I love those articles that have parents real, tried and true solutions to the little problems that come with kids. People share some really useful methods that I have adopted and use regularly. Every child is different so they won't all work on everyone, but they are always worth a try. I'm going to share some that I've learned from other parents and then share one of my own.
Negative Reinforcement-- In psychology class they told us that "positive reinforcement" was encouraging good behavior by rewarding it when it's done. "Negative reinforcement" is removing the reward when bad behavior is done. It's not punishing them, just removing what they want. I've found that the more attention I show them when they've done something wrong, the more they want to do that very thing again to get my attention. I remember when Sam was little and our TV was low enough, he could reach the power button. Oh how frustrating it was when Sam would turn the TV off in the middle of my favorite show. I would turn it back on and he would turn it back off. How fun it was for him to see my reaction! It was so easy to "flip my switch". If I would have just ignored him and left the room like I didn't care, I doubt it would have been so fun for him.
Switch and Bait-- I like using this one on Mary. Sometimes she's holding a train Ben really wants. I've been teaching Ben to give her another train before taking the one he wants away. It works like a dream. She focuses on the new train and doesn't realize he's just taken one out of her other hand.
Distraction-- One and Two year olds can be very singleminded...very focused on what they want. As much as I take Mary off the counter and set her down, she will just as quickly head straight back to the chair to climb up again. It's not enough to just take her down. I have to distract her with something else, like a toy, book, or her favorite TV show. Thank God for distraction! I use this one all the time. It works with babies too. I remember when I would wrestle with a child during a diaper change until my sister showed me how just giving them a toy or book keeps them busy until the change is over.
Remove the Object--Sometimes you just have to remove the object that's causing the problem. During the ages where it's hard to reason, it's easier to just take it away. I remember I used to buy Lucky Charms...until I realized that all they wanted was the marshmallows. No matter what I did, it caused a battle to try and get them to eat the whole thing. I stopped buying Lucky Charms. The same concept goes if you have two things on a plate and you want them to eat one before the other, I stopped putting the less healthy item on their until they were done with healthier one.
Whenever someone is fighting over a toy or not playing right with it...they didn't go in time out, the toy did. Solves the problem right away. A good time out for the toy is somewhere they can't see it. Out of sight out of mind. I hate it when I forget this. They see what I'm trying to hide and all the ruckus starts all over again.
Turn it into a Game--I saw something in my house that turned into a game without me doing anything. My boys want everything done for them. My girls tend to have a more "can do" attitude. About 4 years ago, I was still dressing Sam (he was 5). It wasn't that he couldn't dress himself...he didn't want to. So I would help him pick out the clothes and get him going. When summer came, Abby started dressing herself first thing in the morning so she could be ready to play. Somehow, Sam saw her doing it and started to dress himself without my help! In fact, in turned into a race. It was great to see them race into their rooms to see who could dress the fastest and I didn't have to lift a finger! Races are a great way to make something fun.
I don't know what to call this one...but my problem was with Ben. He would drop his cup and say, "Mommy get it!", or fall on the floor and my feet and say, "Hold you!!!". Sometimes I would say, "You can get it, Ben!" and he would say, "I can't reach it!". It was one of these times when he told me he couldn't reach whatever his cup, I just through on my best "Ben" act and said with a grunt (like I was really trying), "I can't reach it either!!". I tried to act distressed. I had my arm out like I was reaching. He quickly saw me in need and got his own cup. It works EVERY time! One time he was coming down the stairs and I was at the bottom and he wanted me to come get him. Like he doesn't have his own capable two feet! I threw myself on the steps and said, "I can't reach!!". Sure enough, he came down on his own.
I don't know why I take such pride in this little victory. I guess I feel like there are many ways I have to cave in to them. I love finding win-win situations...we both win!
Ben is now starting to reason. I can say, "No chips until you eat your hotdog" and he's following my direction (but not always without complaint beforehand). Reasoning is just a huge step with kids. When they can reason, you have more control. Now I'm going to have to get to that little climber Mary. No reasoning yet with her. We've resorted to moving our chairs away so she can't climb on our counter. I admire her persistence, however, it will get her far. She's got a lot of "climbing" ahead of her and mastering things physically will give her the confidence to master other tasks later on. I'm almost positive she'll be dressing herself before Ben. :-)
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