Snapshot Thursday

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--Paint Sam's room
--Paint Ben's room
--Have Ted bring Christmas containers downstairs!!
--Have Ted take down the cotton pickin' Christmas lights!

What have I accomplished?
--This morning I went through all the toy containers in my Family Room. Gave some to good will, gave some to my sister who's trying for a baby, and threw some away. Ahhh...feels good.
--Organized the foyer closet.
--Played in a soccer game Tuesday night without injuring myself!
--Sold and shipped off Ted's PSP

What's bugging me?
--The see-saw napping of Ben and Mary. When will they ever nap at the same time??
--The Christmas containers sitting in my unfurnished Dining Room.
--My disgustingly stained family room carpeting. I can't get new carpeting while we have children with leaky sippy cups, bringing poptarts with gooey stuff into the room, wiping their snotty noses anywhere they want. Ugghhh..
--When you vent with someone about the effort required to take the little ones out and she says, "What about when I had three young ones (three and under)...I took them out all the time!" I guess you're just Super Woman...aren't you? (I know...that's not being very Christian :-).

Low point of the week:
--There's a tie. Either it's when I backed into my parent's car that was parked in my driveway and damaged their side view mirror costing us $350 in repairs and the trust of my parents (they said they'll park in the street next time).
-----or------
It's when I was sitting on my bedroom floor crying, with Ben and Mary screaming/crying at me, climbing all over me when Sam comes into the room...see's everyone out of control and tries to pick up Ben who doesn't let him and then picks up Mary who fights him off and then leaves the room crying. I'm a failure as a mom!!!!!

I'll explain. It's been rough around here lately. The kids are leaving me little breathing room. I feel like my life is full of demands from them and nothing for me. I'm able to write this because Mary is sleeping. But if you could see the behind the scenes of what I'm doing for Ben while I write this. I step away from this laptop many times to fufill requests. If Mary was awake, it would be impossible to type without her wanting me to stop. It takes me a long time to write this blog. Sometimes I just don't because the sacrifice it involves. There are too many things I need to do around the house. But when I sit down to type....it's like therapy. My shoulders relax, my fingers click away and somehow...so does some of the stress....just by expressing my thoughts as honestly as I know how.

It's seems like the intensity of their neediness ebbs and flows. I'm in an ebb right now. It can be very ungratifying. But soon the flow will come and I'll be saying, "Wow, it's great! I'm getting all kinds of things done around the house!". See, the house is therapy for me too. I love to be able to focus on getting the house in order. It's hard for me not to have any diversions for myself.

Let's see...what led up to the crying on the floor? It was a day of neediness following a week of neediness. It was a day of me rewinding the the Thomas video to Ben's favorite song every time it ended. It was a day of refilling sippy cups, changing diapers, picking up toys, Ted calling me telling me he's been invited to fly out to Florida for 3 1/2 days to watch the Cardinals in Spring training in March, Ben pushing Mary when she got into his toys, Mary crying, Ben going into time-out, Ben crying, me holding Ben in time out, me trying to get Ben to apologize, Ben finally apologizing, Mary falling down and hurting herself, me holding Mary trying to comfort her, Ben wanting to be held too, me picking up Ben with Mary in my arms, Ben leaning back and falling out of my arms, Ben crying, me exhausted. Somewhere in there I escaped to my room and shut the door. Ben was screaming outside my door (how dare I ever shut a door on him!). Both of them by this time are outside my door crying for me. I just broke down and started crying myself. Then I opened the door to let them in. I sat on the floor so they could both be with me without me carrying them. So we were all crying when Sam came in. You get the rest.

It was an "I'm a failure of a mom" moment. It's a moment when you say, "What's in it for me??" I say a moment, because this is only a slice of a life. There are so many other times when I feel completely blessed. I am kissing my kids all over. They say cute things, act cute and I'm thrilled to be a mom.

What's my latest obsession?
--Haven't really had time for one lately

What's in the news?
--Oprah's book club selection from last fall "A Million Little Pieces" had me wanting to go out and get the book simply because her whole staff was talking about how hard it was to put down. Now the writer is getting trouble because it was supposed to bememoirior about drug addiction and recovery, only to find out he embellished a lot. That would kinda ruin it for me. It's not really a full true story.

--Angelina Jolie is pregnant with Brad Pitts baby! When are they going to get married??? He's already adopted her two children. Wow. How is Jennifer feeling right now.

What's been making me happy?
--I'm really liking the new jeans I bought a Kohl's. Low rise, boot cut, stretch. My favorite ingredients. The "What Not to Wear" ladies say anything high wasted and tapered makes your butt look bigger. I thought tapered was the way to go for a looonnnnggg time. Then I realized a jean that comes in at the knee and then flares out, makes my soccer legs look slimmer. I also realized that "roominess in the seat and thigh" only make my thick thighs look thicker. And that the big boxy shirts do nothing for me. I need something that shows off my smaller waist...even if it reveals my smaller bust. So, learning how to dress myself makes me happy. It also makes me happy when people say, "Have you lost weight?"...no...I just wear tighter jeans and shirts. If only I can figure out how to bend over without my whole back showing.

--A good cry always makes me feel better. When I hit a low, I'm very constructive about it. What can I do to change things to make it better? I've decided the kids are bored and need more stimulation. I'm going to start doing playdates with my neighbor and her 2 1/2 year old and on Fridays I'm going to take the kids to the mall to eat lunch and let them play in the play area. We'll see how that goes. On Mondays, my sister might come over in the mornings. It will help break up the long week with the little ones.

--Game night on Wednesdays has been going great. Abby and Sam love their special time with us after Ben and Mary go to bed.

--I fell off the meal plan wagon. Now I'm back on. Hopefully I can stay on.

--I don't pick up today so Ben can have a full nap!