potty Chronicles- Ben pooped in his pants today! There is no reason for this! He KNOWS what to do and he didn't do it. I took away all gaming, but I wonder if that's enough. Mary has been wearing underpants except for bed time and poops. Some day we'll have it all together and the topic of poop and pee will be a thing of the past.

Preschool--Ben is beginning to warm up to preschool. He's talking about friends in his class and he doesn't complain anymore when I tell him it's a preschool day. I think the fact that it's three days a week keeps him on a pattern of going and actually makes it easier than our Mom's Days Out.

My Trip to Toys R Us with the Ultimate Toy Fanatic--I knew it would be hard to take Mary to the toy store, but take her I did. She wanted everything. I just tried to shop quickly with my mom to find a Christmas gift for her. It was pure torture for Mary to go through those isles full of goodies for her, and turn away with not so much as gift from the dollar section. We survived, and my mom got her gift without her knowing. And then she fell asleep on the way to picking Ben up from Preschool.

A Nice Walk--Tonight I took the kids for a walk since the weather was so nice. It was great getting the fresh air and exercise. I hope to do this more this fall. Ted had Men's group, so it was just us. Ben and Mary were in the double stroller, Sam was on a scooter and Abby was on roller blades. We were quite the family on wheels.

PTO --Our first PTO event, Grandparent's Day, went great! We were all worried everyone wouldn't fit into the church at the same time...but we did! I think the Grandparents liked attending mass with their grandchildren and the cinnamon rolls and coffee in the cafeteria were a big hit. They felt appreciated. Our next event is next week when we have a big PTO meeting with a presentation from a new character building program were doing called "Keys to Success". We'll also have food from our Shop For Our School vendors. It will be a big night. I hope it all goes well. It will be my first time leading a meeting like this.

ENFJ--This is my personality after taking the test. Of course, the the second time I came up with ESFJ. I think it depends on my mood when I take it. Go ahead and try it! It's 72 questions but I was amazed at how quickly it went. Here's a portion of what it said about me:

The Teachers are found in no more than 2 or 3 percent of the population. They like to have things settled and arranged. They prefer to plan both work and social engagements ahead of time and tend to be absolutely reliable in honoring these commitments. At the same time, Teachers are very much at home in complex situations which require the juggling of much data with little pre-planning. Such ability to preside without planning reminds us somewhat of an Provider, but the latter acts more as a master of ceremonies than as a leader of groups. Providers are natural hosts and hostesses, making sure that each guest is well looked after at social gatherings, or that the right things are expressed on traditional occasions, such as weddings, funerals, graduations, and the like. In much the same way, Teachers value harmonious human relations about all else, can handle people with charm and concern, and are usually popular wherever they are. But Teachers are not so much social as educational leaders, interested primarily in the personal growth and development of others, and less in attending to their social needs.

The ESFJ emphasizes the Provider in me. So I tend to go back and forth between the Teacher and the Provider. What are you? A famous ENFJ is Oprah Winfrey! Of course!

The Potty Chronicles...The Fourth Child

With all of these "cleaning focus" I got derailed from my plan to potty train Mary. Whenever I put underpants on her, she's doing a better and better job of pottying in the toilet! The problem is, she wants a diaper whenever she wants to poop. Yesterday, she had a doctor's appointment for an ear re-check. I excitedly told him about Ben's good news (Ben was too shy) and said if it wasn't for him, Ben would still be pooping in a pull-up. I told him that now Mary had the problem. He said that you should not keep putting them in a diaper and confirming their fear of pooping in the potty.

With a new determination, I bought Mary new underpants and decided I'd make sure she wore them every day from here on out. The problem is bed time and poop. Since I really haven't had her wear underpants more than a couple of sporadic days, I decided to wait for the underpants at night until we have more successful diaper free days. First thing this morning, I changed her into underpants (as I've said before...it's more about training the parent!). Then it happened, I smelled gas and she asked for a diaper. When she saw I wasn't going to do that, she started crying and begging. I really, really tried. And then I thought maybe it was too much too soon. I'll go along with this for now while we get used to underpants and then work on the poop. She can't POSSIBLY take as long as Ben did. Why do my last two have to do this when my first two didn't?? I have to look on the bright side. I'm on the last one. We are so close!

No matter what the doctor says, I usually don't ignore my instinct. And my instinct says right now, one thing at a time. I just got her peeing on the potty. I don't want to taint it with a lot of fighting about the poop. I want to revel in the pee for right now. Poop...pee...pee...poop...it's all I say anymore...

Yesterday I organized my pantry. I got rid of expired food, bread crumbs and Cream of whatever soup that I know I'll never use. After throwing this stuff away, my aunt who helps run a food pantry said, "Don't throw that stuff away!" She told me take all that stuff...except the expired stuff...to a food pantry! So don't do what I did!

But you can clean out your pantry like I did and you will feel great! I have too many syrups because I couldn't see through the mess to know I had syrup. And don't look at the Cheerios...One small box is left over from camping and another was give to us. We won't be buying Cheerios for a while. My worst shelf was the canned good shelf. I decided to organize that one by rows. The first row is mac n cheese, rice and other pasta meals, the second is sauces, gravies and ketchup, the third is syrup and dressing, the fourth is canned meals like Chef Boyardee, chili, and soups, the fourth is vegetables like canned corn, artichokes, red peppers, etc (not a big canned veggie person), the fifth row is chicken and beef stock. I don't have to deal with spices or baking goods in my pantry because they are in a lazy susan in the cabinets.

I took everything out first and lined each shelf with contact paper. It brightened up the whole pantry because every time I slid a can across the painted shelf, it left a dark mark and I had dark marks all over the shelves. This is so much better! Don't have lovely visions of me having all kinds of time to do this. I did it while I talked on the phone with my brother's ex-girlfriend. I had to pick up the kids and then finish the project with the kids running around with their friends asking and needing and wanting. I just made it a priority and focused on it. It just wasn't a priority before.

It's going to be a busy weekend with the kids home half day today and off tomorrow because of our carnival weekend. I'll probably clean out the fridge and put my clutter drawers on hold because I'm at a lost as to how to organize them. One book I'm reading says I should use drawer dividers. Containers don't seem to work. They are rarely the right size and then they overflow. I have to figure out where to find drawer dividers. Or maybe I just need different containers. We'll see.

The meal planning has been going well. I realized I sometimes don't feel like the meal that is planned for the day, so I will jump ahead to the next meal. I seem to rarely exactly follow it, but that is not the point. The point is that I have all the ingredients and the plan to make a list of meals for two weeks at a time. It is so freeing not to have to worry about what the heck to make every day. Last night we had paninis and they were yummy!

Last night I helped set up for Grandparent's Day. Right now as I type they are getting ready to celebrate mass with 377 Grandparents and about 357 students, not to mention whoever else goes to that mass and the teachers. There was a big panic as to how they would all fit. I've been praying about it a lot because at this point, it's out of our control. I'm hoping to see future Grandparent's Days split up somehow. Although, Ted reminds me, I won't be in charge of this next year!

Flylady's in the House

Flylady's in the kitchen this week. So I am looking at the areas in my kitchen that need work. My neighbor gave me the idea of using up the items in your pantry. I like the idea that everything in your pantry should get regular use or why keep it? Everything had an intended purpose when I bought it, but somehow I got sidetracked and forgot what the purpose was. Now I'm looking at that Campbell's Cheddar Cheese, Creme of Celery and Creme of Chicken Dijon and feeling uninspired by them. I've changed my cooking style and don't use the "creme of's" anymore.

There are other ingredients I know I can put to use: Stewed tomatoes (pizza or spaghetti sauce), Diced Tomatoes (chili when it gets colder), refried beans (bring a dip to someone's house cause I have a LOT), Artichokes, Chopped Black Olives, Rotini, etc. I decided to pitch the soups and find recipes that include the ingredients in my pantry to use them up. The other items in my pantry are easy to use and don't take much thought like the instant potatoes, pancake mix, canned corn, etc. And why do I have two bottles of syrup?? And why did I buy more spaghetti when I already had some stuffed in the back? If I knew what was in my pantry, made a planned list, this wouldn't happen. Now I am making a planned list, but I just now figured out what was IN my pantry.

I'm hoping in the future when I purchase food, I can follow through on my plans to make it. I'll often get excited about a recipe... make it... no one likes it... and I had already bought double the amount of ingredients! I'm also looking at my pantry and wondering how I can organize it better? Time to search the internet!!

A Snapshot

I thought I would write a "Snapshot" since it's been a while since I've done one.

What have I accomplished?
--I've cleaned up and reorganized my storage room and the unfinished part of our basement.
--I'm following Flylady and trying to maintain a clean house. It's so much easier than I thought it would be. It's the first time in a long time I'm selecting anything but "large" on the load size of my washing machine because I'm doing it daily. I'm even LOOKING for things to wash. For example, yesterday, I threw in some jackets for Spring.
--I totally cleaned out my Foyer closet. I don't even recognize it anymore! I found an idea on how to organize my hats, mittens and scarves and found an idea on-line:

I put this hanging organizer in my laundry room because my foyer closet is an accordion door. I love it! The little kids have their hats and gloves on the bottom and ours are on top. I love the way we don't have to go searching for mates anymore because it's all organized!
--Last week, I cleaned up the house and have maintained it. This may seem like a rudimentary idea for many of you, but for me it was an ideal I held for later in life. With Flylady, this means wiping out the sinks after you use them, making your bed as soon as you get out of it, continually loading the dishwasher as soon as you dirty a dish, not waiting for "laundry day"...but washing a load every day, and purging EVERY DAY in the special zone of the week. It has me so excited about keeping my house clean, I can't wait to wake up in the morning! I know it sounds corny, but feeling on top of this stuff is totally exhilarating. This is all great timing because I have 3 Fall birthdays coming up so the house will be ready for people to come over.

What is on my to-do list?

--Come up with a menu for Abby's birthday meal. Pasta, garlic bread and salad? I need something simple.

--Clean out Abby's closet. Store clothes she's outgrown...give away clothes I don't want to keep for Mary. Do the same with her chest of drawers.

--Clean out my closet and the clothing closet downstairs. Give away clothes I don't wear anymore!

What's bugging me?

--I need to focus on potty training Mary. It just takes a lot of attention and I'm a little distracted right now.

--The grass is really high and I need to mow it...but it keeps raining! But we need the rain so I don't mind.

--All summer long the rabbits ate my "Creaping Jenny" so they never creaped ANYWHERE. They never amounted to anything more than low buds.

--I bought "indigo" eyeliner from Mary Kay and an eyeshadow I don't like. I think I might take her up on her offer to return anything I don't like. I hate returning stuff, but you know what? She talked me into stuff that's NOT ME!! I was trying to stretch outside my box, but sometimes the box is there for a reason...years of doing the wrong stuff!

What's my latest obsession?

--PURGING and keeping the house clean!

What's making me happy?

--I feel like serving on the PTO this year and last year has really helped me feel important again. I have met and worked with so many cool people. It's kept my mind busy when I'm home all day. I have the whole school year ahead of me, but I feel very comfortable in the position and don't worry about it like I used to.

--Meal planning and Flylady. I don't have to think at the last minute about what I'll have for dinner. I have a plan for the whole month! Soon, I'll have to do my shopping for the next two weeks.

Just Say NO

Why can't I say NO? I often find myself in these situations where I am somewhere I don't want to be, doing something I don't feel like doing...all because I couldn't say "NO!". I remember in 7th grade, my friends talked me into going out with a guy I had NO interest in. I went out with him and broke up the next day. I can think of countless other examples: Being called into work on my day off, going shopping at flea market when I'd rather be shopping somewhere else, applying for credit cards so I can save 10% on my purchase, agreeing to serve on the PTO, and door to door people...forget it! I'm a sucker! I've been talked into magazine subscriptions, candy, braided bread, frozen pizza, and Girl Scout cookies. I've attended Arbonne parties, Pampered Chef, Discovery Toys, Party Lite, Creative Memories, U-Design Jewelry, and can't seem to walk away without placing an order. I've "helped" my friends by hosting Pampered Chef, Mary Kay, and Creative Memories. I really helped my friend when I accepted her invitation to be come a consultant. I've taken calls from my high school, the police department and fire department and agreed to "help" them with a donation or to sponsor a poor kid to attend a boxing event.

For some reason, I think saying NO would make me rude or a bad person. I think I need a class on saying NO. I want my daughter to not be afflicted with this illness that affects so many women. It could keep her out of trouble in her teens for sure. But I need to start with myself. I've learned to talk myself out of door to door sales purchase with the following excuses: "I already bought Girl Scout cookies from my daughter"..."I'm sorry, I'd rather donate directly to your company than buy this wrapping paper...where can I send the check?" (They never give me an address)...and simply..."I'm sorry, I don't really see anything I want". This is all much easier to do with a stranger.

Tonight, I realized I have not come far in this area. A fellow Children's Liturgy liturgist asked me if she could give me a makeover and send it in for a competition where I could be featured in the Mary Kay magazine and win a trip to New York! Of course, I'm not saying yes to her because I think I'll be featured in the magazine or win a trip...I'm doing it to help her out. And because I think I "owe" her because she helps me with Children's Liturgies. Later, I realized, this is just to get me buy make-up! How can I be so naive! She said I could get $25 in free product. I figure I'll go, get made up and get my free product and go. I was so confident in how quickly I could go through this process that I scheduled myself to run errands at Target afterwards.

I went to her house tonight when I really just wanted to relax at home. We go through the whole Mary Kay process (which really hasn't changed. I remembered the whole ring finger thing, as well as how to rub up and away, and the blotting and everything. It hasn't changed! I mean, who puts on make-up with their RING finger!!! I don't like being restricted like that) We take the before and after pictures and everything. And then it came time for me to pick out my free product. Well of course she showed me the cute pink case that I could insert all my little eyeshadows and blush and the lipstick just so! It was so cute. And she'd give me a discount on the pink container since they now selling the grey. I started looking at colors and factoring in my $25 off and before I know it I added eyeliner which I thought was included, but wasn't and I walk out spending $45! How did I do that? I was so close to leaving with just the hand spa kit which would have been $30 and I would have only spent $5!! No. I have to get the cute kit in a pink container to hold the eyeshadows that I NEVER wear! I am fine with blush over my eyes! I break out the eyeshadow for weddings. I am PURGING for gosh sakes! I don't need to ADD!! Anyway, I don't get out of there until 8:45pm and I'm TOO tired to go to Target.

What's done is done. I can only try to learn from my mistakes and move on. I know my best course is to avoid the situation to begin with. But I still would have helped her out. Even knowing what I know now...I still would have gone. Maybe if I could do it over, I would have said No to the eyeliner. I should focus on the success: I said a definite NO to the skin care line "I have a butt load in my bathroom that isn't being used now". She pushed HARD for the skin care. She even offered to let me pay in 6 installments..."I don't finance make-up". I also said no to hosting my own facial party. Aren't you proud? Hmmm...maybe I'm not as bad as I thought.

My New Obsession

Ever since I cleaned out our PTO Cabinet at school, I've been wanting to purge, purge, purge!! I can't get my hands on enough areas soon enough! I'm trying to slow myself down and make permanent habits that last longer, but I can't help it. I'm flexing my Super Woman muscle again and you just can't hold me back. We took advantage of the holiday weekend and cleaned our storage room! Talk about purging! I so believe what Peter Walsh from "Clean Sweep" says, "Don't organize clutter...get rid of it!"



I often get my house looking good on the "outside", meaning, what you see can look picked up. But if you were to open a closet or a cabinet, or a drawer, you'd see how organized I really was. My storage room was one of those areas that needed to be gone through. Now we are looking for ways to get rid of all the trash! We're using our neighbors and adding extra bins to the curb, hoping they will take it away!! But in the meantime, it's sitting in my dining room waiting to go out the garage door nearby. Getting a huge charge out of cleaning my storage room, I'm making a list of the other "hidden" areas of my house that need purging and organizing. Today, I tackled my closet in the foyer. It's not all the way done...I still need to go through the hat and glove box (which should have been brought downstairs during the summer!) and the jackets.
As you can see, this closet is overloaded. One of my favorite things to do is to move the items that aren't used as much, out of prime areas. I moved all the games (we mostly play in the winter) up to Ben's closet which is almost bare on the shelves. I kept the puzzles because the kids love to play with them but I don't want them in their reach or puzzle pieces go EVERYWHERE!! I took all our pool stuff (beach bag and inner tube) and stored it downstairs. I emptied the bags and put the sunscreen and goggles in separate shoebox containers so I know what I have for next year and I don't have to guess on what I need to buy...it can easily be seen on the storage shelf. I got rid of some games (Twister and Pokemon) and gave a couple of them that had never been played to school for their new incentive program. Now it looks so much better!!
I'll move the feeding seat to Ben's closet after Leah comes over Thursday. I still watch her one day a week. The bags on the floor are clothes that go to my sister and some are for the poor. The shelves above are free for whatever I want to have accessible. I'll keep the floor space for the kids backpacks when they are home.

My closet is a mess, I want to do this area next. I keep Christmas wrapping paper in there! NO MORE! I have a pillow that I was going to center all my decorating around in my family room. It's not gonna happen! I need to toss it! Or cover it so it matches what I DO have. My clothes are a mess. I don't wear half of them! I don't have a walk-in so space is at a premium!



And this jewelry cupboard that is attached to my dresser is a mess! It's probably 1/6 jewelry (most of it doesn't get worn), and the rest is baby teeth, old licenses, prayer cards, a stamp pad??, a Christmas bow, a tooth brush??, and yes, that is a picture of me when I was in like 1st or 2nd grade! I can't wait to get my hands on this storage space!


Flylady is helping too. I'm checking our her site too. When Mary was young, I couldn't "fly". Now that she is almost 3, I can follow her routines much easier. I'm just NOT getting the e-mails! Those are a pain. I've been printing the info for the month in what area to focus on and getting ideas on how to KEEP it this way. I'll keep you posted on my current messy areas and hopefully will be able to show you some AFTER pictures!!

This 'n That

Jason Bourne Movies--Can I just say how much the I love the Jason Bourne movies??? I LOVE them. I know you can't believe I'm talking about something other than poop...but I'll get to that later. :-) I think it was last weekend that Ted and I went to see Bourne Ultimatum and I LOVED it!! We've seen all three and I don't see a movie unless I think it's going to be really good! Date nights are valuable time and are not to be wasted. The Bourne movies are never a waste of time. Because I analyze everything, I had to ask myself...what is it that attracts me to these movies? I found my answer. I love it when people use their wits to get them out of a situation. It is more interesting to watch someone outsmart people than to just blow them up. And to do it under the pressure of time is even more fascinating. I know if someone rushed me to come up with a creative solution...I would totally fail. I'm a horrible on the spot thinker. I blank out when I have to give introductions...I would suck on game shows like Jeopardy. So I think that's why I admire quick and creative thinkers. I hope they come out with more Bourne movies, because three is not enough for me!! I think he's way better than James Bond!!

Catching Up With My House--If there is anything that gives me great satisfaction, it is purging! Yesterday I cleaned and organized and purged...and it felt SO good. I think my distraction with the PTO has made me neglect so many things. I need to catch up. I'm hosting my CRHP group tonight so I knew I needed to get going, but I wanted to do more than straighten. I went through all of our Little People toys, Lincoln Log train track, James and Thomas Duplo Train set, etc. The back of my Suburban is FULL of toys!! I hate thinking of the money that was spent and how quickly they are outgrown. I'm trying to give them away to friends, but I might donate them to a children's home.

Poop--You knew it had to happen sooner or later. It's a big topic right now. Thank you, Theresa, for counting how many times I said it in my last blog. 70? Whew! Anyway, Ben is officially trained!! He is now pooping in the potty every time!! He is getting more comfortable each time and he is SO proud!! I can't believe the time has finally come. He's not so worried about the size of it now and just seems more relaxed about it. I intend to give my pediatrician a thank you note. He saved me from poop! Now we got to get him to wipe his own butt. Don't worry, I won't write chronicles about it.

Healthy Eating--We're making a renewed push to eat healthy. You know I struggle with getting all my fruits and vegetables every day, well my husband does too. He got a wake up call when a friend of his had a mild heart attack! He's young like Ted and it reminded Ted that the bad heart stuff runs in his family and he needs to do something about it now!

That's the main stuff right now. I'm going to walk over to my neighbor and see if she wants some of these toys for her grandson!!

The Poop Chronicles, Continued

Tomorrow it'll be a week since we got our "prescription" from the pediatrician. I would have to say it's some of the best "medicine" I've ever received. A real kick in the pants. I complained like a big baby when I realized what I would have to do, but I would have to say, it has been SO worth it!!! We achieved another successful poop in the potty chair! Last night, we were talking about how Ben was due for a poop since it had been a couple of days since his last one and he started complaining...like he knew what he needed to do, but didn't want to. Ted took over this time, because I think I was on the phone. The size of the poop is a real issue. He wants us to confirm that the poop will be small. We do this to reassure him, and then he pushes it out! I KNOW he's not letting it all out, but I'm all about practicing and having some positive baby steps. The more he realizes how easy it is, the less pain we will go through each time...because he still very scared. But he knows if holds it in, the poop will "collect" (which freaked him out when I first told him...and actually, that fear produced our very first poop on the potty chair) . Since the first poop, (Sunday 8/19) he had an accident at my sister's (Monday 8/20...which I blame on the fact that he did not have his potty chair and was scared to poop in the big toilet), which was followed by a successful poop on Tuesday 8/21 and another poop on Thursday 8/23. I feel we are well on our way to fully training him...FINALLY!!! One full year after potty training him, he is finally almost poop trained. I feel like posting a sign, "Our facility has been accident free for four days!!" I owe it all to my pediatrician and plan on writing him a full note so he can keep recommending to his patients to make the child face their fears, instead of enabling them to continue their bad habits. I'm sure his approach may not work for everyone, but it worked for me! In case you haven't noticed...I really bad at paragraph breaks because I don't know where to put them! It all belongs together to me!! Most of the time I will go back and force myself to make paragraph breaks, but this time I will keep it as-is.

Tomorrow, we plan on celebrating one week of poop training with a family trip to Chuck E Cheese's. Woo Hoo!!

Days 3 and 4 of the Poop Chronicles

Yesterday, I took the kids to my sisters after our first day of school (a half day). He had to go poop and he didn't want to do it in the toilet and so he pooped in his pants. I was crushed. But I thought...baby steps. This thing terrifies him! Why expect him to make the jump to the toilet while he's only had one demon expelling experience on the potty chair?? Next time I'll take the potty with us. Especially in these learning stages.

So Day 4, right in the middle of dinner he starts complaining and grabbing his stomach. I immediately react and ask him if he needs to go poop. He at first resists, but I am persistent. We go into the bathroom and this is the scene...audibly. And this is our conversation about it afterwards. I'll let you listen to see what happens. The first one is 3 minutes...it could be slow to download...I'm not sure. And did you hear him obsess about the size of the poop and whether it is "collecting" and if he is empty? Gosh!! We're going to have a rough time in life with his anxiety!!

The Poop Chronicles

To keep you straight on this timeline, it was Saturday morning that turned Ben's world upside down with a verdict from the doctor to not allow pooping in the pull-up. As I said before, everything I had heard before was the opposite of what this doctor was telling me. The difference is that most of the literature out there is about 2 year olds, not four year olds. "They'll do it when they are ready"..."Don't force it"...I think I was taught to go with the flow with potty training. "Wait until you see signs or initiative", they said. Nope. No signs. No initiative. Just me changing poopy pull up after poopy pull up.

Let me summarize his training. I usually start training at 3 years old. Potty training went without a hitch. He learned to pee in the potty chair in a reasonable time, but still pooped in his pants. When I potty train, I go straight to underpants. I believe pull-ups are enablers. What I quickly realized was that he would just poop in the underpants. He didn't seem to care. Daily, he would come to me from downstairs (his favorite pooping spot) with wet pants and poop bulging behind him. He'd walk like a stiff cowboy and ask me to change him. I would try to do respond like they told me...calm, and matter of fact, as I told him he needs to learn how to poop in the potty chair. Poopy underpants are NOT fun to clean, but I thought if I put him in pull-ups, we'd regress on the peeing part. Anyway, I finally gave in and put him in pull ups which made my life easier! No more pee on the carpets!! (The pee would come out when he pooped). I read up on the internet and learned to not make an issue of it. He will do it when he's ready, they said. Little did I know, one whole year later, he would STILL not be ready. I think I just gave up. My busy life surrounded me and I let go of my disappointing desires.

About two weeks ago, we changed to underpants full time. He was starting to get lazy and pee in his pull-ups. I put an immediate stop to that! I couldn't believe his laziness! Once we got into underpants, he started complaining when he had to poop, and would ask for pull-up. "Anything to avoid constipation!", I thought. So I would change him into his pull up. My neighbor thought this was progress, his desire to not poop in his underpants. I saw nothing as progress. I felt like I was stuck in this place forever and I could not even imagine an end to it. But I didn't mind him pooping in his pull up because I was still waiting for him to make the decision that HE was ready! When I took him to his doctors appointment I realized he is as ready as he'll ever be.

So lets get to Saturday, our first day with no pull ups and no excuses. I have decided it's time...I'm armed and ready. I'm not backing down. The first time he asked me to play Toontown, I reminded him what he had to do before playing. I talked it through a million times that day and he still ended up asking for a pull up. I reiterated that we weren't using pull-ups to poop anymore. I told him that he's older now and the doctor said he's ready (it seems to carry so much authority to say "the doctor said..."). He said he didn't want to go on the potty chair, so I picked him up and started carrying him there. He fought me all the way to the bathroom and his legs stuck on the door frame to keep me from bringing him inside. All the while, the thoughts are going through my head "Don't create battle"--failed... "Don't force it"--failed..."Don't carry him to the bathroom kicking and screaming"--failed. But I got him to sit on the toilet and settle down. But no poop came out.

The second and third time he asked me for a pull up, we went to the bathroom. Each time without a fight. He was starting to get that he needed to do this and he didn't have a choice. He would strain and grimace to push that poop out. Gas came, but nothing else. At least I felt like he was on my team this time.

Today we started it all over again. He asked to play Toontown. I reminded him of what he needed to do. When he asked for a pull-up (stubborn kid), we again went to the bathroom. Nothing. Later on this afternoon Sam said that Ben smelled like he pooped in his pants. I cringed. I checked his pants. No poop. However, I did see poop marks, which meant the poop tried to come out and he pushed it back in!!! Oh the frustration!!! After all of our conversations!!! I realized I need to tell Ben more about constipation. I sat him on my lap and explained that if he didn't poop, it would collect inside him and it would become bigger. Before I know it, he was FREAKING OUT! He started crying and became really anxious. He jumped off the couch in FEAR! Ted and I looked at each other in shock. I tried to calm him down and he wouldn't even let me hold him. I asked him if he wanted to sit on the potty chair and he said Yes.

We sat on the potty chair and he started asking me all kinds of questions about the poop and how much would collect and how big it would get. I KID YOU NOT. I'm explaining as much as I can that he doesn't have to worry if he lets the poop out and doesn't hold it in. Finally, Sam pops in and says to Ben, "The poop is small now, Ben". I swear they speak the same language. Ben started to calm down and focused on pushing that poop out like it was the very Devil himself. I pushed and pushed and out came a little poop. I couldn't believe my eyes!!! No way did fear just push poop out of my son!!! He was so anxious about the whole thing, there was no satisfaction, he just wanted to pull up his pants and get the hell out of there. I slowed him down and told him to sit back down that there was probably more. So he sat down and pushed more of the Devil out and what do you know, he produced about 4x the load of the first poop!!! I gave him the biggest hug ever. I was so happy. All the time afterwards he kept asking more about what happens if the poop collects and whether he was "empty" or not. I told him he was probably empty for now, but that he should never keep the poop from coming out.

The evening settled him down a bit and he actually became proud of himself. I'm hoping that something sticks from today and tomorrow will be easier. I don't know if he can handle that much trauma every time he poops. I asked him if he was scared and he said Yes. I asked him if he was still scared, and he said No.

Was it fear or behavior modification techniques that got Ben to finally poop? I think it was a little bit of both. I had to get HIM to want to poop. And this is the first time I have seen ANY desire to poop in the potty chair from HIM. All thanks to my pediatrician. I'm hoping tomorrow is not so emotional. I knew it would be hard. Maybe I'll pray over him next time, to take some of that fear away.

Poop or Get Off the Pot

Poop, Poop, Poop. When can I stop talking about poop? When will it all be over with? I wonder if you do a poop search on the internet, would my blog come up first?? Sam and Abby said that "poop" beats "pee" in some of kind of search word battle. I don't doubt it. Many of us moms are going through this. Which would explain my pediatricians stern voice when he talked to me. At first I wasn't going to bring it up. He probably assumed Ben was poop trained when he saw his underpants on. We were almost finished with the the exam when I said, "We have one problem..."and I went on to tell him what I was dreading to say...that Ben, at four years old, refuses to poop in the potty. I knew where he stood because I heard it at the three year appointment, but I wanted to find out more about his stance on the subject. I challenged, I questioned, I offered what the "field" says about the subject and he stood his ground. This is what the main points were and he was beginning to convince me on what I needed to do:
--This is a BEHAVIOR
--He is being allowed to exhibit this unacceptable behavior
--He is four and can reason....this is a choice
--He needs to be told he doesn't have a choice but to poop in the potty
--He can be rewarded whenever he does
--If rewards don't work, privileges must be taken away (OUCH!)
--Isn't this a punishment? DR--It's not a punishment...it's a consequence....it's his choice. You are very matter of fact about it...not emotional.
--I'm letting him be in charge by letting him doing something I don't find acceptable
--What if he's afraid? DR--that gives him an excuse...You don't need to give him an excuse
--What if he stops pooping and becomes constipated because he refuses to poop in the potty? DR--That is his own choice and he will suffer the consequences of that
--I thought everyone said not to make an issue of it...it will happen when he's ready...DR--*eyeroll* I don't buy into that. This is behavior modification. It should be used on potty training just like it is used on any other behavior you don't approve of.

I learned all that behavior modification stuff. You reward good behavior when it happens and take away the reward when it doesn't. It's simple to follow and pretty direct. I've avoided it because I thought they said to not make it a battle ground and this will quickly become one. I mentioned that to the DR and he said, "No...You are very matter of fact about it. He has control of whether he gets the reward or not." As he spoke, I knew this was a pivotal moment for us. I knew that I was about to jump into the battle field and stand up for my desire to get him fully trained. My pediatrician was arming me with the back up I needed to defend what I want. I just needed the pep talk. I don't go into anything without being fully committed, which is what makes me put off commitment to begin with. When I jump in, it will be ALL THE WAY. I'm using the DR visit as my diving board and Ben is sensing that something is going on around him.

I tell his DR about his favorite computer game, Toontown. The DR says to Ben, "In order to play Toontown, you need to poop in the potty." Ben says, "I can't!". And the DR says, "Yes, you can. You are big boy now...you can poop in the potty."

I looked at my poor four year old, sitting in his underpants on the examining bed. His world is about to get turned upside down. On the way home, we discussed what was going to happen and I don't know that it will quite sink in until we get into it. As soon as he comes home he wants to play Toontown. I tell him he can't play until he poops in the potty chair. "Can I play Nick JR .com? (Here we go). On the spot, I decided I'll have to take away the computer all together. I think the person who will suffer most during all of this will be me! Guess what he is doing right now? He's playing Playstation!! I'll give him a week without the computer. If that doesn't work, I'll have to take away Playstation too. You know how else I'll suffer? What happens when he asks me to change into a pull up? I'm supposed to say NO. Where will the poop go? IN HIS PANTS. Who will clean it up? ME!

When I look at it all. I think in the long run, I'm being trained. I'm being forced to do something I don't want to do, for the reward of the end result. I would say that is behavior modification. I have to change first, before HE can change. This will be hard for me. It will be hard for Ben too. It's like that guy that shows owners how to get rid of the behavior problems with their dogs. He did Oprah and the whole time I'm thinking...he's not here to train the dog! He's here to train the owner!

So here I am...the mom who is not going to let her son be in charge. I can't let him see my weakness, so he will get nothing but firmness from me...because I know better. I've been pushed many times. Often I will allow some pushing, because some things aren't worth the battle to me. But this is a time where I need to stand firm and show him I mean it, or it won't work. I will chronicle the journey. You'll see whether it works or not. My mother-in-law said I have to go in with the attitude that it WILL work and believe it. *Sigh* I'm tired already. And then I'll have to deal with Mary. One at a time.

It Was a Success!!

The Packet Pick-Up night just went great! Our Principal loved the slide show and said she wanted it at Festival of Ministries. That's where all the ministries of the church set up a table and show the parish what they do. We'd be representing the school. It was so rewarding to see it all come to fruition. As each thing goes well, I gain more and more confidence in this position. We got lots of volunteers, even for our new fundraiser the Father/Daughter Dance. It's wild to watch something start as an idea in a meeting and then you see people sign up for your idea that you have no idea what the full plan is...but you smile and talk about how great it will be. Actually, the Father/Daughter dance HAS to be a success. I saw the excitement of people when they realized we were having one.

This position on the PTO started in May, so really, I've been doing this planning for the year for almost 4 months! So when I think about it, I only have 8 more months to go! OK, that still sounds like a lot. But I feel the groundwork has been laid and now it's time to get on the boat...or it could be a roller coaster, we'll see. Just so you have a snapshot of this craziness...let me show you:

PTO Calendar of Events 2007-2008

September
5—Room Parent Meeting
13—Grand Person’s Day—Chair
25—Taste of J&A—Co-Chairs

October
1—J&A Night at Chuck E Cheese’s
9—McTeacher Night at McDonald’s
14—Festival of Ministries? Take turns after masses
27—Halloween Family Trivia Night—Co-Chairs
November
29-12/6—Book Fair—Chair
December
1—Breakfast with Santa—Chair
14-15—Eighth Grade Play—Cinderella—Committee
Classy Baskets at Play and Breakfast—Chair
Week of 17th...Staff Christmas Gifts –7am prayer
`
January
19—80’s Dance in Cafeteria--Committee
22—J&A Night at Chuck E Cheese’s
27-2/2—Catholic Schools Week
Teacher Appreciation Luncheon sometime this week

February
2—Winter Carnival—Chair
April
7—Send out PTO Scholarship form for 8th Grader
8—McTeacher Night at McDonald’s
17—PTO Meeting—Elect New VP and Treasurer
“Art Expo” sometime this month—Chair
26—Father/Daughter Dance in Cafeteria--Committee

All the places I say "Chair", it's run by a Chair...and everywhere I say "Committee", it's run by committee. And all the chairs are all now in place so that is a huge relief following the first feeling of panic when you get in the job. I don't know if you can tell, but I love two major parts of this job: administrative part and working with all of these AWESOME people!! Volunteers are the cream of the crop!

OK, I gotta go. Ben has a physical this morning and I have to get us both washed up! More later.

A Snapshot

I feel like it's been a while since I blogged so I should write a snapshot:

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--Tonight is our Packet Pick Up Night where the kids meet their teacher and get their "Back to School" paperwork. I'll be at the PTO table the whole time showing my SLIDE SHOW!!! I'm so excited. I finished it Monday. I am so happy with it. Basically, I have pictures from all the events we did last year and set it to "Your Grace is Enough" (Matt Maher), "Happy Together" (Turtles), "Kind and Generous" (Natalie Merchant), "Time of Your Life" (Green Day) and ending with the end of "Your Grace is Enough". It's sad because I recorded the kids singing and the some mass songs and they just didn't work on the slide show. I think the songs I picked are better. Parents will be in a long line getting ready to pay some fees they are probably not too happy about...and a slide show will be going on the whole time, reminding them WHY they are here! I'm really excited about it and can't wait to see the response. I put many hours into that slide show. No one will have a clue how much work it took.
--The kids go back to school Monday! :-(. It's really been a great summer. It's the first summer they really all played together. I will miss them.
--Ben goes to Preschool for the first time. He seems to actually be looking forward to it. I hope the three days doesn't itimidate him. At least they will be shorter. He can count to 100 now and really wants to learn how to read. I think this is what is motivating him to go to preschool. No Mom's Day Out for Mary this year. She'll be home. But we'll be ready for two days of MDO next year.
--Once Packet Pick Up Night is over, I'll need to focus on my house! It is straightened but NOT clean. Those poor toilets. I'm banking on the fact that Oprah says our toilets are cleaner than our kitchens! But I think I've taken that too far and need to clean them!
--Our first PTO meeting is the "Taste of J&A". We'll have food samples from our Shop For Our School vendors. I think we'll be introducing a new Incentive Program for the kids at this meeting called "Keys to Success". I need to plan this meeting.
--I need to get a Book Fair Chair. Hopefully tonight!!
--I need to compose guidelines for our Chairs to follow this year on spending, promotion, etc.
--I need to pick up the liturgy packets from the rectory, make a schedule for the liturgists and organize and distribute their packets.
--I need to plan a crop day. I'm way behind after all those summer pictures!
--Date Night Saturday night...get sitter. I want to see the new Bourne movie. I love those!!

What have I accomplished?
--First ever PTO Slide show!
--A lot of PTO stuff...getting ready for the school year and Packet Pick Up night
--Started an e-manual for the PTO. It will list responsibilities for each job and details on every event we hold, as well as a timeline of duties for each year.
--Got supplies for the Children's Liturgy cabinet
--School supplies are all purchased and ready to be brought to school tonight

What's bugging me?
--Failed potty training. No one is motivated but me. I've tried gold stars, sitting on the potty time, Dora underwear. Nope. Not ready. She's peeing everywhere. He still DOES NOT want to poop on the potty, but we are in underpants full time now and he asks for a pull up when he wants to poop. My neighbor thinks that's progress. Who knows. I'll wait until they are more ready. It'll be a magical day when Ben starts pooping on the potty. We're gonna have a big party.

What's my latest obsession?
--Well it's hard to say. I JUST finished with that slide show and that was definitely my obsession for a while. We'll see what fills in the gaps. I guess I would say it is making a PTO e-manual.

What's been making me happy?
--Accomplishing so much with the PTO and Children's Liturgy
--Having a good summer
--Using my Mom's Days Out this summer to spend time with Sam and Abby. We had our last one yesterday. We would go swimming with the cousins or go to the movies. I have two more after they go back to school that will be totally mine. Well kinda. I will clean out the PTO cabinet during one of them.

Mary and the Mini-Disc

Mary was going on one of her rants this evening and it was right during our dinner. Basically, a rant (for us anyway), is an endless screaming of demands. We gave her many chances to stop and when she didn't, Ted put her up in her bed. I know they say not to use the bed as a time out, but I like to think of it more as a place to unwind. It just works for us. So anyway, since I just got my mini-disc recorder....(YES you heard me right!), I decided to record Mary. I missed the rant, but I recorded her crying in bed and then our resolution afterwards.



Mary crying in time out (through the monitor)


Me working it out with Mary

Let me know if you have trouble listening to these wav files. You should be able to click on them and listen to them through Quicktime Player.

I'm Back!

We just got back Saturday from our week long trip to Door County. We really had a nice vacation with my parents, Lisa and her four kids, Becky and her baby and for a shorter time, Ted's parents. We spent the week swimming at Clark Lake, Nicolet Bay, Whitefish Dunes, and a couple of smaller beaches...Otumba and Sunrise Beach. We also shopped, tried a Fish Boil, and checked out some lighthouses: Eagle Bluff (at Peninsula State Park), Sherwood Point and Cana Island. I have a small lighthouse collection and added to my resin statues on this trip. We also took the older kids on a short, scenic plane trip over Sturgeon Bay.

Overall, I noticed how well the little ones adapted and easily went off with the older kids to the playground and the store. I felt like I had more physical freedom from the little ones on this trip. I don't feel like they clung to me as much as they did last year camping. They were able to entertain themselves much better. Bed time was not as difficult this year. I remember last year it could take an hour and a half to get them to settle down and go to sleep. And they were more fearful of the trailer. This year, they seemed more comfortable in their beds and more ready to sleep. However, we did have some major hiccups. Mary is going through a stage where she can be the demon child. Luckily, they were just moments...but very trying and required tons of patience. We've this coming on gradually and I think the trip brought it to a head. Sometimes I have to answer a question from her FOUR TIMES, before she stops asking it. And I've already talked about how she sometimes won't settle until we answer it the "right way". But then, she had that balanced with great times on the beach where she happily played for hours. I can't complain. Ben was pretty good...once he finished detox of his favorite computer game, "Toontown".

I'm ready to close up the camper for the year. We camped three times and that was enough this year. With school starting in TWO WEEKS (yikes!) and my crazy time with the PTO and Children's Liturgy...I have too much on my mind and I will be hitting the ground running. I was able to push everything aside for vacation and not think about it much, but on the ride home all these thoughts of things I needed to do came rushing into my head. After Ted's encouragement, I made a list. Lists always make me feel better.

I'm already dreaming how next year will be so different...no diapers. I can't believe that this time next year I'll be preparing Ben for Kindergarten. It makes me want to cry! He can't possibly be ready for full time school! He barely tolerates Mom's Day Out!! It always seemed so far away...and now it's just a year. Every year at this time, my sister, Lisa, cries about the passing of time. It's like she bookmarks each year with her tears and then moves into the business of the year. It's her way of pondering her kids ages with the realization of what will be lost as each year ends. She is always thinking about what is gained...but once a year she mournes what will be lost as they get older. I think it is a good thing to do. I think too many things slip away from us unnoticed and we never take the time to honor it.

For example, the last night we were at the campground, my dad stayed at the fire after everyone else went to bed. I asked him why he was staying up when every other night he was the first to go to bed. He said, "I'm a sentimental guy. I like to think about the trip and all the memories we made and say a prayer." Wow. As he was talking about it, I saw his emotions. He told me that he does this at the end of every camping trip! He also said he does it whenever they leave a house (which he's only done twice). He said when they left their apartment, as a young married couple, he would make sure he was the last one to leave. He would spend time in the room thinking of all the memories that were made there, almost like making a recording in his mind so he wouldn't forget them. He did that 39 years ago, before I was born, and he did it just two years ago with the house he raised his kids in.

I know I've done it before...like the night before I got married. I knew it would be the last time I would be sleeping in my parent's house as their responsibility. After that night, I would be on my own. After he told me this, I layed down in bed and thought about my Dad and how he won't always be there. And then I practically wrote his eulogy. I thought about how I would recite the poem I wrote, and then talk about this conversation with my Dad. I would say to the congregation that this room (the church), would be the last place my Dad would be before returning to his Maker. And then I would talk about all the people in the room and how each one holds memories of my Dad and that we should all mark this moment and remember who he was, because now he's moving on. And just like he does right before he leaves a chapter in his life, we should say a prayer...for him and everyone he loved. And then I started to fight back tears. I didn't want to think about my Dad's funeral, but it is a way to prepare the mind. And it's a way to treasure the gift he is to us while he's still alive. My Dad is not sick...he's not looking like he's ready to wrap up his life. I guess I'm just more aware of his mortality after celebrating him turning 70 over the trip.

Stacey, you are right...my blogs can turn into books when I haven't done it in a while. And to think I didn't know what I would write when I started...it all seems to unfold somehow....