Where Did My Baby Go??

I had a baby around 18 months ago and I don't know where she went. All I know is that a little toddler has taken her place. A walking, talking, angry if you try to take something from her toddler. She's really cute, and she has A SAY. But where did that baby go that would let you do things to her? I could feed her when I wanted and she would eat. I could lay her down and she would sleep. I could dress her and she would stay in the same clothes all day. The toddler who has taken her place has her own agenda. She will bring a chair to get to whatever she wants. She will scream and struggle with you if you try to take something from her. She says many foreign words and many discernible ones. She puts her nose up at food she dislikes and decorates my floor with it afterwards. She loves pens and will write on everything she sees, even her own clothes, arms and legs. She is very aware of what everyone else is doing and wants to be a part of it. The baby I remember had big rolls of fat. Each thigh was separated with a big crease. I loved that crease. Now it's gone. The baby used to love the baby swing. Now this toddler refuses to be put in that swing. She must swing on the big kids swing...all by herself.

There are some things I really like about this toddler. I hug her and she hugs back! I give her kisses and she give them back! She laughs with the rest of us like she is a foreigner trying to fit in when she doesn't know the language. She imitates me constantly. She speaks a gibberish and looks at me with all kinds of expression like she just wants to go straight to the conversation part. She has a smile that melts me. My baby has become a toddler. She's unfolding before me and showing me who she is really is. And ultimately, despite all the cleaning up I do after her, and the consolations I give her during tantrums, I love her to pieces. I thank God for her. My little Mary.

My Wheels Runneth Over

I was sweeping my garage today with my new broom, when I thought it had an odd shape. The pole was not like a round cylinder, but more like an oval shaped cylinder. "How odd!", I thought. And the paint was chipping right where the pointed part was...like a big ridge running all the way down the pole. What a cheap broom! And then it hit me. The shape of my broom was MY fault. How could that be, you say? Well let me tell you...

It all started as a typical trip to Target. I bought more than I planned but felt good about saving money. I usually get all my cereal, bread, pop-tarts, granola bars, chips, cookies and milk there. It's a lot cheaper at Target than it is at the local grocery store. So anyway, I leave feeling slightly bad that I took so long. Ted watched the kids while I made my trip and I had already been gone over an hour. I went out to the car and started loading the trunk. I hate it when my purse constantly slips off my shoulder while bending over, so I set my purse in the trunk while I loaded the groceries. I made a mental note, "Don't forget to get your purse out before closing the trunk! Mental notes have NEVER worked for me. I slammed the trunk shut without a second thought. I had a broom in my hand that I just purchased and was about to put it in the back seat when I realized I had just locked myself out of my car. With my quick, laser sharp thinking, I decided to put the broom under my car before leaving it. "Smart thinking!", I said. No one will see it, or take it. Forgetting my track record with mental notes, I left myself another one to remember that I put my broom there. I left the car and as I was walking I thought about what to do. Technically, I'm close enough to walk home, grab keys, and walk back to take my car home. But not that close! I'd be willing to walk one way, but not two! I decided to call Ted from the store. My cell phone was in my purse...Man, I felt naked without my purse! What an odd feeling! I went inside the store and went to the photo counter. The girl politely let me use her phone after I told her mine was locked in my trunk. I'm sure she thought I was one sure idiot!

Ted answers, "Hello?"....a little sheepishly. I'm sure he thought I had an accident or stall on the way home. He could tell I was calling from a Target phone. I explained my brilliant situation. We pondered what to do. Ultimately I could always do the walking thing, BUT would love it if he came to pick me. I really didn't want him waking up Ben and Mary who were already in bed. What if you left Sam and Abby just for those two minutes it would take to get me? We decided we would feel better about it if Ted kept a phone conversation with Sam the whole time he was gone. So Ted talked to Sam on his cell phone while he came to bring me my keys. I met him in the parking lot and immediately opened my trunk to get my purse. Naked no more! I whisked out of the parking lot, happy to get home and relax. As I entered my subdivision, I remembered my broom! I left it at Target in the parking lot!! Arrgghhhh!!!! I turned around and went back to Target to get the broom. What if someone had taken it? How would I explain that one to Target. I would just be out of a broom. When I pulled up I saw my broom. Yahhh!

After my little flashblack, I realized that I must have ran over my broom with car, backing out of the parking spot. I kinda bugs me that it's not a nice ergonomically round cylinder shape. And that peeling paint ridge is kinda irritating. Oh well. It still sweeps well.

Unfortunately, my broom isn't the only thing I've run over lately. Today while mowing the lawn, I skinned a baby bunny and killed it almost instantly! I saw him take his last breaths and his leg jittered before he died. It was so sad! I hate killing things! I can kill insects without a blink, but anything with fur goes through me.

Sam and Abby have a favorite website they go to called "Club Penguin". They run around as Penguins and they can pick what they want to wear and they can talk to the other "penguins" (kids) on the site. There is a penguin newspaper where you can submit poems. I wrote a poem about the bunny:

I'm sorry baby bunny
We hate that you are dead
My mom was trying to mow the lawn,
When she mowed across your head.
She didn't see you lying there
Underneath the grass
She only wanted shorter blades
And you were in her path.
When she plowed you over
She saw the blood and fur
The sight of you made her cry
To see you as you were.
And now we look upon your nest,
Indented with your shape.
It's empty and it's sad
You could have been so great
Bye bye, baby bunny
You're in a better place
Where angels need not mow the lawn,
Your nest will be quite safe.

Ben Was Good

Pictured to the left: Sam, Abby, Kyle, Mary, Dominic, Audrey and Jacob. Kyle, Dominic and Audrey are my niece and nephews. Ben escaped the picture before I could snap it, so I inserted one of him on the merry go round.

Ok...We are back from camping. And yes, there were times we wanted to pull our hair out, but overall, Ben was good. Let's start with Wednesday night. We surprised the kids by telling them at the last minute that their cousins were joining us on our first night of camping. They arrived at our house, we ate dinner and then left for Pittsfield, Illinois. We set up mostly before dark. After setting up, we started a fire. The kids really loved the way we were right next to a playground. It was an "old fashioned" playground with swings, merry-go-round, see-saw (yes you heard me right!) and a tetherball pole (just like the one on Napoleon Dynamite). Which old fashioned playground equipment piece do you thing one of our children cut his eye on and was sent to the ER for stitches? The see-saw!! Maybe this is why they don't have these things anymore. Of course they were in total darkness on the playground and were playing in an unconventional way on the see-saw, walking from one end to the other, when Sam jumped on one end and the other end went up and knocked his cousin, Kyle, in the eye. He is the one in the orange jacket. If you look closely, you will notice his eye (near the pole) is swollen and purple. It took us one hour of being in the campground to already have an accident and be quite familiar with the town hospital (which, thank God, was only 1 mile away). I stayed back with the other 7 kids (aaaahhhhh!!!!) and managed to do s'mores and handle two toddlers with a dangerous fire. Our first night could have been better. The good news was that they got right into the ER with no wait and were back in an hour! I know how ER visits are and felt fortunate this wasn't so bad.

We learned from past camping trips with toddlers, that you got to wear them out and put them to bed late. Rule #1-- DO NOT try to put them to bed at a regular time...especially the first night. They are too wound up and will only drive you crazy waiting for them to tire out. There is NO separate room or bed with walls.

Mary had the pack-n-play, so Ben was in a regular bed with no rails to keep him contained. We waited til about 10pm to put Ben down. After laughing at his shadow on canvas tent end, talking a little bit and then finally laying down, he fell asleep. Not too bad. I think it took maybe 30 minutes. Mary had a tough time adjusting to the new surroundings and wouldn't go down at first. I got her out of bed and put her down later, right before the rest of us. It worked.

Naps? What naps? We did no scheduled naps for Ben. He fell asleep in the bike trailer at 4pm our first day there and Mary took her regular nap. She was exhausted from the night before. We left Ben asleep in the stroller, which leads us to Rule #2-- When camping, NEVER move a sleeping child from whatever place he/she fell asleep. They are in abnormal surroundings and are sure to wake up as soon as you move them. Let the sleeping baby lie!!! We've left many a child sleeping in a car, stroller, bike trailer, etc., while we went about our business at the campsite.

Mary adapted quickly to her new bed and after day 1 and slept well for naps and bedtime. We kept Ben up during naptimes and let him snooze when he needed it (car rides, trailer rides, etc). We kept him up later every night and he ended up sleeping in later in the mornings. This worked well for us. After night 1, we were going down with him around 9:15 and he would be asleep by 9:45pm. We all got good sleep. Both kids slept through the night with no problems. We do not take this for granted. Last year was horrible...with lots of middle of the night wakings and crying. Ughh. In a camper when EVERYONE can hear the crying, it can be quite irritating. So, for the fact we were spared this, we are grateful.

The only "pull out your hair" times were:
1) When I thought it would be a great idea to have a picnic on a lakefront picnic table we found on a walk. I went back to the trailer to make a lunch for our whole family, brought it all the way back (via bike and trailer), to be greeted with a crabby Ben who cried, screamed and complained through our whole meal. It was not pleasurable at all. It was barely bearable. He was definitely tired and faired much better after some downtime back at the trailer.

2) On the way home, during the last 40 minutes when Mary had her nap interrupted and cried and screamed the rest of the way home. Arrgghhh.

Not bad. I did have to sleep with Ben every night, but this wasn't a bad trade-off to a good night's sleep. The other "not so hot" thing was that Ted and I barely talked. We were so busy with the kids, tag-teaming and going to bed the same times the kids did...there was no time to connect. BUT, sharing all the fun activities together helped us to bond despite our lack of conversation. We rented a golf cart and took many rides around the lake. We also played in the sand on the beach (too cold to swim), played on the playground, went fishing, roasted s'mores at night, roasted hotdogs for one lunch, rode bikes, took the younger ones for rides around the like in the bike trailer, watched a blue heron fly around the lake, watched Geese enjoying the shady banks of the lake, and tried to see a movie at the local Drive In theatre but their projector was broke. Oh well. The kids didn't even know what a Drive In was. Another highlight was when I ruined the waffle mix (I thought my handwriting said '2 cups of milk', but it really said, '2 cups of mix') so we all went to McDonald's and played in the play area afterwards.

To give some more camping with kids rules:

#3--Don't worry about keeping them clean. They will be filthy the whole time. You will only get frustrated when they play in the dirt right after a bath...so just save the bathing all together! We did do some sponge baths, but overall, they were filthy the whole time. Which leads us to another rule...

#4--Don't bring cute clothes that you really care about. They will only get filthy in the first two minutes they wear them.

#5--Keep your eyes on the little ones...they tend to run off. In the rush of getting ready to leave, we lost sight of Mary. We freaked out and looked all over the place...she was in the car.

#6--Make your meals in advance so you don't have as much work while camping. I remember impressing my in-laws because we had meatloaf and mashed potatoes while camping. Meatloaf is great to make at home in those mini-pans and warm up in the microwave at the campsite. Ok...I'm embarassed...we do have a microwave. And mashed potatoes? Well, with a microwave, the boxed variety is very easy! 5 minutes! I'll also pre-form burgers at home. This saves time at that campsite.

#7--Bring a star chart. I wish I did. Only in campgrounds (or other rural areas), is the sky so untouched by city lights that you can see all the stars. We did some gazing, but it frustrated us that we didn't know what the heck was up there and what they were called.


#8--Bring games you don't usually take the time to play at home...cards, puzzles, games, etc. We have had more fun with games like "Connect Four", because it's just as much fun for adults as it is for kids. One year we had a tournament, and one of the kids ended up winning. I like to play Phase 10 with my sister Lisa and her husband Paul, and double solitaire with my mom. She never gets sick of that game. I can ask her at any moment to play and she will because my dad doesn't like cards. When it rains, we always have something to do!

#9--Bring friends and family!! But make them get their own site...you need a least a little privacy. We wanted this trip to Pittsfield to be just our family, but the Masek's ended up joining us for one night and one full day and we had so much fun. Having other adults with us really helps with the younger kids. They often give us breaks. We usually take one big trip a year with my family. My parents have a trailer and my sister has a pop-up. My other sister, Becky and her husband, Jerry usually hitch a ride with my parents. We've been to St. Augustine, Florida...Holland, Michigan...and Orlando, Florida. This year we are going to Gulf Shores. The big trips are great to share with them. My sister, Lisa and I always wish we were neighbors so we could see each other more often. When we're camping, we are neighbors.

#10--Always, always, always bring s'mores. I can't think of camping trip we've taken without s'mores. We always bring them. My dad likes them with peanut butter. I tried this and yes, it was scrumptious!! Kids love roasted their own marshmallows over the fire. We have special roasting rods that are extendable. I love these. When we were younger, I remember going out to find a good roasting stick. I guess that's one memory my kids won't have...but they won't have dirty stick remains on their marshmallows either.

Crazy Morning

What a trying morning! I was scrambling to get the kids ready so we could get Ben out to his Mom's Day Out program. It's good timing for his day out because as soon as Ted gets home from work, we are out the door! We're going camping for 3 nights, returning on Saturday. That means lots of prep work for me....catching up on laundry, planning meals for 3 days, packing summer clothes for the heat, winter clothes for the cold nights, outdoor play toys, beach toys, bikes, etc. Having the lately higher than normal maintenance Ben out of the house helps me to move much quicker. It's amazing to think that the other three kids at home with me are hardly a factor. Ben didn't take a nap yesterday so he was particularly irate when I dropped him off at the "Monkey Room". He screamed and fought me. He did NOT want to go in! His siblings were all with me, which made matters worse...but they wanted to see the room for the first time! They quickly saw it under the duress of Ben's screams. I told them it wasn't always like this. I even had to leave the stroller in the room because he wouldn't get out (he never walks on his own into the Monkey Room).

Sometimes I wonder when this hard part will end. I look at the other moms and their children are not only walking on their own, but also helping by holding their lunch or blanket. In talking to my neighbor, she reminded me that she is sometimes jealous of the way Ben stays in the yard and doesn't venture out. He also doesn't get into as much stuff as her child who's the same age. It's good to talk to other people to be reminded that everyone has their own battles. What I see is not the whole picture. In the stress of the moment, all I can think about is how much it sucks...but afterwards I can remind myself these truths.

Soon, we'll find out how Ben will be on the trip. I'm going into it with as open of an attitude as possible. I've experienced the worse from him while camping, so I know what can happen...but I also know he's matured since that time. He might enjoy the fresh air and a change of pace and relief from boredom. We'll see.

Eggs-austed

We just got back from Ted's parent's house where we celebrated Easter. I'm happy to say we survived...but some day, I hope to be able to say that a holiday get together was "relaxing", or "full of great conversation", or "I got to visit with my family and laugh at each other's joke"....etc, etc. Instead, I am saying, "Ben could have written the book of 'Lamentations' in the Bible." No kidding. We could fill a whole book of his whiney cries. He was just so intense. His emotions are so ranging and today it was at the extremely stressed end. His new word lately is "Uh oh". And I cannot stress enough that just me writing the word does justice to how he says it. You are picturing a cute one-year-old doing the word as he/she drops a cheerio on the floor. That is NOT how Ben says it. It is with full two-year-old emotion that he cries out this word. I would love to learn how to put sound bytes on this blog...when and if I do, only then can you fully understand me. Imagine saying the word "uh oh" with full apprehension like a monster is coming towards you. It is with fear, worry, concern and apprehension. This is what Ben is full of. He drops his cup..."uh oh!!!!". His train falls apart, "Uh OOHHHH!!!!". He breaks his Easter egg using it as a golf ball, "UUHHHH OOOHHHHH!!!!!!!". It seems like every little occurrence that happens out of his control is one big scary "uh oh". It gets tiring and stressful to be at an event where Ben is expressing all of his worries, fears, and disappointments with all the the things happening around him. And of course, these "uh oh's" are warning cries of what's to come...a big, 2 year old/almost 3 year old wail. Words cannot explain the horror if you are caught close to this wail. It's overwhelming...it's all encompassing...it's your undoing. At least it was mine at Ted's parent's house.

We came to Grandma and Grandpa's freshly dressed with our Easter best, with smiles on our faces, full of anticipation. We ate, we hunted, we kicked some grass. The kids are sweaty, and stained with the juices of candy. Their hair is no longer clean but stiff with dried sweat. Ben has dirt streaked tears on his face. We are ready to leave. It's a shame that my parents can't see us at our best. We look like the front line soldiers who've just battled, and are preparing to face the fresh back up troops of the enemy. There will be more candy, more kids, more food...and we will do it all over again.

I can easily look with envy on those who have calm kids, who meet each change with joy, or at least indifference. My other kids are like this, but they are overshadowed by the one who is not. He dominates the mood for the moment. If he is sad, we are all sad....and scrambling to make him happy. He's a big personality. Some people find that fun...and I truly, honestly believe he will be. I believe he will be my heart's delight. I see glimpses of it now. It's my hope for the future. I just try to get through each day without much damage. I try not to take it too seriously. He's only a toddler. He's just as frustrated with his emotions as I am. He feels everything very deeply and strongly.

I went through this with Sam and one of the greatest lessons I learned is that I need to stay calm and help him through his roller coaster emotions. I am the adult who has self control (sometimes...). It's my job to be the calm, steady force. If I get caught up in his emotions, everything escalates. Sometimes that is very hard to do...especially on the inside. I show him my strong and steady side, but on the inside I am frustrated and tense. I have my own expectations for the day and get disappointed when things don't go as planned.

I know I'm at the tail end of this difficult stage. I know things will get better. Even just six months in a toddler's life makes a huge difference. In six months, Ben will be three and a half, potty trained, talking and reasoning better. He should be able to handle change a little better. In six months I will be enjoying my Tuesdays. I'll be free! Free to grocery shop, free to mow the lawn, free to run errands, free to eat lunch with a friend, free to meet the kids at school for lunch, free from wailing and gnashing of teeth. Ahhhhhh....paradise.

Snapshot Thursday

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--Figure out what the kids are going to wear for Easter. There are many moms who are so prepared when it comes to holidays and what their kids are going to wear. I always admire those moms but also realize that clothes are just clothes to me. I do like them to look cute, but I'm quite content with hand-me-downs most of the time. Yes, I buy my kids clothes, but, my greater focus is the every day play clothes. I have to make a point to remember the dress up clothes. It goes through me to buy a dressy outfit they will only wear one day. I LOVE hand-me-down dressy outfits. I better check out what I have...and SOON.
--Tomorrow night is my crop night at home. It would be good for me to get ready for that so I don't spend my whole time getting ready to crop!
--Plan some fun activities for the kids over Spring Break...like a visit to the Museum of Transportation. Maybe I can get my parents to come with me to help me with the younger ones.

What have I accomplished?
--I painted all the doors and frames upstairs! Can't think of anything else.

What's bugging me?
--Ben's fears. I was all set up the other day: Ben was in the counter height chair with a bib around him and happily licking his sucker...all ready for a hair cut. A few snips into it, he realized that actual hair, an extension of his body, was being cut off his head! He refused to let me go any further. He is walking around with a half cut head. He will have a mop for Easter. :-(. I will have to try again....maybe in front of the TV. He still doesn't like his hair washed, but I find it's bearable. He panics at the site of bugs...even ants. How are we going to camp with him?? Every noise he hears in the house he says, "What's that, Mommy?". Sam used to be like this and I'm happy to say is a well-adjusted child. Let's hope the same happens to Ben.
--Ben's obsession with our gumball machine. Ben not only wants a gumball every day, but he wants certain colors. I started going into the sealed container that refills the machine so I could pick out the color he wants. I've stopped that. Now we get whatever we get. He gets so upset when it's not the color he wants. Arrgghh!
--Ben teasing Mary. Ben is doing things to Mary to get a rise out of her. He likes to grab her blanket and run off. She screams and cries. She loves her blankey and Ben knows it. Sometimes he'll just grab a toy right out of her hands because he wants it. Yesterday, we heard Mary sounding in distress, like she was being sat on. Ted walks in the room and he walked towards him with a guilty look. Ted didn't see what was going on but worries about what was. They were in our dining room, which has no furniture and has become our wrestling room, so I think he was laying on her, "wrestling". He's just been a turkey lately (the word I really wanted was "onry", but how do you spell it? My mind is blank).

What have I said I was going to do but I haven't?
--I bought two, very luscious, cream filled (not custard) donuts while I was shopping the other day...one for me, one for Ted. I don't think that's a very good way to eat healthy. The same day, I had a HUGE Chicken Ciabatta sandwich from Jack-in-the-Box (eaten in the car before said shopping trip). Besides those transgressions I'm still doing OK. I don't think my goal is to eliminate fast food. I just don't want to have so much of it.

What's my latest obsession?
--I wouldn't call it an obsession...but American Idol is down to all great people! If I had my choice, Ace would go next, then Kelley, then maybe Paris. I like Katherine McPhee, Chris Daughtry, Taylor Hicks, and Elliott.

What's been making me happy?
--I'm excited about having the kids home for Spring Break and going camping next week. We're leaving Wednesday and we'll be back Saturday. It's a private campground on a stocked lake with a path that goes around the lake. We like to fish, ride our bikes around the lake, and rent golf carts to take around the lake too. It's a great campground (Pine Lakes Campground in Pittsfield, Illinois).
--My nightly time reading the Bible with Ted.
--The awesome spring weather, walks in the neighborhood with kids, playing on the swingset.

What's been hitting me lately?
--The fragility of life. My sister's brother-in-law passed away suddenly of a heart problem. He had aneurysmism. It's wild to think that last week was a normal week for them and this week this family has no father. He was only about 40. He left his wife and two little kids, 5 and 2 1/2.

Tag Team Weekend

If you wait for something exciting to say...you may never say anything, huh. So here I am, with nothing exciting to say. I had an OK weekend. About a month ago we installed 5 new doors upstairs. They've been waiting for a coat of paint. Ted tackled one door last week and it took foooorrreeevvveerrrr. No disrespect to Ted...he's thorough. But I wanted them D*O*N*E. So Friday night, Saturday morning and Sunday I worked on the doors. Doors are the most boring and tedious things to paint! You got both sides with all the grooves and crevices of the six panels and then you got the trim around the opening. Ugh. Five of them. Ok...I guess I did four because Ted did the one. But still. I'm looking at all the other stuff that is waiting to be done and I'm wondering how long it will take! Ted wants to do the baseboards himself, so that means buying, painting, cutting and installing them in 3 bedrooms and a closet. If it's something I can do, I prefer to do it because it gives me a break from the kids, and on the weekend...I really like having a break. Doing baseboards is more in Ted's skill level and so that means I will be watching the kids while he takes on this big task. Last night I asked him how long he thinks it will take. He told me a good weekend. This stuff just doesn't come without sacrifice...and I do like the idea of not paying someone, so that's we'll just do it ourselves. We had someone else hang the doors and it cost us a fortune! About $75 for each door and $85 per door to hang them! $160 x 5 = $800 and they still needed to be painted!! We just knew from experience that hanging doors really is an art and Ted has tried it and it was much harder than it looked. It was nice to have someone else deal with it, but it only took them 3 1/2 hours. That $60 per hour, per person. Ok...I'll let it go.

Last night, Ted and I were doing our little nightly "check-in"..."How was your day/weekend...the good, the bad, the ugly, etc...". He said he had a really relaxing weekend. Sounded nice. Especially since he'll top it off today by leaving work early to go to the Cardinal's season opener at our BRAND NEW Busch Stadium...making me late or not able to go to my Women's group tonight. Do I sound bitter? I'm trying not to be. I'm happy for him but after a draining weekend, I'm stewing a little. It's great that his felt relaxing, but mine felt like a lot of work. Let's retrace, I painted Friday night. Saturday morning I painted until about 11:30, Ted took Sam and Abby to lunch and the Ice Age movie and then he came home in time to go to my sisters for mass, dinner, and some wood splitting on his part. I watched the little ones while he took this task on. Two cousins spent the night. Sunday I painted again 'til I took the cousins home in the afternoon. Ted's parents came over for dinner (which they brought) and then I went to my CRHP meeting.

I was just crabby last night so a lot of it came out negative. I saw everything that needs to be done, ignoring what we've accomplished, and ignoring the good things that happened this weekend. For one, five doors are fully painted! Two, Sam and Abby got to spend some really good quality time with their Dad going to lunch and a movie...which was my idea to begin with! Three, my family was fed two times and someone else's expense and labor (my contribution was small). Four, Ted got to watch the Masters and spend time with the kids. Sam and Abby got to have their cousins spend the night, which doesn't happen often during the school year. I got to attend a great meeting with women from my church. Five, Ted listened to all my complaining when all he was doing was what I asked him...I have a great husband!

This morning, I called him at work and thanked him for listening to me (without being defensive) while I was crabby and also thanked him for helping me this weekend. Of course when you have house projects, there is going to be some sacrifice for the benefit of the project. They just come hand in hand. When the kids are older, it might not be as big of a deal. In the meantime, on big projects like painting, yard work and wood splitting, someone has to watch the kids while the other one works. We are awesome tag teamers.

Snapshot Thursday

I know it's been a while since I've done one of these...sorry.

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--I bought all of these chicken breasts (individually frozen kind) a couple of weeks ago and now I need to cook them! They were majorly discounted so I bought like a total of 4 in two separate trips to the market. Time to eat some chicken! It's taking up all my freezer space. I'm going to cook a full 3 lb bag and make some chicken salad for lunches and cut some strips for fajitas tonight. I've gotten off the cooking track and I need to get back on.
--Organize clothes! With four kids, this always seems to be a huge task. I really need to go through their closets (and mine and Ted's) and get of rid of what we didn't wear or don't want to pass down and bring the rest downstairs for storage.
--Make cropping a priority. I've already scheduled two evenings on the calendar this month to help me catch up. It's going to take a while, but you have to start somewhere!

What have I accomplished?
--Cleaned out the foyer closet. Got rid of the old mittens and gloves we have grown out of or that are missing a mate. I haven't done this in years. It was needed.
--Got two people to come over and look at our basement to give us bids on finishing it. We are still waiting on the bids...but at least it's in the works.
--I just finished Purpose Driven Life last night. LOVED THAT BOOK. I can't say enough about that book. I'm inspired to read the Bible starting at Genesis. That means putting off some of my other reading. Ted and I will read and discuss it together. This will take a long time but I really think it's something I need to do. I've never read it from start to finish. I've printed out a plan that has you finishing it in one year...that's with reading it every night. I know there will be times when I'll be better than others...so I'm sure I won't finish it in a year, but I want to make a commitment to do it. That's why I'm typing this here. I'm making myself accountable.
--I've stocked my pantries with some healthy snack options for me. Chips and cookies are still my weakness, so I'm trying to limit my chip and cookie intake (not eliminate) during meals and in between meals, eliminating all unhealthy snacks. So I bought some Wheat Thins and some dried fruit mixes and healthy granola bars (not the kid kind). I've been pretty good about snacking on fruit which used to NOT be in my diet at all! I'm still bad with vegetables. I love them...I'm just too lazy to prepare another side sometimes and I like fresh or frozen, not canned.
What's bugging me?
--I'm still in my pajamas and it's almost noon. It's just not worth it to take it while the kids are awake and I'm waiting for at least Mary to go down. Ted had to head out early for a meeting today so I couldn't fit my shower in before he left. By the way, the whole not having a shower and washing my hair on my retreat was NO BIG DEAL! Of course, let me tell you how prepared I was. I brought two ziplock bags, one for my soapy wash cloth and one for the rinsing one. I did one big sponge bath in the Junior High bathroom stall! It felt so good! I really felt like I took a shower...except for my hair :-(. The sink was too small for my big head. But you know what? Because my body felt so clean...it didn't matter! It was such a non-issue. Of course, I loaded it up with hair spray to keep it in place. I saw other high maintenance women there, applying full make up at the sinks and hairspraying their hair. Woo hooo! Ok...but I was wishing I had taken off my hillbilly, chipped toe nail polish and applied a fresh coat because I forgot there was going to be a foot washing!! I survived. *smile*
--The storm loosened some facia on our roof and it keeps blowing in the wind. Ted tried to rip it the rest of the way off and it wouldn't budge. Meanwhile, I have neighbors asking me if I know about it. Ugg. Ted's going to cut it off with something that cuts through metal. In the meantime, I'm picturing it gouging holes in our roof!
--The grass in our backyard is TALL. I really need to cut it, but it keeps raining!
--I wish I didn't love junk food so much. I know I'm on a good kick now, but I also know these things don't typically last forever for me. However, I tend to adopt one good habit every time.
--Why does this dried fruit and nut mix taste like I'm eating bark and sugar rocks? I tried to buy the cheapest stuff I could find and it tastes like I was out in the woods and picked up something from the ground and ate it. I refuse to buy the expensive stuff.
--We are out of our sandwich sized zip lock bags. I think Ted used gallon size on the lunches today. There is always something I don't know we are out of when I go to the store.
--I wish Ben wanted to potty train. He has NO desire. He'll be three in May.

What have I said I was going to do but I havenÂ’t?
--I have books upon books that I have bought and want to read and about this much *fingerspinched* time to read. Oh well.
--I have a prayer partner in Women's Group that I'm supposed to be praying for. I started off with a bang and now I'm a whimper. I'm going to write her name down as a bookmark in my bible so I don't forget...and if you all could do me a favor and pray for Nancy? She really needs it since I've been so bad. *slappingmyhand*

What's my latest obsession?
--Finding Patrick R. a job at Charter. I caught up with a brother of my friend, Theresa, last week. He's looking for a new job, so I've been bugging Ted constantly, "Did you check on the job openings?" and "How much does that one pay?" and "Have you called your manager friend in Charter Business yet?". When you're happy with the job you have and it provides well for your family, you want everyone to be happy. Especially someone like Patrick. He's one of those really great guys who'strustworthyy and real. Not a big shmoozy, fake person, you know? He's got 4 kids and his wife is a SAHM. They just bought a new house and he's in a job with no room for growth. If Ted had an opening, he could hire him in his department. Too bad.

What's been making me happy?
--Ben is in a Mom's Day Out program that I thought he would be too old for next year. But, NO...he's NOT! I was going to put him in the preschool class which was $105 a month, compared to $70 for the MDO program. Preschool would have been two 2 1/2 hour mornings a week. MDO is a five hour day, once a week. By keeping Ben in MDO, I can add Mary at a discount and have them both gone, one day a week for $135 a month. Not bad! And do you know what this means?? This means I will have one free day to make DR appts, dental appts, or do lunch outings. I can meet Sam and Abby for lunch at school without worrying about babysitting. I can meet Ted for lunch at work. I can do my grocery shopping with no children in tow! One free day a week! I can't believe this. And can you believe I have a little guilt putting Mary in? She'll be two in November...am I rushing things?? I just think it will be a good break for me and I'll still see her the other 6 days. The year after won't be like this because Ben will be in preschool 4 mornings a week and I'll have that pesky morning pick up. Plus, it'll be more expensive. I'll just keep Mary home that year. Anyway, I'm pinching myself with excitement for next year and my one, free day a week!

The Calm Before the Storm

Coming down off my busy, social week last week, I think I had to adjust to the slower pace. Every day last week was a little bit of a party. This week, is much quieter and slower. My sister usually calls me on her days off work. Yesterday she was working and I got a phone call. I got all excited, wondering who it could be. I look at caller ID and it was a Marketing Research firm. Hmmph. Didn't answer it. Of course, that little action made me overanalyse myself...which I'm good at.

"Man...I must not have a life...to get excited about the phone ringing." This was a lie of course. I have a wonderful life. But, sometimes we can tell ourselves lies...and sometimes we actually believe them. Even though I know that was a lie, I still acknowledge that times I can feel a little sheltered being a stay at home mom. I don't kid myself. I know I am extremely fortunate to be spending these precious years at home with my kids. There are many women who want to be in my shoes and can't...or are at home with their children but suffering financially. There are many women who just want children period, and can't get pregnant. I remind myself of these things all the time. I thank God for all that I have. I'm also aware that at any moment, the situation we are in, can change. This ensures that I continue my gratitude mode.

But, getting back to feeling sheltered...last night we went to "McTeacher Night" which is a PTO event that raises money for the school through McDonald's. They invite the students and their families to eat at McDonald's and a portion of the profits for that night go to your school. We decided to go with the kids. I had so much fun socializing with the other parents and seeing all of their kids (my kids' classmates). It reminds me how I am a social person and I "come to life" when other people are around. The kids bring me to life too with my relationship with them...but sometimes that relationship can be very one-sided, with lots of giving and self sacrificing.

There are parts of me that miss the working environment. Not all of it mind you. I miss the social interaction, working towards a common goal, the satisfaction of a job well done, the appreciation of co-workers or the boss, lunch breaks with a friend, the paycheck that proves you are doing something worthwhile to someone, etc. I don't miss trying to balance work with kids, having a major workload, deadlines, dealing with difficult people, and all the pressures to perform well.

I love my relaxed life. I have time to ponder, snuggle with the kids, take a walk, write a blog, read a blog, talk on the phone, visit with a friend, etc. Sometimes home life can get stressful too, but all that stress is underlined with the fact that I am spending time with the most important people in the world right now. I am shaping lives that will go on to affect other lives. There is nothing else I would rather be doing.

The kids will grow up quickly. This is just but a moment in time. I'm riding it while it's here. When the time comes that they are all in school, then I'll contemplate the next step. Sometimes it's fun to think about it. What will I do? These are the thoughts: Real Estate, something for my church or my school, something flexible, something part time, not too stressful or demanding. Who knows? All I know is, right now I'm really needed here. I tend to like a slower, open schedule, rather than a busy, hectic, "can't catch a breath" schedule.

For right now, I'll deal with a little bit of loneliness for the peace of mind knowing that I am right where I should be. Summer is but 2 months away and I'll have a flood of children (mine and the neighborhood kids) coming through my door. I'll probably be wishing for a little bit of the boredom I'm experiencing now. Then, in the fall, I'll be busy with the PTO and the Women's CRHP retreat. That should give me my socialization! I'm ready for the challenge!

My Awesome Birthday Week

I know...I know...it's been forever. I just had a totally great week. Last weekend was my retreat and it was awesome. It's always good to feel more connected to people in your parish and I feel like I made baby step, no...make that a child step towards that end. It's always great to hear Catholics talk openly about their faith. Of course I have my Women's Group to share all of this with, but there is something very powerful about sharing it with women in my own parish family! We Catholics can be known for being so conservative in our expression of faith, so sometimes you wonder what's underneath the hood, you know? I'm finding there are a lot of searching people, wanting to rediscover their faith...and CRHP is the avenue they are taking. Last night we had our meeting to commit to going forward and helping with the next retreat. As I signed my commitment statement, I looked at the women around me and knew, they would become my sisters in the following weeks of "formation". The retreat we will give will be in the fall sometime. I've been told that being on the team that gives the retreat, gives you 10 times the blessings than just being an attendee. This makes me excited. I'm ready to go!

Like I said, I had a great week. Tuesday, my mom called to chat, heard the kids in the background whining and crying and told me to go out and do something while she comes over to watch the kids. OK! My sister, Becky, was on spring break so we went shopping and ate lunch together. It was awesome! That evening, we took the kids to Chuck E Cheese's to celebrate their good report cards. We got a gazillion tokens by bringing in their report cards. Then, Wednesday was my birthday and Ted surprised me by taking a half day off. We met for lunch at the mall with Mary and shopped. That night he had already arranged for a babysitter to come over while we went to dinner. Thursday, Becky and Josh came over. We spent a lot of time outside because it was so beautiful out. Josh took Ben and Mary for a long walk in the double stroller and then played with them on the swingset. They stayed for dinner and afterwards, we sat outside in lawnchairs watching the kids play with their neighborhood friends outside on the court (tag). It was just an awesome day. Friday, Becky called again and since it was a beautiful day, we decided to take the kids to the park. It was a new park I had been wanting to go to because it looked like it was perfect for little toddlers...lots of ramps and slides. We took a walk with Ben and Mary in strollers and it was just so exhilarating! I love Spring! It felt so good to be outside and enjoying the weather.

Friday night I went to a crop and realized I really need to start finding a way to crop at home because once a month is not enough to catch up after two babies! I talked to Ted and we decided I could lock myself in a room to crop two nights a month. I would start at 7:00 and maybe crop til 9:30. Hopefully, doing this regularly along with the once a month crop with friends, I will get caught up. Saturday, I went shopping with my other sister, Lisa, for our birthdays (hers was 4/2, mine was 3/29). Saturday night, Ted and I got a sitter again and went out with both my sisters and their husbands (again, to celebrate our bdays....I know...we are totally milking this birthday thing!). We had a great time with great food and great conversation! Sunday, we had someone look at our basement to give us a bid on a partial finishing job (a play room, a family room, and a clothing closet). Sunday night was my meeting with CRHP. It really was an awesome birthday week. This is why I didn't blog one iota. That word, "iota", looks really funny in print, but I looked it up and it is correct. Hmm.

But anyway, it was just a great family week with lots of quality time. Which is my love language. I feel refreshed.