Busy, Busy, Busy

I can't even tell you all that I'm busy with. It's all little stuff. I guess I can start with what was (or still is) on my dry erase board this week:
--Sign up Sam for CYC Instructional Golf this Spring
--Turn in updated Medical Info for Sam for Boy Scouts
--Schedule Sam's physical for sometime this summer (turn in physical paperwork for 6th grade)
--Deliver Creative Memories order to Teresa (Today)
--Make sure Ted brings Uppercase Living order for Cheryl to Men's group (to deliver to Paul who is married to Kay who knows and lives near Cheryl)
--Return pants to Kohl's
--Help Sam get his First Aid Kit together for Boy Scouts due by end of month...work on merit badge
--Design and print up tickets for Father/Daughter dance
--Write up Love Letter for Larry who is teaming for an ACTS retreat this weekend
--Send out e-mails to moms that principal recommended as possible VPs for next year...ask them if they are interested
--Call Music store...see if they have that little nut that holds in a guitar string

This is just a busy time of year. Getting the physicals in for next school year for those who need them (Sam and Ben), dental visits over Spring Break (Sam and Abby), registering for school (Sam, Abby and Ben) and Mom's Day Out (Mary). I'm just trying to knock out on thing at a time and get my breathers when I can. More later. It's too busy!! :-)

A Snapshot

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--Set out clothes for Spring pictures tomorrow
--Get the house back in order after a busy weekend
--Take Ben and Mary to the zoo while Ben is on Spring break (Sam's and Abby's is next week)
--Wash sheets after Ted's day of puking...yes you heard me
--Catch up in Ben and Mary's albums (the only ones left that are behind), so I can start digital scrapbooking!!! I'm so obsessed with getting this done. I've been behind since Ben and Mary were born. I'm almost caught up!! I vow to keep my scrapbook supplies on my dining room table until I'm caught up. I better finish in April, because Ben's birthday is May 6th!! I was intrigued by this digital scrapbooking when I went on my crop weekend...but thought it was too expensive to print a book. It was my friend, Stacey, who got me looking into again because she found an affordable option...Winkflash!! A website that prints your photobook at a much cheaper price!!!

--We're getting a computer fixed and bringing it into my bedroom for the kids who do NOT want to go downstairs to be on the computer... they will be able to go onto the one in my bedroom and I can have my laptop available to ME!

What have I accomplished?
--Hung mirror in family room (ok...Ted did that)
--Staying caught up on laundry with the "load a day" method
--Went on a date night with Ted and did NOT order off the Weight Watcher menu and enjoyed every minute of it. Followed THAT with a big chocolate candy bar purchase from the gas station and ate it during the movie. Did not count a single calorie
--Got to mass even though Ted was horribly sick. Managed to take Mary with me and had Sam watch Ben (Abby was at a slumber party and Sam had gone to the 5pm mass with Ted on Saturday--thank goodness!)
--Have kept my 10 pound weight loss holding steady. It's even creaped to 11, but I'm not counting it yet.
--Bought Creative Memories software for digital scrapbooking--Storybook Creator PLUS!!! It was instant gratification because I downloaded it! However, I'm putting off totally playing with it until I catch up my paper albums.

What's been bugging me?
--Mary is all over my scrapbooking efforts. Of course. I wouldn't expect her to do anything else. She is paging through my pictures, getting them out of order, looking for the ones with her in them, then she'll want to wear what's in the picture, so I have to get her angel dress from halloween and put it on her, and then she talks with spit spewing from her mouth (her mouth is just above the table) so I have to wipe the spit droplets from my pictures...*gaspforbreath*. She just cracks me up and she just goes non-stop. Talk, talk, talk, question, question, need. *sigh*. However, she is getting used to it all and I've noticed her interest in the whole thing, waning. This is what I hoped would happen! I just give her a pink pen and paper and she's happy!
--I was supposed to scrapbook at Archiver's today but Ted was sick so I stayed home. Oh well. It was a worse loss for him than it was me. It stinks to be sick on the weekend when you work full-time. Poor guy. He's staying home tomorrow to recooperate.
--We don't have a Vice President for next year's PTO board yet. Yikes.
--I WANT TO DIG INTO MY SCRAPBOOK SOFTWARE!! Breath...it's ok.
--Not having access to my computer. The kids are always on it. I'm looking forward to getting a computer in my room.

What's been making me happy?
--Mary. Can you believe it? Ever since my rant about that horrible weekend, she has totally improved! She's so much better. I'm actually enjoying her now. Thank you, God. I never had to resort to locking doors...didn't need to. Which reminds me... I should just stick to my instincts and trust that most of the stuff like that just blows over.
--DUH. Just the thought of digital scrapbooking...
--Spring is almost here and I'm ready! Goodbye winter!!

The Big Reveal!

It all started when I felt stuck with my full brick wall fireplace, when I decided to change the rest of the room instead and make the best of the wall that I had.

The first two pictures are what my family room looked like before...the rest are after:

The next two pictures show the two peices that pull it all together:

And this artwork...

It's mostly done. I have a mirror that needs to be hung over the couch, the mantel needs to be updated as well as the fireplace front. And I need a couple more peices for the walls. Oh yah, and new carpet! But it will happen in due time. This room is now more "me"...and it feels so good!!!

This N That

Mary--Today was a much better day. Mary didn't reach any of those dizzying heights that she reached last week. I just think sometimes they are more tired than normal and that can turn a typical, functioning 3 year old (is there such a thing?) into a raving lunatic. It doesn't mean she was an angel...she was just more of the Mary I know. I still want to make my changes of expecting more from her, I just thank God she is back to 'normal Mary'.

Family Room--Tomorrow we will be getting the two chairs delivered! I can't wait to see them because I forgot what my swatch looked like and I couldn't find it when I went back to the store. There is some bad news...the carpet will be much more expensive than I thought. I forgot to calculate waste. Argghhh. I just don't want to spend that money right now. I have to buy a plane ticket to Australia! We are less than a year away now! That will come first. We'll have to wait to replace our horribly old and stained carpeting. I like it when it's winter because when I'm entertaining this time of year, the sun goes down quicker and you can't see how bad the carpet is. However, Ben's birthday is in May. It will definitely be sunny then. Oh well. I don't really think my family cares.

Once the chairs are delivered and the mirror is hung above the couch...I will take my promised 'after pictures'. You'll just have to see it with old carpeting.

Ted is Back--It's so nice having Ted back home. He says his retreat went great and he's really glad he got to go. On Sunday we had a nice time catching up while the kids played outside in the 70 DEGREE WEATHER. Do you believe it is going to snow tonight? Welcome to Missouri!!! Anyway, I gradually told him about the Mary horror story and he sympathized, but was glad I came out of it more determined to stand my ground with her.

A Load a Day--Man, I'm bad. Would you believe I've already messed this one up?? I was thrown off by a busy morning of registering Mary for Mom's Day Out for next year, delivering the cousin's guitar hero they left at our house and then running Ben to school. I'll try to get back on track.

CRHP Meeting--I had a great CRHP meeting last night (on top of everything else this weekend!). We talked about the importance of doing an 'Examen'. When our leader for the night mentioned this, I wasn't sure what she was talking about. It's basically a review of the day. I used to journal in a binder nightly and realized I should get back to this because it was basically an examen. I would write what I was thankful for, how I failed that day, my intentions for others, and my own personal petitions. I decided to add a section where I could put any words of knowledge I received in mass, from others, from my groups, etc. This would make it possible for me to look back on them for encouragement. I also want to get better about my intentions which I have not updated. I made this binder after I wrote out my Rule...and decided I could do it from memory without writing it down. Now I know it won't happen if I don't write it.

Jazzercise--I'm so sad. I missed too much Jazzercise while Ted was gone. This week is so crazy with a Boy Scout meeting, a required meeting for parents of third graders, regional band practice, and a PTO Board meeting that I have no idea how I will squeeze in my two times during the week. I know Saturday will be a sure one. I think the only possible other day I can fit in is Wednesday. Darn.

Snow--The kids are probably going to be home tomorrow because of SNOW, SNOW, SNOW! We are supposed to get 4-8 inches. We've had 3 snow days already. This is when I keep kicking myself for not buying sleds at the beginning of the season. It will be my mission next year to get them BEFORE the first snowfall. My neighbor is getting frustrated with all the snow days. I'm not sure if it's because we're going to go later in the year, or if it's having all the kids home (she has four, too). All I know is that I'm a kid at heart and I LOVE snow days...even as a mom.

Last Night with Mary

Last night, when I left Ben and Mary with the sitter, they both just cried for me. Ben was better about giving me a kiss and hug goodbye, but still did not like be separated from me AND Sam and Abby. They are much better when Sam and Abby are with them. I had a nice break at Blue and Gold and thoroughly enjoyed myself. When I came home, both kids were crashed in the family room. The sitter told me they fell asleep at 8pm and she didn't want to disturb them. When the sitter left and carried them both into bed.

Mary woke up in the middle of the night, because she wet through her pull-up. I wanted to get quickly back to bed so I changed her into dry clothes and let her sleep with me. She must have woken up about four or fives times, running to the door and saying, "Mommy, wait for me! Don't leave!" I guess it kinda showed me the stress she is under and how much she really feels she needs me. It doesn't mean I'm going to accept controlling behavior, but it does help me to provide a balance that feels right.

I'm looking forward to Ted getting home. I'll meet up with him at the noon mass today. I'll do my best to let him fill me in on his weekend and be present to him without saying, "WAIT until you hear what MY weekend was like?"

This morning I was worried that she may not WANT to go to Mom's Day Out next year and that worried me, so I asked her, "Mary, do you want to go to school next year and meet some friends?" and she said, "Yes, I want girlfriends". Thank God! Not that if she said No, I wouldn't do it. It just makes it easier if she wants it, too. I'm so looking forward to the summer when the kids are home, our schedules are free and we can get out of this house more. Maybe that will help Mary focus less on me. And then of course next school year I've termed my Jubilee year, when Ben goes to Kindergarten and Mary will be gone two days a week...and I can take some time for myself.

Battle Weary over Mary

For someone who is only 38 inches tall, my little Mary packs a power punch. She's like a boxer who never tires. She will fight and fight for what she wants and rarely gives up. She exhausts me. She wears me out more than Jazzercise ever could. Where does she find the energy to display all of these emotions? I'm tired just riding her roller coaster with her. I don't really want to ride it...but I'm pulled along as an unwilling passenger. She needs me. For everything.

Things have been really rough since Ted left. I told you about her fit at Ted's send-off....well, it hasn't gotten any better. Last night she woke me at 3am and 5:15am like a three month old. It's like she had a dream of still fighting with me and woke up yelling at me...both times. And then when she got up in morning she started the day with another angry cry for me. I find it harder and harder to continue to be her maypole that she wraps herself around. But it seems that the more I put her off, the more she wants me. So I sit...I hold her...get her her milk...her blanket...whatever it is she needs for that moment to feel secure and at peace, but it's not long before she needs something else.

Mary's tantrums have gotten louder and longer and more demanding. They are little things that aren't even worth describing here. This morning after dealing with her through the night and then again when I woke up just put me to the point of exhaustion. Jane (mother-in-law) came over to take Sam to his basketball game for me...which I appreciated greatly. I told her I had a rough night and morning with Mary. When Jane came back with Sam, Mary was able to display some very ugly colors when she kept yelling at me for talking while she was trying to lay down and "sleep". I told Mary I was not going to stop talking and if she wanted to sleep, she could go in another room. Mary started screaming. Jane and I were trying to continue our conversation above the screams...but it was difficult. I told Mary to stop or I would put her in time out. She didn't stop so I put her on the stairs. She didn't stay, so I had to hold her down. Meanwhile, my frustration is building. I brought her to her bedroom and spanked her with my hand three times. I don't know why I let myself do that...it's fruitless. I just felt helpless. She did the same thing last night at my parents. She wouldn't listen to me and through a fit. She made everyone suffer while she expressed her displeasure.

I did the only other thing that I know works for both of us. Since I can't keep her in time out, I put myself in time out. I locked myself in my room. But then she said she had to go to the bathroom...and I accompany her on ALL of her bathroom trips. Are you getting the drift here? I'm just starting to realize how ridiculous all this sounds. Anyway, I came out of my room defeated. Jane was there to hug me as I cried. And then she gave me a wake up call. Just like my pediatrician did when I had trouble getting Ben to poop in the potty. In so many ways she told me I needed to take it to the next level. That things are getting worse and all that I am doing now is not enough. You really don't want to hear these things from you mother-in-law, but after she left I thought about what she said. I thought about how it must feel to see her daughter-in-law get bossed around and manipulated by her 3 year old daughter. She was standing up like a warrior, fighting for me, wanting me to fight for myself. Jane doesn't say anything like this unless it's absolutely necessary.

In my mind I defended myself. "Some battles aren't worth fighting with her"...."I DO discipline her with consequences....locking myself up can be very effective!"...I DO tell her no...and don't let her screams keep me from enforcing my stand". But deep inside I knew I was missing the point by defending myself so much. The point was, I need to try something different. I called my sister Lisa, who is someone I can always go to in despair. I can bawl like a baby and let her comfort me. Only someone who grew up sharing a room with you can know where you are coming from. Only another mother who has "been there" can truly hear you and giving the knowing "I know" nod, and you know...they really DO know. She dropped everything to be there for me. She had already been praying for me because I had called her and asked for prayers during the bad morning I was having. But she was there to hear my humiliation with the recent incident. She knows how to talk to me...she knows what to say and she knows how to listen. She's perfect active listener. She's in my corner, ready to defend me to the end. She agreed that she didn't like the way Mary had been treating me. We talked about the problems with time out and she suggested that I lock her in her room. She suggested getting a safety type door handle that won't let her out when she is in time out...so it can be a truly effective time out.

You can't always lock yourself in your room. When she disrupts our mealtimes, Ted has to take her to her room and stay up there with her so she doesn't leave. It's a total pain. When I was at my parents and she acted up, it was just unrealistic to lock myself up. This door handle thing might sound extreme...but I have to take control. I feel she's old enough to understand that this isn't acceptable. It took some women in my corner to make me stand up and do something about it. Something more than I was doing. It took Ted to be gone, in order for me to reach rock bottom, and reach out to them. Normally he gets everything (all of my emotions)....and he fixes everything, but on retreat...you are supposed to RETREAT! He deserves a break from all of this.

I can hear Super Nanny saying to me in her beautifully British voice, "She needs to know that this behavior is unacceptable." And then I hear Dr Phil asking while she's throwing a fit, "What is she getting out of this?" Most probably...HER WAY. It's not like I give in to her after a fit. I tend to keep the peace to AVOID the fit. For an example, I'm trying me new firmer way...in all the small things. After going potty she told me to turn out the lights. I politely told her she could turn out the lights...she's a big girl. Then she threw herself to the floor, spilling her gold fish. She then cried and told me to pick them up. I told her that she could pick them up. Before, I would have just turned out the darn lights. Now she is screaming while I'm locked in my room. Before I locked myself up, she said, "I'll stop crying!". It is really is a punishment for her to be separated from me.

I'll let you know how things change in our house. I'm hoping for greater peace at mealtimes and other times in our house, a greater sense of dignity for myself, and a sense of control. And hopefully, I'll be a better example to Abby on how she expect herself to be treated by her children. I've been giving Mary the age excuse too long. She's old enough to toe the line like the rest of them. Now I need God's help to see it through.