I WANT....I WANT...!!!

Today I took the kids to Sam and Abby's dental cleaning appointment. "This should be easy!", I told myself. After all, I wasn't the patient. I can easily watch the younger two while the older two get their teeth cleaned. In fact, they have a lego table which should keep them entertained!! No problem! Or so I thought. I didn't think that for a one hour visit, I would need a diaper bag. My mistake. Mary pooped after the first 15 minutes of being there. It stunk too. I couldn't let her walk around in a poop, letting the poor receptionist be overwhelmed with the fumes and thinking I'm a bad mom for not bringing a diaper! So, as soon as Abby came out from her cleaning, and Sam went in for his, I told the receptionist we were walking to Target and would be right back. Target is in the same strip center. Lucky us!!

We walked into Target and the "I WANTS" started happening. I'm not good with expectant kids. I like pleasing kids as much as the next mom, but I don't want to have demanding kids at the store that hold a tantrum over my head to get what they want.

I remember when my neighbor told me my kids cry like I'm a caver. I didn't understand what she meant right away. She lives across the street and we connect over the phone a lot so we are quite used to the background noises of crying kids. It was during one of our conversations when she heard Ben crying in the background. She explained that she happens to know that I am not one to "cave in" to my children, but my kids cry like I do. Interesting! Why is that? They know I am compassionate and respond quickly to needs...or somewhat quickly. Have I been to responsive? It gave me something to ponder. And something to remember while I'm listening to my son cry over and over that he wanted the Spiderman bubbles.

Mary was demanding for her own set of WANTS but hers didn't escalate and can often be distractable. Ben kept crying for his Spiderman bubbles. He already has plenty of bubbles at home. He has enough Spiderman merchandise too. We don't need them. Also, I'm thinking, I can't buy them anything while they are shopping with me now, because obviously, they think they can ask for stuff and get it and I don't want to start THAT. And once you start crying...forget it. I will not reward tears with a pined for item. I stood my ground like a warrior in battle. I tried many ways to get him to be quiet. These are the times I wish I could threaten a spanking like my parents did, which got us to be quiet immediately. Too bad I don't believe in those.

Certainly I can find a way to control my child in public! At home I have the time out chair. There is no time out in public! I told him that he would go in time out when we got home if he didn't be quiet. Didn't work. I focused back on the diapers we came for and immediately headed for check out. The check out lady was sympathetic. She seemed please I wasn't giving in. She's seen enough of THAT. Then we headed for the bathroom so I could change the poop. I just wanted to get OUT OF THE STORE. But I had to further delay this. He decided to give a two year old fit as a final push to get what he wanted. This was literal screaming and kicking of legs in the cart. I pulled him from the cart and said, "You need to sit in time out here!" I don't know what I was thinking. Like I would leave him with Abby to change Mary's diaper? I don't think so. And he cried louder. Finally I picked him up forcefully (my frustration was getting the best of me) and shoved our way into the bathroom. His screams were now echoing because I hurt him with my grab. None of my reasoning work. He flopped himself on the dirty bathroom floor and I didn't care. I quickly changed Mary's poop, not even bothering to wash my hands afterwards. Gross.

As we were leaving the store his cries died down. When we opened the door to the Dentist, however, his foot got caught and the cries started again. I was so tired of this. Cries sound so much louder in a waiting room. Finally, I said, "Ben, do want to go camping tomorrow? Stop crying!" He was immediately quiet. I know the books say to never threaten something you will not follow up on, but I was at my wits end. But it worked! And I finally had peace. Then I thought of something that I should have thought of before. He loves playing a game called Toontown on the computer. LOVES IT. I decided that his punishment for this episode was to take away his favorite game for the day.

When we came home and he immediately asked for Toontown, I explained why he couldn't play. He threw another fit. That's OK. He needs to start listening to me. He's four now. Shouldn't he be showing a little more self control? I know he's probably tired...but still. Ted was proud of my new punishment. He thinks I can be too soft sometimes. For example, once we thought of this, he now wants to say he can't play Toontown for the day whenever he poops in his pants. Hmmm...I don't really like this. They say to never punish your child for pooping or peeing in their pants. Wouldn't this be punishment? And yet his pediatrician is all for taking away privileges for this. I don't know how I feel yet. I am almost ready to do something more. I feel like he knows what he is supposed to do, but doesn't want to do it. Doesn't he need some pushing? Anyway, that's another topic. I gotta start packing for Eminence. Onward ho.