Lately, I've been hearing my peers with older children say they wish their kids were smaller again. As I explain to my CRHP group the trials and tribulations of Ben and Mary, they look over my shoulder at a picture of Mary and say, "But look how cute she is!" What? did you hear what I just said? I started to think about what they were saying. Even my mom was on that bandwagon. She agreed with them. She'd love to relive some of those days with little kids. Well yah. Who wouldn't want a day or two? I wouldn't mind going back to a day or two with Sam and Abby because there is so much I have forgotten. I'd like to see if Sam really acts like Ben like my memory recalls. Was Abby as difficult as Mary is? I don't really remember.
There is good that comes with every stage in life...as well as a bad counterpart. When they are little, they are needy, dependent, emotional and you can often feel tied down. However, there littleness is what allows them to fit just so on your lap. And taking care of their needs means you are in constant contact with them. That's a closeness that you'll never quite have again. I shower Ben and Mary with kisses and tell them I love them. While I give Sam and Abby pecks and hugs...I could not get away with a huge shower of kisses. Little bodies are just cute. They beckon to be held and hugged. As they get older, their feet get uglier, they become less needy and they are off doing their own thing (I know that feet part doesn't fit here...but it really is something I've noticed).
What I love about my older children is also what makes me miss them...their independence. I love the way they are discovering themselves, what makes them happy, what kind of friends they like to hang out with, what talents God gave them to grow. I love that they can brush their own teeth, get dressed on their own and bathe themselves. But would I like to see them again at three and five? Yup. Would I like to snuggle up with them again? In a heartbeat. Do I miss the days of being stressed with Sam's fears and roller coaster emotions? No. Do I miss Abby coming screaming into the door because the neighbor girl only wanted to play with Sam? No. But I wouldn't mind reliving the day I came home with them from the hospital, or those early nursing days when I was their only source of food, or those cute conversations that remind you of their innocence. I wouldn't mind watching all those traits I saw when they were little and be able to connect them with who they are now. I wouldn't mind going back to those days when Sam let me kiss him. When did he stop liking that?
I guess the distance we feel with our kids as they get older, is necessary to create the void that will create the hunger for God. As parents of young children, we fill the void. When they are older, God fills it...as well as their spouse. No, I can't snuggle in bed with Sam anymore. But the craving for that affection, that feels awkward with me, will be satisfied again when he has a wife. And rightly so. And Abby may feel funny if I shower her with kisses, but it will feel great to be showered with attention from her husband. It's a letting go that is necessary and right. It's a reminder that they are not "ours" and never were.
So, I suppose...Mary can be cute and Ben can be lovable. I can still relish in that before it's too late.
There is good that comes with every stage in life...as well as a bad counterpart. When they are little, they are needy, dependent, emotional and you can often feel tied down. However, there littleness is what allows them to fit just so on your lap. And taking care of their needs means you are in constant contact with them. That's a closeness that you'll never quite have again. I shower Ben and Mary with kisses and tell them I love them. While I give Sam and Abby pecks and hugs...I could not get away with a huge shower of kisses. Little bodies are just cute. They beckon to be held and hugged. As they get older, their feet get uglier, they become less needy and they are off doing their own thing (I know that feet part doesn't fit here...but it really is something I've noticed).
What I love about my older children is also what makes me miss them...their independence. I love the way they are discovering themselves, what makes them happy, what kind of friends they like to hang out with, what talents God gave them to grow. I love that they can brush their own teeth, get dressed on their own and bathe themselves. But would I like to see them again at three and five? Yup. Would I like to snuggle up with them again? In a heartbeat. Do I miss the days of being stressed with Sam's fears and roller coaster emotions? No. Do I miss Abby coming screaming into the door because the neighbor girl only wanted to play with Sam? No. But I wouldn't mind reliving the day I came home with them from the hospital, or those early nursing days when I was their only source of food, or those cute conversations that remind you of their innocence. I wouldn't mind watching all those traits I saw when they were little and be able to connect them with who they are now. I wouldn't mind going back to those days when Sam let me kiss him. When did he stop liking that?
I guess the distance we feel with our kids as they get older, is necessary to create the void that will create the hunger for God. As parents of young children, we fill the void. When they are older, God fills it...as well as their spouse. No, I can't snuggle in bed with Sam anymore. But the craving for that affection, that feels awkward with me, will be satisfied again when he has a wife. And rightly so. And Abby may feel funny if I shower her with kisses, but it will feel great to be showered with attention from her husband. It's a letting go that is necessary and right. It's a reminder that they are not "ours" and never were.
So, I suppose...Mary can be cute and Ben can be lovable. I can still relish in that before it's too late.
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