A Good Nap Refreshes the Soul

Ahhh...time to sit down to a good cup of blog. There's nothing like writing when the house is quiet and both kids are in bed. This is VERY rare for me. They hardly ever go down for a nap at the same time. But when the 2 year old inexplicably gets up at 5:20am saying, "I want pop-tarts, Daddy" at the top of his lungs...you can only listen to him for so long before you do what he says. That's about 1 1/2 hours earlier than normal. So I laid him down at 10:30 and I'm praying it sticks. This might be too early... but I was basing my judgement off of loud, tantrum-like screaming when I made him come back upstairs after playing in the basement. My neighbor witnessed this and said, "Oh, Missy...". She's heard it enough over the phone so I doubt she was surprised. But seeing him writhe on the ground like a person doing the stop, drop and roll, may now be a good visual that can accompany all of our future phone conversations.

Anyway, this wasn't all supposed to be about Ben. I just came off a great retreat with my Women's group! The last two years I had a baby to take along because I was nursing (Ben, then Mary). It felt so good to go baby-free. There were two women there with nursing 3 1/2 month olds so I easily got my baby fix in. Not having my own baby...I could totally focus and experience the retreat fully. I've come away with a greater focus on daily personal prayer time. I'm using the book, "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren, for my prayer time. It is set up to be read in 40 days. You can only read one chapter a day and he asks you not to read ahead. He wants you to let each point sink in before you go to the next point. It's very easy reading and the chapters are short. I really just want to start with 10 minute prayer time so I stick with it and let it become a habit. If I do something too long, I'll find excuses to do other things instead.

One of the messages on retreat was about humility...and serving without expecting anything in return. Wooahhhh! This is huge! I'm all about the scale and can get bogged down if I feel like my load is heavier than others. If my needs aren't getting met...I'm a big baby. This was like swallowing peanut butter. It was thick and pasty and I didn't think it would go down. How can I deny my natural needs? Does this mean I have to survive on the attitude of deprivation?? Impossible with me! I speak up if I'm deprived! I assert myself and my needs. But then God gave me a glass of milk and it all started to slide down my throat and sink in. Humility isn't about deprivation. Putting others first and myself last doesn't mean my needs are never met. Somehow...I believe God is telling me that if I live my life helping others and serving others and keeping my personal prayer time, God will give me everything I need (and probably, has ALREADY given me everything I need). I will never feel deprived! To give without expecting something in return is an "attitude of giving", not a scale. It's the answer to true happiness. Can you imagine if everyone gave without expecting anything in return?...it would just be a happier world.

A lot of my unhappiness stems from expectations unmet and not being grateful for what I have right there in front of me! You know how when you are sick and feel miserable you just can't wait to get better. Once you are better you are so happy...just to be healthy! You took it for granted before, but now you know it is a gift to be healthy. You don't need much on top of that to make you happy. It just shows you that happiness is a state of mind. I don't feel like I can adopt that state of mind on my own. I don't think it will just magically appear for me because I want it to. I think I have to spend more time with God. I think He will be a welcome invader to my every space if I just spend more time with Him.

I don't believe that just because someone prays, they won't have hard times, weaknesses, or temptations...but I do believe they have more courage to face whatever it is. They will be more easily reminded of the truth...the bigger picture. I'm used to painting pictures of whatever is before me at the moment. So if it's an ugly topic...the whole picture is ugly because that's all I painted. In truth, the ugly topic is usually smaller than I imagine. The ugly experience might be surrounded by beautiful things that I don't see because of my tight focus. I'm hoping prayer broadens my picture so I can see all the beautiful things that are surrounding me.

Maybe, after a retreat, you might say that I might thinking a little rosey right now. That could be true...but I feel balanced. Ben just cried his head off an hour ago. It was a moment. I knew it would have a beginning and an end. Luckily, it ended in a nap. He will wake up refreshed. My retreat was like a nap. A rest to restore my soul. I've awakened and I'm refreshed!