A Word Aptly Spoken...

"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver" Proverbs 25:11

I wish this was on my scripture calendar yesterday. I could have used that bit of wisdom. Last night I just felt tired and frustrated at what little time I have for myself. I unleashed all my frustration with Ted as I expressed my unhappiness with the piles and piles of laundry, the mess in the basement, and that the last 30 minutes of my relaxation of the evening was spent straightening because I had just remembered baby Leah would be coming over today and I would need to get up at 6am to be ready for her (she's dropped off at 6:15am). And of course, Ted is leaving today for a weekend retreat with his Men's Group.

Do you think he needed to hear all that before leaving? No. Does everyone have a right to vent? Sure. But did I communicate all of this in any time for him to do anything about it? No. Last night was crazy. I had to shop for Ted's groceries for the weekend and then come home and help him make the potatoes. Luckily, I cooked the roast beef all day yesterday. But still, by the time you get everyone in bed (9:15pm) and then try to eek out 45 minutes before you realize the house is a mess and a baby will be arriving in 8 hours. We quickly straightened it up before flopping into bed. And then we are supposed to spend quality time together. Ted spent his time listening to me complain. I would say it was FAR from "apples of gold in settings of silver".

This morning after Leah was dropped off and she was happily playing in her stationary walker, I remembered friends who had lost a baby and wanted to send her a note. I poured my heart into this note since I have lost two of my own. They lost theirs at 3 months. He was two inches long. This is what I said:

"At first, when you experience a tragedy, it feels like it's all about the tragedy, but then God showers you with His love through others...and suddenly, you feel blessed. I'm so sorry you had to experience the greatest tragedy of all--the loss of a child. It's hard to fathom the fullness of the loss of a baby so young. I remember trying to sit and take it all in. It's hard to grieve over a life you'll never know--one you never got to truly experience. But little Christopher gave you gifts before he left: 1) You got to know his sex--What a gift to name him! 2) You got to see him and hold him--Another blessing! 3) Your kids will always remember baby Christopher (Abby still talks about Maggie and April. They'll always be her sisters, even though she never saw them) 4) You have an angel in heaven. And 5) God has shown you the love and compassion of your friends and family. Christopher came bearing gifts and they'll stay in your heart forever, even though you have very few memories to go off of. May God's loving care surround you and envelope you and give you peace at this time."

Nobody really know the words this family needs to hear at this time. Many people struggle over the right thing to say. I try not to shove the "bright side" in their faces at this time. I try to share in their grief as much as I can. After I wrote the note and put it in the mailbox, Ted let me take a shower before he left for work and his retreat. I always read my calendar before I take my shower. The words of Proverbs struck me. The stark difference between my words last night and my words this morning stood clearly before me. I couldn't believe how they both can come out of the same mouth. That God can use my tongue for compassion and reassurance...and I can use it to express so much resentment. This morning I was able to apologize to Ted before he left. He hugged me and kissed me and told me he understood...and even told me he understood how it felt to be shopping and cooking instead of relaxing at home together before his retreat. He's a good man. He just gave me his own "apples of gold".