Last Day of Summer, First Day of School

It's always a time for reflection when your kids go back to school. You wonder where the summer went. You wonder where the years went, that they are now as big as they are. As each year passes, I think that they are mostly the same without much change. But if I were to really sit and think about all that has changed in such a short time period, it blows my mind. It's easy to mark the passing time of toddlers. They are doing new things all the time. Huge changes are made every month. But in the school years, it all seems to gradual.

What really puts the changes into perspective is looking at old albums and videos of the kids. Last night we watched old videos. One was when Mary was born and the other was when Ben was born. My focus as I took the pictures was, of course, on the babies. Sam and Abby kept popping into the pictures as if to say, "Look at me!!". I kept moving away so I could focus on the new baby. But as I watched this time, my focus was on them... their toothless grins, the excitement in their faces...their buoyant personalities. I can replay the video, but I can't replay life. Sometimes I wish I could. They seem so old now...and big! Sam is up to my shoulders! But they were once my little toddlers...like Ben and Mary are now.

Today, we had a guy from A.G. Edwards over. We're planning for the kids highschool expenses. Yes. You heard me right. Highschool. We want to invest in a savings plan called "Coverdell". It's the only one you can use for private highschool. The other ones are only higher education...college. I need to worry about highschool first! We don't plan on footing the bill for college. We just can't. I paid for my own college and so did my sister. I took out a loan. Anyway, the point is, in 5 years, Sam will be going to highschool. Abby will follow 2 years later. And actually, I paid for my Senior year at a private highschool. If I was going to school these days...it wouldn't even be possible. I wish these schools didn't have to increase at such an exponential rate. But that's getting off the point. In 5 years, Sam will be in highschool. I know that time will be here before we know it. We will not have his whole education saved by then, but that's OK. Whatever we do have will help. Coverdell allows you to put in $2000 per child, per year. You can withdraw for school expense tax free. No taxes on the growth. I think it's a good deal. In fact, it's the only one...so it'll have to do. Five years is not that far away, because the last five have gone awfully fast.

Finished Basement Pics!!

Ok...finally! The basement is finished. Well, not totally...but enough for now. The first picture is the playroom. Thanks, Shirley for the corner nook! It fits perfectly in this corner! I see it being used for coloring and crafts (not food yet...maybe when they're older). The closet in the playroom doesn't have the doors on it yet, but I thought it was perfect to show you the 9 cubes we put together and stacked. We'll have shelving to the left for the bigger toys that won't fit in a cube. I think I'll bring Abby's dollhouse down, too, and put it in the playroom.

The next picture is the computer area from the family room. There is a decent amount of space between the couches and the computer area that we hope to use for some kind of game...air hockey? Any recommendations? Eventually, I'd like a pool table when the kids are older...but I could see pool balls being thrown everywhere and knocking out lights. Not good for now. Theresa, I have fond memories of your pool table growing up. Your parents really knew how to make your house fun, with the inground pool, the video game (I still remember how in awe I was that you had your very own arcade game in your basement!!!), the juke box and the pool table. Endless fun. *sigh*.

The last picture is the family room. The furniture is left over from our last basement in our old house, except for the entertainment center, which was good ole assembly from Target. Gotta love cheap furniture for areas like this.

The kids LOVE the basement. I've seen Sam and Abby go down by themselves...Sam did his homework down there last night and at one point, Abby was by herself watching TV. Amazing. I know the excitement is from the newness, and some of it will wear off, but we're enjoying their delight. Ben and Mary have played down there quite a few times while I worked on the entertainment center, or dragged more furniture in here and there. I see this space as a great for the kids to play when we have other families over or just a couple of friends. Abby will have somewhere to play when Mary takes a nap!

I can't wait to put things on the walls. Mary, my neighbor, said that Gordmann's has great "floating picture frames" that she uses for the kids artwork. I've seen them in her basement and it looks great! I want to try them for ours. I'll do that on the playroom side. On the family room side I'd like to frame scenery shots from camping. Ted took a great one of a boardwalk at Gulf Shores that I can't wait to frame. I have tons of portraits and action shots on our main level. Downstairs will be artwork and scenery. I like expressing different parts of myself in different areas of the house.

The last place I need to figure out is a blank wall that you see as soon as you go downstairs. It needs something. I could see a sofa table, but I think a sideboard type piece....low and long would fill the space better because it's a big wall. I could see maybe a chair on each side for extra seating when needed and then either shelving or pictures above it. I'll keep you posted. I might deal with it last because I want space out the purchases. I'll post more pictures as the basement evolves...and as Blogger allows! I've been trying to post pictures and it didn't let me! I'll do another post of the ones I tried to do before.

I'm Calling In "Sick"

I'm a commitment girl. If I commit to something, you better believe I am there, regularly, and on time. So you may wonder what "calling in sick" has to do with a commitment girl. Well, I remember a long time ago, my Grandma Mary said that you should "call in sick" every now and then. I remember thinking it was quite the scandalous thing for my Grandma to say because I could never picture her as the type to do such a thing. She was divorced after 6 years of marriage and took care of herself, two boys and two brothers the whole early part of her life. One of her brothers had down syndrome. She took care of him until his death. The other brother had one lung and couldn't work (something about TB? I don't remember the details). She also took care of him until he died. Anyway, she was a single, working mom and never remarried. Instead, when her boys were grown and out of the house, she continued to dedicate her life to helping others...especially my mom and her six kids. She was our idol, our bright ray of sunshine in my mom's overworked, overwhelmed and hopeless days. She would bring over dinner, lots of sweets for us kids and helped my mom clean the house. We loved her so much.

This statement my Grandma made about calling in sick, came as a surprise to me. I was working two jobs in the summer and maybe she was worried. Maybe she wished she would have called in sick more. I grew up with dependability shown all around me. I never thought about calling in sick unless I was really sick. I was always extremely dependable on the job. I never wanted to burn any bridges and I always was a pleaser. I came in on snow days when few people showed up. I stayed late when they wanted me to and came in on unscheduled days if they were short. Even in my school days, I often had perfect attendance. I was the model employee.

I can say that I still have that work ethic, even with outside commitments. Lately, with CRHP, PTO and Women's Group, I've been the model employee. But the craziness factor has stepped up a bit with the back to school preparing, as well as the extra work required for our basement remodeling. I attended a lot of meetings and had my mind wrapped up in all my ideas for the new school year and managed to juggle whatever work was needed for the basement. Our past weekends have been spent painting, installing baseboards and doors, and cleaning up to prepare for carpeting. I was feeling like our quality of life was neglected while we attended to all of our duties. And I feel like our kids were left to their own devices. Which is sometimes necessary but sometimes too much.

Last Sunday night, I got home late from CRHP. We had just finished a crazy weekend with both days filled with working on the basement. Ted and I were looking at the calendar. Monday night was Women's Group and Tuesday and Wednesday were back to school functions. Ted was not looking forward to the week. I never miss a Women's Group meeting if I can help it. Monday nights are sacred. Ted knows that. He would never suggest it. But I felt like something needed to give. So I told him I would skip Women's Group. I would "call in sick". He looked at me like I had offered him a day of golf. He knew what I was giving. I think he was touched. "Wow...that would be great". I reasoned how I never miss and that this would be a good time as any...before we get into our new book next meeting.

The next day, instead of rushing out the door as soon as he walked in, I ordered out pizza and we ate a meal together. Everyone was happy. That was enough for Ted, he encouraged me to go ahead to Women's group. Abby was sick and we wouldn't be able to do anything as a family anyway. So I actually went to Women's Group, but showed up late. I think it was enough for Ted that I showed him I was willing to sacrifice it for family time.

Last night, we were doing our nightly touching base when we realized we had not spent much time as a family. Saturday was another day of basement final touches because we had to meet the carpet install deadline of Monday. I started thinking about how nice it would be to go to the park in the early evening. I was hungering for family time, but I was restricted by the 7pm start time of my CRHP meeting. I pulled out my CRHP calendar and noticed that this meeting would be a good one to skip. I had not missed a meeting and felt that it would be fine to miss just one. I told Ted. He was thrilled. I called our Lay Director and told her it's been crazy around our house and we needed some family time. Who can argue with that? I'm amazed at how often the simple truth works. I don't think I could have gotten away with that call in excuse on a job, but it works for many extra-curricular activities. Many people would not dare to touch the "putting family first" reasoning.

Today, we had a great time! I took Sam, Abby and Ben to Pizza Street and then to a movie "Zoom" (don't recommend it, but the kids liked it so I guess that's all that matters). We came back, I napped for about 40 minutes (I was exhausted from a couple of bad nights of sleep) and then we packed up and headed for the park. We picked up Burger King on the way and ate under the pavilion. Sam and Abby rode their bikes and we pushed Ben and Mary in the stroller. We threw rocks in the lake and finished the evening at the playground. It was so much fun. I've missed times like these. It's been too hot to do anything outside and today was beautiful. I'm looking forward to the cooler days of fall and more time spent outdoors.

All of this happened because I called in sick. I'm so glad my Grandma reminded me it was a good thing to do every now and then. I'm sure she's looking down from heaven and chuckling with her merry eyes the way she always used to. However, I'm a little worried that we're liking it a little too much. Ted is going to skip Men's Group tomorrow night. But, our carpet is being installed tomorrow! We can't wait to put everything back in the room!

I've been happy to use the call in sick card, but I have to say, it's best to save it for when you really need it. I was able to enjoy it because I felt guilt free knowing that I show up most of the time. And I've got this wonderful high from our trip to the park that I'm dying to do it again. Go to the park, that is.

Some Wind in My Sails

Tomorrow night is my "designated" crop night, but it's one of those things that gets eliminated at a moments notice...and for good reason. Last weekend, Ted worked on the basement all day Saturday and Sunday. We didn't know we would need the extra day. Late Sunday afternoon, I opted out of the family get together at his parent's house for a moment of productive peace to myself (I worked on a PTO poster...it was productive and peaceful). I went to my regular Sunday CRHP meeting at 7pm. I was gone all night. Monday night, I decided to go to Women's Group late so we could have some time as a family before I jetsetted out the door. We ate pizza together...it was actually very nice. Tuesday, as soon as Ted got home I dashed out the door with the older two to go to a New Family Orientation. Of course we aren't the new family, but were asked to be mentors for one. That ended with mass for the Holy Day and Ted met me up at church with the younger two. I spent most of my time with the very loud Mary out in the foyer. Yesterday, the younger two went to the neighbor's, while I took the older two to our packet Pick-Up Night (basically a Back to School night). The kids had fun meeting their teachers, running around with friends...and hanging out with me at the PTO table. So it's been a very busy week. The kids are excited to go back to school.

Now that I can breathe a little I'm thinking about all that's been going on. At the PTO night, Sam enjoyed some of his time hanging out behind the table with me. I think he felt important there. Abby could have cared less...but I've noticed some things about Sam. This whole PTO thing is making him feel very important. At the New Family Orientation, I overheard him say things like, "My mom can answer any question because she's the Vice President of PTO". And last night, as kids were gathered around my poster he said, "My mom made this!". I wonder how my new rash of volunteering is affecting him? Will it influence his desire to do the same when he gets older? I've never heard him say to a friend, "My mom changed 7 diapers today!"...or..."My mom cleans our whole house...all the time!!"...or..."My mom single handedly shopped at the grocery store with all four kids....and survived!". Nope...none of those things have registered on his radar of heroism....but this one has.

The best part of the PTO to me, is least importantly...the title, but it's meeting so many cool people....people who really care, people who want to have fun, people who want to help out. It's bringing me out among the people and making me wake-up little skills that have been basically dormant or underappreciated. I'm remembering that I am a person, separate from my kids, who as abilities and is worthwhile to other people. It may sound silly, but it's easy to forget.

One of the school board members (who was my soccer coordinator...mine...not the kids), told me that she told the other players I wasn't returning. She said they were all very upset and said that I was one of the best people on the team! It's like someone is taking an air pump and, blow by blow, is pumping me up. It's such an awesome, exhilarating feeling. I received separate e-mails from the school secretary and principal about my new Room Parent form that went out to the school. They said it was positive and well written...*wwwoooooosshhhh*...a gust of air goes into my "tube". I make my poster board and people love it. They also the love the idea of me taking pictures all year to record the PTO events and keep them in a scrapbook album....*wooooosssshhhh*...more air. I give a short "reflection" on the theme of the week to my CRHP group and they praise me for it...*wwwwooooosshhh*...I get pumped again.

The more you rely on this sort of stuff to keep going, the more easily it can let the wind out of your sails too. I try not to make "praise" crucial to my happiness. Recognition and praise are not something you can depend on. It's not always there and consistent, but it sure feels good and adds to my momentum when it comes. What's really important are the messages I tell myself. I have more control over that. I know when I'm doing a good job and it makes me feel good about myself to see the results of my hard work. Sometimes, as a mother, you don't see results, you just see more work. It's an ongoing job in which you don't "clock out".
--I don't turn in any fancy memos to a boss, I just give Ted the lowdown.
--I don't give presentations, I just have nice one on one chats with the kids.
--I don't get paid with a pay check, but I have a really cool husband that works for the whole family and shares what he has with me.
--I don't get an annual review, but every now and then I take personal stock on what is working and what isn't working...and I have authority to change it.
--I don't get my own office where I can shut the door and keep out intruders when I want, but I'm never lonely.
--I don't have a secretary take my calls, but I have a great feature called caller ID and two kids that can read.
--I don't get praised at staff meetings, but my husband will thank me for the little things I do.
--I don't get awards at banquets, but every now and then one of the kids will do something that makes me proud...and that's enough reward.

Very few people see the intimate moments I have with my kids and a lot of my creative, loving, or fun experiences with them go unnoticed. But I know they are there. They don't have to be seen by others to feel important. They don't have to be recognized to know they are good.

Yah...recognition isn't everything...but it sures feels good. Especially when it comes from your own son!

Your Prints Are Everywhere

Fingerprints on my mirror
Dirt that's on my floor
Crumbs in the cushions
Smudges on my door

Stickiness on the handles
Go-gurt on my seat
Play-doh's in the carpet
Toys beneath my feet

Faceprints on my windows
Pee on the toilet rim
Poop squished out of diapers
Yes, that one was Ben

You've left your mark upon my house
They've been there from the start
But nothing can compare to
The ones left on my heart

Motherhood vs. Career

Today was a really great day. I got some PTO stuff done, and was praised by the Secretary and Principal for the form I sent to them and the timely manner they got it. My neighbor called and we decided to go to the pool after Mary's nap. We went to the pool and stayed there much longer than we thought we would. Ted got home early from work and called me on my cell. He realized I was at the pool and we decided he could bring us dinner. He got Taco Bell and brought it up and we ate poolside. Then, my sister, Lisa, calls. She wants to know if she and the kids can meet us to swim. All the kids played great together. Mary and Ben were so good at the pool, we didn't make any move to leave until 8pm. Ted took them home, put them to bed and we followed when the pool closed, at 9pm. Lisa came over with the kids afterwards and we had popcorn and the kids played on the computers (I told you!). I mean, what a great day! When it rains, it pours. I was so happy to be out and among the people! It was so nice to have two content toddlers playing independently in the pool. Thank you, God.

It gives me a glimpse of what next summer will be like. And that PTO stuff...it's been so long since I've done "business-like" stuff for an organization. I remember those kudos and how nice the affirmations were. But I also remember the crabby, insecure people. The people who complained and nothing seemed like enough for them. I remember how hard it was to make everyone happy. I remember them getting used to me doing a good job and they soon just expected it of me and no real kudos came anymore. I remember working late when I was supposed to be "part-time". I remember them loading more on me because I was so efficient. It was a great company and overall they treated me well....but...no one kissed me when they saw me in the morning. They didn't let me come in my pajamas. They didn't let me talk on the phone for social conversations. I couldn't really do my work at my own pace. And they would never let me go to the pool. Yes, I could bring back Taco Bell and I could actually sit down and focus on a task. And yes....they paid me. But I'll gladly do this motherhood thing for free, because I get paid in so many other ways that cash can't give you. And I have "profit sharing". All this stuff I'm doing now is totally going to "pay off" in the future.

Two More Weeks of Summer...

I almost deleted my last post. It was a desperate move by a desperate housewife. The kids have two more weeks of summer. I'll have my computer back then. Please don't judge me by my extreme outbursts. The voice of reason has spoken (Ted) and I have realized that we don't need a fourth computer. Duh. Really, if you only knew how this computer lets me escape without going anywhere...I can hear from friends, look up something I want to know more about, find a recipe, research a trip, and write in a virtual journal...all without setting a foot outside my house. It's like a window to a great world for me. This year anyway. Next year when the kids are bigger and I'm jetsetting all over the place (luxurious places like McDonald's, Target, the Mall....), I may just be too busy to be so desperate for my computer. Let's pray that's what happens.

HOWEVER, when you think about it, I'm not adding a computer...I'm substituting one. I'm taking my laptop out of the mix and making it hands OFF. And I'm giving them one that my brother will build for $75. Ted's bought golf shoes for $75!!! Not that there's anything wrong with that.... :-). See...I'm going back and forth. I'm totally seeing Ted's point because I sound so selfish when I hear myself, and yet $75 is not much to spend on a computer for the kids. Ok...let's drop it.

On to other things. This past weekend I almost single handedly painted the basement. Sheer determination I tell ya. Sam and Abby were a great help as I promised them they could. It was so fun to see Sam and Abby in such an adult role...helping me paint the basement. They've come a long way from the globs they made in our old closet from the previous house. They were actually a big help. They took a lot of breaks and pooped out early...but I'm proud of them. The guy came today from Home Depot and measured my basement for carpeting. I don't know how people who work do it. I'm always home....for the cable guy, the lawn guy, the tree guy, and the Home Depot guy. Four hour windows don't even make me break a sweat. No problem! But he gave me a two hour window and was very prompt. He brought one of these nifty electronic gadgets that looked like a flat computer screen that he held like a notebook. He used a stylus pen that navigated the screen like a mouse. He entered all of the measurements and *woooshh*, the shape of my basement appeared on his screen. How cool! I want one of those!!! I'm constantly using graph paper to design my rooms. Woah Nelly! I'm sure it's more than $75.

Anyway, I can't believe school is starting in two weeks. It's been an unusual summer. A growing one for me (that's my positive way of saying "hard"). I tried to make a decision to be happy and towards the end it was easier, but despite my efforts, I would still crash occasionally. I realize now that attitude can be a big part of it, but if circumstances stay the same, it can create a strain that has to have release. To not let it release would be unhealthy. Over this summer, Mary went from being clingy and literally not letting me have a break...to able to play on her own without seeking me out right away. This made things so much easier. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief! She's my baby and she's already 21 months old! Sunday, we went to mass as a family and yes, I didn't get anything out of it...but we survived! As for Ben, he got easier before the summer. We didn't leave the house much this summer, but I always say there is a season for everything. This was my summer for being at home. Once Mary was more independent, I cleaned out closets, gave away old toys and clothes and threw away the junk. I'm able to be "house focused" because I'm here all the time and I'm realizing that it's a gift! We will have summers in the future where I'll be happy to have a break at home. The kids activities will be keeping me on the run. For right now, I can enjoy my slower pace.

Sometimes I like to think of how a year from now, it will be so different. I'll look at a blog from this summer and I know I'll be amazed at the changes. I was leaving church Sunday when I saw a friend of my mom's and we started chatting. She asked how old Mary was. I told her and she said her granddaughter is now 2 1/2 and she is "grown up". She told me how amazed she was at the change one year makes in the life of a toddler. In a way it made me sad, because I know I'm witnessing just a moment of Mary's life and it will pass so quickly. She's speaking her words out in choppy sentences now, but I'm sure next year she'll be speaking with ease and will make all of her wishes known. My little toddler is growing up. She is her own person. And each day I am discovering more of who she is. The same goes with Ben. He seems so much older and so much has changed from last year. He's more confident and less fearful. He has less emotional extremes. He's more adaptable. He's showing some adorable traits that make him enjoyable and unique.

I can tell you that once I got out of my "summer funk", I could enjoy my kids so much better. And now that Sam and Abby are going back to school, I've got mixed emotions. Happy that they are growing and doing so well, sad that a summer has passed with much of my focus on Ben and Mary. I know I have time to make up for it. And for all I know...they could think it was the best summer ever. After all, they had free reign on the computers.

I Miss My Computer

This is a quick update before hopping into bed. We just started painting the ceiling tonight. We'll employ Sam and Abby to help us paint the walls (we'll see how that goes). You wouldn't believe how thrilled they are to help! We'll paint tomorrow and whenever else we can fit it in. Next Saturday, the baseboards and doors will be installed. Today I ordered the carpeting from Home Depot. They will come out to measure on Monday.

I haven't been on to blog because of, again, too much competition for the computer. Please excuse my absence until the end of August when I am sure to be on more. I write so many mental blogs that never make it to the computer, which tells me how much I enjoy the whole process. I'm petitioning for another used computer but I only got a chuckle from the man in charge. I know...I know...we have three already. But another computer would allow me to use mine! Ted says I need to be more firm and kick them off mine. Well, I have banned the under 4 crowd and so I'm less worried about damage. But computer users still outnumber computers. Yes, my kids are addicted to Internet forums like "Club Penguin". Ben is addicted to "Nickjr.com", "Playhousedisney.com", "Thomasthetankengine.com", and "Pbskids.org". It makes them all very happy. I get a LOT done when they are on the computers. However, I would just like to spontaneously get on myself while everyone else is happily entertaining themselves. Then I reason that the kids will be going back to school and why should we staff up our computers for peaks? I feel so silly writing about such a topic. But you see, my brother rebuilds old computers. I can get them dirt cheap. Like $150 for the whole kit and caboodle. And here's my other argument...whenever the cousins or friends come over, they head straight for the computers! They know we have plenty and they all log on to play their internet games. Nothing in our house, no toy, no room, no game...gets utilized more than our computers.

Some people have trampolines, some people have game rooms, some people have pools. We have computers! It's like our signature. Why not have one more? I know. There are people starving in China...our parents were happy to have one computer...I'm selfish for wanting one more. *Sniff* But I really miss my computer.

Ok...I'll stop.

Basement Remodel--Day 6 1/2

The above left picture is of the family room. The TV will go in the corner by the stairs with a love seat and couch facing it. The above right picture is the playroom. It's located to the right of our steps if you are facing them. It has two closets. The closet on the left is under the steps and can hold the big bulky toys like riding toys, kitchen set, etc. The closet you see straight ahead (in the same picture) will hold games and toys on a storage unit with shelves. The picture to the left, is a view from the family room. That area will be like an office with a corner desk for the computer and shelves. To the left of the computer area is the furnace and adjacent to that is the future bathroom. This area is what you face after going down the stairs and to the right.

These pictures were taken last week. Today was Day 8 and they've just done more mudding and taping. Next, it's our job to paint! Then, he will come back to help Ted install trim and doors (which we've already painted). The carpeting will be ordered in a week and will take 3 weeks from the measuring to the ordering, to the installing. Then it will be complete! I can't wait!!

Snapshot Tuesday

My computer has been ill and I so missed it!!! I wrote a "Snapshot" in Word a couple of days ago so I'll post it now. I've had to relocate my laptop because the little ones were getting on it too much and messed up my wireless network. I don't know how to do anything from another computer! Going to another computer is like being in someone else's house! I didn't know where to go for anything. I couldn't log into Blogger because I couldn't remember my ID. I couldn't read my e-mail because I couldn't figure how to switch accounts. Anyway, I'm back and in a different location. We'll see how it goes. Here's my Snapshot:

What have I accomplished?
It’s been one of those weeks where I have accomplished a lot of little things that, individually, don’t sound like much, but to me, they each packed a great punch when they got taken care of. Here’s my little list “Power Punchers”

--Ironed on patches to Sam and Abby’s Scouts uniforms. This pile sat on the corner of my dresser all summer!! I kept it out so I wouldn’t forget about it, but no time felt unvaluable enough to spend ironing on patches! Wow! It feels great to get that done!!

--Went through 2 bags of clothes that were handed down to me for the kids. Some went into drawers, some got stored for future use and some went to the poor. But they are done!! They were sitting in a corner of my room and making me feel just a little more weighed down every time I glanced at them. Now …whoooshh! Gone!

--Set aside time to crop for the first time all summer. I finished journaling in one album so I could put that final touch—the page protector—on each page… and the grand finale was setting it on my bookshelf! I got three quarters of the way through another album and that one will soon make it to my shelf also! I just kept putting off the journaling part so these albums were sitting in a “holding zone” of sorts until they were finished. It felt so good to get moving on them. I'm now two years behind on my kids albums and 9 months behind on my family album. I'm determined to catch up. I’m very simple in my scrapbooking approach and I can get a lot done in one sitting because of this. My pages do not look like they come out of magazines…at all. I use mainly paper to give color to the page and hardly ever use stickers. I don't buy any of the fancy stuff. I just want to get them done. I show my style in pictures as soon as Blogger starts allowing me to post pictures again.

--Organized my shoes in a new shoe cubby. I know you heard about this one already…but it was a Power Puncher so I had to include it! I can see my closet floor again and this makes me feel unbelievably good.

--Cleaned up my toy area behind the couch and brought them all downstairs in preparation for their new home when it is finished. I also brought a couple of big toys downstairs that became fixtures in our family room that never really got played with because they got so used to seeing them. I think keeping them downstairs will keep them novel.

The funny thing about these accomplishments (that happened at different times throughout the week)…is that for as much as they packed the Power Punch, the decision to do them came without fanfare. It was just a decision and…BOOM…it was done. It makes you wish you didn’t wait so long to do them. Sometimes we build something up to be so much bigger, complex, time consuming…then it really is.

What's been bugging me?
--Computer problems…because the kids have taken them over and now there are many“bugs” we have to work on. My laptop is not connecting to the network for some reason so I can’t get on the internet. This blog was composed in “Word” and I'll have to copy and paste it into my blog later. I hate not being able to get on the internet.

--Mary got a hold of a Boston Fern I got for helping with my sister, Becky’s shower. It was like a dog attacked it. Fern pieces were all over the floor.

What's been making me happy?
--My new interest in organizing my house. I go through so many waves. This is my house wave. I just got rid of a bunch of stuffed animals from Abby's room and gave a bunch of Ben's old clothes to my sister, Becky. I think my house is losing weight and it feels great! I'm just glad I'm motivated. The first 6 weeks of summer I was not motivated. It's a gift. Thank you, God!

Busy, Busy, Busy

I'm finally getting a chance to blog. We just went through a little craziness around here. Last Wednesday there was a big storm that zapped the electricity of 500,000 households in the neighboring areas around us. Another storm came through on Friday and affected 200,000 more people (this one mainly affected our area). In our town, most of the wiring is underground so any electrical outage is rare or shortlived. However, the areas that were affected by the first storm had their electricity out for days!! Ted's parents and brother's family were without power. They spent Wednesday night at home and then his parent's decided they would spend Thursday night at our house. By Friday, we had Ted's brother's family of 5 join his parents at our house and we would spend the whole weekend with them. Whew! It wasn't too bad. In fact, it was kinda fun! We have no dining room furniture so we set up a TV and air mattress in the dining room for his kids. My brother and sister-in-law slept on the couches. Ted's parents slept on Sam and Abby's beds and Sam and Abby slept on sleeping bags in our room. I was wishing our basement was finished, but I didn't feel cramped. They all left on Sunday, when there power returned. From there, we had my sister, Becky's baby shower at my mom's house. Both my mom's house and our house were not affected by the storm. Thank goodness!

Even though we had company this weekend, we still did everything we had planned. (Was that rude?). We went on our date night Friday night and had free babysitting! Saturday, Ted painted all of our closet doors. On Sunday, he painted the baseboards. This weekend, he will start cutting and installing the baseboards upstairs. I can't believe this is happening so easily just because we scheduled it! What a concept. Now I'm filling my time with dreaming up organizational ideas for my basement toy closet. Last night I shopped at Target and bought 2 - 9 cube units. They're on sale for $40 (regularly $50). I'm going to put them in our sliding door toy closet and put shelving above it for the bigger items. I can't wait to see how it turns out. I'll take pictures and post them.

Now I'm dreaming up the same stackable system for the hall to our master bathroom. It's just a hodgepodge look right now and it just feels cluttery and overwhelming in the narrow hall to my bathroom. I want to use this system to bring some calm to order to the chaos. I'll take a picture and post the before and afters. We won't be doing this right away because we already have too many projects in the air. But it's something easy enough for me to assemble and all you need is a phillips screwdriver. I already assembled a shoe cubby unit and put it in my closet and my closet looks so much better just by doing that simple task!

Today I cleaned out all the toys hidden behind the love seat in my family room. I'm going to bring them all downstairs. I also have toys hidden in a large lidded basket, my coffee table and entertainment center! I want to move these all downstairs and then rotate certain toys to keep upstairs. I'm going to reclaim all my storage in my family room! I don't know what to do with it now! It feels so rejuvenating!

As for the basement, our workers took two and a half weeks off. Our contractor had to do another project while the people were out of town...then he went on vacation. He will resume this Monday. He needs to finish mudding and taping so we can paint! The final touch will be installing the doors and the baseboards...I can't wait! Oh yah...then we need to do carpeting before we move everything back in. I think the workers will be done by August 10th. It'll take 3 weeks for the carpet from the point of ordering and measuring to the installing. I'm hoping that we can have the carpet installed by the end of August. Then I'll have a couple of weeks to get the basement in order before Abby's birthday on September 22nd.

Notable Quotables

I wrote this blog in March. I published it in April, but it appeared under March. I don't think anyone saw it. I'm republishing it and adding a new quote at the end.

"It's like lifting a building"
This was Sam's response when I asked him why it was so hard for him to give me a kiss on the cheek. He wanted a Tagalong and I told him I would give it to him if he gave me a kiss on the cheek. He refused. I never got that kiss. I knew it would be hard but I wondered how hard. I wondered if there was a cookie as a reward, if he would do it. Oh well. I settled for a very sloppy hug. He's very awkward with affection. I force hugs on him all the time. He fights me off but my dad always tells me, "Trust me, a son always wants his mother's affection."

"Sam, you just missed my big fart!"
My very lady-like daughter said this to her brother after she passed gas on a wood chair (which always makes it louder and kind of echo-y)."Scuse you"What my 2 1/2 year old son, Ben, said to Abby (his older sister by 5 years!!) after she passed the echo-y gas.

"I think it's orange or red rain"
Sam said as he was reaching out the sliding door to feel the rain during a downpour. He was referring to the colors they show on Doppler Radar.

"Don't you have to be married to do that?"
Ahhh...the innocense of youth. Sam said this after watching a couple kissing in the movie "Aquamarine".

Snapshot Tuesday

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--Gotta make my house "babysitter presentable" (which means bedrooms too!) today, because we're going to our Parish mission tonight and leaving Ben and Mary with the sitter. It's our 25 year anniversary and we've built a gym and been celebrating mass in the gym for 1 year while our church has been expanded. We are finally back in the church! Woohoo! I didn't like the gym.

-- My sister Becky is in her 7th month of pregnancy and we're having a shower for her at my sister, Lisa's house (thank God it's not at mine). So anyway, I need to shop for the ingredients of the dishes I'm making.

What have I accomplished?
-- I presented my witness to my CRHP team. Whew. That's done. Now I feel more prepared for the actual retreat.

--I've decided that next year I want to make the swim team commitment. We have a neighborhood team and before this summer, the idea of signing my kids up for swim sounded like one big commitment. Too much for me. Practicing almost daily, meets every week that are hours long. So this represents a huge step out of the cave for me. I think I'll be more able to make a commitment like this next year. The meets are Monday nights so I'll have to get a babysitter for every meet. Parents are needed to work the meets so I won't be able to watch Ben and Mary during the meets. Monday nights are our Men's and Women's Group nights so we'll take turns taking them to the meets. I'm looking forward to connecting to more people during the summer. It will give me an excuse to get out of the house. (I know this one hardly qualifies as an accomplishment, but sometimes, mental shifts are bigger for me than the action needed).

-- I took the kids to the pool by myself and we all came home alive and happy, if not a little tired. If I told you what it was like preparing to go...no I won't. Well...let's just say I got peed on because swim diapers are not made to hold urine and it was a lot of packing for a family to be well fed, watered, protected, entertained, and dried off.

What's bugging me?
--Mary wanted to be held most of the time at the pool. I don't remember such extreme clinginess at this age from the other kids. I'm wondering if she's teething. I thought I felt upper molars come in but she kept wanting to bite my finger off (she MUST be teething!). I keep telling myself it will get better (because I know it will)...but I'm not accomplishing anything around my house because of her inability to be left alone. I guess I should be thankful that at this very moment she is happily watching TV.

--Mary took a crayon to my guitar. Purple.

--I've realized that I've been violating rules # 17, 28, 40, and 72 of the book "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff with Your Family" by Richard Carlson, PH. D.

Rule #17 -Don't wait for bad news to appreciate your life. I'm sick of complaining about a few small problems when I am so rich with blessings it's not even funny. If anything happened to any of my kids, husband or family, I would be crushed. We are healthy, we are able to pay all of our bills, we like each other and we are able bodied. What else can you ask for? I keep waiting for a better stage in my life. What if the best stage is the one I'm living in now???

Rule #28- Stop exchanging horror stories. I've gotten better at this, but not too long ago...I would call Ted at work and tell him about all the horrible events that happened since he left. Life is too short to spend so much time talking about the negative. I'm working on being positive. My decision to be happy.

Rule #40- Don't be a martyr. I hate the fact that I have to write this one down. Who likes those martyr/victim people. I don't! Whenever I try to convince someone that I have it worse than they do...I'm doing just that. Uck. Let's move on.

Rule #72- Stop exaggerating your workload. I blow out of proportion actual events that happen in my day...and yes they may be hard at the time...but it is not my whole day! It just feels like it in my mind. Mary can be difficult...but not all the time. I need to give her more credit.

So yes, I've violated these rules and many more in this wonderful book I picked off my shelf the other day. I need to read them more often as reminders.

What have I said I was going to do but I havenÂ’t?
This is accountability and I just don't feel like accountability right now. I'm eating a lot of icecream...I never said I wouldn't but for some reason I feel bad about it.

What's my latest obsession?
--The basement. Should I buy I brown entertainment center or black (from Target). I really want the black, but the brown may be more practical.

--I'm having crazy ideas like taking the frumpy, never properly tucked slip covers off my ugly couches downstairs and making a fitted slip cover. What am I thinking?? Where will I get the time? Pure motivation and drive can do a lot. I'm excited about picking my own material.

What's been making me happy?
--Thinking about my free time this school year. 5 hours a week with no children!

--Ted and I are planning a vacation for just the two of us to an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica. Any suggestions as to which one are welcome. We don't want to be in the party scene. Our 15 year anniversary is next year and we'll probably go for 5 nights early June. We've never been on a trip like this. Our honeymoon was the closest to this but it wasn't all inclusive. I'm such a penny pincher, it's good for me to have everything included so I'll indulge myself more. I can't wait.

--My CRHP group. I love getting to know these women in my parish.

--Seeing all the beauty in my kids. When I give less energy to the negative...the positive springs forth!

A Pear to Remember

So I am getting ready to put my fake pears in storage. In a way, it's a sad goodbye...because, once anything gets placed in the dark recesses of my storage room, they are almost always never heard from again. It's a forgotten place. It's a "I might need it again in the future" place, where things are never needed in the future. I've come to learn this as I have made my infrequent, quick visits to the storage room. They are quick because I'm always on a mission to get that one thing, and because it's not the most inviting place to hang out in, I leave quickly. As I leave, I glance at the forgotten, once in their limelight, decorating accessories. They are framed pictures, they are mirrors, they are odd candles, and flower arrangements. They are items that I decided on a whim would no longer "work". But for some reason, kept them because "they might work in the future". Yah right.

When I walk the green mile to my storage room, I'm going to be saying an informal goodbye. I remember how much I paid. I remember the store I got them from. I remember how excited I was when I brought them home. I remember putting them in the perfect container in the middle of my kitchen table. I had such high hopes for them. How they would make me feel when I looked at them. Then, Ben started throwing them like tennis balls. I thought it was a stage, but it continued. From that point on, they were stashed on my kitchen counter, out of their limelight and forgotten about.

Then, 2 years later and only a couple of days ago, I discover I new decorating addition to my counters, a gorgeous pair of coffee and tea canisters (of which I drink neither). I needed to make room for them. What do I do with the pears? Since my sister, Lisa, was with me I consulted her for advice. Always decisive, and without hesitation, she said I should put real fruit in the bowl and set them on the center table. Yes. Real fruit! Then they will get eaten more and oh how great that will be!! Ben is grown out of the throwing fake fruit stage...isn't he?? I can do this! I can have a center piece. I can! I can! I am a grown woman! Take the leap and don't look back! Anxiously I remove all the fake pears and put in apples, oranges and bananas. This is genius! I put them in the center of the table. They looked beautiful.

Ben was an angel. No touching of the fruit except for their real purpose...to eat them. But remember when I said Mary is stepping up to the plate and replacing Ben's antics with her own? Yes. As I was busy doing something while she was happily entertaining herself (which should have been my first warning siren...Mary does not happily entertain herself without some distruction), I found my precious fruit bowl. The bananas were crushed in 1 1/2 year old hands to the point that oozing mush was seeping from the seams. The apples were all sampled. The oranges managed to escape unscathed. Who wants to bite into a sour peel? So much for that. I placed my fruit bowl right back on the counter, out of Mary's reach. We'll revisit the lovely table centerpiece idea when she is older. I will succeed!

Moms Prefer Smell of Their Own Baby's Poop

Moms Prefer Smell of Their Own Baby's Poop
By Ker Than
LiveScience Staff Writer
posted: 12 July 2006
01:18 pm ET
Scientists find that moms consistently rank the stink of their baby's "number two" as No. 1.
In a new study, 13 mothers were asked to sniff soiled diapers belonging to both their own child and others from an unrelated baby. The women consistently ranked the smell of their own child's feces as less revolting than that of other babies.
This effect persisted even when the diapers were purposely mislabeled.
One possible explanation is that the mothers were simply more accustomed to their their baby's stink and therefore found it less repulsive. A more intriguing possibility, the researchers say, is that the mothers' reactions are an evolutionary adaptation allowing them to overcome their natural disgust so that they can properly care for their babies.
The study, led by Trevor Case of Macquarie University in Australia, will be detailed in an upcoming issue of the journal Evolution and Human Behavior.
Disgust helps protect us from things that can make us sick, scientists say, but there are circumstances in which the emotion has to be tempered. The caring of an infant is likely one such instance.
"A mother's disgust at her baby's feces has the potential to obstruct her ability to care for her baby and may even affect the strength of the bond she has with her baby," the researchers write.
The finding is among the latest in a series of studies suggesting that humans can determine biological relatedness through body odor. Another recent study found that mothers more accurately identify and prefer the smell of their biological children over that of stepchildren.

I'm sorry, but all I kept thinking was, "I'm SO glad they didn't ask me to be in this study!". I mean, did you really have to stick your nose into a bunch of other stinky diapers?? I smell enough of my own at home! I wonder what they got paid to do that!

Old Blog Day

Yes. I actually have old blogs! Ok they're not quite a year old. But I thought I would dust them off occasionally and post them when I don't have time to write. This one I wrote 9/21/05. It's titled "Things About Me"

Some of these things are things my close friends know, they're all probably things my husband and sister know, but most of these things many people don't know:
--3 weeks after getting my driver's license, I ran into a car while looking for the house of a boy I had a crush on. I hit my face on the steering wheel, bit my tongue, and totaled our family van. I got 12 stitches.
--I married that boy 7 years later.
--I play guitar.
--I'm the third child in a family of 6 kids.
--My husband and I both have an adopted sibling.
--I used to be deathly afraid of speaking in front of people. My heart would race and my voice would quiver. I overcame the fear when I started volunteering on youth retreats and giving talks.
--My mom had seizures while I was growing up. When I was in college they discovered and removed a benign brain tumor. She's fine today.
--In college, a friend pierced my ear with his earring in a bar. It was dumb...but, you know...it was college.
--I avoid things like 12 hour sales because I hate competitive shopping. I'd rather shop on Ebay.
--I don't like long lines. There are not many things I will wait in a long line for. It feels like a waste of time. I will do stuff at odd times to avoid lines.
--I was the Senior Class Homecoming Maid for my high school.
--I love baby feet.
--If I could have only one make up item...it would be mascara.
--I am fascinated by Amy Grant.
--I've never tried drugs or pot (unless you consider alcohol a drug).
--I used cloth diapers on my first child.
--I played soccer in highschool and as a "club" sport in college.
--My jobs have been: McDonald's restaurant, Mexican restaurant hostess, day camp counselor, front desk attendant at my college dorm, usher at my college arena, Target floor sales, catalog company-- order taker, customer service rep, supervisor, assistant manager and manager.
--I got asked not to come back to my front desk attendant job because I gave the key to a drunk guy (who lived in the dorm)... to his girlfriend's room (he told me she wanted it!)
--I'm happiest when I have some freedom to act on my spontaneity.
--What I like about myself: I can talk to ANYONE!
--Least favorite trait: Poor sense of direction. Oh yah...I'm terrible with names.
--I was voted "Most Friendly" in my Senior class.
--I love to sing. I sang in a choir in highschool and college. I've sung in a couple weddings, but don't consider myself to be a soloist. I do miss choir singing. I hope to do it again some day.
--I was very shy as a youngster.
--I'm very open and honest.
--I love to watch people. If I had super powers, I would turn myself into a fly and would just watch people. I'd love to watch my kids at school, or Ben at Mom's Day Out, or fly inside famous people's houses.
--The thing I most disliked about my 20's--was how self conscious I was.
--The thing I love about my 30's--is not sweating the small stuff.
--When I was younger, I dreamed of having bigger breasts. Now I don't care.
--My mom would call me insightful and sensitive.
--I like writing poetry. I will share some one of these days.
--I'm so practical, I used to have a tough time buying knick knacks for the house. I could only do picture frames. Gradually, I branched into candles for decorating. Recently, when the power went out, Sam proclaimed, "I never knew we had so many candles!!!"
--I'm very frugal. I have a tough time spending a lot of money on clothes, purses, and shoes.
--When it comes to date nights, I'm not as frugal. I enjoy getting a babysitter and eating out.
--I shop at Target, Kohl's, TJMaxx, and Marshalls. But I don't shop very often.
--I've recently (within the past 3 years) discovered the joy of home improvement.
--I've flown in a hot air balloon. It was AWESOME!!
--I love a good book and a good movie, but I don't have time for either of them right now.
--I hate spending more than $2.00 on cards when it's something that someone else wrote and most people throw them away!
--I'd be a horrible monk. I'm too distracted in prayer. I can't focus on one thing for a long time unless it's a project.
--I love Disney World.
--Unbalanced things bug me. Ted planted some bushes in the front and they are not evenly spaced and it drives me crazy!!
--The angriest I felt I as a child was when my little brother threw all of my baby gerbils into a plastic helmet and the cut them on the plastic edge. They died.
--The meanest thing I did as a child was with this young girl who was cute and got lots of attention. She told me she wasn't allergic to poison ivy so to test this, I took a poison ivy leaf and rubbed it all over her face. Her mom found out about it and this girl became more perfect as the victim and I felt horrible (I don't think she ever broke out in a rash so either she wasn't allergic to poison ivy or it wasn't a poison ivy leaf to begin with).
--I dream about... spiders, losing things in bed, not being ready for a soccer game, missing my stage cue (haven't had that one in a while), and forgetting that I was supposed to be going to class and realizing I've missed half of them. Can someone analyze this?
--I enjoy expressing myself, verbally or in writing.
--I find humor in a lot of things.
--As a child I was embarrassed because my Dad sang too loud in church and everyone would turn around to see who was singing so loud. I wanted to crawl under the pew.
--I don't leave the house without... my makeup on.
--I can have great ideas, but not always follow through with them.
--I liked math in school and disliked political science and history.
--I've always wanted 4 kids, because I thought pairs were better than an odd numbers, and more was better than less.
--I like reading People Magazine.
--I like being around people who are comfortable with themselves. Self conscious people make me feel self conscious.
--Today is my daughter, Abby's birthday. She is 7.
--I enjoy taking pictures and capturing a moment. I like action shots over posed.
--Sometimes I can go on and on, when I really need to stop! Like now!

Did I Ever Say I Was Consistent?

I am probably driving all of you "consistent" people crazy. What happened to "Snapshot Thursdays"? I don't know! I try to schedule myself and it never works. I like direction...and Snapshot Thursdays gave me a way to summarize my week when I didn't know what to say. But that was assuming I had a chance to write at all. These days, I just need to do a "snapshot" when I got a chance. Blogging really is my friend. It's just hard to come by this summer. I have to adjust to each new wave of changes and I'm finally figuring this one out. Finally. You might also be wondering..."When is she going to continue her diary writings?"...and..."Why doesn't she blog more often?". I'm tellin' ya. Hang in there. Life is crazy. This is when I have the most to say and the least amount of time to say it. I often think when things slow down I'll have more time to blog. I dream about the day when the kids are all in school and I'm home cleaning house, making lunch dates and getting things done. But what will I talk about then?? Who wants to hear about Miss Organization with more time on her hands than she knows what to do with it? No one. And how much will I really sit at home anyway? Will I be out and about all the time? I think it will be a mixture. I like home. I like making my home a comfortable, clean place to be. It's never clean, but I really appreciate it when I can clean. And really, things are not that crazy. I don't have my kids in five million activities. We're just all hanging out...doing our own thing...enjoying the "free form" of summer. No packing lunches, no following up on homework, no carpooling, no making sure a uniform is clean for the next day. Yes....live it up now because in 6 weeks we're doing that stuff all over again.

The banging is still going on downstairs. They have most of the drywall up. It is actually looking like a room. I really can't wait. They've turned the lights on so we can actually breathe a sigh of relief that they really put enough in. Ted and I spent our weekend spraying doors and rolling baseboards in addition to watching my sister's four kids while they helped on a youth conference. The kids were great and we had a lot of fun. Yes... I know. Can you believe it? It feels so good to say that. It feels good to say that we got all that painting done, too. We're realizing that summer is the best time to get some of these unfinished projects done, so we are getting back to our upstairs and finishing that job of replacing old baseboards and closet doors. We did the doors last winter and just kinda dropped the rest. Last night we realized we need to schedule this stuff so we just wrote everything in on the upcoming weekends. That felt good. It's scheduled. It'll get done.

We also scheduled my crop nights which also fell off the face of the earth. I get one night every other week, just to work on cropping! I was supposed to do this before and summer just threw us for a loop. Hopefully, this consistent cropping will help get me caught up.

I'm so disorganized in my thought process on this blog. The other thing I wanted to mention is what started this desire to schedule some stuff. I looked at the calendar and realized Ted is in a friend's annual Golf Tournament this week and he is taking a day and a half off work and is playing Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Can you imagine doing your absolute favorite activity for three days, you still get paid and you don't have to get a babysitter???? I was jealous. Poor Ted...he can't have any fun without getting a litany for him. But it doesn't make me angry at him or think he shouldn't do it. But for some reason, I don't feel I can do these things as easily. I have to jump through hoops. And then there is the mommy guilt. He said, "But you CAN do stuff like this. You can schedule a crop weekend." But that requires finding other busy moms who are actually free for a weekend to get away and crop. Men are just freer. They can take vacation days! Waa Waaa waaaa. I'm really not trying to complain. I'm in such a better place...but this kinda stuff just stairs me right in the face and says, "Naa na nahh na naa nah". So anyway, after I vented some of this yucky stuff, and added that I would LOVE it if he took vacation to do finish our upstairs....that's when we whipped out the calendar and scheduled away. See...if you just heard about our scheduling, you would think, "What a perfect couple. They have all of this stuff they are getting done and she is scheduling crops for herself!". Now you know the whole story.

Ted really is a supportive guy and a good husband. He handles what's before him and takes one thing at a time. He doesn't get overwhelmed, or underwhelmed. He's consistent, he's fair. He doesn't anticipate, nor does he dread. He lives in the present. I said to him last night, "Aren't you excited that you get to play three whole days of golf? Aren't you just so appreciative that you can just schedule this and just do it?" He said, "I actually haven't thought about it much. It's not here yet." I'm the kinda person that thinks way beyond the black and white. I look behind everything I see to find what's really dwelling there. I want to know why and how. I probably think too much. I anticipate, I dread, I get excited, I feel exhilarated, I feel depressed, I feel overwhelmed, I feel bored, I feel, I feel. I am WOMAN!!!

Tune in next time, for another jumbled mess of thoughts, with way too many emotions and inconsistent, nonsensical ramblings.

Day One of the Basement Remodel

These are pictures I took "Day One" of the basement remodel (June 27). I had to clear out the basement before they started their work so it's not a legitimate "before" picture. We had it set up with an old carpet on the floor and separated into a playroom and a family room. I couldn't wait to get rid of that old carpet...it was 25 years old. Uck. It was a gift of the previous owners and it always felt dirty and old to me. I can't wait to have new carpet, but new carpet is expensive so we'll see when that happens. We knew it was something we could do later so we went ahead with the renovation not knowing if we could totally finish it. That's ok. However, I am having a Women's Group meeting at my house at the end of the month and I would LOVE to have it all finished by then....but we are doing the painting and the carpeting ourselves. Anything we do ourselves takes longer. I mentioned my desires to Ted, telling him we should order the carpet now (free financing through Home Depot) so we can finish it in one fell swoop. Ted is a "wait and see" kinda guy. I'm not good with "wait and see". My mom would say that all the time..."Let's wait and see". Is this necessary? Free financing! What difference does it make? Ok, patience, Missy. You can temporarily set up furniture in the room before you put in carpeting! What's the big deal? The big deal? It's like putting clothes on before taking a shower! It's out of order! Ok. I'll stop the conversation with myself.

Besides all the hammering, things are going pretty well around here. After Mary clings to me for first part of the morning, she actually separates and plays better on her own. Ben just seems easier to please and content. Sam and Abby are quite self sufficient and don't cause any problems. My summer has made a turn around and I'm grateful to God for it. I'm finding energy to do the things that have been bugging me. I'm definitely more productive when I'm happy.

Back from Eminence--Circle B Campground

We just got back from Eminence, Missouri and I have to say it was the best time I've had in a long while! It was just what I needed. We had 8 other families with us not including my parents and my younger sister, Becky. We had so much fun. The kids really cooperated to contribute to the success of the extended weekend getaway. Thank you God! I have to say it was better than my experience at Gulf Shores. I guess Gulf Shores gave us a good warm up to this trip. We were better prepared and the younger ones seemed more laid back. I also think all the people there helped to contribute to the fun factor. I'm telling you...the fun factor was huge. We had a campfire every night with s'mores and other yummy campfire goodies made on those iron clamps. One night we even had campfire music to the tune of 3 guitar players! We went on a float trip with Sam and Abby and 9 other canoes in our group while my mom and dad watched Ben and Mary. Saturday night Ted stayed back with Ben and Mary while I took Sam and Abby to mass with my family and then out to eat. Any down time we had was spent lazily on the rocky shores of the Jacks Fork river. I was in heaven. There was no sand to bug Ben...no sandy car rides to and from the beach...and unlike Gulf Shores there were lots of trees for shade and a cool breeze wafted through them. I guess I'm just a Missouri girl after all. Actually, I don't want to cut down Gulf Shores, Eminence wouldn't look that great after a hurricane either.

The picture to the left is some of the women, or should I say "mom's", who came on our trip with us. We decided on a last minute "mini-float" with our kids innertubes. The boys watched the kids while we laughed and floated (and I'm sure we all took a potty break)...ok...I'm sorry...TMI.

Anyway, I'm loving me new attitude. My decision to be happy...despite the fits, despite the messes never get cleaned, despite the house maintenance that is left undone, despite the constant needs of the young ones. God's giving me neat little things to smile about that were probably always under my nose I just was too focused on the other things to notice them. I'm sure I'll hit a slump again, but I hope it's not for a while, and that I remember what I've learned.

Energy in the Right Places

I'm sneaking this last post in before leaving for camping. I was reading from my Magnificat today and caught upon this:

"The Holy Spirit deals with those that seek him and fear God, withdrawing to a distance and leaving them to themselves until he knows whether they will seek him or not. There are some people who after he has abandoned them and gone away sit down overwhelmed by disgust, and remain immovably fixed in it. They do not pray to God, asking him to remove the disgust from them and cause the joy and sweetness they knew earlier to return, but through carelessness and self-will they become strangers to God's sweetness. Their eyes are blinded and they fail to understand what God is doing.

If, however, they become aware of this disgust, so unaccustomed and alien to their former joy, they ought to pray to God with tears and fasting. Then he of his graciousness, seeing their heartfelt sincerity and knowing that they are praying to him with all their hearts and entirely renouncing their own will, would give them joy greater than they had before and making them even stronger. This is a sign of God's work in any soul that seeks him."

Whew! That was written by Blessed Ammonas the Hermit, a bishop, in 396. I just feel like what he described, happens to me all the time. And especially it happened to me recently. Like when he talked about the people who go away and sit in their disgust and remain immovably fixed in it. Was I not just talking about pitching the tent?? It seems when God is speaking to me, he screams it from everywhere. I just keep seeing things that are ringing true. Why does it take me so long to ask God for help? At least I know that I eventually do, and because of this, I will grow stronger. I want to know that joy that is "greater than they had before". I'm ready.

I've realized, or I guess I have been reminded, that self-pity requires energy. All that energy was going into negative places. Instead of focusing on what I can do with the kids, I was focusing on what I can't do with them. My energy went into convincing people that I have a legitimate reason to complain...that I have it rough. This robbed me of using my energy in a better way. It all went into feeding the bad fruit...not the good fruit. All of my thoughts contributed to what I believed to be true. It just more firmly planted me in that garden of despair. With my new motivation, I see myself already directing my energies to what I can do and what I do have...what I already have within my grasp.

This is no magic cure. I'm sure I will come to this place again...the place of self pity and frustration. When I do, I hope I read these last few blogs to know that I can come out of it...and it will be better.