Coming Down the Mountain

I got back from my 3 day retreat on Sunday. It was WONDERFUL!!! I'm never able to focus like that. Getting away from the family is something I really need now and then. Someone else cooked. Someone else did the dishes. There were no children there. There were no spouses there. There was no house to clean. Just me and a bunch of women...all trying to be better. It's like God called me to him from my craziness. He took away all my responsibilities so I could just BE. One thing I realized, is that in my crazy home life, I'm not as far away from Him as I thought. There were no new revelations...just deeper ones. He's been here all along, helping me get through each day, whether I feel him there or not. I just don't give credit to Him on all the small victories that happen. I guess I'm so focused on how hard it is that I tend to think of that instead of how much harder it would be if He wasn't here.

Every time I do something for the kids, I do it for Him. I mean I know that...but do I really know it in my heart? When I listen to loud cries, when I hold them and comfort them, when I feed them, when I clean them, when I tuck them in, when I change a diaper, when I kiss them, I am doing it for Him. Because they are "the least of these". Since I know I am doing for Him, shouldn't it be more cheerful? That would make it the perfect sacrifice. I try...but some days are harder than others.

When you get back from a retreat...it's like coming down the mountain. It's the perfect place to focus on God, but you can't take it with you. Eventually you have to come back to the real world and somehow incorporate some of what you had there. I'm learning more and more about myself...my strengths, my weaknesses. I'm learning how to make changes that stick and how to change the ones that don't. For instance, one of my goals is to always invite God into my day and give the day to Him. I ask Him to guide me. But I often forget to do this. I need visual reminders! So I now have a message on my mirror in my bathroom. It's a song verse. I tend to sing songs and it blocks out distractions so I can focus on God. Songs tend to "stick" more with me than words. The verse I have posted right now is, "Dear Jesus, Help me to spread your fragrance everywhere that I go. Dear Jesus, flood my soul with your Spirit and your Love." This is from a song called "The Fragrance Prayer" I believe. I think it's a good message for the day.

Ok, so I know my personality. Eventually, I'll get so used to seeing that verse, that I will ignore it. My idea is to change it when I start doing that. I want to keep God a part of my every day. I want to stay in the zone. The more I let go of that, the further it gets from me and it's hard to get back. I told someone at the retreat that I forget to pray because I'm so busy with the kids. And she said something so unbelievable simple yet true that I'm hoping I won't forget it. She said, "Just put whatever you're doing in the prayer". Wow...I get it. "God help me...the kids are driving me crazy! Please give me patience!" or "Lord, they are so beautiful. Thank you for the gift they are to me!" or "Lord, help me to be a better mother, because with you, everything is possible." Instead of waiting for quiet time. I just pray right then and there, whatever is going on. Praying is just talking to God. So how difficult can that be? I keep thinking I have to meditate or something. While that's a good thing...I think I need to work with what I have first. Baby steps. We talked a lot about those. I'm starting with baby steps. We'll see where they'll lead me.