Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Post 300 (and still talking about poop)

I just realized this is my 300th post! I've been blogging since August 2005. Wow. My first post was about Mary learning to walk and Abby deciding to jump off the diving board for the first time. I find myself in a quandry with Mary, 2 1/2 years later. I've taken the do or die approach on pooping in the potty and it totally backfired on me. With Ben, it worked...but he was 4! And he magically found his motivation button. Fear. All Ted said was, "It'll collect if you don't let it out". And boom. He pushed the poop out like he was expelling a demon. That didn't work on Mary. We've tried material incentives. Nope. We've tried the incentive of letting her get her ears pierced. Nope. I let her go for a while and let her use diapers to poop in. I thought we'll get the potty part down first since she doesn't mind that part and deal with the poop part later.

Well, I thought now was later. I tried to hide the diapers and tell her we can't do them anymore. Mary panicked and cried when she felt the urge, but wouldn't sit on the potty. She just held it in. For three days. We heard cries whenever the pain would come to a peak. A couple of times I actually forced her to sit on the potty when I noticed she felt the urge. I held her down hoping that if she just let it come out she would see it's not so bad. That just made things worse. I heard my Pediatrician's voice in my head, "The pains are a natural consequence of their refusal to poop in the potty. This is a behavior. He KNOWS how to do this."

Those words kept me going for a little bit. If I saw ANY progress at all in those 3 days...like a willingness to sit on the potty, that would have kept me going. She just seems majorly not ready. She is scared to death of the thought! I looked back on my first blog. I was writing about Abby jumping off the diving board and this is what I said, "The more a child is rushed, the more they seem to resist the jump. Let them go on their own, and it's amazing what they'll decide to do."

I look at those words now and I wonder if they were meant for me today. This stuff exhausts me. It takes so much of my energy. I'm trying so hard to do the right thing. I'm trying to take every bit of advice I've ever heard and do them all. I'm tired. She's even regressed. She wouldn't take off her diaper today after she pooped. She kept saying she wasn't finished yet. *sigh* Tiring I tell you.

So I've backed off. She has control again. Hopefully I'll be inspired as to when I'm supposed to try this again.

Monday, January 28, 2008

I Want to Go Back to My Happy Crop Room!!!!

My crop weekend was AWESOME. I got 123 pages done. 525 pictures were put into albums!!!

However, coming back has not been easy. Here's an e-mail to Ted I sent this morning...
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This has not been a good day...
1) Abby forgets medicine. I call the secretary...the nurse is out. So I have to TROUBLE the secretary to give Abby the medicine SHE forgot!!!
2) **** (PTO VP) lets me know I need to do her part at the Teacher Appreciation Luncheon (her dad is dying... which is also why I am doing the tasks under #3)
3) I'm still trying to get the Room Parent Coordinators to respond to my e-mail about the classrooms needing help during the luncheon. I end up needing to call the two Kindergarten classrooms and leave them a message.
4) Mary will not poop in the potty and keeps crying (Ted had the idea to get rid of all diapers...last night she wet the bed and today she keeps crying because she needs to poop but refuses to go in the potty)
5) **** (Carpool friend) calls to tell me about the party and how bad the girls are getting. She said the **** (her daughter) told her that Abby is a member of the "******* Haters Club" and someone put a nasty note in ****** back pack. ******* (Carpool friend) also proceeded to go off on different things about the school (some PTO related). Argghhh!!!

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!! I want to go back to my happy crop room. :-(

Missy
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In parenthesis I added my own remarks so you would understand what I'm talking about. Yes. We have thrown out diapers. It's do or die for Mary. Or, I guess you could say "Do or Constipate". She's holding it in. What a surprise. It's gotta come out eventually! I'll let you know how this goes...

Monday, January 21, 2008

This N That

80's Dance--The 80's Dance went great!! We didn't have a huge crowd (about 50), partially due to family illnesses, but we sure had a great time! I have to say that being on the PTO has brought me experiences I never would have had otherwise. It's been worth my two year commitment. I don't regret any of it! Hopefully, they'll do it again next year (notice I said they?)



Cooking Slump--Remember all those lovely pictures of French Onion Soup and homemade bread? It's a distant memory. I got side-tracked with other things and never did a good December meal plan and everything slid downhill after that. I never got back on the horse. I keep popping frozen stuff into the oven and canned stuff on the stove and calling it dinner. Not that there's anything wrong with that...:-) The spirit just isn't movin' me. I'm hoping some creative juices start flowing soon. I'm just getting sick of all the family friendly food and I want to cook like I want to eat. Spaghetti, tacos, and pizzas get old after a while. And making two meals to please everyone is no fun.



Vegetable Pureeing--I have many unused, pureed vegetables in my freezer. Again, unmotivated. It all went down hill when Ted put the pureed cauliflower in the macaroni and cheese (probably too much) and the kids wouldn't eat it. My women's group friend went home and cried after me and another member shared our excitement over hiding pureed vegetables in our kids' food. She felt like a looser mom because she didn't. Well...I can tell her I am not all as I appear. I just don't think this is for me. I just started wondering if it was worth the effort and how much were they really getting when it was split up over a whole dish. And THEN I had to deal with the kids that didn't like the food I was hiding it in to begin with. The taco meat and hamburgers were great...but my boys don't like either of those two foods! Nothing can help them!



Latest Thoughts--Me, my mom and sisters need to get together more often. I was having a rough day when I asked Ted if I could get out of the house. I called my mom and we saw "P.S. I Love You" and I thoroughly enjoyed it!! It was great spending time with my mom and we had a nice chat in the car about this time in her life with dad and how much my dad put up with when my mom was ill. She just told me how much she loved him and how happy they are. My parents are my reminder of my future with Ted and what we can look forward to. I want to do this more often. I want to schedule it once a month on the calendar...and invite my sisters, too. That is my challenge...to follow up on this thought.

Mary is Dry at Night!!!--For a week now, Mary has been dry the majority of the nights. In fact, last night she woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom! What a victory! We'll see if this continues. Then we'll have to deal with the whole poop issue. Again. *Sigh*.

Lent is Coming Soon!--Lent is quickly approaching. My CRHP group (and the Catechism) has helped me to change my attitude about Lent. I thought it was kinda of negative to give up something. I thought it would be better to DO something...like improve your prayer life, or help others, whatever...something other than the (what I thought was) unproductive idea of giving something up. But my CRHP sisters shed some light on this for me. Giving up things is a practice in self control! We often do whatever we feel like....which leads toward a us-willed life instead of a God-willed life. But practicing this small virtue of temperance can protect us from giving in to temptation of gluttony. This is the same way that diligence (or budgeting our time and putting first things first like prayer, house work, etc) can protect us from "sloth" or laziness. Wow! OK! New info for me. I know this is really old information for some...but it's put in a new light for me and now I "get it". Basically, the practice of the Seven Virtues, can protect us from the Seven Deadly Sins. I'm hoping this will improve my Lent. I'm asking God to show me my weakness and what He wants me to work on during Lent...what needs to be balanced out, or put into order. I'll let you know if He speaks.

I'll post some 80's pictures from the dance in my next blog. I'm upstairs sitting outside the kids' bedrooms and nowhere near my camera for downloading. Two down, two to go.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Volunteer Overload

OK...so you know that Ted and I had a conversation about "balance" and "being present" and you remember that I told him that it's been a crazy two months with the PTO and once that is done, things will be SO much better! I'm always promising, when I take on something new, that it will not be a big deal and not cause me stress.

So anyway, just recently I had agreed to "help" with Vacation Bible School this summer. I was a part of the planning "team". We had the two people who ran it last year, plus two of my CRHP friends. No problem! Oprah always says when you have an abusive husband or one who is gay (or whatever) that there are clues along the way that you chose to ignore or write off. Well the other day the DRE asked me if I could call all the girls on the team and get a date for our first meeting. This was big clue #1. I thought, oh....maybe she just wants me to do some of the organizational details. No big deal. So I started calling and my first call was to one of the ladies who ran VBS last year. I got her availability and preferences and then I heard her say towards the end, "You guys will make a great team". That was BIG clue #2. I thought, "Did I hear her right? What is going on?" So I went to my CRHP friend next and in talking to her about this she said that she got the impression the ladies who did it last year will only meet with us a couple of times to get us going and then they are moving on. They are passing it all on to us! So that was more than a clue. That was a revelation. I got angry. That wasn't my perception at all! When I was given the team members, my DRE listed last years co-directors!

I started going through all my past e-mails with the DRE to see what other clues I had missed. Her first e-mail to me said:

"Missy, Would you be interested in working on a team to get VBS up and running this summer? You would have lots of help from last year's team. I think your expertise with children's programs and your sense of organization would be extremely valuable."

I missed it all together! How could I not see what I see now? The e-mail after I agreed said,

"Missy, I have dates for VBS. June 16-20 with the 15th open for set up. We have the gym, cafeteria, and junior high buildings. Melanie has not yet returned my call. I can't seem to reach Barb Schnarr. So, if you can try them, perhaps we could line up some plans. Even if it involves you and Kelley and Cathy and Maggie to start, that would work. Let's see what happens within the next week. At least we have dates." (All names have been changed)

Cathy and Maggie were the ones who did it last year. That e-mail helped me to see how I could keep the misunderstanding going. So back to being mad. At the time, I felt misled. I called the DRE and told her my misunderstanding that I would be a "helper" and not really the "coordinator" and that this is just not the time for me. I still have a semester of PTO to go before I'm finished and with everything else, this is just too much. Actually, I told her voice mail. I know that's a no-no, but I had to get it off my chest before I went to my Women's Group meeting. The next morning, while I was out, she left a message telling me it's OK and she understands. I called her back and we talked and it was good. She sounded genuinely surprised that I didn't know the girls from last year weren't coming back. And then it was done. I had said NO!

Now I'm sure I'll be helping in some way...but I am not in charge! If there is anything I know right now, after working on the 80's dance this past month...I'm DONE with being in charge! I'm counting down my fundraisers to freedom!

What's left--
80's Dance --this Saturday night.
Chuck E Cheese's--next Tuesday...no big deal
Winter Carnival--Feb 2--I'm a helper...I have a chair...so that's no big deal
McTeacher Night--April 8--No big deal.
PTO Meeting w/parents--April 17--Nominate new officers
Father/Daughter Dance--April 26--I really don't want to be in charge of another
dance. Maybe a committee member or board member will step up! It's so
late in the year and I know I'll be mentally done by then.

I think I'll ask for a volunteer from the committee members now. I don't want this hanging over my head!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Humility Brings Me Gratitude

This morning in Children's Liturgy was quite a hoot. The night before I set up the room (after the 5pm mass). Room set up involves, putting a cover over our "altar" which is a cabinet. They go with the liturgical seasons, so I had white on today. Candles are set on the altar, along with a cross, the holder for the children's lectionary, the cards the prompt the kids responses (Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ, etc). I bring in my guitar, put the big sheets lyrics on the wall and set up my music stand. So I felt good that that was all done. This morning I come in to lead it and the first thing I do is sing the wrong song. I know two "This is the Day" songs. I started singing one from my youth instead of the one from THEIR youth. Half way, I realized I didn't have the correct music for the song I was singing AND my guitar was miserably out of tune (oops...forget that one important detail). For the life of me I couldn't recall THEIR This is the Day and asked the kids if they could help me. My outgoing boy, Richard, happily chimed in and started to sing the song for me. I tried to play it but my guitar sounded so bad and I wasn't playing it right because I had lowered the key and couldn't make sense of all my cross outs...so I just stopped playing and sang acapella the rest of the song.

Somehow when I set my guitar down, it fell more out of tune. I must have bumped it or something. It sounded horrible on the next song! I just smiled and kept playing because the kids didn't seem to notice.

There are quite a few things that I'm grateful for after this humbling moment
A) These are KIDS! They don't care!! (Although there was an adult in the room)
B) The kids were singing so loud, they couldn't really hear my guitar anyway.
C) I gave a lesson in humility by setting an example. I was able to laugh it off and thank them for the help. I told them I was a little rusty after the break.
D) Wasn't Jesus humbled to be baptized by someone much lower than Him when He didn't even need it?
E) My homily was better than normal
F) We got a new Time Keeper trained
G) The adult at the back of the room often comes, but never smiles at me and doesn't really acknowledge me in the parking lot of school. I was blessing each child with holy water as they were dismissing and made a comment to the other lady about how I was trying to squeeze this in and SHE SPOKE! She said that their were more kids than normal this time and smiled at me. I think in my stumbling, humbling moment she was able to relate to me more. This is a great thing.

The other day, Ted reminded me that I've been very distracted lately with all of my activities and that he misses me! I know what he's talking about. I may be "present", but not really present. He saw it starting with the holidays and all the craziness that brings and then it just continued into January. I told him when this PTO thing is done, I'll be able to relax and enjoy my home time more. I don't know if I was very convincing, because what he sees looks quite different.
--He sees me being pulled to help the nursing home communion services
--He sees me saying "yes" to helping with Vacation Bible School this summer
--He remembers that I offered to help the Volunteer Coordinator for the Swim Team this summer
--He knows that I agreed to be on this marketing team for our school to learn how to attract more families
--He sees his time with me shrinking as I get enveloped in all these activities.

As we discussed this, I admitted that I love all of these things, but sometimes they require more planning than I thought, because I like to do my best. Sometimes, even though I don't believe they are taking away from our evening family time, I'm secretly running to the computer to send out an e-mail about the 80's Dance, or researching chords for a nursing home song, or writing my homily for Children's Liturgy. He pointed out that I work from home, so my work never leaves. I don't have a specific start and stop time. He doesn't want me to stop doing what I'm doing...it's part of what he loves about me. He just wants me to practice balance, and set aside times as more sacred, and be present to the family, and be present to him.

I'm humbled again. I'm not doing a good job at home. Which is my MOST important job!! But I'm grateful for his honesty and I'm grateful for the stability he brings me. Me, the roller coaster girl who flits from one thing to another and tries to get it all done, while he....he is constant, solid, responsible, measured, consistent and loyal. I'm trying to be loyal to everyone. He wants to be loyal to me. I like his priorities. I like the balance he is to me.

So again, humility brings me gratitude.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

An Overdue Snapshot

I thought I would do a snapshot since I haven't written anything in a WEEK.


What's at the top of my to-do list?
--PTO 80's Dance is January 19th. We need to get the keg, soda and check our paper product supplies. We need to advertise more and get those tickets sold! So far our fundraisers have brought in $8765! Our goal for the year is $12,000 and I think we will make it!
--Laundry, laundry, laundry
--Clear off the shelving in my bedroom hall to make room for more items to store. Ted needs more closet space. We are going to reorganize his closet and make two rods for clothes by moving the one and adding another. This will eliminate his floor space, so I want to clear off his floor and high closet shelves and move the items to my hall shelving. This will double his hanging space! Since he has to dress up for work, he needs more space for suits and dress shirts!! Pictures will come later...
--Prepare for Children's Liturgy homily for this Sunday
--Prepare for leading music for Women's Group this Monday.
--Get ready for Crop Weekend at the end of January!


What have I accomplished?
--A while ago a wrote a blog about needing help with my full brick wall fireplace. Millions of people responded with their ideas. Just kidding. No one did. It turns out it was heavily googled by people who needed their OWN help. However, I did solicit friendly help from anyone and everyone who would come look at my puzzling wall. I got all kinds of responses from "Don't EVER paint that brick!", to "It is a little too much brick" to "Can you cover part of it?" to "I LOVE that brick wall!". Anyway, I decided to keep the wall for now and embrace it...change other things and see how it works.


I've always been a little frustrated by my choice of furniture from 9 years ago. At the time, plaid navy and hunter green was all the rage! I thought it was a safe choice for a life with children. Unfortunately, it held up REALLY well and I never felt I had a good enough excuse to replace it. I knew that new furniture would change my feelings about the room. Around this same time, Ted saw a flyer that advertised a free 50" plasma TV if you spent $3300 in furniture!! We felt we could make this purchase with Ted's end of year bonus check. We went shopping at the store and picked out this leather couch (in dark chocolate brown), two chairs (photo not available) and a console for the new plasma TV! I don't know if I've ever made decisions that fast for so much furniture! But really, I've been thinking about it for a long time. So I was ready. I really wanted to make sure I did it right this time. I chose a dark, chocolate brown, leather couch and for the 2 chairs, I picked a golden wheat fabric. Since it is custom order, we have to wait 12 weeks! But we figured that would give us enough time to replace the disgusting carpeting that I've been complaining about and to pick out end tables and a coffee table.


I got these two end tables at World Market , this leather ottoman in the Global Bazaar section of Target. And finally after bringing home a handful of paintings, until I came upon one at World Market that outshone the rest when I put it up on the brick. I will show that later when I do an "after" picture of the room. Unfortunately, you have to wait until the end of March for that!!

I'm really looking forward to putting it all together.

What is my latest obsession?
--Finding accessories for the mantel.
--Reinventing the hall that leads to my bathroom. I think I'll take before and after pictures.

What's been bugging me?
--Mary and Ben fighting. It actually makes me look forward to Ben going to school so they don't have a chance to fight as much. It's really sad to say that. I don't want to feel that way. For example, today, I took Mary to Target while Ben was at school. I bought her a pink watering can with butterflies on it. I was about to walk away, when I KNEW I had to get one for Ben too, or I'd be in trouble. I got him an orange one with frogs on it. When he saw it, he was immediately upset because he wanted to a pink one too. He cried and cried and demanded that Mary let him have hers! A pink one! He wants whatever she has! It's exhausting.

What's been making me happy?
--Shopping for the family room!
--Watching Ben and Mary play nicely together (I really appreciate when it happens and I always praise them for it whenever I see it.)
--Planning the 80's dance has been a lot of fun!
--The warm break in the weather
--Knowing that I only have less than four months left on the PTO. I've enjoyed it, but it will be nice to be a regular mom again...without the added responsibility of all these fundraisers!!
--I'm really looking forward to my weekend crop
--Watching Sam and Abby be such a big help to me with Ben and Mary. They always chip in.