After the CRASH!

Ahhhhh...Today has been good. Ben is at the Monkey Room and Mary is napping. She cried the whole time I was getting us ready to head out the door, but then has been an angel ever since. So that means I was able to get things done when we got home and then I have been getting more done since she went down for her nap. It feels so good. I love productivity and accomplishment. The laundry is caught up, the dishes are done. I even practiced playing the guitar. I need to mow the backyard...but I don't feel like it. I'm resting with a cup of blog.

After my CRASH post, I got an e-mail from my good friend, Theresa (the one I plan to visit in a couple of years from Australia). It felt so good to hear her words, I thought I would share it with you. Sometimes you need a friend's voice of reason to muddle through some of the crap you tell yourself. Here's what she said:

Hi MissE

I just read your blog and was wondering how you are. I'd like to give you a call, but it is 5:45pm Monday your time which I'm sure is not a good time to sit down for a chat! Plus, I am going out the door to school in 10 minutes.

Sounds like you really did have a 'crash' on Friday! I'm so glad you were feeling back to your ol' self for the party on Saturday! Ted is a real Godsend, isn't he? It's amazing how our guys just step in when needed...Sam is like that too and I'm always amazed at his strength! But, you know, I would bet that if you asked Ted he would say he sees a lot of strength in you that he feels he doesn't have. It's the balancing act at work! He balanced you on Friday when you were so desperately in need of it and you no doubt balance him when you least realise it.

Please email me if you want to talk about stuff. I think the best idea is you getting someone in to watch the kids while you carpool. That's actually what I was thinking as I read the blog, then when I saw that Ted was getting his Mom on tuesdays I actually said 'Hooray'! Don't you dare fall into that guilty Mom pitfall...send those kids to the mothers day out for the summer! It's only one day. I remember only a week or so ago you blogged that you felt you didn't have enough time with Sam and Abby...this is your chance! Everything happens for a reason and this may just be the chance you've needed to reorganise things back into better shape for your ever changing family. Take the chance and run!

Better get to school. I hope you are ok.

Love,
Theresa


ps... for the record.... imagine how boring life would be if you were like a man... even-natured and (at times) emotionless.... BORING! I love your vivacious personality and love of life. Your enthusiasm and energy is part of that emotion... Friday you saw the other side, but you have to put up with the bad to hang onto the good...don't lose that good bit!

Can you see why this totally comforted me?? I stopped beating myself up about the CRASH and just embraced the good side of the emotions God gave me. I called the MDO program and they are full, but I'm at the top of the waiting list! If I don't get in, I can still use a babysitter in the neighborhood one day a week (it would actually be cheaper). I'm going to try to commit to that. I love what she said about the mommy guilt. Why do we do this to ourselves?? We are our own toughest critics! For every weakness I see in myself, there is a strength that has been overdone. For example, a person who is sensitive to others and how they are feeling, can also be overly sensitive about what is said about them or could read too much into a statement because they are always looking for the emotional intent. Someone who has the strength of vision and leadership can get too headstrong and neglect the visions of others. You could go on and on with examples of these. I know this in my head, but I can forget it in my heart. The weakness comes with the strength. I'll take the weaknesses and learn how to lessen them, or live with them... in order to have my strengths. I think the Evil One takes great delight when we beat ourselves up. We are saving him the work! God is about good messages, positive messages.

My scripture calendar has been giving me a message lately: "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." Psalm 118:8....and...."Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord." Jeremiah 17:7. OK! I got it already! I'm just a little slow. I need to focus on trusting God and His abilities and not my own. He is capable of far greater things than I can imagine. When I'm down...it's about my own abilities, or my own outlook of how I think tomorrow will go. Gee! Who's really planning tomorrow? Who has total control of tomorrow? Not me! God does! That is where I will get my true strength and confidence.