This N That

80's Dance--The 80's Dance went great!! We didn't have a huge crowd (about 50), partially due to family illnesses, but we sure had a great time! I have to say that being on the PTO has brought me experiences I never would have had otherwise. It's been worth my two year commitment. I don't regret any of it! Hopefully, they'll do it again next year (notice I said they?)



Cooking Slump--Remember all those lovely pictures of French Onion Soup and homemade bread? It's a distant memory. I got side-tracked with other things and never did a good December meal plan and everything slid downhill after that. I never got back on the horse. I keep popping frozen stuff into the oven and canned stuff on the stove and calling it dinner. Not that there's anything wrong with that...:-) The spirit just isn't movin' me. I'm hoping some creative juices start flowing soon. I'm just getting sick of all the family friendly food and I want to cook like I want to eat. Spaghetti, tacos, and pizzas get old after a while. And making two meals to please everyone is no fun.



Vegetable Pureeing--I have many unused, pureed vegetables in my freezer. Again, unmotivated. It all went down hill when Ted put the pureed cauliflower in the macaroni and cheese (probably too much) and the kids wouldn't eat it. My women's group friend went home and cried after me and another member shared our excitement over hiding pureed vegetables in our kids' food. She felt like a looser mom because she didn't. Well...I can tell her I am not all as I appear. I just don't think this is for me. I just started wondering if it was worth the effort and how much were they really getting when it was split up over a whole dish. And THEN I had to deal with the kids that didn't like the food I was hiding it in to begin with. The taco meat and hamburgers were great...but my boys don't like either of those two foods! Nothing can help them!



Latest Thoughts--Me, my mom and sisters need to get together more often. I was having a rough day when I asked Ted if I could get out of the house. I called my mom and we saw "P.S. I Love You" and I thoroughly enjoyed it!! It was great spending time with my mom and we had a nice chat in the car about this time in her life with dad and how much my dad put up with when my mom was ill. She just told me how much she loved him and how happy they are. My parents are my reminder of my future with Ted and what we can look forward to. I want to do this more often. I want to schedule it once a month on the calendar...and invite my sisters, too. That is my challenge...to follow up on this thought.

Mary is Dry at Night!!!--For a week now, Mary has been dry the majority of the nights. In fact, last night she woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom! What a victory! We'll see if this continues. Then we'll have to deal with the whole poop issue. Again. *Sigh*.

Lent is Coming Soon!--Lent is quickly approaching. My CRHP group (and the Catechism) has helped me to change my attitude about Lent. I thought it was kinda of negative to give up something. I thought it would be better to DO something...like improve your prayer life, or help others, whatever...something other than the (what I thought was) unproductive idea of giving something up. But my CRHP sisters shed some light on this for me. Giving up things is a practice in self control! We often do whatever we feel like....which leads toward a us-willed life instead of a God-willed life. But practicing this small virtue of temperance can protect us from giving in to temptation of gluttony. This is the same way that diligence (or budgeting our time and putting first things first like prayer, house work, etc) can protect us from "sloth" or laziness. Wow! OK! New info for me. I know this is really old information for some...but it's put in a new light for me and now I "get it". Basically, the practice of the Seven Virtues, can protect us from the Seven Deadly Sins. I'm hoping this will improve my Lent. I'm asking God to show me my weakness and what He wants me to work on during Lent...what needs to be balanced out, or put into order. I'll let you know if He speaks.

I'll post some 80's pictures from the dance in my next blog. I'm upstairs sitting outside the kids' bedrooms and nowhere near my camera for downloading. Two down, two to go.

Volunteer Overload

OK...so you know that Ted and I had a conversation about "balance" and "being present" and you remember that I told him that it's been a crazy two months with the PTO and once that is done, things will be SO much better! I'm always promising, when I take on something new, that it will not be a big deal and not cause me stress.

So anyway, just recently I had agreed to "help" with Vacation Bible School this summer. I was a part of the planning "team". We had the two people who ran it last year, plus two of my CRHP friends. No problem! Oprah always says when you have an abusive husband or one who is gay (or whatever) that there are clues along the way that you chose to ignore or write off. Well the other day the DRE asked me if I could call all the girls on the team and get a date for our first meeting. This was big clue #1. I thought, oh....maybe she just wants me to do some of the organizational details. No big deal. So I started calling and my first call was to one of the ladies who ran VBS last year. I got her availability and preferences and then I heard her say towards the end, "You guys will make a great team". That was BIG clue #2. I thought, "Did I hear her right? What is going on?" So I went to my CRHP friend next and in talking to her about this she said that she got the impression the ladies who did it last year will only meet with us a couple of times to get us going and then they are moving on. They are passing it all on to us! So that was more than a clue. That was a revelation. I got angry. That wasn't my perception at all! When I was given the team members, my DRE listed last years co-directors!

I started going through all my past e-mails with the DRE to see what other clues I had missed. Her first e-mail to me said:

"Missy, Would you be interested in working on a team to get VBS up and running this summer? You would have lots of help from last year's team. I think your expertise with children's programs and your sense of organization would be extremely valuable."

I missed it all together! How could I not see what I see now? The e-mail after I agreed said,

"Missy, I have dates for VBS. June 16-20 with the 15th open for set up. We have the gym, cafeteria, and junior high buildings. Melanie has not yet returned my call. I can't seem to reach Barb Schnarr. So, if you can try them, perhaps we could line up some plans. Even if it involves you and Kelley and Cathy and Maggie to start, that would work. Let's see what happens within the next week. At least we have dates." (All names have been changed)

Cathy and Maggie were the ones who did it last year. That e-mail helped me to see how I could keep the misunderstanding going. So back to being mad. At the time, I felt misled. I called the DRE and told her my misunderstanding that I would be a "helper" and not really the "coordinator" and that this is just not the time for me. I still have a semester of PTO to go before I'm finished and with everything else, this is just too much. Actually, I told her voice mail. I know that's a no-no, but I had to get it off my chest before I went to my Women's Group meeting. The next morning, while I was out, she left a message telling me it's OK and she understands. I called her back and we talked and it was good. She sounded genuinely surprised that I didn't know the girls from last year weren't coming back. And then it was done. I had said NO!

Now I'm sure I'll be helping in some way...but I am not in charge! If there is anything I know right now, after working on the 80's dance this past month...I'm DONE with being in charge! I'm counting down my fundraisers to freedom!

What's left--
80's Dance --this Saturday night.
Chuck E Cheese's--next Tuesday...no big deal
Winter Carnival--Feb 2--I'm a helper...I have a chair...so that's no big deal
McTeacher Night--April 8--No big deal.
PTO Meeting w/parents--April 17--Nominate new officers
Father/Daughter Dance--April 26--I really don't want to be in charge of another
dance. Maybe a committee member or board member will step up! It's so
late in the year and I know I'll be mentally done by then.

I think I'll ask for a volunteer from the committee members now. I don't want this hanging over my head!

Humility Brings Me Gratitude

This morning in Children's Liturgy was quite a hoot. The night before I set up the room (after the 5pm mass). Room set up involves, putting a cover over our "altar" which is a cabinet. They go with the liturgical seasons, so I had white on today. Candles are set on the altar, along with a cross, the holder for the children's lectionary, the cards the prompt the kids responses (Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ, etc). I bring in my guitar, put the big sheets lyrics on the wall and set up my music stand. So I felt good that that was all done. This morning I come in to lead it and the first thing I do is sing the wrong song. I know two "This is the Day" songs. I started singing one from my youth instead of the one from THEIR youth. Half way, I realized I didn't have the correct music for the song I was singing AND my guitar was miserably out of tune (oops...forget that one important detail). For the life of me I couldn't recall THEIR This is the Day and asked the kids if they could help me. My outgoing boy, Richard, happily chimed in and started to sing the song for me. I tried to play it but my guitar sounded so bad and I wasn't playing it right because I had lowered the key and couldn't make sense of all my cross outs...so I just stopped playing and sang acapella the rest of the song.

Somehow when I set my guitar down, it fell more out of tune. I must have bumped it or something. It sounded horrible on the next song! I just smiled and kept playing because the kids didn't seem to notice.

There are quite a few things that I'm grateful for after this humbling moment
A) These are KIDS! They don't care!! (Although there was an adult in the room)
B) The kids were singing so loud, they couldn't really hear my guitar anyway.
C) I gave a lesson in humility by setting an example. I was able to laugh it off and thank them for the help. I told them I was a little rusty after the break.
D) Wasn't Jesus humbled to be baptized by someone much lower than Him when He didn't even need it?
E) My homily was better than normal
F) We got a new Time Keeper trained
G) The adult at the back of the room often comes, but never smiles at me and doesn't really acknowledge me in the parking lot of school. I was blessing each child with holy water as they were dismissing and made a comment to the other lady about how I was trying to squeeze this in and SHE SPOKE! She said that their were more kids than normal this time and smiled at me. I think in my stumbling, humbling moment she was able to relate to me more. This is a great thing.

The other day, Ted reminded me that I've been very distracted lately with all of my activities and that he misses me! I know what he's talking about. I may be "present", but not really present. He saw it starting with the holidays and all the craziness that brings and then it just continued into January. I told him when this PTO thing is done, I'll be able to relax and enjoy my home time more. I don't know if I was very convincing, because what he sees looks quite different.
--He sees me being pulled to help the nursing home communion services
--He sees me saying "yes" to helping with Vacation Bible School this summer
--He remembers that I offered to help the Volunteer Coordinator for the Swim Team this summer
--He knows that I agreed to be on this marketing team for our school to learn how to attract more families
--He sees his time with me shrinking as I get enveloped in all these activities.

As we discussed this, I admitted that I love all of these things, but sometimes they require more planning than I thought, because I like to do my best. Sometimes, even though I don't believe they are taking away from our evening family time, I'm secretly running to the computer to send out an e-mail about the 80's Dance, or researching chords for a nursing home song, or writing my homily for Children's Liturgy. He pointed out that I work from home, so my work never leaves. I don't have a specific start and stop time. He doesn't want me to stop doing what I'm doing...it's part of what he loves about me. He just wants me to practice balance, and set aside times as more sacred, and be present to the family, and be present to him.

I'm humbled again. I'm not doing a good job at home. Which is my MOST important job!! But I'm grateful for his honesty and I'm grateful for the stability he brings me. Me, the roller coaster girl who flits from one thing to another and tries to get it all done, while he....he is constant, solid, responsible, measured, consistent and loyal. I'm trying to be loyal to everyone. He wants to be loyal to me. I like his priorities. I like the balance he is to me.

So again, humility brings me gratitude.

An Overdue Snapshot

I thought I would do a snapshot since I haven't written anything in a WEEK.


What's at the top of my to-do list?
--PTO 80's Dance is January 19th. We need to get the keg, soda and check our paper product supplies. We need to advertise more and get those tickets sold! So far our fundraisers have brought in $8765! Our goal for the year is $12,000 and I think we will make it!
--Laundry, laundry, laundry
--Clear off the shelving in my bedroom hall to make room for more items to store. Ted needs more closet space. We are going to reorganize his closet and make two rods for clothes by moving the one and adding another. This will eliminate his floor space, so I want to clear off his floor and high closet shelves and move the items to my hall shelving. This will double his hanging space! Since he has to dress up for work, he needs more space for suits and dress shirts!! Pictures will come later...
--Prepare for Children's Liturgy homily for this Sunday
--Prepare for leading music for Women's Group this Monday.
--Get ready for Crop Weekend at the end of January!


What have I accomplished?
--A while ago a wrote a blog about needing help with my full brick wall fireplace. Millions of people responded with their ideas. Just kidding. No one did. It turns out it was heavily googled by people who needed their OWN help. However, I did solicit friendly help from anyone and everyone who would come look at my puzzling wall. I got all kinds of responses from "Don't EVER paint that brick!", to "It is a little too much brick" to "Can you cover part of it?" to "I LOVE that brick wall!". Anyway, I decided to keep the wall for now and embrace it...change other things and see how it works.


I've always been a little frustrated by my choice of furniture from 9 years ago. At the time, plaid navy and hunter green was all the rage! I thought it was a safe choice for a life with children. Unfortunately, it held up REALLY well and I never felt I had a good enough excuse to replace it. I knew that new furniture would change my feelings about the room. Around this same time, Ted saw a flyer that advertised a free 50" plasma TV if you spent $3300 in furniture!! We felt we could make this purchase with Ted's end of year bonus check. We went shopping at the store and picked out this leather couch (in dark chocolate brown), two chairs (photo not available) and a console for the new plasma TV! I don't know if I've ever made decisions that fast for so much furniture! But really, I've been thinking about it for a long time. So I was ready. I really wanted to make sure I did it right this time. I chose a dark, chocolate brown, leather couch and for the 2 chairs, I picked a golden wheat fabric. Since it is custom order, we have to wait 12 weeks! But we figured that would give us enough time to replace the disgusting carpeting that I've been complaining about and to pick out end tables and a coffee table.


I got these two end tables at World Market , this leather ottoman in the Global Bazaar section of Target. And finally after bringing home a handful of paintings, until I came upon one at World Market that outshone the rest when I put it up on the brick. I will show that later when I do an "after" picture of the room. Unfortunately, you have to wait until the end of March for that!!

I'm really looking forward to putting it all together.

What is my latest obsession?
--Finding accessories for the mantel.
--Reinventing the hall that leads to my bathroom. I think I'll take before and after pictures.

What's been bugging me?
--Mary and Ben fighting. It actually makes me look forward to Ben going to school so they don't have a chance to fight as much. It's really sad to say that. I don't want to feel that way. For example, today, I took Mary to Target while Ben was at school. I bought her a pink watering can with butterflies on it. I was about to walk away, when I KNEW I had to get one for Ben too, or I'd be in trouble. I got him an orange one with frogs on it. When he saw it, he was immediately upset because he wanted to a pink one too. He cried and cried and demanded that Mary let him have hers! A pink one! He wants whatever she has! It's exhausting.

What's been making me happy?
--Shopping for the family room!
--Watching Ben and Mary play nicely together (I really appreciate when it happens and I always praise them for it whenever I see it.)
--Planning the 80's dance has been a lot of fun!
--The warm break in the weather
--Knowing that I only have less than four months left on the PTO. I've enjoyed it, but it will be nice to be a regular mom again...without the added responsibility of all these fundraisers!!
--I'm really looking forward to my weekend crop
--Watching Sam and Abby be such a big help to me with Ben and Mary. They always chip in.

Year End Review

At the end of every year I like to review the significant moments of the year. Some of them are happy moments... some struggles. The happy moments remind me to be grateful for what God has done for me and the struggles remind me of what He's brought me through.

January
--After being laid off by Charter in December, Ted started his new job at AT&T.
--Ted finished installing new baseboards and six panel doors upstairs.
--Threw a retirement party for my mother-in-law
--Abby's First Reconciliation
--Went on Crop Weekend and got so much done in my albums!
--Mary, then Ben, then Sam all had a stomach virus
--I did a personal inventory to stay in touch with what makes me happy...among the list was: learning, reading, great conversation, helping others and spending time with my family and friends. I also decided that I am happiest when I'm "underbooked". Having some free time, allows me to do any of the above favored activities. I decided to make it my goal and the goal of me and my family to stay away from too much structured time and always keep room for down time.

February
--FINALLY furnished my empty Dining Room after 3 years in this house! Bought curtains for both the Dining and Living Rooms. I felt so complete after doing this!
--Had my first dinner party with couples from college. Made my first Beef Wellington!

March
--Became obsessive about cooking. Watched The Food Network a lot. Tried many new recipes
--Gave Sam and Abby swim lessons for the FIRST TIME EVER. I wanted them to gain confidence for the swim team over summer.
--Bought a panini press. Wow. I still love this thing. We use it all the time.

April
--Sam started piano lessons from neighbor
--Sliced my hand on a mandolin making french onion soup. Got stitches. I still can't use the mandolin without cringing.
--Bought a new riding mower
--Replaced our asphalt driveway with concrete
--Went on Women's Group Retreat
--Got a new refrigerator (cheap one) to put in my laundry room. I don't know how I survived without two refrigerators now.
--Discover that Abby's "tics" could be seizures. Confirm "Absence Seizures" through an EEG. She gets put on Lamictal and will be on it for about 2 years.
--Abby's First Communion!!
--Ben turns 4!

May
--Abby gets an MRI to eliminate the possibility of any other brain problems. She's clear. Whew!
--Was officially handed over the role of PTO President for the 2007-2008 school year
--Camped with family at Injun Joe Campground in Hannibal, MO.
--I get my very own, used, mini-disc recorder. I use it to record songs for Children's Liturgy to help the liturgists who don't like to lead singing. LOVE this toy.

June
--Borrow my parents bread machine and I've been using it ever since. LOVE IT!!
--Took the kids to Six Flags
--Girl Scout camp, Cub Scout Day Camp, Webelos Overnight Camp
--Sam and Abby start their first summer on the swim team

July
--Went camping with friends and family at Eminence, MO
--After this trip, I figured we've logged 12,700 miles on our Jayco Kiwi Travel Trailer and taken 33 camping trips with it. It has been money well spent! We've had our trailer since the summer of 2000.

August
--Took a camping trip with my sisters and their families and my parents to Door County, WI.
--Became disgusted with potty training. Ben was still pooping in his pants at the age of four and Mary showed no interest in potty training at the age of 2 years and 10 month.
--Made my first slide show. It was shown at our back to school night. This was a LOT of work!
--Ben had his 4 year appointment, on August 18, with his Pediatrician and we made a decision to not tolerate any more poop in the pants. His favorite game would be taken away each time he pooped in his pants. Within two weeks he was fully trained with no accidents. It didn't come easy, but it had to be done this way. After pooping in pants for one full year past being potty trained, he is finally fully trained. YAAYY!!!
--Started doing major purging in my house. Got rid of many toys from downstairs that weren't being played with.
--Sam started fifth grade, Abby started third, Ben started preschool and Mary stayed at home.

September
--Continued purging. I went through closets, the storage room, drawers in the kitchen...everywhere...getting rid of junk. It was liberating!
--Start practicing Flylady again.
--Make a renewed effort to potty train Mary again, but hit a roadblock when she decides she wants her diaper back.
--Started meal planning and LOVED it! I make a plan for the whole month. I rarely do everything on the day planned, but I'm always ready to do any of the meals for the week.
--Abby turned 9!

October
--Mary goes back to underwear full time during the day. She needs her diaper for pooping and night time. Decide not to make an issue of this and take one thing at a time.
--Mary gets a big girl's bed! And over the past couple of months stopped taking an afternoon nap.
--Sam turned 11!

November
--Mary turned 3!
--Flylady flies out the window. No more organized cleaning. Other things take over, but I still desire to return someday.
--Felt a frustration with the difficulties of raising Mary when I heard a voice in my head telling me "She will be amazing". This gave me hope and renewed my energies in dealing with her. I looked at all my sacrifices as investments in creating something beautiful.
--Read "Mother's Rule of Life" and decided to put a better plan of praying daily, into action. I'm still following this plan and it's really working. So often, I come up with something that's not me and then it doesn't work. I found a daily prayer ritual that is me and works!

December
--Became frustrated with my family room. Decided I didn't have to wait for my kids to be 20 before I invest in new furniture in carpet. Also decided that I would enforce a "no food" policy in the family room. Also expressed my confusion over my fireplace wall.

Just Yesterday
--Ted found an ad for "American" that offered a free 50" Plasma TV with a $3300 purchase of furniture. We decided it was time. I place an order for a new leather couch, two chairs and a console for the new TV. The current furniture will go downstairs. We'll order new carpet in March. I still don't know what to do with my fireplace wall.

Much has happened in one year! Some things are still a struggle (Ben and Mary fighting), but some things continue to change. Mary is maturing and not having as many fits (or maybe I've just accepted them and gotten used to it). We are enjoying more things as a family as Ben and Mary get older and are able to adapt to camping better, mass, movies and the mall. I'm happier when I can enjoy time with my family. Just now I am seeing how we are doing this so much better than we used to. We're now off to see the Chipmunk movie. Wish us luck!!

Deceptively Delicious

Well, last week I finally got around to making my purees inspired by the cookbook Deceptively Delicious. I went to the grocery store and bought a bag of carrots, one zucchini, a head of cauliflower and 2 sweet potatoes. I was wondering what they would equate to, once pureed. Well, you see it above (minus a carrot I let my neighbor borrow). Each bag is a 1/2 cup. I used my own hamburger recipe but added the pureed zucchini and finely diced mushrooms, like the cookbook suggested. I also made taco meat using the sweet potato puree. Ted said the hamburgers were great and couldn't tell those two vegetables were in them. The kids ate them fine! I haven't served tacos yet but plan to sometime this week. However, I did taste the prepared meat by itself and couldn't tell there were sweet potatoes in them. Yayy!! I'll let you know how future recipes go, but so far, this is a hit with me and the family! Now that the purees are made, it's easy to pop them into whatever I want....spaghetti sauce, pizza sauce, mac and cheese (you don't have to make it from scratch), grilled cheese sandwiches (that will be interesting)

I also made use of my new soup crocks (bought last spring...you need a warm day to make soup) and loved them! I made french onion soup, homemade croutons and served it with some focaccia bread with olive oil mixture for dipping. YUM! Here are some recipes so you can enjoy it too.

The Ultimate French Onion Soup (Home Cooking Magazine Feb 2007)

3 tbs butter

3 large onions, thinly sliced (I used Vadelia... sp?)

1 tbs flour

1/2 tsp salt
Ground black pepper, to taste

5 cups beef broth

8 tablespoons grated Swiss or Gruyere cheese (I used Swiss Emmenthal...slightly cheaper)

4 baguette slices (I used homemade croutons so as to not waste the rest of the bread)

Melt butter in a soup pot. Cook onions slowly until limp and golden (about 25 minutes). Sprinkle flour over onions and cook for several minutes to remove floury taste. Season with salt and black pepper. Add broth. Bring to a boil; lower heat and simmer for 30 minutes. Spoon into 4 individual bowls. Sprinkle with homemade croutons (or lay a sliced baguette on top) and sprinkle Swiss cheese on top of baguette. Bake in the oven at 450 for 10 minutes.

Homemade Croutons (From local restaurant...Miss Aimie Bee's)

1 loaf day old French bread

3/4 cup olive oil

1 tsp garlic powder

1/3 cup Parmesan cheese

Preheat oven to 275 degrees. Dice bread into bite size cubes. Heat the oil. Drizzle the heated oil over bread and toss well. Add the garlic powder to season. Toss again. Pour the seasoned cubes into a cookie sheet and spread evenly. Bake at 275 for 45-60 minutes. Remove from oven and drain on paper towels until cool. Fill a ziplock bag with toasted croutons, add 1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, zip closed and shake. Refrigerate or freeze until ready to use.

Focaccia Bread --Ted loved this bread. I've wished I could be able to make my own artisan bread, but now that I found this, I don't feel like I have to! We dipped it in a olive oil, garlic, salt, pepper and Parmesan mixture. YUM!

This would all be too much to do in one day. The focaccia was left over from another day, the soup I made last week and refrigerated it until we were ready to eat and the croutons I made the same day. In case you're wondering...the kids had frozen pizza! They would never eat French Onion Soup!

Here's a picture:

No One Told Me

I didn't know I could be quite so tickled pink. I mean, I know how frustrating some of this child rearing stuff can be...but no one really accurately portrayed the highs. How good you can feel when you are excited for your child. You don't really know until you experience it yourself. I think I'm kinda used to being on the losing team. I never get too proud of my kids because I'm aware how quickly things can turn, given a certain age. I know that all the good they do and are...is because of their Creator, not me. However, you can't help but really enjoy the good. I'm in my corner cheering them on!

Tonight, Sam played in his second band concert. This is not any great achievement, really. It's his first year in band and he's the only one playing the trombone (because it was the only instrument left since he joined late). There are many other kids that enjoy playing in the band. I guess the achievement is one I feel in my heart. I am overjoyed that Sam is in love with music! It's not really anything I saw coming.

It all started when he would take out our keyboard and piddle on it. Then he would teach himself songs that are programmed into the keyboard. He would play them over and over and get every key just right. It was all about mastering it. Then, we started to take him seriously and signed him up for piano lessons last April. He loved it! He's always jumping on the piano and practicing...I don't have to beg! His teacher says he is a quick learner and has great dexterity. She moves him faster than her other students to keep him challenged. When I went to his piano recital...I thought he would be the "beginner". He wasn't. He was the most advanced!

You'll have to excuse my excitement here. You know I'm the first one to tell you about my disappointments in child rearing...as well as my struggles. I'm real about it all. So I have to be real about my excitement with Sam. To see his eagerness to learn just thrills me. I'm so happy he has something that he's really into...besides gaming. I've seen him do less gaming (really it was out of boredom) and more music playing. I feel like it's a goal for every parent to find something their child enjoys. If they have hobbies or interests, they can feel good about themselves and feel like they offer something to the world. I want my kids to always feel they are important and offer something to the world.

This is the just the beginning for Sam. Who knows where this will take him? I know it's already brought him out in a way I haven't seen before. It's all he talks about. He likes playing all the parts in the band on the piano and charting out all the notes that each instrument plays. He listens to his band music on his mp3 player and plays along on his trombone. I love it. Sam's great grandfather played the clarinet in a band. My mom and her sisters all sing. My aunt taught herself guitar. And I love music. I love singing and I love playing guitar. And now Sam has the bug.

I have to tell you a little story. I was at a prayer meeting and in the early stages of pregnancy with Sam. There was some very spiritual woman who was there as a guest and seemed to have some gifts. I couldn't tell you what exactly they were, but she seemed to know I was pregnant. She said a prayer with me and then said that she felt that "through the storms, this baby would come out the songbird". I think I focused more on the storms part. What storms? What's going to happen? I often think back and wonder still, "What were the storms?" There were many trials with Sam, but I can say each child has brought there own. I have no doubt though now, that what she said has come true. He is my songbird!

The "N" Word

I've practicing that sound you make when you press your tongue to the roof of your mouth and follow it with your lips in a circle...you know...the "n" word. I'm talking about the word... NO. There...I did it. That word is really tough for a lot of us women. I'm working on it. These things take practice. It's amazing. The more you do it, the easier it gets!

If you would have talked to me early yesterday, I would have something so different to say. Why do people make it SO hard to say NO?? I got a phone call from my dear elderly friend from my CRHP group. Could you please play guitar for us this Friday at the nursing home? I really respect the elderly and find it VERY difficult to say no to them. I explained that I can't ask my mom to watch the kids every Friday. I feel comfortable with the once a month mass, but don't feel ready to commit to weekly communion services. Can you bring your kids with you? No...you see, the last time I tried practicing Christmas Carols with the Girl Scouts, Mary screamed to be held and Sam had to take her out of the room. I'll do my best to come once a month. Sigh. She said she would keep praying that I would be able to come. Can you make it any harder on me?

And then, following my mother-in-law's advice, I politely bowed out of a cookie exchange. Then I got an e-mail from one of the exchangers saying, "Can you just go to Shop-n-Save and buy some chocolate chip? No one will care." What? Are you kidding? I just don't want to make 4 dozen cookies on top of everything else I am doing! Again, why make this difficult for me?? I think my nos are too polite and they know they I get a true kick out of helping people and it's too obvious I want to please. Like with the elderly CRHP lady. I think she saw my genuine interest in helping her. I have to learn a more resolute NO.

Well, the whole cookie exchange fiasco had an interesting turn of events. After my e-mail to bow out, others came forward confessing they were too busy and now the cookie exchange has been scrapped! See? We just need to come forward and speak up and say NO. Especially to reserve some sacradness to Advent. I'm sure God just shakes his head at us as we scramble about trying to fulfill every tradition of the season. When I was discussing the whole NO thing with my mother-in-law, she reminded me of a chapter in a book we have both read, "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World". In Chapter Four, she paints a story of God asking a man to pull a wagon of 3 rocks to the top of the hill. The man agreed. It was a light load. However, one by one he was asked to help others bring their rocks to the top of the hill. He agreed to help them all until he could no longer pull the load. He got frustrated and said, "This it it! I can't do this anymore, God!" God said, "If you will be content to let others take their own burdens, I will help you with your task." The man protested and then God said, "Let others shoulder their own belongings. I know you were trying to help, but when you are weighed down with all these cares, you cannot do what I have asked of you." He removed everything except for the three rocks and happily pulled them to the top.

I know for sure that God has asked me to be a good wife and mother....first and foremost. Everything else comes second. It doesn't mean I can't take on other things, especially if they make me happy...making my burden actually lighter. I just need to avoid letting the wagon get so full that I can't pull it anymore. Sometimes I have to find out the hard way that it's too full and I just need to start throwing out the rocks. It's a balance we are all looking for. Especially during THIS season.

Greenery Shopping

Let me take you back to Saturday...before I got sick. Actually, Saturday's events require a whole different back story.

The neighborhood I grew up in was bought out by the airport about 5 years ago. All homes were bought and leveled. My family saw the left behind landscaping as prized possessions. All this is abandoned, mind you, but if you wanted some plants, you had to go about it in secret fashion because it's against the airport rules. Lisa told me about a time that she dug up a forsythia bush and another time when she took some hostas or something like that. She still has them proudly growing in her yard. You see, my sister is a "Better Homes and Gardens" girl. Not that her home and landscaping are perfect, but she pines for that "look". She was gazing through a Christmas issue when she realized all these beautiful homes had one thing in common....they used FRESH greenery to decorate! This is the kind of thought to me that doesn't spark such excitement, I use fake stuff every year so I don't have to go to any trouble. But I wouldn't call myself a "Better Homes and Garden" girl either. This would be like me saying, "I can have a TV in my kitchen so my carpet will stay clean!"

But anyway, it was a big realization for her. And where do we get such fine greenery? Why our old neighborhood, of course! So she called my mom and they went cutting branches of pines, firs and holly. That day with my mom was a bonding one for them...sharing something she loved to do. She decided she wanted to do it again this year and that my sister, Becky, and I should join them. We've just finished cutting down 5 trees. I wasn't excited about greenery, but I always want to spend time with my mom and sisters.

The morning of our hunt for greenery came and it was rainy and cold. Becky and my mom came to pick me up since I was on the way. We all agreed that cold and rainy wasn't the best weather to cut down branches. Surely we'll do something else, we all agreed. Mom was looking forward to lunch, Becky wanted to go shopping and I was there to document whatever we did. I brought my camera. I didn't care what we did...as long as it was something warm and dry. We call Lisa from the car. We are on. Rain will not deter her from her goal.


The day was fun because of who I was with. We pulled over whenever we saw trees that we liked. We took turns cutting off branches and stuffing them into the back of Lisa's minivan. When we were finished, we went to lunch, and then followed it up with making our arrangements at Lisa's house. It was a day full of laughter and fun. The sad part was that I didn't recognize our yard when we drove by it. How can you with no houses to remind you where you are? Only the streets are left. Someday these streets will be blocked off and we'll no longer be able to cut down those branches. Until then, I think we'll be seeing more greenery runs.

Sick and Tired...but mostly tired

I've been in bed the past two days. It started out intestinal, but really I was just bone tired. I know it was a virus, but there was no fever...just lack of appetite and TIRED. It's one of easiest illnesses I have ever had. Of course, Ted would say differently because he took care of the kids the whole time. All I did was lay in bed, sleep, read and watched a little TV, when I had the energy. In fact, I started Eat, Pray, Love a few days ago and finished it today. What a pleasure it was to read a book, lay in bed, and sleep! Even if I was sick! And what a great book it was! I loved how honest she was throughout the book. And I found out that it's going to become a movie with Julia Roberts playing Liz! How exciting. That's a girl's night out right there!!

I'm also excited that she is writing another book. This one is on marriage. In many ways, we are totally different. She's a divorced world traveler with no desire for children. I'm firmly rooted in the family life and the traveling I do is mostly in the Midwest and in an RV. Yet in other ways I identify with her simplicity, honesty and search for herself. If I identified with her as a divorced traveler, how much more will I get from her book that's on marriage? Oh, if only I could ever hear what she would say about raising children. But that's OK. She must be her best self this way and I respect that.

The past couple of days, while I'm in my cocoon of my bedroom, I hear all the hustle and bustle of my family life going on without me. Does it always sound this crazy? Will Ted know what to feed them for dinner? I need to e-mail a request for help for the play Friday night. I hope the Treasurer got that big check signed for the Teachers Christmas gift cards! I got up and did some e-mails, but returned back to bed.

Ted took it all on. Sunday we had a Christmas function in which we were supposed to bring something. He remembered that I had mentioned making chocolate chip cookies and took care of that, plus got all the kids dressed and out the door. After dealing with the kids all day, he had to be there to the end to put them to bed. I know how exhausting that can be. Today, he stayed home from work, took Ben to school (only to find out it was canceled because of the ice storm), then made a trip to the grocery store to buy needed food and tonight's dinner. He drove carpool, picking up three other kids beside our own two, fed the kids dinner and took Sam to basketball. Later on, I shoved him out to the door to a scheduled Christmas party with his Men's Group. Poor guy. But, what a good husband I have. I love so many things about him, but this is where he shines...coming through when I really need him.

This is one of those posts that goes on and on...but I just I have to mention the Oprah I just saw today (I record them...it wasn't today's Oprah). It was partially about the guy who wrote, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". I read that book a long time ago and loved it. Well, I didn't know this but he died last year! He was only 45! Well, he wrote a long love letter to her three years before he died that was all about what he would tell her and do, if he only had one hour to live. Wow. Well that's now a book too. Then the guy who wrote Tuesdays with Morrie was on (These are all books Oprah has endorsed...which is probably why I've read them), and he wrote a book called "For One More Day" . It was about a man who was given one more day with his mother who was dead. Anyway, I'm sure it's another one I gotta read. Or I can see the movie Oprah made out of it.

Anyway, I'm hungry and tired. I don't think I'm sick anymore. Back to business tomorrow. No more lollygaggin' in bed. Darn.

A Snapshot

What's on my to-do list?
--Turn in Flat Stanley adventures into Ben's preschool tomorrow
--Get a check for $2100 from the PTO Treasurer for Teacher Christmas gift cards
--Prepare for 80's Dance meeting on Thursday
--Practice for Christmas Music for Nursing Home mass on Friday
--Make sure all St. Nick gifts are wrapped by Wednesday evening.
--Buy adopt a family gifts for cub scout family
--Get babysitter for a play on the 15th
It is cuh-razy around here

What have I accomplished?
--Took pictures of Flat Stanley with Ben and uploaded to Walgreens so Ted could pick them up. Put them in the album and journaled our day.
--Uploaded family pictures that I will give to my brother, Josh, for his bday (12/24). We gave him an album last year, that he can add his new pics to.
--Uploaded pictures of Abby and the neighbors so she can put them in cute albums to give to them for Christmas
--Took all the teachers' and staff (42)separate Shop For Our School Gift card orders and made one order. Of course it didn't add up correctly so I had to reconcile it.
--Decided to give laminated book marks to all the teachers at their Teacher Appreciation luncheon in January. Still need to decide what to put on them.
--Made an advent wreath for Children's Liturgy. I don't like taper candles because they fall over so easily (and they are harder to store while in the wreath), so I made my own. I bought votives at the local religious gifts store and then, put them in glass holders from Target. I cut off pieces of garland and wrapped each glass with the garland. I then glued them on a plate. I wrapped a gold ribbon around all of it.
--Bought toiletries, cleaning supplies, towels, paper products, CD player, etc., for an adopt a family that my friend and I are sharing.
--PTO event--Breakfast with Santa-- done! I led the Brownies with guitar to Christmas Carols

What's been bugging me lately?
--Mary has a dead tooth. It's the same one that Ben has. She has not been hurt. Is this stuff hereditary?? Ted has a dead tooth, too. I need to get her 3 year pictures taken before that tooth gets worse. Ben's is really dark. Mary's is not that bad yet.
--I've gotten daily calls from the nurse saying that Abby is in her office...mostly from headaches, but once it was a sore knee. The last headache she had, it felt better during recess and when it was time to go to the Book Fair. I told her "NO MORE NURSE VISITS UNLESS YOU ARE REALLY SICK!!!"
--Trying to get Ben in bed takes too long. I'm sitting outside Ben's door and he just won't go to bed! It's like he has a long period before he actually settles down for bed.

What's making me happy?
--Each event that I finish for the PTO are like huge words I can cross off a list! I'm in a countdown of sorts: Packet Pick up Night--done, Grandparent's Day--done, Taste of J&A--done, Halloween Trivia Night--done, McTeacher Night--one down, one to go, Chuck E Cheese night--One down, one to go, Breakfast with Santa--done, Book Fair--two more days to go, Classy Baskets--over by 12/14, Eighth Grade Play--over by 12/14. These are the big events that are left: 80's Dance, Winter Carnival, Spring PTO Meeting, Art Expo/Auction, Father/Daughter Dance. It will be a big burden lifted when I can pass on the reigns on May 3rd. I can't wait to be less responsible!!
--That despite all that I am doing and how crazy it is, I'm very at peace and very happy.
--It's only a little over a year before I go on my Australia trip! I'll be getting a passport and a plane ticket very soon!!
--That God keeps finding uses for my guitar playing! 6 years ago I was pregnant and wanting to learn guitar. I knew it didn't make any sense, but I started teaching myself anyway. I found chords on the internet, bought a cheap guitar at a student music store and started strumming deathly horrible sounds. After blisters on my fingers and the stillbirth of my baby, I gave it up for a bit. About 6 months later I picked it back up and have done things I would never have dreamed. The guitar is a great portable instrument that really comes in handy: Women's Group, CRHP retreat, CRHP meeting, EFOP (Eucharistic Festival of Praise), Children's Liturgy, camping campfires, and lately--leading the Brownies in Christmas Carols and playing for the mass at a nursing home. Now they are asking me to help with the next Vacation Bible School. It feels great for a novice guitarist. Many of these things I had volunteered for and then freaked out...what was I thinking??? I'd practice my heart out and play with shaking hands. Now I'm more comfortable...I don't freak out as much. And I thank my Women's Group for letting me practice on them during our Praise and Worship. I ruined many a praise and worship session because of poor playing...and they were patient with me and let me hone my skill there.

OK...enough already. Ben is way asleep. Goodnight.

Help With My Full Brick Wall Fireplace!

My poor family room. Let me tell you about it. This room has evolved into something that is not me. I brought over furniture from my previous house that felt really "practical" when I bought it. Nine years ago those hunter green and navy colors were IN. And so was all that oak! When we moved to this house 4 years ago, we bought these end tables and trunk at very reasonable prices. They seemed to fit the rest of the room. Unfortunately, it just reinforces what I no longer like. It's become this lodge-type room and I want to change it.

The first time I saw the full brick wall (pictured above), it scared me to death. How do I decorate this? A full wall dedicated to a fireplace! A full wall with unchanging brick! A full length cedar mantel with a full length raised brick hearth! (I figure if I keep saying these words, more people will query my blog and help me!). I decided to decorate "around" it. My walls were all white, which made the brick look more dingy. So we painted the walls a color that complimented the brick. We took down some ugly wall beams that framed the room and also took down a big, center cedar beam down the middle. Other than that, we put off the brick wall problem since no easy conclusions came to mind. I don't dislike the brick. If I was stuck with uglier brick, I think it would have detested me enough to make a drastic change. But the brick is not horrible. It's actually quite fine. I just don't know what to do with a full vaulted wall of it. It's too much for my taste.

This is a very hard wall to change. There are many options at various prices that we could consider. A) Keep it the same. Just change the outdated fireplace doors and mantel. My aunt said I should take down the mirrors and put up a large painting in the middle. B) Do the previous suggestion and get furniture I like, then maybe I'll realize that was what was bugging me about the room all along. C) Paint the brick. But then I have those recesses and I guess I would have to paint those too, but that would seem weird. It's permanent and would never be able to go back to the original brick if future owners preferred it that way. D) Cover with drywall and remove most of the hearth except for the center part. Cover brick around fireplace and remaining hearth with tile. Apply a wooden surround with mantel (I saw this one actually done on this site).

I don't have a desire to do anything soon, but in a year, I might be ready for a change in the room. Even though I don't need to decide soon, I would love to feel more directed and have a goal for the room. I love the Pottery Barn look...simple, clean and cozy. The furniture will go soon anyway. It was good kid friendly furniture, but not my style anymore. The carpet is filthy and needs to be replaced. In a year, we'll be past all the potty training and we'll have less chance of accidents. I told Ted it will be easier to enforce "no food in the family room" if we had a small TV in the kitchen. The kids LOVE to eat breakfast in the family room while watching TV. It would only be used for breakfast time (and maybe for me while I work in the kitchen). I don't endorse TV watching during meal times, but breakfast is different to me. We don't eat it together anyway. The kids eat in shifts while they get ready for school.

Anyway, I would love to hear your opinion. Don't be shy. Oh yah, the white trim around the wall is definitely going to change. I wasn't consulted when that was done. :-)

Update 5/7/08--Here is the "after" post with pictures of my new family room and fireplace wall.

Update 12/18/11--Some people couldn't find my "after pics. You can click on the words ' "after" post' above or follow this link: http://fourintow.blogspot.com/2008/03/big-reveal.html to see them. There seem to be a lot of people with the same problem! Should I paint my brick? Sometimes I wonder. I'd love to know if anyone has done it and then regretted it...because you can't change it back! Some people think it's a sin to paint over brick if it's not ugly. Let me know what you think. E-mail me at missy.naumann@sbcglobal.net.

Do You Wish They Were Smaller Again?

Lately, I've been hearing my peers with older children say they wish their kids were smaller again. As I explain to my CRHP group the trials and tribulations of Ben and Mary, they look over my shoulder at a picture of Mary and say, "But look how cute she is!" What? did you hear what I just said? I started to think about what they were saying. Even my mom was on that bandwagon. She agreed with them. She'd love to relive some of those days with little kids. Well yah. Who wouldn't want a day or two? I wouldn't mind going back to a day or two with Sam and Abby because there is so much I have forgotten. I'd like to see if Sam really acts like Ben like my memory recalls. Was Abby as difficult as Mary is? I don't really remember.

There is good that comes with every stage in life...as well as a bad counterpart. When they are little, they are needy, dependent, emotional and you can often feel tied down. However, there littleness is what allows them to fit just so on your lap. And taking care of their needs means you are in constant contact with them. That's a closeness that you'll never quite have again. I shower Ben and Mary with kisses and tell them I love them. While I give Sam and Abby pecks and hugs...I could not get away with a huge shower of kisses. Little bodies are just cute. They beckon to be held and hugged. As they get older, their feet get uglier, they become less needy and they are off doing their own thing (I know that feet part doesn't fit here...but it really is something I've noticed).

What I love about my older children is also what makes me miss them...their independence. I love the way they are discovering themselves, what makes them happy, what kind of friends they like to hang out with, what talents God gave them to grow. I love that they can brush their own teeth, get dressed on their own and bathe themselves. But would I like to see them again at three and five? Yup. Would I like to snuggle up with them again? In a heartbeat. Do I miss the days of being stressed with Sam's fears and roller coaster emotions? No. Do I miss Abby coming screaming into the door because the neighbor girl only wanted to play with Sam? No. But I wouldn't mind reliving the day I came home with them from the hospital, or those early nursing days when I was their only source of food, or those cute conversations that remind you of their innocence. I wouldn't mind watching all those traits I saw when they were little and be able to connect them with who they are now. I wouldn't mind going back to those days when Sam let me kiss him. When did he stop liking that?

I guess the distance we feel with our kids as they get older, is necessary to create the void that will create the hunger for God. As parents of young children, we fill the void. When they are older, God fills it...as well as their spouse. No, I can't snuggle in bed with Sam anymore. But the craving for that affection, that feels awkward with me, will be satisfied again when he has a wife. And rightly so. And Abby may feel funny if I shower her with kisses, but it will feel great to be showered with attention from her husband. It's a letting go that is necessary and right. It's a reminder that they are not "ours" and never were.

So, I suppose...Mary can be cute and Ben can be lovable. I can still relish in that before it's too late.

Something About Mary (and Ben!)

My Thanksgiving weekend started off great. Thursday and Friday were relaxing and fun, but by Saturday, I started to drag. Sunday became worse. I think Saturday I was fighting a bug, but on top of it, I was tired of dealing with Mary. Mary is my constant companion, wanting to be held or at least be near me most of the time. I think because of everyone being home, she felt the need stronger than usual. She had more competition and I was more distracted. There are many habits that she has that I've learned to live with. I don't love them, but I try to excuse them because of her age.
Yesterday at church, was trying for me and Ted. We took the whole family to the 8:45am mass. Ben was really tired and he started crying right away (about something I can't even remember). Ted took him out until he settled down. When he came back, Ben just laid on the pew the rest of mass. Mary got mad anytime anyone sat on her toys we brought for her. She was picking her nose and eating her buggers (sp?) constantly. She was NOT whispering anything she said. When corrected she would get mad and say something louder to me.

At one point, Mary asked for a diaper, which meant she needed to poop. I took her out and asked her if she needed to go potty. She said yes. So I took her potty and brought her back in. I noticed she didn't pee much. Back at the pew, she asked for a diaper again. I should have put that diaper on while we were out! I thought she just needed to pee and wasn't sure how to do that at church. No. She needed that diaper. I was NOT going to take her out again. We had gotten up too many times already. It was like there was a revolving door on our pew. And to top it off, we were sandwiched in by Eucharistic ministers who needed to be on the ends. I embarrassed Ted by having her stand up and pull down her pants enough to put a diaper on between her and her underwear. Mary doesn't like it when I do that, but it sure is handy to not have to take off pants, underwear and shoes. She spoke loudly, "Mommy, I don't want my underpants on!!" I quieted her and told her she needed to let me do it this way.

All of this was frustrating enough, but on top of it I was steaming hot, and there was this high pitched ring that was going through the sound system through out the whole mass. Thank God I read the readings last night, because I didn't hear a word. And I'm sure the people behind us could barely get anything out of mass also, with all of the distraction we created.

The rest of the day, Mary was crabby and demanding. She doesn't nap anymore unless we are in a car ride somewhere. I was exhausted. I had had enough. Around 2:45pm, I begged for a nap and crashed into my peace and solitude. After my nap, it took a while for me to "wake up". Ted decided to get the tree up and the kids decorated it while I wrapped presents. It was the best part of the day. But the pain from all that happened earlier, still lingered. Ted was supposed to go to the hockey game and passed because of our difficulties of the day and my tiredness. I felt bad about that.

Last night, I prayed that God would show me how to raise Mary. Is there some discipline I should be doing and I'm not? If so, I want to know! No other person could tell me, because they don't have Mary. But God could tell me if he would just get the words out so I could hear him. This morning, while I was sitting on the toilet, he spoke to me. Our day started off the usual way, with Mary needing to be near me. She climbed into bed with me and woke me up. She followed me to breakfast and wanted the cereal I was eating. She followed me to the bathroom when I started getting stomach cramps (too much info...I know...sorry). When she saw me cringing with cramps, she asked me, "Mommy, do you want to hold my teddy bear?" How sweet she can be! I told her that would be great. As she ran off to get her teddy bear, I thought about how she is constantly aware of my every emotion. She knows when I'm sad and wants to help. She knows that sometimes when I'm sad, I tell her I'm tired, so she won't feel sad for me. She feels my feelings with me. What a gift to have a child so "in tune" to me! And then the words I heard next stopped me in my tracks. I heard as clear as day..."She's going to be amazing."

With those words, it was like a burden fell off of me. They were the most clearly positive words I thought of her in a while. I'm constantly worried about creating monsters in Ben and Mary. We are always putting them in time out to keep them from fighting. They disrupt our meal time and keep us from conversing with Sam and Abby, they keep me busy attending to their many needs. These are the thoughts in my head. Which is why I know that message was from God and not me. It came out of the blue. It was such a different thought then the others I was thinking. And then I thought, "It will take an investment of love to get her to who she is created to be, but she will get there." That thought, which immediately followed the other thought, made my sacrifice of this time have some great purpose. If I have a picture of something beautiful that I am helping to create, it gives me more energy to deal with the struggles in the process. Maybe all the fighting means they will stand up for what they believe in! Maybe Mary's clinginess will show up as an adult daughter who calls on her mom when she is sick and is the one to remember her mom's favorite flower and gives it to her on Mother's Day. Maybe the demands will soften into a leader who has a vision of how things should be. Maybe...maybe...

As I write this, Ben is in time out. Ben wants what Mary has. He couldn't get it, so he messed up what she was playing with. None of this is easy. It feels like a broken record, skipping to play the same parts over again. But it's not forever. God's creating something I will be amazed by. But like the lepers, I feel like he has to peel the scales off me first, so I can get a glimpse of what is possible if I just believe in Him and trust Him. Instead of telling me how to raise them, how to discipline them. He changed my attitude. I'm sure this is not a permanent change. I will constantly need to tell myself how amazing they will be. In the meantime, I need to get Ben out of time out.

More St. Faustina Quotes

I've been reading St. Faustina's Diary almost every night. This is a book I've been picking up and putting down. I'm in the "picking up stage" right now and really just want to finish it. The last time I wrote some quotes from her diary was back in Spring. Ever since I blogged about her, I often get people searching for her quotes and get my blog. In fact, on Google, when you search 'St. Faustina Quotes on Suffering', my entry comes up first!

Anyway, I read some power punch statements from her Diary last night and I want to share them with you...along with some others I've read in the past:

pg 541, St. Faustina said, "I have found that the greatest power is hidden patience. I see that patience always leads to victory, although not immediately; but that victory will become manifest after many years. Patience is linked to meekness."

pg 529, when St. Faustina was complaining to Jesus about her disappointment with people, Jesus said, "My child, make the resolution never to rely on people. Entrust yourself completely to My will saying, 'Not as I want, but according to Your will, O God, let it be done unto me.' "

pg 530, Jesus says,"My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and an exaggerated anxiety...sensitiveness and discouragement are the fruits of self-love."

pg 498, St. Faustina says, "I know well that the greater and more beautiful the work is, the more terrible will be the storms that rage against it."

pg 494, Jesus says,"My daughter, that when I come to a human heart in Holy Communion, My hands are full of all kinds of graces which I want to give to the soul. But souls do not even pay any attention to Me; they leave Me to Myself and busy themselves with other things."

pg 419, St. Faustina says,"How can one be pleasing to God when one is inflated with pride and self-love under the pretense of striving for God's glory, while in fact one is seeking one's own glory?"

pg 416, a conversation St. Faustina had with the Devil, "I felt an interior inspiration to command him in the Name of God to confess to me what he was looking for among the sisters. And he confessed, though unwillingly, 'I am looking for idle souls.' When I commanded him again in the Name of God to tell me which souls in religious life he has the easiest access, he said, again unwillingly,'To lazy and idle souls'. I took note of the fact that, at present, there were no such souls in this house. Let the toiling and tired souls rejoice."

pg 408, St Faustina says,"The more a soul humbles itself, the greater the kindness with which the Lord approaches it."

pg 387, St. Faustina says,"The Lord gave me to know how displeased He is with a talkative soul. He said,'I find no rest in such a soul. The constant din tires Me, and in the midst of it the soul cannot discern My voice.' "

pg 372, St. Faustina prays, "Let all my desires, even the holiest, noblest and most beautiful, take always the last place and Your holy will, the very first."

pg 366, St. Faustina says,"Patience, prayer and silence--these are what give strength to the soul"

pg 350, The Lord says,"My daughter, know that you give Me greater glory by a single act of obedience than by long prayers and mortifications."

pg 316, the Lord says, "Speak to Me about everything in a completely simple and human way; by this you will give Me great joy."

pg 298, the Lord says,"I am giving you three ways of exercising mercy toward your neighbor: the first--by deed, the second--by word, the third--by prayer."

pg 293, St. Faustina says, "Faithful submission to the will of God, always and everywhere, in all events and circumstances of life, gives great glory to God. Such submission to the will of God carries more weight with Him than long fasts, mortifications and the most severe penances."

pg 280, St. Faustina says, "Sweeter to me are the torments, sufferings, persecutions and all manner of adversities by divine will than popularity, praise and esteem by my own will."

Later on the same page, "Amid the greatest torments, I fix the gaze of my soul upon Jesus Crucified; I do not expect help from people, but place my trust in God. In His unfathomable mercy lies all my hope."

pg 249, St. Faustina says, "A humble soul does not trust itself, but places all its confidence in God."

She Can Turn On a Dime

I never posted my Halloween pics. I just got around to downloading them from my camera. There are a series of three photos that cracked me up. Let me show them to you:

You may need to go back and scroll through again if you weren't looking at Mary (the angel) in each shot. Go ahead...go look. Ok. See how quickly things change in our house? One minute all is well and the next (I assure you, these shots were all taken with one minute!)...things fall apart. Notice that my kids don't skip a beat (Spiderman, rock star and Anikan Skywalker). They just keep looking and smiling. Of course, I don't know WHAT Ben is looking at in the last picture. Either way, he is unfazed by Mary's cries. The nerd seems to be distracted by it, so is the Doctor, the chef stops smiling...but not my kids. Nope, we do anything for a picture. We are with the neighbor kids in their backyard.

Here's a shot before they went out to Trick Or Treat. Last year Ben wouldn't wear a costume. This year, he proudly wore Spiderman (and didn't want to take it off!). Maybe we'll see the same strides in maturity with Mary this time next year.

It's been rough with her lately, but we'll get through it. She needs a lot of attention and control. I give her as much as I can, but sometimes it just drains me. Last night I went to bed at 7pm. My sinuses were bothering me and she didn't want to leave my side. Bed was a great escape. Today is a new day. It started off rough again, but now feels manageable. If I'm blogging, it's a good sign.

I Love Yardwork

I just got finished raking some leaves and mowing the lawn. Soon it will be time to pick up the kids from school, but I thought I would write a little before going.

I love yard work. I really do. I love being outside and accomplishing something at the same time. Let me tell you...it's not always easy sharing this stuff with Mary. I dropped Ben off at school and felt it was the perfect day to finish up the leaf pick up and mow the lawn. Mary did not fall asleep on the way home (which she rarely does anyway) so I knew I would be sharing this with her. Raking with Mary is like raking in a gailstorm. She wants the rake when I have the rake, and she wants my handy dandy, huge claws when I'm trying to use the handy dandy huge claws. I try to use as much patience as possible, but I often see my desire to accomplish go out the window. I got her to share the claws with me today. Although, they are not as effective one at a time, it was still better than no claws. When Mary has the claws, she gets about six leaves at a time. And when she rakes, she ruins my big pile and spreads them all over the place. Sometimes I laugh at the irony of it all, because it's just not that important to do anything but that! THEN, she has to go to the bathroom...which means dropping everything to come inside and attend to her needs. After get her fully redressed, we are ready to tackle the yard again.

In the end, I got it all done and even had time to blog. Which just goes to show, it's not worth getting frustrated with Mary if we can both end up being happy with the outcome and the process, too.

I've really been enjoying this awesome fall weather. It's going to be hard for me to be banished to the indoors when it freezes up again. However, there is something comforting about having shelter in a snow storm. I love looking out the windows at the bitter cold, knowing that I am safe and warm. Time to pick up the kids! I hate being late.

A Snapshot

This weekend I wanted to write a blog. In order to do that, I reasoned, I would need to download pictures from my camera of what we did this weekend. And then before I downloaded pictures, I would need to clear out the pictures that have already been printed so I wouldn't get confused. Before I organized the pictures, I would need to feed the kids, clean the house, do the laundry and wash the dishes. I didn't get the blog done.

Today I'm writing a blog with no pictures. I thought I would do a snapshot since it's been awhile.

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--I really need to some Christmas shopping. I usually have more done by now.
--Scheduled the kids' dental appointments
--Prepare for my all day crop on Sunday
--Print labels for Christmas Cards
--PTO--We have four major fundraising events in within two weeks: Book Fair, Breakfast with Santa, Eighth Grade Play and Classy Baskets (which are raffled at the Eighth Grade Play). It kind of freaked me out when I thought of it all last night. These are within the first and second week in December. I will be busy.

What have I accomplished?
--The past couple of weekends we've done a ton of yard work...between raking, blowing, and bagging leaves, to cutting down FIVE dead to dying trees and planting three in their place. We both have sore backs and arms. The leaves aren't over either. Our Bradford Pears will unleash the fury on us eventually.
--This seems silly to list after yard work, but I have managed to develop a do-able prayer schedule for myself that helps to remind myself that God is present in everything that I do. I have linked to prayer to simple every day things that I do...just because I am very easily distracted when it comes to prayer. Rosaries are very hard for me to do...so I stick to simple stuff. There are prayers I say when I get up and another set when I shower. I even do Mary's Fiat when I make my bed. I also have a petition/intercession list that I lift up every night as well as recognize what I am thankful for. This, along with reading and reflecting on the mass readings for the day, makes my prayer life feel more complete. Some days are better than others...but I think it's working out great! My motto is from Mother Teresa...God isn't calling me to be successful, only faithful. I know I already blogged about this...but it has to be a part of my Snapshot or it wouldn't be a true snapshot.

What is bugging me?
--Ben and Mary fighting. I let my full frustration out on Ben today which put him in a state of shock. I'm not a yeller, but I was fed up with his relentless teasing with Mary. I grew up with a lot of teasing and so I don't tolerate it well. Poor Ben. He told me I hurt his ears. He was perfect the rest of the day. Does this mean I should yell more? No. It wasn't something I wanted to do...it just came out of me. It sure packs a power punch when you don't do it much. And trust me, by this time I had tried everything (time out, taking away privileges, and nothing worked!). I know I haven't seen the end of their fighting, but I started looking forward to having him at school....which I felt horrible about...but she's much better behaved when he's not around!
--This high-maintenance potty training time! When we were at our last stop for tree shopping, I was on limited time. We took two cars so that I would be ready to leave to pick up Sam from Scouts. We had 10 minutes before I had to go and we were just getting out of the car when Ben tells me he has to poop. Mary wanted to come with me, so I take both of them on my trek to the potty. I wanted to do this as quickly as possible so I could shop for trees. Ben insisted on stripping to nothing because he doesn't like to poop with his pants on and taking off the pants involves taking off the shoes. He doesn't like his shirt hanging too low, so we had to take that off too! Poops never come quickly. After that was done, wiped and dressed....Mary tells me she needs to go. Better now than later. She insists on taking her clothes off too, but agreed to keep her shirt on. Sigh. Off come the shoes, pants, socks (I don't know why!). When all was said and done, I only had about five minutes to shop. I threw out my ideas to Ted before whisking away to pick up Sam. Sometimes I feel like many of our decisions are made in a rush. But it all turned out fine.

What's been making me happy?
--The accomplishments in our yard
--Fall birthday celebrations are done
--The great weather!!
--My new efforts to pray regularly
--Getting ready for the holidays
--Sam's piano playing. It is so gratifying to hear him spontaneously pop on the piano to practice some songs. I always thought it would be something I would have to make him practice. I don't. It's music to my ears.
--A successful family outing! We took the four kids to see the Bee Movie! No one needed to be taken out for being too loud, there were no fits, no major spills and they watched the whole movie! I remember passed movies when Ted and I took turns with one of the kids in the lobby! It felt like a major accomplishment, even though it set us back $65!!
--A happy, full family mass experience this past Sunday. No one needed to be taken out for being to loud, there were no fits and they stayed good through the whole mass! Whew. I think we are getting somewhere. Now if I could only stop the fighting...

Being Catholic and Renewing My Prayer Life

One thing I love about being Catholic, is the rich history, the lives of the Saints, the volumes of their writings that guide us on how to live, the memorized prayers, ...that even if you fall away, come rushing back to your tongue the minute you start praying them again, and the beauty and power of the Sacraments.

I can't say I always had this appreciation. I never had a desire to leave the Catholic Church, but I often wished we were more filled with the Holy Spirit and had more "vigor" in our masses. I felt that our masses were stale and expressionless. I thought a bunch of old men ran it and made up rules that were difficult for us. It seemed that the Catholic Church needed to change with the times and it seemed outdated. I don't feel that way anymore. I'm feeling the Holy Spirit moving quite profoundly in our church! I know now that the beauty of the Church is that it hasn't changed! It stands firmly rooted on the original Truths and guidelines of the early church! I'm so grateful for the Church now, more than ever.

It's been a sneaky, slow process with me. I didn't realize it was happening, but I'd have to say it started when I began to read from the lives of the Saints (and future saints)...Terese of Lisieux, JPII, Mother Teresa, Anne Catherine Emmerich. They have all had a role in reshaping my view of the church. I no longer think that the "old men running the church" are just making up rules. I really believe that they are divinely guided and have adhered to the Church doctrine.

The Catholic Church has never been perfect and it never will be...but neither am I. The Church is my home. It raised me on Catholic schooling. The songs, the prayers and the whole mass and forever imprinted on my brain. I used to think of memorized prayers as brainless. That we do them without thinking and it's not really praying. I preferred spontaneous prayer. Now I incorporate the rote prayers into my day because I'm having a renewed appreciation for them. I DO have to be VERY careful to not just recite them without thinking. But they are beautifully written and guide us on how to pray. And since they are memorized, I can pray them anywhere, at any time.

The book, A Mother's Rule of Life has helped my prayer life immensely! I'm no longer making my children my excuse for not having a good prayer life. I've got times of prayer written into my daily schedule. I always thought I should have one big block of time to pray, and that seemed unreachable. But now I've realized that small blocks throughout the day are more doable and maybe even more desirable....especially for my life right now. It is keeping me focused on God through out the day and it's helping me to make everything a prayer.

When I made up my prayer schedule, I consulted the catechism. Holly Pierlot (the author of A Mother's Rule of Life) does not even begin to tell you what your prayer schedule should be or how it should be composed. In reading the Catechism, I found the many forms of prayer: Blessing and adoration, petition (asking forgiveness, the coming of God's Kingdom, our needs), intercession (praying for others), thanksgiving and praise. I realized the Our Father has all of this in one prayer! So I decided to say that daily. I felt that the Our Father should be followed by the Hail Mary and Glory Be. After that it felt natural to say the O My Jesus prayer. This takes one minute to say all four. I thought, "I can do that!". I do this in the shower.

Morning Offering-- Then I thought I should start doing a morning offering. This is what you pray when you first get out of bed to offer your day to God. This can be in your own words, but I decided to use the St. Ignatius prayer because I have it memorized as a song: Take, O Lord, and receive my entire liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my whole will. All that I am and all that I possess, You have given me: I surrender it all to You to be disposed of according to Your will. Give me only Your love and Your grace; with these I will be rich enough, and will desire nothing more." This prayer feels more natural to me than the official Morning Offering.

Mass Readings and Reflection-- I also felt that it was important to read scripture daily. I'm bad at just reading the Bible in order. I decided the mass readings are the perfect way for me to get the scripture in small peices. I use "One Bread, One Body" to reflect on the readings. I have the reflections e-mailed to me daily. You can do this by signing up at http://www.presentationministries.com/obob/obob.asp . I try to do this in the morning. Sometimes I will write in my "prayer journal" the message from the reading or a challenge for myself.

Thanksgiving, Petitions and Intercessions--This is my night time prayer. I write down in my "Thank you, God" journal, what I am grateful for with my day. Then I follow up with my petitions and interecessions. These are all written in my binder so I don't forget someone I should be praying for.

This completes my prayer schedule. I've been doing it for about two weeks now. One thing I constantly remind myself...something Mother Teresa said, "God does not ask us to be successful, only faithful". This is my motto for my prayer time. If I forget to pray, I don't berate myself, I just keep trying to do better. I keep practicing it so it becomes more of a habit. I kept saying before that I was a spontaneous prayer and not a scheduled person. I don't like to get up early for anything! These were excuses. I was relying on spontaneity to guide me into prayer, but sometimes you need to pray even when the "spirit" isn't there. It's something we should do to take care of our souls, just like food is nutrition for our bodies. I know this now and I'm committed. This schedule fits my lifestyle. Each peice takes 1o minutes or less! There is no reason I can't do this!

Another important facet of praying is to offer everything up to God while you are doing it, then you make your day a prayer! Holly Pierlot reminded me of this in her book. I love what she said: "I folded the clothes 'just so' for love of Jesus. I washed the table as if Jesus were coming to supper. I hugged my children as if they were Jesus himself". I love that! Mother Teresa was always saying she saw Jesus in every poor person she served...why not do this with our very own family! She gave concrete examples for me to follow. I try to do this. I even do it in exasperation sometimes, "Jesus, I do this for you!" as I take off Mary's clothes to go potty (she has to have everything off) after I had just got her ready to head out the door! Sometimes I feel silly offering up things like this when the saints offered up so much more, but I truly believe God wants everything done for him, with love...especially the little things.

I'm sorry I've been a bad blogger lately. This is what I've been busy with! You have to buy this book. Even if it's for the prayer section alone! It changed me and showed me how a busy mom can find time to pray....and even HAS to.