Eggs-austed

We just got back from Ted's parent's house where we celebrated Easter. I'm happy to say we survived...but some day, I hope to be able to say that a holiday get together was "relaxing", or "full of great conversation", or "I got to visit with my family and laugh at each other's joke"....etc, etc. Instead, I am saying, "Ben could have written the book of 'Lamentations' in the Bible." No kidding. We could fill a whole book of his whiney cries. He was just so intense. His emotions are so ranging and today it was at the extremely stressed end. His new word lately is "Uh oh". And I cannot stress enough that just me writing the word does justice to how he says it. You are picturing a cute one-year-old doing the word as he/she drops a cheerio on the floor. That is NOT how Ben says it. It is with full two-year-old emotion that he cries out this word. I would love to learn how to put sound bytes on this blog...when and if I do, only then can you fully understand me. Imagine saying the word "uh oh" with full apprehension like a monster is coming towards you. It is with fear, worry, concern and apprehension. This is what Ben is full of. He drops his cup..."uh oh!!!!". His train falls apart, "Uh OOHHHH!!!!". He breaks his Easter egg using it as a golf ball, "UUHHHH OOOHHHHH!!!!!!!". It seems like every little occurrence that happens out of his control is one big scary "uh oh". It gets tiring and stressful to be at an event where Ben is expressing all of his worries, fears, and disappointments with all the the things happening around him. And of course, these "uh oh's" are warning cries of what's to come...a big, 2 year old/almost 3 year old wail. Words cannot explain the horror if you are caught close to this wail. It's overwhelming...it's all encompassing...it's your undoing. At least it was mine at Ted's parent's house.

We came to Grandma and Grandpa's freshly dressed with our Easter best, with smiles on our faces, full of anticipation. We ate, we hunted, we kicked some grass. The kids are sweaty, and stained with the juices of candy. Their hair is no longer clean but stiff with dried sweat. Ben has dirt streaked tears on his face. We are ready to leave. It's a shame that my parents can't see us at our best. We look like the front line soldiers who've just battled, and are preparing to face the fresh back up troops of the enemy. There will be more candy, more kids, more food...and we will do it all over again.

I can easily look with envy on those who have calm kids, who meet each change with joy, or at least indifference. My other kids are like this, but they are overshadowed by the one who is not. He dominates the mood for the moment. If he is sad, we are all sad....and scrambling to make him happy. He's a big personality. Some people find that fun...and I truly, honestly believe he will be. I believe he will be my heart's delight. I see glimpses of it now. It's my hope for the future. I just try to get through each day without much damage. I try not to take it too seriously. He's only a toddler. He's just as frustrated with his emotions as I am. He feels everything very deeply and strongly.

I went through this with Sam and one of the greatest lessons I learned is that I need to stay calm and help him through his roller coaster emotions. I am the adult who has self control (sometimes...). It's my job to be the calm, steady force. If I get caught up in his emotions, everything escalates. Sometimes that is very hard to do...especially on the inside. I show him my strong and steady side, but on the inside I am frustrated and tense. I have my own expectations for the day and get disappointed when things don't go as planned.

I know I'm at the tail end of this difficult stage. I know things will get better. Even just six months in a toddler's life makes a huge difference. In six months, Ben will be three and a half, potty trained, talking and reasoning better. He should be able to handle change a little better. In six months I will be enjoying my Tuesdays. I'll be free! Free to grocery shop, free to mow the lawn, free to run errands, free to eat lunch with a friend, free to meet the kids at school for lunch, free from wailing and gnashing of teeth. Ahhhhhh....paradise.