Coming down off my busy, social week last week, I think I had to adjust to the slower pace. Every day last week was a little bit of a party. This week, is much quieter and slower. My sister usually calls me on her days off work. Yesterday she was working and I got a phone call. I got all excited, wondering who it could be. I look at caller ID and it was a Marketing Research firm. Hmmph. Didn't answer it. Of course, that little action made me overanalyse myself...which I'm good at.
"Man...I must not have a life...to get excited about the phone ringing." This was a lie of course. I have a wonderful life. But, sometimes we can tell ourselves lies...and sometimes we actually believe them. Even though I know that was a lie, I still acknowledge that times I can feel a little sheltered being a stay at home mom. I don't kid myself. I know I am extremely fortunate to be spending these precious years at home with my kids. There are many women who want to be in my shoes and can't...or are at home with their children but suffering financially. There are many women who just want children period, and can't get pregnant. I remind myself of these things all the time. I thank God for all that I have. I'm also aware that at any moment, the situation we are in, can change. This ensures that I continue my gratitude mode.
But, getting back to feeling sheltered...last night we went to "McTeacher Night" which is a PTO event that raises money for the school through McDonald's. They invite the students and their families to eat at McDonald's and a portion of the profits for that night go to your school. We decided to go with the kids. I had so much fun socializing with the other parents and seeing all of their kids (my kids' classmates). It reminds me how I am a social person and I "come to life" when other people are around. The kids bring me to life too with my relationship with them...but sometimes that relationship can be very one-sided, with lots of giving and self sacrificing.
There are parts of me that miss the working environment. Not all of it mind you. I miss the social interaction, working towards a common goal, the satisfaction of a job well done, the appreciation of co-workers or the boss, lunch breaks with a friend, the paycheck that proves you are doing something worthwhile to someone, etc. I don't miss trying to balance work with kids, having a major workload, deadlines, dealing with difficult people, and all the pressures to perform well.
I love my relaxed life. I have time to ponder, snuggle with the kids, take a walk, write a blog, read a blog, talk on the phone, visit with a friend, etc. Sometimes home life can get stressful too, but all that stress is underlined with the fact that I am spending time with the most important people in the world right now. I am shaping lives that will go on to affect other lives. There is nothing else I would rather be doing.
The kids will grow up quickly. This is just but a moment in time. I'm riding it while it's here. When the time comes that they are all in school, then I'll contemplate the next step. Sometimes it's fun to think about it. What will I do? These are the thoughts: Real Estate, something for my church or my school, something flexible, something part time, not too stressful or demanding. Who knows? All I know is, right now I'm really needed here. I tend to like a slower, open schedule, rather than a busy, hectic, "can't catch a breath" schedule.
For right now, I'll deal with a little bit of loneliness for the peace of mind knowing that I am right where I should be. Summer is but 2 months away and I'll have a flood of children (mine and the neighborhood kids) coming through my door. I'll probably be wishing for a little bit of the boredom I'm experiencing now. Then, in the fall, I'll be busy with the PTO and the Women's CRHP retreat. That should give me my socialization! I'm ready for the challenge!
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