To keep you straight on this timeline, it was Saturday morning that turned Ben's world upside down with a verdict from the doctor to not allow pooping in the pull-up. As I said before, everything I had heard before was the opposite of what this doctor was telling me. The difference is that most of the literature out there is about 2 year olds, not four year olds. "They'll do it when they are ready"..."Don't force it"...I think I was taught to go with the flow with potty training. "Wait until you see signs or initiative", they said. Nope. No signs. No initiative. Just me changing poopy pull up after poopy pull up.
Let me summarize his training. I usually start training at 3 years old. Potty training went without a hitch. He learned to pee in the potty chair in a reasonable time, but still pooped in his pants. When I potty train, I go straight to underpants. I believe pull-ups are enablers. What I quickly realized was that he would just poop in the underpants. He didn't seem to care. Daily, he would come to me from downstairs (his favorite pooping spot) with wet pants and poop bulging behind him. He'd walk like a stiff cowboy and ask me to change him. I would try to do respond like they told me...calm, and matter of fact, as I told him he needs to learn how to poop in the potty chair. Poopy underpants are NOT fun to clean, but I thought if I put him in pull-ups, we'd regress on the peeing part. Anyway, I finally gave in and put him in pull ups which made my life easier! No more pee on the carpets!! (The pee would come out when he pooped). I read up on the internet and learned to not make an issue of it. He will do it when he's ready, they said. Little did I know, one whole year later, he would STILL not be ready. I think I just gave up. My busy life surrounded me and I let go of my disappointing desires.
About two weeks ago, we changed to underpants full time. He was starting to get lazy and pee in his pull-ups. I put an immediate stop to that! I couldn't believe his laziness! Once we got into underpants, he started complaining when he had to poop, and would ask for pull-up. "Anything to avoid constipation!", I thought. So I would change him into his pull up. My neighbor thought this was progress, his desire to not poop in his underpants. I saw nothing as progress. I felt like I was stuck in this place forever and I could not even imagine an end to it. But I didn't mind him pooping in his pull up because I was still waiting for him to make the decision that HE was ready! When I took him to his doctors appointment I realized he is as ready as he'll ever be.
So lets get to Saturday, our first day with no pull ups and no excuses. I have decided it's time...I'm armed and ready. I'm not backing down. The first time he asked me to play Toontown, I reminded him what he had to do before playing. I talked it through a million times that day and he still ended up asking for a pull up. I reiterated that we weren't using pull-ups to poop anymore. I told him that he's older now and the doctor said he's ready (it seems to carry so much authority to say "the doctor said..."). He said he didn't want to go on the potty chair, so I picked him up and started carrying him there. He fought me all the way to the bathroom and his legs stuck on the door frame to keep me from bringing him inside. All the while, the thoughts are going through my head "Don't create battle"--failed... "Don't force it"--failed..."Don't carry him to the bathroom kicking and screaming"--failed. But I got him to sit on the toilet and settle down. But no poop came out.
The second and third time he asked me for a pull up, we went to the bathroom. Each time without a fight. He was starting to get that he needed to do this and he didn't have a choice. He would strain and grimace to push that poop out. Gas came, but nothing else. At least I felt like he was on my team this time.
Today we started it all over again. He asked to play Toontown. I reminded him of what he needed to do. When he asked for a pull-up (stubborn kid), we again went to the bathroom. Nothing. Later on this afternoon Sam said that Ben smelled like he pooped in his pants. I cringed. I checked his pants. No poop. However, I did see poop marks, which meant the poop tried to come out and he pushed it back in!!! Oh the frustration!!! After all of our conversations!!! I realized I need to tell Ben more about constipation. I sat him on my lap and explained that if he didn't poop, it would collect inside him and it would become bigger. Before I know it, he was FREAKING OUT! He started crying and became really anxious. He jumped off the couch in FEAR! Ted and I looked at each other in shock. I tried to calm him down and he wouldn't even let me hold him. I asked him if he wanted to sit on the potty chair and he said Yes.
We sat on the potty chair and he started asking me all kinds of questions about the poop and how much would collect and how big it would get. I KID YOU NOT. I'm explaining as much as I can that he doesn't have to worry if he lets the poop out and doesn't hold it in. Finally, Sam pops in and says to Ben, "The poop is small now, Ben". I swear they speak the same language. Ben started to calm down and focused on pushing that poop out like it was the very Devil himself. I pushed and pushed and out came a little poop. I couldn't believe my eyes!!! No way did fear just push poop out of my son!!! He was so anxious about the whole thing, there was no satisfaction, he just wanted to pull up his pants and get the hell out of there. I slowed him down and told him to sit back down that there was probably more. So he sat down and pushed more of the Devil out and what do you know, he produced about 4x the load of the first poop!!! I gave him the biggest hug ever. I was so happy. All the time afterwards he kept asking more about what happens if the poop collects and whether he was "empty" or not. I told him he was probably empty for now, but that he should never keep the poop from coming out.
The evening settled him down a bit and he actually became proud of himself. I'm hoping that something sticks from today and tomorrow will be easier. I don't know if he can handle that much trauma every time he poops. I asked him if he was scared and he said Yes. I asked him if he was still scared, and he said No.
Was it fear or behavior modification techniques that got Ben to finally poop? I think it was a little bit of both. I had to get HIM to want to poop. And this is the first time I have seen ANY desire to poop in the potty chair from HIM. All thanks to my pediatrician. I'm hoping tomorrow is not so emotional. I knew it would be hard. Maybe I'll pray over him next time, to take some of that fear away.
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