It's been a crazy week:
Monday--Women's Group
Tuesday--Sam's Den meeting and my soccer game
Wednesday--Nothing...but Ted worked most of the evening (at home)
Thursday--Sam's pack meeting
Tonight--Sam's basketball practice
Tomorrow--a bridal shower in the day and dinner out with another couple that evening
Sun--Sam's basketball practice...the same time as a baby shower I have and in the evening we are celebrating Ted's Dad's b-day by going out to dinner as a family.
*Whew*
I don't do well with crazy schedules. I get stressed out and exhausted. I work really hard to not be overly committed. I really enjoy "down time", and time with my family just "hanging out". This week is not normal or typical (Thank God), so that makes it easier to bare. But, one thing that has suffered is mine and Ted's time together. We realized that with Ted's increasing workload that he is bringing home combined with our other evening activities, our time has been squeezed into small, sporadic slivers. I want a bigger chunk.
One thing I'm ready to give up is soccer. I'm too tired in the evenings to play and the motivation is not really there. At the end of a long day with the kids, sometimes the last thing I want to do is run ragged on a field with a bunch of women. I'd probably more enjoy a conversational walk with a friend. I will finish out the session, but next fall when it resumes, I'll politely say "No thanks".
Back to me and Ted. We had a discussion last night...without getting into too many personal details (some of these things are sacred, you know?), we decided to focus more on "us". The discussion spurred on a drive to find some books that would help. I always turn to literature in some form to help me solve my problems. Here are the books I purchased:
The Marriage You've always Dreamed Of...by Greg Smalley
Renewing Your Love: Devotions for Couples... by Gary Roseberg and his wife (name?)
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate...by Gary Chapman
Is There Really Sex After Kids?... by Savage, Jill
Ted and I don't have any major issues...we just need to find time to "connect" more in the craziness of life with 4 young children. I spend my whole day taking care of the kids and the house and at the end of the day, I'm exhausted. Ted gets my leftovers...our relationship gets the leftovers. I realize that this is just the season for our relationship to take a figurative backseat while we raise our kids...I don't expect to have us be in the peak of intimacy this time in our lives, but I also know it can't always be the backseat or everything will suffer (unless it's a make-out session in the backseat like the good ole teen days....where did all that drive go???).
Ahem... As I was saying...we have to make time for our relationship....even if it's in the little ways. I'm always on a new journey or mission. We'll see where this one takes me.
3 comments:
Yes!! I am excited for you! You and Ted aren't just accepting this phase of life as a time when your relationship suffers because the kids are the bigger priority. You're doing something pro-active to reclaim and restore the Love in your relationship!
I've read the 5 Love Languages and the insights in there are awesome! I hope you enjoy it. You'll have to let us know what you think of that one, and the other books you ordered, too!
Gee, you went from Valentines Day of feeling the "love" from your husband in ways that you never expected, all those love notes and chocolate kisses to 3 days later asking "Where is the LOVE???"
As I read your blog, I can almost "feel" the love myself. It is all around you. You and your husband both give it to your kids and to each other. After years of marriage and four kids, it is usually the lack of communication that can get you in trouble. Keep those lines open and your love for each other will grow and grow.
And, remember, communication does not always have to be verbal, just a look, a little pinch in the right place, a little bit of seductive flirting (even though it goes no further because you are both so tired) will keep the spice and love alive.
Take it from one who has been there.
I think the theme of my Valentines blog was my appreciation of Ted and all he does for me and the family. The notes were cute, but what meant more was who he is to us. My where's the love blog was hopefully doesn't refute all of what was previously said, I just yearn to be more connected to this wonderful person who works beside me and takes care of me and our children. We are both working hard at everything we do, and sometimes you lose the intimacy. If you've "been there", then you already know what I'm talking about. But you must forget how it is with kids. This is not an easy task! Before I can have any desire to give him a "look" or a "pinch", I need to feel a bond first. I'm hoping we can improve our communication with each other with these books as a guide. I know he has all the answers of how he wants to be loved and I'm sure I can figure out mine (if I can have time to think about it!! Right now Ben is screaming and crying). I'll let you know how our journey goes. Hopefully, we'll be looking and pinching in no time!
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