Icky Inside

Do you ever have things that make you feel "icky" inside? I'm feeling that way right now. This afternoon Sam had a basketball game. He's not very good, but he really enjoys playing. He doesn't get the ball much, but he doesn't call for it. If he does get the ball, he rarely dribbles...instead he opts to pass it quickly. I will keep him in the sport as long as he enjoys it. We started him out in soccer and baseball. He's never aggressive, so soccer was the first to go. I thought he was pretty good at baseball, but he dropped out of that last year. Now we're down to basketball. I'm glad he still enjoys this sport.

What hurts me is that his coach doesn't play him much. I see the same three kids on the bench. The "bad" players. My son is one of them. I realize this is kind of "the real world". If you're good, you play more because coaches want to win. I just wish they're desire to win was balanced with letting the players have fun. Unfortunately, their desire to win keeps my son from playing much. I just think they are too young to have that matter. He's in third grade and it's their first year playing. Sam played for Upwards basketball for two years before this year. Their coaches always played everyone equally. I'm glad he's playing in our own parish now, but I wish our coaches could learn from the Upward's coaches. Sam had the same experience in soccer...a coach that wanted to win. He was always on the bench.

I feel icky inside. After the game, Sam said, "I didn't even sweat! I really didn't play all that much."
I told Sam that he should feel free to tell his coach when he's ready to go in. "Do you think you can do that?" He said no. Of course he wouldn't dare say anything to his coach. He barely looks his coach in the eye much less speak to him. He's timid with adults he doesn't know well. It's part of his unaggressive nature. I asked him if he minded sitting on the bench. He said, "Not really." Whether he was being truthful or not, I do feel it bothers me more than it bothers him. What really matters is how Sam feels. If Sam was hurt by it, I would speak up. Since he doesn't seem to be hurt, I will get over how I feel.

I know my son will always be a little left out because he's not athletic. He'll probably not be in the popular crowd. I'm really OK with that...as long as he's happy. He seems to be happy at school. He tends to do his own thing at recess. I figure if he really wanted to be with the crowd, he would join them. I think he's intimidated by the crowd. I remember when he was little, he just cried at Chuck E Cheese's when all the kids ran around him near the tubes. He couldn't handle all the commotion. He wanted to be safe...near us. He eventually got over that, but I can still see some of those traits in him....safety is near us...safety is not calling for the ball...safety is on the bench. Maybe, in a way, it's his own choice? No....I really think he wants to play.

I love my son. He may not be athletic, but he does well in school...and most importantly...he's happy. That's all that matters. My ickiness will pass.