HOWEVER, when you think about it, I'm not adding a computer...I'm substituting one. I'm taking my laptop out of the mix and making it hands OFF. And I'm giving them one that my brother will build for $75. Ted's bought golf shoes for $75!!! Not that there's anything wrong with that.... :-). See...I'm going back and forth. I'm totally seeing Ted's point because I sound so selfish when I hear myself, and yet $75 is not much to spend on a computer for the kids. Ok...let's drop it.
On to other things. This past weekend I almost single handedly painted the basement. Sheer determination I tell ya. Sam and Abby were a great help as I promised them they could. It was so fun to see Sam and Abby in such an adult role...helping me paint the basement. They've come a long way from the globs they made in our old closet from the previous house. They were actually a big help. They took a lot of breaks and pooped out early...but I'm proud of them. The guy came today from Home Depot and measured my basement for carpeting. I don't know how people who work do it. I'm always home....for the cable guy, the lawn guy, the tree guy, and the Home Depot guy. Four hour windows don't even make me break a sweat. No problem! But he gave me a two hour window and was very prompt. He brought one of these nifty electronic gadgets that looked like a flat computer screen that he held like a notebook. He used a stylus pen that navigated the screen like a mouse. He entered all of the measurements and *woooshh*, the shape of my basement appeared on his screen. How cool! I want one of those!!! I'm constantly using graph paper to design my rooms. Woah Nelly! I'm sure it's more than $75.
Anyway, I can't believe school is starting in two weeks. It's been an unusual summer. A growing one for me (that's my positive way of saying "hard"). I tried to make a decision to be happy and towards the end it was easier, but despite my efforts, I would still crash occasionally. I realize now that attitude can be a big part of it, but if circumstances stay the same, it can create a strain that has to have release. To not let it release would be unhealthy. Over this summer, Mary went from being clingy and literally not letting me have a break...to able to play on her own without seeking me out right away. This made things so much easier. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief! She's my baby and she's already 21 months old! Sunday, we went to mass as a family and yes, I didn't get anything out of it...but we survived! As for Ben, he got easier before the summer. We didn't leave the house much this summer, but I always say there is a season for everything. This was my summer for being at home. Once Mary was more independent, I cleaned out closets, gave away old toys and clothes and threw away the junk. I'm able to be "house focused" because I'm here all the time and I'm realizing that it's a gift! We will have summers in the future where I'll be happy to have a break at home. The kids activities will be keeping me on the run. For right now, I can enjoy my slower pace.
Sometimes I like to think of how a year from now, it will be so different. I'll look at a blog from this summer and I know I'll be amazed at the changes. I was leaving church Sunday when I saw a friend of my mom's and we started chatting. She asked how old Mary was. I told her and she said her granddaughter is now 2 1/2 and she is "grown up". She told me how amazed she was at the change one year makes in the life of a toddler. In a way it made me sad, because I know I'm witnessing just a moment of Mary's life and it will pass so quickly. She's speaking her words out in choppy sentences now, but I'm sure next year she'll be speaking with ease and will make all of her wishes known. My little toddler is growing up. She is her own person. And each day I am discovering more of who she is. The same goes with Ben. He seems so much older and so much has changed from last year. He's more confident and less fearful. He has less emotional extremes. He's more adaptable. He's showing some adorable traits that make him enjoyable and unique.
I can tell you that once I got out of my "summer funk", I could enjoy my kids so much better. And now that Sam and Abby are going back to school, I've got mixed emotions. Happy that they are growing and doing so well, sad that a summer has passed with much of my focus on Ben and Mary. I know I have time to make up for it. And for all I know...they could think it was the best summer ever. After all, they had free reign on the computers.
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