Four In Tow

Day 49/365 - Mother Daughter Time with Abby

2011-02-19T15:56:00.003-06:00

Date: 2/19/11

Time: 1:02 pm

Place: La Nails at Mid Rivers Mall

***

Abby asked me this week if we could have some Mother/Daughter time. This is something she asks for occasionally, because I told her to. One day, a while ago, I told her that she is often "lost in the middle" because she is easy to please, never complains and doesn't demand a lot of attention. We went through a period in our life as a family, when Ben and Mary (our younger two) demanded a LOT of attention and took much of it away from Sam and Abby. Sam naturally gets more attention because he is the oldest. He is the first to do everything. So that leaves Abby lost in the middle. I knew that as she got older, she would need me more. I wanted to set the tone, as soon as possible, that I was here for her whenever she needed me and all she had to do was ask for it. Sometimes it's going out for a meal together. Sometimes it's shopping. Today it was a trip to the mall: shopping for swimsuits and bras, eating Subway, and enjoying a pedicure together. I love our time together because it gives us that "girl time" that we both need. I'm so glad we started this tradition!

***

God, thank you for Abby. She is a treasure to me. And thank you for pedicures!

Day 48/365 - Lunch With Mary

2011-02-19T15:45:00.003-06:00

Date: 2/18/11

Time: 11:25

Place: Sts. Joachim and Ann School parking lot

***

Mary has been asking all week if I would come meet her for lunch. So I met her for lunch and played with her on the playground. We played catch with a playground ball. It was exhilarating to be outside in the sunshine with a little brisk breeze. It's not like I play catch with her at home, because when I am home, I'm busy with the household chores. So it felt good to participate in such a simple activity with her. Can you see the joy on her face? She was beaming the whole time! I feel bad that I don't do it more often because I work right next door to her school. I kinda of get "caught up" at work and I can't seem to focus on anything else. So, I just need to plan it. Ben wants to be next. I don't think Abby or Sam would care for me to come meet them for lunch anymore. It's just a reminder that this time is all too short and I need to live it up while I can. Ben, you are next!

***

God, help me to set aside more time for lunch dates with my kids.

Day 47/365 - People

2011-02-17T21:26:00.002-06:00

Date: 2/17/11

Time: 9:14 pm

Place: Bedroom

***

I don't know what it is...but I LOVE People Magazine.

***

Thank you, God, for a little entertainment for a hard working mom.

Day 46/365 - I Scream For Ice Cream!!

2011-02-17T21:15:00.004-06:00

Date: 2/16/11

Time: 8:04 pm

Place: Mid Rivers Mall Drive

***

Whenever I take Mary to cheer practice, I pass by Silky's. It depresses me for two reasons: 1) It's closed for the season, and 2) Even if it was open, I would be resisting the urge anyway. I'm on a diet. Diet's stink. The good news is that I've lost 10 pounds. My motivation is this trip that Ted and I are going on to Los Angeles. He won it through work for having a good year in sales. It's very exciting! But it opens up this whole "What am I going to wear?" and "Will I look good in it?" So in December I decided to go on a diet. I do this for vain reasons. Vanity is sadly, my usual motivator. Last time I was vain enough to go on a diet was when I went to Australia. Actually, I did lose about 7 pounds last Christmas when my sisters, mom and I competed to lose weight. I gained all that back. I'm good at that...because I love fattening food like frozen custard! I love it all...burgers, fries, desserts, pizza...YUM. Food is my celebration. Food is my social life. Food is my relaxation. Food fights my boredom. Food makes me happy. I know I only need it to keep me alive, but it does so much more for me. So it's not fun to diet. But I do like results. Hopefully, I can keep going. I usually lose my motivation after 10 pounds. I don't want to this time. I dread the day Silky's reopens. Ted will have to chain me to the house!

***

God, help me to stay strong and stay away from icecream!

Day 45/365 - Cookies & Creme Poptarts

2011-02-15T21:28:00.004-06:00

Date: 2/15/11
Time: 8:35 pm
Place: Schnucks
***
Tonight I had to make a mad dash to Schnucks because we were out of my kids' favorite poptarts, Cookies & Creme...and lo and behold what do I see? They are on a "Close-Out $pecial"!!! Yes, I was excited about the discount prices and grabbed FOUR boxes...but Close Out??? Are they not carrying Cookies & Creme Poptarts anymore? Becky said Target was all out and that's why I went to Schnucks. Did THEY have a close out, too?? I looked it up on the internet and didn't find anything. My kids may have to find a new addiction.
***
Lord, I know there are greater problems in the world for you to solve, but you don't have to deal with the wrath of Ben. Please influence the Schnuck's people to continue to stock our favorite Poptarts. Amen.

Day 44/365 - Valentine's Day

2011-02-15T21:21:00.002-06:00

Date: 2/14/11

Time: 4:06 pm

Place: Kitchen Counter

***

Ben brought this home from school today. It's his envelope that he made to hold his valentines. I asked him if those were flames above the heart and he said yes. I asked him why he put flames on his heart. He told me he saw them on the priest's vestments. I think it is cute that he drew the Sacred Heart of Jesus on his Valentine's envelope...even if he doesn't understand the full meaning of the Sacred Heart.

***

Lord, teach him your ways...

Day 43/365 - Preparing for Valentines Day

2011-02-13T22:14:00.003-06:00

Date: 2/13/11

Time: 10:06 pm

Place: Kitchen

***

The Ben and Mary signed their valentines tonight. Sam and Abby are too old to exchange valentines in their classes. There are so many more options now. It used to be that you just bought a box of valentines and your chose was about what character you wanted. Now you have to choose what candy you want! Because it's more than a valentine now, the valentine IS candy. Ben wanted to sign his in cursive since he learned cursive this year.

***

Lord, thank you for all the valentines in my life!

Day 42/365 - Dad

2011-02-13T21:32:00.004-06:00

Date: 2/12/11

Time: 2:53 pm

Place: My parent's house

***

My parents are getting their basement finished. My brother-in-law is doing the work, but we all decided to help with the painting. Today, me and my sisters came over to paint the basement walls. I took this picture when we were done and getting ready to leave. My dad and I share many of the same traits and hobbies. He gave me my spirit, positive attitude, love of the outdoors, love of camping and time with family, and my love of reading. He will often tell me about his latest inspiration in faith or about a great book he has read. I love sharing my faith with him. He's taught me how to walk the walk with God leading the way.

***

God, I know you love me a LOT, because you gave me an awesome father! Thank you.

Day 41/365 - St. Louis Science Center

2011-02-13T21:14:00.002-06:00

Date: 2/11/11

Time: 12:12 pm

Place: St. Louis Science Center

***

Today, the kids got an unexpected day off school because of a sewer back up. Like we needed another day off school! I knew I didn't want to sit around the house. I decided we should go to the St. Louis Science Center. What a great day it was. It's not often that we can get time with just us. Here's a shot of the kids gleaming with pride after they worked together to build the Arch!

***

God, thank you for unexpected time with my kids.

Day 40/365 - Car Wash

2011-02-10T22:03:00.002-06:00

Date: 2/10/11

Time: 4:58 pm

Place: Car Wash Bay

***

After all the snow, ice and salt, my car need a bath! Today after work, I filled it up and got a car wash. I love the smell of the soaps in a car wash. And one of my favorite parts is when this tri-colored soap gets squirted all over the car...pinks, blues and greens. It's like confetti. And it cleans off all the dirt that's encrusted on my car.

***

God, you break down the crusty, you wash away the dirt. But it comes back...and then you do it again, with your tri-colored confetti...

Day 39/365 - My Mother

2011-02-09T20:56:00.005-06:00

Date: 2/9/11

Time: 12:59 pm

Place: Bread Company Parking Lot

***

Today my mom and I shared a lunch at the Bread Company. I treasure our times out together! A little known fact about me is that I've enjoyed writing poetry from time to time. It's been a while since I've written a poem, but inspired by this picture of the day, I wrote this one for my mom:

Through the years, it's plain to see

Just how your role has changed with me.

When I was born, each need you met,

You changed me, fed me, and put me to bed,

And when I got a little older,

I talked, I climbed, my steps got bolder.

You cleaned me up and kissed my hurts

You loved me through all growth spurts.

You taught me to pray and ask God for help,

It wouldn't work to do it myself.

And when a friendship broke apart,

You listened with a servant's heart.

But when I got much older still,

You found I had a stronger will.

I wouldn't listen as I should,

I fought the rules on which you stood.

But now you see those years are past.

You've built me something that will last.

With you and Dad so bonded together,

You taught me a marriage should last forever.

And when it was time to become a mom,

I had your example to copy from.

You gave me the gene to sing and write,

To cook a good meal, eat ice cream at night.

But the best thing you taught me from the start,

Was to cling to God with all my heart.

My faith in God is my guiding force,

He keeps me close to stay on course.

So if you'd ask me my greatest gift,

And why I live the way I live?

God's gift to me was like no other,

When He chose YOU to be my mother.

***

God, thank you for my mom. I know I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for her.

Day 38/365 - My Place of Refuge

2011-02-08T21:53:00.004-06:00

Date: 2/8/11

Time: 9:51 pm

Place: My bedroom

***

This is where I like to hang out at the end of the night. I'm sitting on our couch where we watch a couple of TV shows before going to bed. Sometimes I like to sit up in bed and read or journal. My room is my escape. The rest of the house belongs to everyone else. My room is the one place that is mine. It's my place of rest, my place of prayer, my place of entertainment, my place to talk to Ted in peace.

***

Lord, I thank you for my place of refuge...my bedroom.

Day 37/365 - Naumann Plaque

2011-02-08T21:17:00.003-06:00

Date: 2/7/11

Time: 6:30 pm

Place: Fireplace Mantel

***

Some people are really good at Christmas presents! I really like this gift!

***

God, thank you for this beautiful plaque!

Day 36/365 - Superbowl Sunday!

2011-02-08T20:34:00.004-06:00

Date: 2/6/11
Time: 7:11 pm
Place: Our Family Room
***
Tonight we had some of our Men's and Women's Group friends and their families over for a Super Bowl party. It's a tradition that the the men schedule their Men's Group retreat the weekend of Super Bowl, they come home early Sunday morning, spend the day with their families and then come over to our house for the Super Bowl. There were about 12 adults and 16 kids. The kids went off and played while we watch the game and the commercials. It was a great time! They all brought a dish and drinks, which made it easy on us.
***
Lord, thank you for our Men's and Women's Group friends!

Day 35/365 - Did You Remember Shrimp?

2011-02-05T23:50:00.003-06:00

Date: 2/5/11
Time: 3:38 pm
Place: Schnucks
***
Every time I leave Schnucks, I'm faced with this sign on the door that says, "STOP DID YOU REMEMBER SHRIMP?" This sign is really starting to bother me. Why does Schnucks care so much about shrimp? Why are they worried I might forget it? Is shrimp all that important that the world will stop if I forget it? Is Schnucks going to go under if they don't sell more shrimp? Did the shrimp people work out a deal with Schnucks in order to get this prominent signage? I don't know. I'll never know.
***
God, when I die and ask all of those unanswerable questions, can you answer this one also? Why does Schnucks not want me to forget the shrimp?

Day 34/365 - Parent Appreciation Mass

2011-02-05T23:26:00.004-06:00

Date: 2/4/11

Time: 8:03 am

Place: Sts. Joachim and Ann Church

***

Everyone likes Parent Appreciation Day. Well, it was snowed out, so they rescheduled it for today. The cool thing about Parent Appreciation Day is that your kids can sit by you at the all school mass. For them this is so cool! So when I whipped out my camera before mass started, Ben said, "Can you have a camera in mass?", because he was in school mode. I told him I need my picture of the day and he immediately understood, but you could tell they felt we were breaking some major school laws! Abby was serving mass and Sam was sitting with the fourth graders. It's tradition that the last day of Catholic Schools Week the Eighth Graders take over the school and teach in each classroom.

***

Lord, thank for the chance to sit by two of my kids during the all school mass. It was so worth seeing the delight in their eyes.

Day 33/365 - CHRP Meeting

2011-02-03T22:41:00.003-06:00

Date: 2/3/11

Time: 9:46 pm

Place: My Family Room

***

I hosted my CRHP group tonight at my house. Well not all of them. Some couldn't make it. Pictured are JoBeth, Mary Pat, Mary and Karen (mass buddy). We each take turns hosting and tonight was my night. I didn't have the best day today. I had someone put in their notice at work today and it's my job to hire people. I still have two other open positions to fill. I don't know if I'll ever catch up. I came home and had to cook dinner before preparing my house for this meeting. But the beauty of it all is, I knew just being around these women would cheer me up. We've been meeting for almost 5 years now. I love these ladies. In no time, I forgot about my bad day and enjoyed an amaretto sour and great conversation. We conclude every meeting with good news and intentions. I was able to tell them about my bad day and offer it up in prayer. That's what sisters are for.

***

Thank you, God, for my CRHP sisters. You've really blessed me by letting them be a part of my life.

Day 32/365 - Sledding With the Kids

2011-02-03T22:23:00.004-06:00

Date: 2/2/11
Time: 5:15 pm
Place: The hills near Cottleville City Hall
***
I did something today that I haven't done in a long time...I went sledding with the kids. I had a blast. I took video, I took pictures, I sledded with Mary, I sledded by myself, and I zoomed down the hill on Sam's snowboard. I. had. a. blast. Wow. What a thrill. I felt like a kid again.

***

God, thank you for an awesome afternoon of sled riding with my kids. I'll treasure this day forever!

Day 31/365 - Snow Storm? Hardly!

2011-02-01T20:46:00.003-06:00

Date: 2/1/11

Time: 4:18 pm

Place: Breakfast Room
***

Well, the big storm never came, but we had fun anyway. There was enough snow that the kids still managed to do a little sledding. But after the outdoor fun, my sister dug out her craft supply and the kids colored, painted, stamped pictures and when they were done with that they made puppets out of my brown lunch bags. We had four neighbor kids, four of my own, two of my sisters and two friends all having fun in my house. They had so much fun, I invited Abby's friends to spend another night. They eagerly accepted. I feel so blessed to have friends and family to enjoy my day with. I fed 13 people last night and then again tonight...and now, it's my turn to rest. I'm hunkered up in my room, playing on my laptop. I have to laugh that Ted said he felt guilty hanging out in our room while the kids fended for themselves. I laughed so hard! I've been with the kids all day and he feels guilty? Maybe HIM, NOT ME! LOL. Ted is now putting the younger kids down while I watch Cake Boss.

***

Lord, I can't thank you enough for this fun day. I'm especially blessed to have four awesome kids right across the street that are always ready to play with my kids. You really blessed me there, God. Thank you, thank you.

Day 30/365 - Ice Storm

2011-02-01T20:13:00.002-06:00

Date: 1/31/11

Time: 2:35 pm

Place: My Family Room

***

The media was all over the big storm they predicted would come our way. It would start with a nasty ice storm and follow with 10-20 inches of snow. We left for school this morning only to have them call it off at 11:00am. I had gone to work on my day off, knowing what was coming, so I could get whatever I needed to work from home. I picked up my kids from school and offered to take our carpool friend, Erin, home with us. Confident we would be off school the next day and maybe even next two, I offered to have Erin spend the night. Abby said, "Can Alicia come, too?". So we picked up the girls' overnight bags and snow gear and headed back home. The neighbor kids came over and they all immediately started watching some of our classic home videos. So here's a picture of 9 kids watching the videos. This was not all the kids in my house. The boys were in the other room (except for Joey, of course). The girls all slept up in Abby's room and Mary slept in Ben's room. We were all excited when we confirmed the kids had a snow day the next day.

***

Lord, thank you for friends and neighbors who make our snow days fun!

Day 29/365 - Memory Lane

2011-01-30T22:00:00.003-06:00

Date: 1/30/11

Time: 10:00pm

Place: Shelf in my bedroom

***

It was a pretty good weekend this weekend. Abby pulled out the old videos and we watched them off and on all weekend. Most of the videos were from when I stayed home full time with the kids. I had time to think of stuff like that. In fact, I would almost say I had nothing but time. I was always grabbing the video camera, capturing the moment. I'm so glad I did. The kids loved watching them. Ben and Mary were able to laugh at their crying fits caught on video. We went back to our last night in the old house (7 years ago), to the new house, to Ben and Mary as toddlers. I recorded a lot! But it also made me realize that I haven't used it much lately. Only for the major holidays...and those videos get old after a while. I like the every day kind...when you're just hanging out and capturing what you do in a regular day. We've had the camera pictured above for one year. Looks pretty new, doesn't it? I think it's underutilized. I'm working now and time seems to be flying by at a much quicker pace. But I think that's EXACTLY why I need to get this camera out more. My kids are growing up so fast and I'm going to forget all of this. It'll be over in a flash. I'm pretty good at taking pictures, now I want to step up my video taking.

***

Lord, thank you for a great weekend. Help me to treasure my time with my kids.

Day 28/365 - Cub Scout Field Trip

2011-01-29T23:52:00.003-06:00

Date: 1/29/11

Time: 3:15 pm

Place: The Shrine of St. Rose Philippine Duchesne
***

Today I went with Ben to a Cub Scout field trip to the shrine of St. Rose Philippine Duchesne. Every time Ben has anything he complains that he doesn't want to go. It's really getting old. But I treated him to McDonald's and he warmed up to me. In fact, it was a date... just me and him. And hearing about this Saint's life made me realize I have NOTHING to complain about. My complaints sound so lame when you compare them to her difficult life. I'm working on it.

***

God, thanks for my date with Ben.

Day 27/365 - Break a Leg!

2011-01-29T23:18:00.002-06:00

Date: 1/28/11

Time: 8:36 pm

Place: Sts. Joachim and Ann Parish Center

***

This picture was taken at Sam's Eighth Grade Play. They performed Peter Pan with their little buddies in first grade and Sam was Wendy's dad. He's standing on top of something in the back and has a white shirt and tie on. Part of me is glad I don't have to keep picking him up from play practice and the other part can't believe that this is my son's Eighth Grade Play. I've seen other Eighth Grade Plays and this just means that they have one foot out the door of grade school. I don't know if I'm ready for him to graduate. He's doing all the "lasts". I hope I can make it through all of these in one piece!

***

Lord...be with him.

Day 26/365 - Cold, Hard, Icy and Grey

2011-01-28T14:07:00.005-06:00

Date: 1/27/11

Time: 7:30 am

Place: Outside my office

***

That icycle is still hanging on. I'm really done with the snow now. I'm ready for it to melt. It's not pretty and fluffy and white anymore. It's dingy and icy. I'm ready to see green again. I want leaves, greenery, flowers and sunshine! Everything about winter is cold, hard, icy and grey. But each season makes you yearn for the relief of the next. Sometimes the unwelcoming "outside" makes me want to go "inside"....which is good because then I spend more time with my family, or more time journaling and reading. I guess there is good in each season...until you get to the end of it and you are ready for the next one!

***

God, I appreciate whatever season you have me in. But could you just bring back the sun?

Day 25/365 - My Day by the Clock

2011-01-26T21:34:00.002-06:00

Date: 1/25/11

Time: Isn't it obvious? That dot means "am".

Place: Bedroom

***

6:19am--I'm NOT an early morning person. I sleep as late as I can, allowing JUST

enough time to get ready and drive carpool. Ted gets the kids ready for

school.

7:03am--Head out the door to pick up Erin and then take the kids to school.

7:30am--Drop off kids and head to church for the 8:00 mass.

8:52am--Breakfast at McDonald's with Karen.

10:53am--Fill up the car and car wash.

11:22am--Back home. Called new general practitioner. I need a doctor to check

out my knees that grind when I climb the stairs. I've put it off way too

long. Left a message.

11:25am--Time for major laundry, while watching recorded American Idol and

The Cake Boss. I don't know why I absolutely love The Cake Boss. I

don't watch much TV, but when I was sick, I happened to catch this

show and loved it. I don't bake much. But the way they are given a

challenge and then just BAM!! Create something with their hands.

Amazing!

2:45pm--Leave to pick up the kids from school.

3:30pm--Come back and continue with laundry and Cake Boss and watch the

kids throw their stuff everywhere.

4:50pm--Leave to pick up Sam from play practice.

5:15pm--Cook up a frozen pizza for the kids.

6:14pm--Got a call from a co-worker about a situation at work that brought me

down. I hate thinking about work at home.

6:30pm--Head out to dinner with Becky and Jerry at the Outback. No this

doesn't happen every night. In fact, we haven't been out to eat with

Becky and Jerry since they moved in with us and this was our only

free night. I was able to forget about the problem at work and enjoy

myself.

8:30pm--Get the kids ready for bed. Sit outside their doors until they are settled

in bed. While I'm sitting there, I fire off some e-mails about the situation

at work...and end up reading work e-mails (I always bring my laptop

upstairs when I sit outside their doors).

9:30pm--Come downstairs. Ted is watching Modern Family. I finish my blog.

11:00pm--This time hasn't arrived yet, but it's usually when we go to bed. Then,

we start it all over again tomorrow. Except, tomorrow I work.

***

God, thank you for a good day. Help me take care of the problem at work. And

thank you for Cake Boss. That show is awesome!

Day 24/365 - St. Clement of Rome

2011-01-25T20:58:00.003-06:00

Date: 1/25/11

Time: 7:52 am

Place: St. Clement of Rome Church

***

I'm not one to make a spectacle out of myself. I just don't. I don't like drawing attention to myself or standing out in any obvious way. So when I need to get my "picture of the day", this can sometimes cause a problem. The minutes before mass is not most people's "photo op" moment. So, when I took this picture, I had the camera in my lap and just pointed up. Not the best photo, but let me describe this church. This church is like one big circle with a pointed dome in the middle of the ceiling. These stained glass windows surround the upper walls of the church. They were shades of blue over the altar and then start blending shades of reds and yellows. Underneath the stained glass upper area, was windows around most sides of the church (not the altar and not the entrance areas. The windows had privacy walls behind them so you aren't looking out onto the other part of the building or the street. I thought this was so cool. I'm sure on a sunny day that these windows would bring in LOTS of light, while keeping distractions of the outside world from looking in. This is what I hope my life is like. I hope to clear enough to see light and be light, but not so clear that I receive all the other junk, too. I want walls to protect me, but not so much that I don't see the light. I don't know if this makes any sense.

I went to St. Clement today with my friend, Jill, who attends daily mass there. I've seen prettier churches, but I've never seen a church like this. It was very unique...and sometimes unique is very cool in my book! I looked up the church on the web and it was built in 1965. Here is the website http://stclementcatholicchurch.org/ if you want to see the outside shape of this interesting church.

***

God, let my soul be like glass that lets every beam of your light in, but protect me from any distractions that could lead me off course.

Day 23/365 - Room With a View

2011-01-24T23:13:00.005-06:00

Date: 1/24/11

Time: 10:02 am

Place: The view from my office window

***

You can tell I work for a non-profit. This huge icicle formed because of a hole in the soffit. I guess the water drained out there instead of through the gutters. The picture doesn't do it justice. The long icicle is almost four feet. I bet the diameter of the hole is about five inches. If I stood next to it, you could get a better perspective on it. I'd offer to do that tomorrow, but I'm off and I'm not about to go in just to improve my picture of the day. Three days from now when I go back in, I'm sure it will be melted and gone. That's ok...I'm going to enjoy my two days off. The ice may melt in two days, but it will take much longer to fix that hole in the soffit.

***

God, thank you for a room with a view. It's beautiful.

Day 22/365 - Maybe Someday

2011-01-23T22:05:00.006-06:00

Date: 1/23/11

Time: 3:30 pm

Place: The Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception

***

So, technically I did not take this picture. But it was taken today by my son who is in Washington D.C. for the Pro-Life March. I did take a picture of TimTam's today at Target, but I like this one a lot more. I think this little altar area is beautiful and I wish I could see the whole church. Maybe someday. Apparently it's the largest Roman Catholic Church in North America and one of the ten largest churches in the world. I was trying to read what the altar says and the part on the front says "Heart of Mary Pray For Us". Does the left side say "Immaculate"? Maybe. One thing I know...I can ask Sam and he won't be able to fill me in. I tried to look it up on the internet, but I can't find this particular spot in this big, beautiful church known for it's architecture and art. Maybe someday, I'll find out for myself.

***

God, someday I would like to travel and see some of the big, beautiful churches people all over the world built in your honor. Please?

Day 21/365 - Red Robinnnn YUMMMM

2011-01-22T22:38:00.003-06:00

Date: 1/22/11

Time: 6:34 pm

Place: Red Robin

Tonight we went to the 5:00 mass and then to Red Robin for dinner. Ok, this picture is kinda gross. I should have taken a picture of this salad before I tore into it. But it was SO good!! It was some kind of Santa Fe chicken salad. Don't remember the exact name. I should have ordered a small. It wasn't on the menu, but when I complained to the waiter that it was WAY too much, he told me you can order a smaller version of the same salad. Wish I would have known. Would you believe tomorrow we have NOTHING on the calendar? NOTHING.

Thank you, God, for a FREE day. How should we spend it? Let me know when you get a chance.

Day 20/365 - Mary Had a Little Lamb

2011-01-22T19:50:00.002-06:00

Date: 1/21/11

Time: 9:17 am

Place: My Office Desk

Today the kids were off school because of a blown transformer. The kids were so happy to have this day off after a snow day! I was happy to have a day when I could sleep in a little before heading to work. On my way out, Mary asked if I could take this lamb to work with me and when I miss her, I can look at the lamb and it will remind me of her. I had a pretty rough day at work today. Someone took all of her anger out on me in my office. I'm wondering if, while she was yelling at me, did she see this cute lamb behind me and wonder? Maybe her anger would have been cooled if she knew my daughter cared so much to give me this cute lamb. Instead, this lady was like a lion. One other person who came in to talk to me, kept looking over my shoulder and smiling. I explained why I had a lamb on my desk. She thought it was cute. At least it worked on her.

God, help the lady who was angry today. Give her your peace. Amen.

Day 19/365 - My Snow Angel

2011-01-21T00:00:00.004-06:00

Date: 1/20/11

Time: 4:23 pm

Place: Front Yard

I'm afraid with this Project 365 blog, I might end up with 100 pictures of Mary! I can't help it...the girl's smile just beckons my camera! She's ALWAYS ready for the photo op. We had about 9 inches of snow today. I took advantage of the kids snow day (and my closed office day) by cleaning the kids' bedrooms and rearranging Abby and Mary's room. I didn't get out in the snow until late afternoon to shovel the driveway and take some pictures like the one above. The kids had so much fun today. It helped to make my day great when everything was canceled. Everything...well except for my girl's night out with grade school friends. We managed to keep our date. I think we were all so desperate to get out after being home all day with the kids! LOL!

God, thank you for the snow that canceled school, work, play practice, and Daisies and gave this mom a much needed break from all of the running around!

Day 18/365 - Snow Day?

2011-01-19T21:54:00.003-06:00

Date: 1/19/11

Time: 8:20 pm

Place: Looking out from my garage

After picking Abby up from a friends house, I took this picture from the edge of the garage, looking up. The outside light over my garage door lit up the snowflakes in the sky. In this picture, they almost look like stars. The school closings are pouring in already as some areas already have 2 inches. I have to work tomorrow and the kids will probably be home. For some reason, I still root for snow days. I don't know why. I guess it's the kid in me. And it's nice not to get up early to get the kids ready and off to school. Ted's out of town until Friday so he's missing out on all the fun. Night all...time to watch American Idol!

God, thank you for snow days.

Day 17/365 - Time For A Hair Cut

2011-01-18T20:50:00.005-06:00

Date: 1/18/11

Time: 3:06 pm

Place: Master Cuts

I finally got my hair cut today. I've been wanting it cut since December...but I procrastinated... was desperate...and then couldn't get in in time for the event I wanted it cut. In December, I went with my sister to my niece's cheer competition in Columbia, MO. I ended up taking the scissors with me so I could cut my hair in the hotel. Yup. I do crazy things like that. So my last hair cut was self-cut. Not good. It was nice to get a real hair cut today. The girl cutting my hair is Ted's cousin's daughter and she and her sister used to babysit for us. So we always have fun conversations. Can you tell I'm all about the conversation? Well, I am. It's fun to explain to people why I'm taking pictures in weird places. "You see, I'm doing this blog where I have to take a picture a day and then write about it. You don't mind...do you?" (SNAP PICTURE OF SELF WHILE GETTING HAIR CUT)

God, thank you for my camera. It's really cool and I like it and I don't know what I would do without it!

Day 16/365 - Hangin With the Masek's

2011-01-17T20:43:00.004-06:00

Date: 1/17/11

Time: 1:40 pm

Place: My Sister's Front Room

Today was a great day to hang out at my sister's house. Our husbands were both working, we were both off work, and our kids were off school. It's rare that we have days like this because she works full time and our weekends are packed. My other sister, Becky, came over, too. We sat in the adjoining room talking, while the kids all played together. The picture above is of Sam (back to the camera) playing video games with Dominic (yellow sweatshirt) and Kyle, while Leah looks on. We talked about how fast our kids are growing up, how her twins will be off to college before we know it. She thinks she'll not know what to do with herself when she just has her younger two at home (the least demanding two). She talked about the unfinished projects around her house and how she really wants to redo her pink bathroom (the tub, toilet and sink are pink). We talked about Spring Break (they're going to visit my brother in New Orleans and we're going to Orlando), summer vacations (she wants to take her family to Colorado) and about my crop weekend. It was just nice to hang out with her and chat.

Lord, thank you for my sisters. It's one of the ways you show me how much you love me.

Day 15/365 - Out With the Old?

2011-01-16T22:25:00.003-06:00

Date: 1/16/11

Time: 7:54

Place: Ted's Parent's House

Ted's mom, Jane, turns 69 tomorrow. We celebrated tonight with cake and ice cream. We watched old home movies. We talked about how they've been in this house for 48 years. They still have a corded phone in their kitchen and the macaroni and cheese stayed warm in a crock pot that looked at least 30 years old. They really don't change things unless it's needed. I wonder how many things I change or replace just because I'm tired of it. Or maybe I saw something better and wanted it right away. I admire her ability to stick with what she has...but at the same time I seem to admire people who have the latest gadgets and are on top of trends. I guess I'm somewhere in between. Ted's parents are just happy with what they have. I think there is some very good wisdom in that way of thinking. I could probably stand to think more like that.

God, help me to be happy right here, right now, with whatever is lacking and whatever is waiting for me.

Day 14/365 - I Love Digital Scrapbooking!!

2011-01-15T15:32:00.002-06:00

Date: 1/14/11

Time: 3:17 pm

Place: Holiday Inn

I'm on a Scrapbooking Weekend called the "Snowflake Crop" with some good friends and about 18o other women. I've been scrapbooking since Sam was a baby, February 1997. I did paper scrapbooks (Creative Memories) until over 2 years ago when I switched to digital. Which means, I never print pictures, I lay them out with digital paper and embellishments and create page spreads that eventually become a book (that I order online). Each child has their own albums where they are the main focus. I also keep a family album of everyone. That's five albums I have to keep up to date! Can you imagine how hard this is?? This is why I'm on a scrapbooking weekend where all I do is crop, eat and sleep. I have no one else to take care of but myself.

Lord, thank you for this getaway...and for my husband who makes it all possible.

Day 13/365 - A New Day

2011-01-15T15:18:00.003-06:00

Date: 1/14/11

Time: 7:23 am

Place: Cottleville Expressway

Sam took this shot while I was driving carpool. I thought the sun looked pretty as it spread through the clouds with it's yellows and oranges...until it reached the blues. This is an odd part of my drive after I pick up the carpool girl. It's a nice stretch of nothing which gave me a good glimpse of the sun. It was the only time I took to notice any beauty because the rest of my day was a rush.

Thank you, God, for those moments when the beauty of your creation reaches me and I stop long enough to admire it.

Day 12/365 - Oh Innocence

2011-01-13T21:36:00.004-06:00

Date: 1/13/11

Time: 7:30 pm

Place: Sts. Joachim and Ann Church pew

Tonight was Ben's First Reconciliation. He knew which priest all the kids were going to, so he was going to go to one of the visiting priests because he knew it would be the shortest line. He was third in line, and went face to face. When he came back he said, "That was easier than I thought it would be!" He was so cute. I'm sure he reported sins like...I was mean to my sister...or...I didn't get off the computer when I was supposed to...or... I sometimes don't wear a coat when my mom tells me to. Oh innocence. Life will get more complicated no doubt. If I could just hold him here in this moment. But I've seen this play out before. Next thing I know, he'll be running off to his high school interview. Sigh. God bless him and protect him.

After the confession he was told to write thank you letter to Jesus. He had to turn it into this mailbox in the isle, but I made sure to write down his sweet words.

"Thank you for forgiving me. I feel a lot better now. My first confetion was very easy. From Ben Naumann"

Day 11/365 - Interview with Sam

2011-01-12T21:23:00.004-06:00

Date: 1/12/11
Time: 8:02 pm

Place: Christian Brothers College High School

Sam had his interview with CBC tonight. We got lucky that his interviewer was one of the Brothers who was really nice. The Brother took the pressure off Sam because he was so cheerful and chatty. Sam said they talked a lot about Boy Scouts. I can't imagine an interview with Sam. All I know is that when I ask him questions, I get one syllable answers or grunts. Which makes me ask more questions or the same question again if I didn't decipher the grunt right. This proceeds to make him upset with me and then he shuts down all communication that was barely there to begin with. This is why, whenever I'm asked the question, "What super power would you like to have?", I answer, "fly on the wall"...because I NEVER get enough information. I just want some cotton pickin' information. Is that too much to ask? Being a fly would throw away the whole need for information out the window, because I would just find out for myself! Who wouldn't want to spy on their kids in situations like this? There are many places I would go if I could.

Sam couldn't tell me much about the interview, of course. I guess his interview went better than Ted's did when he was looking at Priory. Ted's dad was a lithographer. He did a job that is now done by computers, laying out publications. The industry nickname for it was "stripper". You see where I'm going with this? The Priest asked Ted what his dad did for a living. Ted answered, "He's a Stripper". Oh man...we still get a good laugh out of that one.

Lord, thank you for giving Sam a jolly, chatty Brother to interview him.

Day 10/365 - How About Them Apps!

2011-01-11T18:38:00.002-06:00

Date: 1/11/11

Time: 12:59

Place: Apple Store at the West County Mall

A couple of years ago, the abbreviated word "app" meant little to most people. Now the word is used constantly because of the iPhone...and some brilliant person's idea to let other people have access to the iPhone language to write their own apps and make them available to everyone. Because of these people, I'm totally addicted to my iPhone. I keep my calendar on it, I check the weather, I play on Facebook, I look up movie times, research menus from restaurants, Skye people, text people, and call people. I keep names, addresses and phone numbers on it. I take pictures, videos on it and view pictures and videos on it. I read my daily mass readings and meditations on it, and I can listen to music or talks. I can play games like spider solitaire and mine sweeper. I can't get lost because of the handy GPS app. I could plan a full road trip because it will tell me every restaurant, hotel, and gas station nearby, along the way. Oh yah, I read my e-mail on it. So you can imagine my frustration when I drop it at Target on Sunday and I pick it up to find my screen with a blank glow. No app icons. Just a glow. We looked it up on the Internet and they call it the "White Screen of Death". Sounded pretty bleak to me. Well, we called Apple on the phone and they said we'd probably have to pay $200 for a repair. I only paid $100 with a 2 year commitment. UGH. We brought it into the Apple Store where they do minimal repairs. The lady opened it up and found the defect and said she could replace it for free. That made me so happy! She said if there was an obvious accident (water in the phone, or cracked screen), she wouldn't have been able to replace it. She gave me a new phone on the spot! What a good day it was today. In this picture I show this very cool display of app icons hanging from the ceiling. How about them apps!!

Thank you, God, for helping me get my iphone back.

Day 9/365 - This is My Oasis!

2011-01-10T14:25:00.004-06:00

Date: 1/10/11
Time: 2:25 pm
Place: My Bedroom

This is my oasis! These words tend to get thrown around a lot in my house. I think it dates back to the time when I was watching the decorating shows on HGTV and they said your bedroom should be an "oasis". I fell in love with that idea and vowed to get rid of everything in my room that kept it from feeling "oasislike"...namely, clutter. But that wasn't all, I changed the whole bedroom, with new colors, bedspread, skirt, curtains and paint. Yes, that was when I was a stay at home mom. I put my bed on the other side of the room so that it was more "feng shui". I then added a couch and eventually a flat screen TV so I didn't have a big bulky TV in the room. Ahhhh! Finally! It was my oasis! But gradually, things have found their way into my bedroom that make it feel "non-oasisish". For example, Ted didn't like Sam playing his shoot em up video games in the family room where the kids could see it. He decided he should set it up in our bedroom. Can you imagine what that was like? It was a WARZONE in my BEDROOM. Not good. He heard a lot, "Where is my oasis??" Thank God, we got through that awful period. We got Sam to spend his own money for a TV in HIS bedroom.

Another challenge to my peaceful bedroom is the laundry as seen here in this picture. My room is my laundry folding room. And since I work three days of the week and tend to mainly do laundry when I'm off, the laundry tends to sit on this lovely couch that is supposed to be all pretty, clutter free, with matching pillows that bring in the drape colors. My room spends more time being a work in progress, than an escape.

I've learned to tolerate the clutter. I have to. It can't be clutter-free 100% of the time. So sometimes, I just tune it out. When the kids are grown and I have more time, I might be able to have my "oasis". But will I need it as much?

I've learned to live with some of this mess so I can be easier to live with.

Lord, help me to not be overwhelmed with my couchfull of laundry.

Day 8/365 - Joyful Noise

2011-01-09T18:06:00.004-06:00

Date: 1/9/11
Time: 5:50 pm
Place: Living Room

***

Abby and Sam practice on their instruments. Abby plays the clarinet and Sam plays the trombone. I can hear this now as I type. I love the sound of music in my house....even if it's not exactly music, but a mish-mash of notes blended together. I'd rather have this, than fighting. I'd rather have this, than the TV blaring. I'd rather have this, than kids jumping on the furniture. So yah...this is good. It was either this picture, or one of Ben and Mary skating on the hardwood floors in roller skates. I chose this one.

***

God, thank you for this "joyful noise" that permeates my house!

Day 7/365 - Activities Galore

2011-01-09T17:57:00.005-06:00

Date: 1/8/11
Time: 12:40 pm
Place: DuBray Middle School

***

Last year, Ben played Upwards basketball and Mary went to many of this games. Her favorite part was not the basketball, but watching the cheerleaders. Mary couldn't stay in her seat when she watched them. She would stand up and cheer right along. That's when I knew she needed to be a cheerleader this year. Today was a crazy day with Ted and I splitting up duties so we could accomplish all that was on our calendar. Ted took Ben to his basketball game, then I took Mary to cheer, then Ted took Sam to his basketball game, then I took Ben to his friend's birthday party at the skating rink. After that, Ted and I had a date night!

***

Lord, I thank you for the ability to drive my kids from one activity to another. I thank you that Ted shares all this with me. It would so not be fun without him.

Day 6/365 - My Moment of Peace

2011-01-07T22:20:00.005-06:00

Date: 1/7/11

Time: 7:39 am

Place: Sts. Joachim and Ann Church

***

This is one of my favorite times of the day. After dropping off the kids at school, I park the car and walk into church. I'm there pretty early for the 8:00am mass, but that's the best part. I get to sit in silence, read the readings and just rest in God's presence before mass and the whirling buzz of the rest of my day begins. Actually, the whirling buzz precedes this moment when we wake the kids up, feed them breakfast, pack lunches, get them dressed and load them in the car for the drive to school. But after that buzz is this quite lull in church. I can collect my thoughts and offer up my concerns for the day. When my youngest started full time school, I was suddenly free with no children at home. I do work part time, but my job is right across the street from our church and school. My world revolves around this triad of buildings. It only made sense to add mass into my daily routine. I try to fit daily mass in three times a week. This commitment has changed my life. I feel a peace and order. Despite the chaos around me, inside I'm at peace.
***
Thank you, God, for the way you make mass convenient for me, right now in my life. I know it may not always be this easy, so I'm grateful for what you're giving me...right now.

Post 5/365 - Cutting Hair and Faith

2011-01-06T21:13:00.005-06:00

Date: 1/6/11

Time: 8:21pm

Place: Our Breakfast Room

I'm the resident hair stylist in my family. I cut, I comb, I brush and I braid. Don't get me wrong, Ted is pretty handy with the brush when I have to get ready for work and he's getting the kids ready for school. He gets the bed heads smoothed out with some water and a couple of swipes of the brush. But I'm the one who does all of the cutting....all the kids and Ted. Actually, I cut my parents hair, too. I cut their hair today before Ted's. If only I got a picture of that! But, I love doing this small task for them. What else can you do for your parents? Right now, mine aren't in the high need mode. So this is it. I'm treasuring it for as long as I can. Usually they come over to my house, but tonight I went over to theirs. My mom felt guilty "putting me out". "Let me watch you do Dad's so I can do it myself"...she said. I told her no. It gives me an excuse to see them and chat. We had a great chat tonight. We talked about Dad's Kindle and how he loves it so much. We talked about how Dad loves reading the footnotes in the Bible and how easy that is on the Kindle. We talked about the readings a couple of days ago. How Jesus walked on water while the apostles were tossed about in the storm...that they were scared until Jesus told them to not be afraid and stepped in the boat with them. We went on and on. I love my parents. They raised me with their faith. They ignited the fire that's still burning in me. It will go on long after their gone. And I will always be grateful. And maybe cutting their hair is one small way I can show that.

Thank you, God, for the way you channeled my faith through my parents. I'm grateful beyond words for them.

Day 4/365 - Carpool

2011-01-05T16:15:00.002-06:00

Date: 1/5/11

Time: 3:52 pm

Place: Inside our Extended Length Expedition

This is my carpool. I drive pick up on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and I take on Wednesday and Friday. My carpool has changed over the years. At first, my family represented a third of the carpool, but now, as my kids have grown and are now all going to the same school, we are 4/5 of the carpool. Erin, the one with the blue headband and waggling tongue, is the lucky participant. I explained my project 365 and how I need a picture a day. They helped me to decide to take a picture of carpool. I love carpooling. I drive half the time and most of the kids are mine. My carpool is a well oiled machine. My friend, Jackie, and I have it down to a science. We work together, too...which is an added bonus! This is the last year of all four kids being at the same school. Next year, Sam will take a bus to CBC high school. I'm trying to slow this year down so I can savor it longer.

God, help me to relish every moment with my kids. Time flies by too swiftly and I don't want it to pass me by!

Day 3/365 - Famous for Steakburgers...NOT Salad

2011-01-05T16:03:00.006-06:00

Date: 1/4/11

Time: 1:18 pm

Place: Steak n Shake

Today was my first day out of the house in five days. After being laid up in bed for three days and recooperating one more day...I'm finally out of the house. My friend, Karen, had coupons for Steak n Shake and was craving their food. You don't fight a pregnant woman on her cravings, so I agreed. Normally, I would LOVE Steak n Shake! But since I am watching what I'm eating, I had to get a salad. At Steak n Shake. A salad. She got chili, double steakburger, fries and a cherry limeade. And since we stayed so long, we got the happy hour special of half off drinks (between 2 and 4pm). The happy hour special encouraged her to order a shake to go "to complete the Steak n Shake experience", she said. I had to watch her eat all of it. Oh the days when I was pregnant and ate whatever I wanted. It was a great lunch with great conversation. But when I got home, I checked the calories on my salad...which was not bad...but HALF the calories were from fat!! What? I barely had any of the dressing...but I think it was the chicken. The GRILLED chicken. Go figure.

God, thank you for lunch dates with special girlfriends! And thank you for what little discipline I have.

Day 2/365 - The Decorations Can Wait

2011-01-03T20:21:00.005-06:00

Date: 1/3/11

Time: 8:20 pm

Place: My dining room

My Christmas decorations are still up. I've been sick for the past 4 days and haven't had the energy to take them down. Why didn't I delegate that over the weekend when I was laying in bed? All of the efficient moms took advantage of the very earliest Epiphany possible and took theirs down promptly yesterday. I guess Ted took on enough while I was sick. In fact, I'm very grateful for all he did.

Thank you, God, for a husband who takes care of the house and kids while I am sick. The decorations can wait.

Day 1/365 - The Eyes Have It

2011-01-02T10:06:00.003-06:00

Date: January 2, 2010

Time: 9:27 am

Place: Our breakfast room

I've always liked Mary's eyes. She's blessed with beautiful long lashes and very expressive brows. If I were allowed more than one picture, I'd show you the many emotions her eyes express. Lately, it's been one of concern. I'm on day three of being in bed sick. Mary has come in every day, laid her hand on me and said a prayer for me to get better. That blesses me so much.

Thank you, God, for my Mary. The one who prays with me.

Project 365 - A New Project for the New Year!

2011-01-02T09:58:00.002-06:00

A friend of mine started this "Project 365" over a year and a half ago and then started it up again in the New Year and has inspired me to start one myself. What is it you say? Well, it is pretty simple, take a picture everyday, something ordinary or extraordinary and journal a bit about it. It is said to provide you a good perspective on your life and make you look at things a bit differently. My goal is to not take the "typical" picture, but to show a different perspective on each day. The simple things. The things we easily overlook when we are rushed. I'm hoping this helps me to sllloowww down and enjoy the simple pleasures of this life that is racing around me.

I'm not going to look on this as setting up myself for a HUGE failure. I mean REALLY. Do I REALLY think I can take a picture a day and journal on it?? Well, I'm willing to try. And forgive myself if I'm not perfect. It would have nice to start yesterday, at the beginning of the year, but I was sick in bed...and I still am sick in bed. Blah. My next post will be my first one.

My House is Crazy

2010-12-06T21:06:00.002-06:00

Ya know...I thought this blogging thing would be fun to pick up again. I should know better. How am I supposed to fit this in? When I started to blog, I needed an outlet. I needed to be able to express myself. I had a LOT of time at home and needed something for myself. I feel like many things have taken the place of blogging.

1) I have a job. I love my job. But my bored days at home have totally changed. On my two days off, I'm running all the errands, catching up with friends for lunch, and attempting to clean my house. I remember when I had time to dream up redecorating rooms and home improvement projects. While we have put in wood floors almost a year ago, my house has virtually stayed in a time warp...frozen in the way it looked 2 years ago. I'm not complaining. I had 4 years of being a stay at home mom in this house (we moved in 2004)and got all that decorating out of my system in that time. If you think I'm kidding, it's all documented in my blog...including before and after pictures!

2) My fourth child just started full time school this year. You think that makes my job easier? Helllooo! Homework? Soccer? Cheer? Daisies? Birthday parties? Puhlease! This girl is busy! How did it all happen so fast?? Ben and Mary have entered the "activities scene" in the past two years. They have doubled the activities that went on my calendar in that short time period...just by becoming school age. My life will never be the same.

3) My brain is scattered. I'm running in three different directions almost every night. I can't think straight. Which makes it very hard to focus on a blog. You don't believe me? I forgot that Abby was at a friend's house tonight and it wasn't until she called me at 8:38pm did I realize she was forgotten. How embarassing! She was with her carpool friend so it's not like a new friend or something. Which is why I guess I forgot. No excuse, though. It makes me think...where is my head??

4) Sam is in his last year of Eighth Grade so we are busy with high school application, practicing for the school play, preparing for Confirmation, and tearing up at every "last" experience he has at the school.

5) My sister's family lives with us now. I don't know if this is a good excuse for not blogging, but I can say that is totally adds to the lack of focus when you are in a household of 10 people. It just does. I have to admit, she helps me straighten the house and helps with the dishes. Thank God. But there is just a little more chaos and I think whatever form of A.D.D. I have just gets challenged. I don't have an official diagnosis of A.D.D., but focus is definately a problem.

My house groans as it reminesces those days where it was lovingly cleaned up daily. I try to keep up with it, but it's just so hard...so I basically tolerate it. My mom says that me and my sister Lisa do it right. My mom grew up with a house cleanliness obsession. It all had to be perfect or you were unfit to be a wife and mother. I guess these expectations have loosened a little through the years. My house is rarely presentable these days. But I'm not willing to drive myself crazy trying to keep it perfect. So I just have to tolerate it during this busy time in our lives. I refuse to nag and nag to get others to make what is important to ME, important to THEM. It just won't happen. So maybe our mom thinks we are taking a "higher road" by tolerating the mess, but frankly, I don't feel I have much of a choice!

My "Day Off"

2010-11-08T21:15:00.003-06:00

It was my "day off" work today. Did you notice that I put "day off" in quotation marks? That's because my days off work feel like major "squeeze in everything you couldn't get done while you were working" days. Which just means more work, but just a different kind. I work three days a week, Wednesday through Friday. But because of a retired payroll person, I worked Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday last week. With this odd schedule, I happened to be off 4 working days in a row. This meant a lot of calls at home today because it is so CRAZY at work. These were my calls:
--"Can you respond to the custodian's e-mail. She was upset because she wasn't invited to (payroll coordinator)'s retirement luncheon?" Me--"Sure...I guess because she's not an employee and not a volunteer, but a vendor...she wasn't in the e-mail groups that I sent it out to. I'll add her to the volunteer group and make sure this doesn't happen again." Sent nice, but groveling e-mail to custodian.
--Voice mail of a call I missed--"The Creative Memories consultant is here to meet you about the set up of the room for the Fundraiser Crop (we are holding it all day Saturday). Are you coming in?" Me--Shoot!! That was today??? Sent another groveling e-mail thanking them for taking care of it.
--"How is the food planning going for the Fundraiser Crop?" Me--Gave her the update but agreed I should send out a follow-up e-mail asking employees and volunteers for more food donations (snacks, desserts, and someone to donate sub sandwiches for lunch. This fundraiser crop landed on my shoulders when we lost our Special Events Coordinator. We are working to replace her with a Director of Development, but haven't posted that job yet.

After some of those calls, I decided to read my work e-mail to take care of any outstanding issues...including responding to interested applicants for the payrolll position. So basically, I put in about an hour's worth of work today.

Besides work, these are my other accomplishments today on my "day off":
--Went to the 8:00am mass. Great way to start my day!
--Went to the band shop to pick up some new band book Abby needs. It wasn't open yet. Went later mid day...they were out of it. Was told they had them at the other location.
--Helped Becky drop off her car at the shop, which happened to be near the alternate band shop location, so I picked up the book on the way home.
--Went to purchase my "dry goods" and other groceries which are cheaper there than the grocery store. Cereal, pop-tarts, granola bars, frozen pizzas,Velveeta Cheese (for a meal I wanted to make tonight). I also got jeans for Ben (he's outgrown all the others), tennis shoes for Mary (her new school shoes are ALREADY SHOT!!), a Ripstik for Ben (fancy skateboard to be a Christmas gift from my mom), soda, and hair gel.
--Went to the grocery store for chicken and sourcream to round up tonight's Chicken and Rice meal that the whole family loves! Also got some bananas, a card for my nephew who is earning his Eagle badge Thursday night, and some deli meat, cheese and Pane bread for another meal this week (panini sandwiches).
--Ran to Walgreens to get the poster board I should have gotten at Target but forgot! Sam needs it for a Saint project in Religion.
--Sent an e-mail out to the family asking them if they wanted to pitch in on a season pass to Six Flags for my nephew who is earning his Eagle. They all agreed so I went online to purchase the pass, printed it out and put it in the card after signing everyone's name to it.
--Ate lunch with Ted.
--Typed up the lyrics and chords to songs that my friend is having me play (guitar) and sing at her renewal of vows mass in her home on Wednesday night. I practiced the songs because I knew I wouldn't have time tomorrow night because I'm taking out my neice for her 16th birthday.
--Carpool friend called and she said she would take home the kids today (Thank God! Normally my day to take home)
--Read and responded to personal e-mails.
--Cooked dinner
--And while I was cooking...got the following calls: 1) Can you sub tomorrow night for the walleyball game? Me--No...Ted has to drive Boy Scouts and that will run late so I need to be home to put the little ones in bed. 2)Called my carpool for Boy Scouts to tell her we will drive tomorrow night because Ted has to be at the meeting anyway since he is planning the Northern Tier trip and needs to talk to the boys.
3)Got call from friend (vow renewal one) who's son also needs a ride to scouts tomorrow. Can she drop him off around 5:30pm so we can bring him? Husband will stop by after work to pick him up and take him home after the meeting. Me--Sure...no problem.
--After dinner, Ted and Sam bring up the dusty, underused treadmill so we can use it for Sam's fitness plan which is a requirement for Eagle. After this, Ted runs off to Men's Group. The house was so crazy and loud, he couldn't wait to get out.
--I help Sam with his big Saint project. He has to finish tonight because tomorrow night he won't have time because of Scouts. This includes helping him with facts about Padre Pio because he needs to do an oral report and must know his saint well. This also included rounding up stick glue (no small feat!)
--I drag Sam through the fitness test which he needs to do get a baseline performance so he can measure his results biweekly to track his progress. This fitness test involved running a mile on the treadmill, sit ups, push ups and measuring parts of his stinky, sweaty body afterward. He moaned and complained the whole time. THIS IS YOUR EAGLE BADGE, NOT MINE!!! We (me dragging him the process) devised a fitness plan for the next 12 weeks, where he will have to record his almost daily fitness activities (GOD HELP US ALL).
--I then round up the little kids to get them ready for bed and sit outside their door to brush their teeth.
--Wrote this blog while sitting outside their door.

Does this sound like a "day off" to you? I didn't think so. This rundown of my day gives you a great idea of what is going on in my life right now! It's a crazy life, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. As much as this may sound like complaining...I'm very happy...even if it is a bit overwhelming at times.

Maybe tomorrow I can have some fun before heading back to the other roller coaster ride called "work"?

My Baby is Six

2010-11-05T22:45:00.003-05:00

We just finished celebrating Mary's birthday party with family tonight. I can't believe my baby is six! I feel bad saying, my last two children totally stressed me out! I blogged during this time of total stress and it really helped....but it was very difficult for me. I thanked God for every major milestone they reached and prayed they would get older...FAST. Well, now they are 6 and 7 1/2 and things are much easier. They are all in school. I have a lot more freedom. I am happier. But it's odd....I now want to slow this whole thing down.

It was easier to wish that they would start eating table foods, learn to walk, talk or get potty trained. Before I know it, one is heading off to school and the other follows quickly behind him. And that's it. It all goes so quickly now! She's in Kindergarten, playing soccer, going to Daisy meetings and getting ready for cheerleading. What happened to the girl who clung to me and wanted to be held all the time? She's off with her own schedule on the calendar now! Ben and Mary used to just follow along while we ran ragged with the older two. Now they both have their own agenda full of games, practices, birthday parties and homework. Ugh.

This afternoon Ted and I went to the kids' parent teacher conferences. Four conferences scheduled in a row, one after the other. Kindergarten, 2nd grade, 6th grade, 8th grade...this year only. This is the only year they will all be at the same school. After that, it will all change.

Just like there was no "fast forward" when they were younger and I wanted to skip my way out of a difficult period....there is also no "rewind" to bring me back to those stages that slipped by me like a dream. For the first time, I want this train to slow down. I want to enjoy the ride. I want to hold them longer. I want to kiss them more. I want to relish every moment with them. This year she's six. Next year she'll be seven...and before I know it, she'll be packing up the car to head to college. I want to be a part of every conscious moment. I want to be fully and completely present. This is the only way I know to slow down this process. .

Jumping Through Hoops

2010-11-03T20:25:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I can be very skilled at jumping through hoops. It's funny...sometimes the presentation of a hoop can be the very excuse I need to get out of something. But SOMETIMES, I want something so badly that I am willing to jump through hoops to get it.

What am I talking about? Well, just a couple of days ago my nephew posted on Facebook that he had made it to regionals on his high school swim team and that the meet would be held this Thursday (I get all my latest news from Facebook). We have two functioning adults in this family so we are used to tag teaming to get it all done. Thursday night is our ultimate tag team event! It is totally my luck that this would HAVE to fall on a Thursday! Did you ask what was scheduled for Thursday? I thought you did. Here is what I saw when I looked at the calendar:
3:00-4:00 - Sam's play practice
4:00-6:30? - Kyle's Regional Swim Meet
5:00-6:15 - Abby's volleyball practice
6:00-7:00 - Ben's soccer practice
7:00-8:00 - Abby's soccer practice

Time to jump through hoops.
--I texted my friend who coaches volleyball, asked her about the carpool of girls that goes from volleyball to soccer practice and if Abby could hop in this time (there are quite a few on both teams). She said that should be fine. She then was nice enough to offer to take Abby home from school and BRING her to volleyball (which I felt too guilty to ask her to do). Yippee! She asked me how Abby would get home and I told her that Ted coaches Ben's team and their practice is held on the same field as Abby's and that Ted is already there coaching Ben's practice when I drop her off...so he stays and helps her coach and takes her home after her practice.
--So Ben's practice is taking care of since Ted is the coach, and Abby's volleyball and soccer were just taken care of with one phone call. Now on to the play practice!
--I texted another friend who lives near us, who we carpool for Boy Scouts with. I asked her if she could bring Sam home from play practice. She said she wasn't sure if the boys had play practice because Friday is Parent Teacher conferences and they may not have it (this is a lady who is always ON TOP of things...her act is TOGETHER and I rely on her for all the latest information when my act is NOT TOGETHER). She texted me back today letting me know that they don't have play practice! Another yippee! I'm totally cleared to go to Kyle's swim meet!!!

Not so. In reading my e-mails after three busy days, I discovered an e-mail that came in Monday from Mary's Daisy leader saying that the meetings for the month are November 4th and November 18th. Really? THIS Thursday? I just want to go to a swim meet! Why is this so difficult? I don't know Daisy moms well enough yet to ask for a favor. She already missed the first two meetings. She can't miss another. She has to go. They are working on a petal for the daisy flower (really...that's their badges) and I can't have her be the only one missing a petal!

So I drag myself to ask Ted for a favor for him to leave work early and pick up Mary from Daisies. He proceeds to tell me how busy he is with work and he has to get all of his sales in before Thanksgiving because after Thanksgiving it's too hard to nail people down. But he senses how hard it would be to say no to me because the more hoops you have successfully jumped through, the more you do NOT want to go back. He knew if he didn't do it, then I wouldn't be able to go. I got a very begrudging "Yes" from him.

Fall is crazy with one volleyball team, and three soccer teams on top of Daisy's, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, play practice, speech practice, piano lessons and whatever other miscellaneous thing you want to throw on top of there. It's not easy. But the volleyball, soccer, speech and play practices will be over in three weeks!! Then it's on to two basketball teams and one little six year old cheerleader who will learn to cheer them on. Darn. That still sounds busy.

The point is...I'm willing to beg, borrow and steal to not miss something that's important to me. It can feel a little selfish. But I know if I sacrifice too much, then I lose myself. And if I lose myself, I'm not happy and no good to my kids or husband.

(Raising wine glass) Here's to making time for things that matter and husbands that pitch in so you can. Cheers!

What "Toy" Would You Take?

2010-10-29T21:19:00.002-05:00

We just saw Toy Story 3 at the dollar show. It was very cute. Andy goes away to college. His toys are so important to him that he packs up his favorite toy to take with him (Woody), his other favorite toys he packs up and stores in the attic. He doesn't want to give them away.

After the movie, I asked the kids what toy is so important to them that they would take it to college. Sam (14) asked if the PS3 would count as a toy. Why not? Ben (7) said he would want to take the laptop and legos. Mary (6) thought and thought. I reminded her that her absolute favorite thing was her Strawberry Shortcake blankie that her cousin made for her when she was born. She agreed wholeheartedly. Abby (12) is in Florida with friends, so she couldn't weigh in. But Ted and I decided we would take our turn. Ted said he would bring his golf clubs. I asked the kids what they thought I would bring. "Your Laptop".

How did they get to be so smart? Is it because all of my pictures are on here? Or maybe because of my digital scrapbook albums? Are they thinking about how I can chat with Theresa, who lives in Australia, using Skype? Or that I can peruse Facebook to catch up with old friends? Maybe they know that I've started blogging again. Or that I can't live without e-mail? Perhaps they found out that I keep my complicated Christmas list on an Excel spreadsheet? They probably understand that I can't imagine life without the internet where I get recipes, my news, the dish on the stars, or how to spell "mostaccioli" (just looked it up yesterday). The internet...it was my window to the world when I was a stay at home with young children. Now I find countless uses including planning a trip, looking up job descriptions for work, and researching my next e-bay or amazon purchase. I'm sure they know that my calendar is on here, my addresses and phone numbers of all our friends and family, my recipe book, and scrapbooking software.

Yup. I think it's my favorite toy. Ted thinks my iphone comes in a close 2nd. I agree.

Lions and Tigers and Bears...Oh my!

2010-10-29T10:26:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. A little overwhelmed with life and the demons I have to fight along the way. It seems like it's never just one thing...there's this and then there's that and then there's all the stuff in the future. I'm sure my demons are no worse than anyone else's. The stresses of work, the stresses of home...keeping it clean, and the stresses of family...trying to be a good wife and mother. Some days it feels easy and some days it feels hard. The thing is...God never said we had to fight the lions and tigers and bears. He just wants us to keeping getting up in the morning and trust in Him and take one action at a time.

Sometimes I've noticed when I take one action at a time and only focus on the action that is set before me at that moment, it seems less overwhelming. And piece by piece, the battle has been fought and I didn't even realize it. It's done. Overreaction is a beast in itself. How many times did I think I was facing a mountain when it turns out to be a mole hill? How many times did I not take into account the help I would get along the way? How many times did I worry and stress over something that never came to be? I guess this is why God wants us to trust in Him. We would save ourselves a lot of worry.

Trusting sounds easy, but it can be very difficult. However, the longer I live, the more I realize that most problems I encounter along the way are somehow dealt with in life. It's here and then it's gone. Or it cycles in and out of my life and I just have to learn to live with it and trust that God will help me with it. He doesn't always take them away. He sometimes uses them for our growth.

So I will continue to cycle into my times of feeling overwhelmed. It's just a fact of life. But each time I go into the battle with a little more wisdom from the time before ...and it doesn't scare me as much. And I also realize...I'm not alone. I have help! Just keep going on the yellow brick road!

Fall Break

2010-10-27T11:16:00.008-05:00

The kids are on Fall break this week. Today I'm watching my friend's boy and my sister's kids. Since Abby is out of town for the week, that makes 6 kids home with me today. Yippee!! My mom thought she would come over to help and has the kids making bird feeders. Gotta love her. Here are pics from the day...

Pesto Parmesan Ham and Asiago

2010-10-26T17:57:00.004-05:00

Had a tasty dinner tonight. They were more like appetizers, but it was a big hit with the family and that's all that matters. About a month ago I was at the Schnuck's deli and they offered these yummy samples. I liked it and grabbed the recipe. Their recipe didn't have quantities, so I winged it and everyone was happy. So here it is:

2 mini loaves--bread sliced
Mayo mixture (Italian seasoning, garlic powder, Mrs. Dash Table Blend and Black Pepper)
Boar's Head Pesto Parmesan Ham (I bought 1 1/2 pounds)
Boar's Head Asiago Cheese (I bought 1/2 pound)

I layered the mayo mixture, then ham, then cheese and baked at 375 degrees for about 15 minutes. I probably didn't need so much ham, but the cheese was just right. It was a little fattening. Oh well.

Is This Thing On?

2010-10-24T16:01:00.003-05:00

My last blog was January 14, 2009. Woah. I purposely stopped. My life got too busy. And actually, I really didn't stop writing. Well, maybe I did for a little bit. But then I started writing in a paper journal. You know...the old fashioned kind. I still do that. But typing is faster.

I'm trying this on again much like you try on an old sweater that you used to like, but kind of forgot about. I may wear it again, I may not. Who knows. Like I said, my life is VERY busy, but that's kind of why I want to do it again. I unwind by writing. I find it therapeutic. I'm not going to worry about what it looks like, or if it's interesting to other people. I just want to do it. Because. I said so. LOL. I just wanted to say that. See? It feels good!

Anyway, it'll take me a while to catch up here. Basically, the writing became rare once I got a job. I started doing status updates on Facebook. Shorter and easier. But I got a little obsessed with Facebook and was spending oodles of time on it. Then I got bored with it. Now I'm hardly ever on the computer and that is fine.

Tell me if you see this post so I can see who I'm talking to. I guess it's ok if it's just me. But I talk to myself all the time and that can get boring. So like the title of an old blog I used to read, I'm asking, "Is this thing on?"

A New Year, A Look Back

2009-01-14T12:46:00.005-06:00

I don't blog much these days. I am busier now with work and keeping up with the home...and just plain enjoying life. But it's been a blogging tradition of mine to look back at the year when it ends. It always amazes me what one year brings!

2008--

January
--Chaired the 80's Dance for the PTO
--Bought new furniture for the family room...delivered in March

February
--Mary is almost potty trained! She is dry all day and at night...but scared to poop on the toilet
and is struggling with constipation
--Lost 10 pounds on a Lenten diet
--Started Jazzercise

March
--Finished my family room makeover
--Battle Weary with Mary (strong will, ranging emotions, high maintenance)
--Purchased digital software for scrapbooking and decided to go completely digital!
--Made it my mission to finish all my paper scrapbooks before starting digital.

April
--Finished last even as the PTO President, Father Daugher Dance...YAY!!
--Ben and Mary are getting easier and I'm enjoying them more...another YAY!!
--Start thinking about next year. What will I do with my free time while Ben is at full time school and no PTO??
--Got a new laptop

May
--Ben turns 5
--Mary poops in the potty...FINALLY! No more pull-ups!!
--Became the new Volunteer Coordinator for the swim team and schedule 90 families to work the 200 shifts for the 6 meets
--Sam finishes 5th grade, Abby 4th, Ben--preschool.
--Camp at Meramec over the Memorial Day Weekend.

June
--Started volunteering one day a week at the Sts. Joachim and Ann Care Service
--Purchased my plane ticket for Australia!
--Lost control at the wheel and crashed and totaled our Jayco Kiwi travel trailer (on our way to Eminence). Ended up staying in a cabin part of the time and with my parents the other part

July
--Purchased a new to us 2006 Rockwood Roo. We love it! Took it to Illinios Beach State Park for it's first trip! Also purchased a better hitch. No more accidents.

August
--Took Ted on a Golf Weekend in Kansas City to celebrate his 40th!
--Brought home a new puppy named Charlie. He's a Shih-tzu/Bichon mix
--Accepted a part time position at the Care Service as the Director of Administration! Love it!!
--Sam starts 6th grade, Abby starts 4th and Ben starts FULL TIME Kindergarten

September
--Got my passport for Australia!
--Mary starts Mom's Day Out two days a week
--Mary and Ben both learn how to ride 2 wheelers this month! No more training wheels!
--Abby turns 10
--Sam starts practicing babysitting the kids for longer intervals. Abby helps him. This changes our lives drastically! From here on we don't have to take everyone else with us for errands or pick ups. Very cool!

October
--Sam turns 12
--Mother in law, Jane, finds out she has breast cancer. Has a mastectomy.

November
--Mary turns 4
--Sister, Becky finds out she is pregnant!

December
--Jane finished her Chemo
--No more babysitters. Sam and Abby do the job regularly now.
--Have a great Christmas Break with the kids

Tagged on a Meme

2008-12-02T07:33:00.002-06:00

This is how it works:

Pass this on to 5 blogging friends. Open the closest book to you, not your favorite or most intellectual book, but the book closest to you at the moment, to page 56. Write the 5th sentence, as well as two to five sentences following that.

I'm in the middle of reading "The Shack". Here is the 5th, 6th and 7th sentence: "Mack felt like he was moving in slow motion inside the eye of a hurricane of activity happening all around him. Report filtered in from everywhere. Even Emil was busy networking with the people and professionals he knew". In this story, the lead character just found out tragic news and was still looking into the mystery of what happened.

If I had pulled a book right near me, it would have been a cookbook, because my laptop is on the kitchen counter. I didn't think you would want to hear from that. But if you want to get literal, page 56 from "Deceptively Delicious" was a picture of a pile of pancakes.

I haven't blogged in a while. I don't want to neglect my other duties that have gotten harder now that I have a job. It's nice to be tagged on a meme so I can have an excuse to say Hi. Even though most of my hits are from people who don't know what to do about their full brick wall fireplace, or they want to get ideas on how to finish their basement, or they like St. Faustina and want to read her quotes.

Today I have a Christmas Luncheon for work. So, I need to do the dishes, wrap a $5 gift and bring Mary to my sister's. I'll catch up later!!

Husband's away, the mice will play...or clean...

2008-09-26T07:42:00.003-05:00

Ted left yesterday for his golf trip. He's not far, but he'll be gone until Sunday morning. It's funny, because, my house is cleaner when Ted is gone. It's not because he's a messy person. I think he is neater than me...it's because I clean like a maniac when he is gone. Why do I do this?It doesn't happen when he is gone for one night...it happens any time he's gone for a longer period..which doesn't happen often. I think I've figured it out why. I can feel overwhelmed with all the responsibilities when Ted is gone, so if I control the one thing I can (the house), I automatically feel that much better. So everything I pass, get's picked up, put away, folded, thrown away, etc. And I feel a little more in control.

Back to Work! and Curse to the Big Hangers!

2008-09-22T14:23:00.007-05:00

My blogging days are fewer and farther between now. It's easier for me to update my "Twitter". Plus, I'm having computer problems that makes it hard to type. Windows Vista DOES NOT agree with me...or my computer. In about two weeks, Ted will blow it away and go back to Windows XP. Until then, my laptop occasionally acts possessed and starts backspacing at lightening speed.

Much has changed since the last time I wrote. I have a part time job! Because I am a lazy person, I copied an e-mail I sent to my Women's Group after getting the job. But before you read it, I have to say that I've been volunteering once a week at a Crisis Intervention Agency started by our parish about 25 years ago, called the Care Service. I wanted to get my foot in the door, so that, down the road, I might be able to get a paying job there:

"You know how I’ve been complaining about money lately? I guess God was preparing me. Sometimes I look back and wonder how many things he allowed to happen to me to just get me in the right frame of mind. Anyway, the concerns of paying for private high school in the future and how poor of a job we have done at saving, made me really consider working part time when Mary went to school full time (in 2 years). But just recently, I was entertaining the idea of being able to do something NOW. How great it would be to get a head start on saving that money. Funny how God works…the Administrative Director left her position just last Friday. My friend Jackie, who works at the Care Service told me she immediately thought of me and felt I should consider it, especially since they were talking about doing a job share. Wow! I told her I was interested, she wrote a nice e-mail to the Care Service Executive Director (Miriam), recommending me for the job. Miriam calls me 30 minutes after receiving the e-mail and asks me if I could send in my resume as soon as possible. I wrote one THAT NIGHT (Monday) and sent it to her. We played phone tag until she caught me yesterday at Abby’s volleyball practice. Sam was home watching the kids so it was perfect when she said, “When can we meet?”. I walked over there (our Care Service is on the school campus) and we met for an hour and a half! She told me that they had the 24 hour person and needed 16 more hours, that I could do much of it from home and the pay was more than I hoped for. At the end of her long explanation of the job, I asked if they were looking at anyone else and she said No. I accepted the job! I can’t believe all of this happened in less than a week. It doesn't usually work that way. I remember when I said I wanted to volunteer for the Care Service in hopes to have a paying job some day…and one month later I have that paying job. It’s definitely God.

Thank you for your prayers. This is a big change for me and my family, but I think one that fits us well."

Have you ever done something really quickly and then woken up the morning saying, "What did I DO?" Well, that never happened. I feel such a peace about this job and the sudden change in my life. I KNOW it was what I was supposed to do and not many things happen that clearly in my life. I'm often wondering if I'm doing the right thing or saying yes to too many things. It doesn't mean that this change has all happened with no difficulty at all. I'm adjusting to the needs of a job and the needs of home and trying to do them all well. 16 hours doesn't sound like much, but it's enough to take some time adjusting.

Since the job happened about the same time the kids went back to school, it hasn't felt too bad because my load at home has gotten lighter during the day anyway. It's just Mary at home with me now. This is how I worked out the care of Mary. Mary was already enrolled in a Mom's Day Out program 2 days a week. The days were Monday and Friday. My work days are Wed, Thur and Fri. My sister Becky watches kids in her home Monday-Wednesday. So this is what I did: I switched Mary's "Mom's Day Out" days to Thur and Fri, and Becky now watches Mary on Wednesdays! It's perfect! If I have a meeting to attend on Mon or Tuesday, I just switch out my Wednesday with the other day. The only problem is that my sister lives 30 minutes away in the opposite direction, but I'll do anything for free babysitting...and it's only one day a week. And I watch her daughter for a year and a half...so I don't feel guilty. I work with my fellow carpool lady, Jackie, the one that got me the job...so if either of us has a conflict we can easily communicate and have the other one drive home.

I love my job. I love being in a place that you feel like you are doing something meaningful and contributing to a worthy cause. I love the idea of being in an environment where you get to know a variety of people and you work together to make things better. A workplace really helps in the friendship category. I missed the social aspect and found my social life lacking during the day. However, for a long time I didn't mind because I felt I had enough to do at home raising my children. But recently, when I was working one day a week at the Care Service, I was longing to be a bigger part of it all...And now I am. Of course...not really...I don't know anything and I'm learning a lot as I go. I feel more like an encumbrance than an asset. But I'm soaking it all up like a sponge and it has reminded me how much I love to learn. It will take me a while to be an actual contributor...but that is my goal.

Moving on to other topics...10 years ago today I gave birth to my baby girl...Abby. We celebrated this weekend, so there wasn't much time to pause and let it soak in. But today I sit and think about my girl. I think about her energetic, positive nature, her ability to get to the point (sometimes too quickly), her smart mind that constantly amazes me, her strength at coordinating people and getting them all to do what she wants (some call that bossy...I like to think that she will be a good manager some day...or teacher), the glaze over her eyes when she "checks out" in front of the TV, the way she learned my digital scrapbook software in a matter of minutes, her skinny, tan body, her green eyes and blond hair, her awkward body that does amazing things on the soccer field. My baby. My girl. My tween...WHAT??

Today, when doing the wash, I took one of her shirts and thought, "Do I need a big hanger on this?" And that scared me. Big hangers scare me. I like little hangers. It means the clothes hung on them are small...that my child is still small. Big hangers mean they are growing and getting as big as me. Big hangers mean time is passing and gone are the days when their little clothes would get lost in the big clothes and barely add anything to a load of laundry. But grow they must...and everything that comes with it, must come. I see images flying across my mind: me fighting with my mom, crying in my pillow, mom smelling the smoke on my fingers as I awaited her response with dread, feeling misunderstood, lost in the middle. Does it have to be like that? Can I help her through these confusing years? Will she fly through much more easily than I did? When will she want a cell phone? When will she want a Facebook page? When will she meet her first boyfriend? For now...I don't want to worry about that. I'll just move those clothes over to bigger hangers and take one thing at a time.

A Snapshot

2008-08-06T21:33:00.006-05:00

It's been 3 weeks since I have blogged. I keep an update via Twitter on my blog. It seems that it's all I have focus for these days. We're doing a snapshot since it's been a while and I don't know where to start:

What have I accomplished recently?

--Finished a slide show for the PTO (a favor I did for them)

--Purchased a 2006 trailer in time for a trip at the end of last month

--Washed the whole outside of the trailer after the trip

--Bought a new puppy for our family! (A Shih-tzu/Bichon Frise mix)

--Made it through the first night with said puppy

--Started training at our "Care Service" to become a Case Worker

--Agreed to help with an anti-bullying program at our school

--Purchased school supplies for 3 kids

What's on my to-do list?

--Start the process of a new year with Children's Liturgy

+Call rep about faulty listening device

+Follow up with possibly 2 new liturgists

+Create schedule for 11 liturgists for the whole school year

+Find out when I should receive the liturgy packets...copy and prepare for each liturgist

--Stay consistent on letting Charlie (new pup) out to establish good potty habits

--Catch up on my house! It's a mess!

What's been driving me crazy?

--Mary's emotional roller coasters...what will puberty be like??

--Buggy computers

--Weeds all over the back yard and in beds

--Swollen uvula that is better now...thank goodness!

--My messy house

What's been making me happy lately?

--Charlie! He's adorable and very easy so far! I didn't expect this!

--Our new camper...It was a great trip to Lake Michigan and the camper fit our needs perfectly

--I love volunteering at the Care Service. There is SO much to learn...which makes it challenging and rewarding at the same time. I feel very humble interviewing clients and listening to the run down of their financial situation.

--How good Ted is. How could I do this all without him??

--Knowing that I will have two free days a week; with Mary in Mom's Day Out and Ben starting full time Kindergarten! What will it be like to have one child home with me every day??

More Volunteering?

2008-07-15T07:49:00.002-05:00

I remember, when I just had Mary, and Ben was only 18 months old...feeling a great desire to be a part of the world that was "out there"...the one that I saw other people participating in, but I felt like I was stuck in my home. It was a particularly hard time for me. I like to have time to do things I enjoy and at that time, I felt all I could do was take care of my children and my house and those two things were all encompassing. I knew I didn't want it any different, however. I knew I always wanted four children and this is what I would have to go through before things got easier. I remember talking to my mother-in-law and saying I would like to work for our Care Service some day. The Care Service is a Crisis Intervention Agency that is associated with my parish. Basically, it's a community outreach for the needy. I remember telling her that and feeling like it would be so far away before I could do something like that...but now the time is here!

Just yesterday, I met with the Case Manager Supervisor at the Care Service. Me and three others were given a tour, told about the organization and it's goals, and explained what a Case Manager does. I found myself so happy to be there! Like this was the place I wanted to be a part of for a long time! There was another woman there who sat off to the side. I wondered why she was there. I found out that the organization was working to get accredited and this woman, Nancy, was in charge of that process. When I heard what would be involved for her...documenting the procedures for every job, making sure everything was written up in step by step format....I got really excited! That it was I gravitate to! I do it naturally whether I'm told to or not! I remember when I was preparing for my maternity leave with Sam, I made a manual on my job! And when I was asked to take over scheduling for the call center, I had to take this man's gut feelings on numbers and get formulas out of him so someone else could do the job. And when I did PTO, it drove me crazy that there was little in writing on how to do the job. All year as President, I documented everything I did and wrote up procedures so the next person would find it easier. This is what I like to do! And this woman was doing it! I wanted to work for her!

My excitement came across the table when I am telling her that I could help, in any small way she needs it. Before I knew it, I was asked to help on the committee and I'm scheduled to train tomorrow at 1pm. She said a lot of it would probably be computer work at home. Not only this, but I still want to do the Case Manager job. They needed someone on Fridays and they happen to work a shorter shift on Friday. Case Managers work 10-1pm! No problem! Mary will be in Mom's Day Out on Mondays and Fridays 9:30-2:30...this would work perfectly! I walk in signing up for one job and walk out with two.

Just days ago, I was wondering if I was making the jump to the Care Service to quickly. I only have two five hour days free and I'm giving one of them up. Am I crazy? And didn't I offer to help the school? I was getting worried that I was starting this too soon with a child still needing care at home. The PTO was evening and weekend events with a lot of at home planning. Helping the school and the Care Service was out of the house...and I had less of that time. But for some reason, I was being pulled in that direction. And now, after meeting at the Care Service, I think it will fit perfectly. It will fit because it will feel rewarding for me to use my time this way. What else would I do? Digital Scrapbook? Maybe I can do that on Mondays :-)

Eminence Pics

2008-07-10T14:20:00.011-05:00

Despite our travel blues (detailed in previous blog)...we had a great trip at Eminence. I thought I would show you how much:

Float trip down the Jack's Fork river with Kyle, Sam and Lisa

Sam and Kyle spend their days catching crawdads, minnows and turtles...

Me and Mary on the beach...

Enjoying a short float in the river with my Women's Group friends...

Dan and Ann enjoying some time together on the river

Singing campfire songs

Sam jumps of the rocks!

Ben used that net to catch many minnows!!

My brother Joel and his son Calvin.

Angels, Trailers and Automobiles

2008-07-08T12:25:00.003-05:00

They say when you can't come up with a title, you should write first and then it will be easier. I'm trying to figure out how to bring a title to the mixture of awesome fun and fear and anxiety we experienced on our vacation at Eminence. Let's start with the ride down. I decided to go down early with my sister and her family and Ted will follow later to save on some vacation time. Ted hitched up for me the night before and we left in the morning to meet my sister's family at a meeting spot. Once we were on our way, things seemed to go well. I followed my brother-in-law so I would only have to worry about driving and not directions. Suddenly, I noticed some swaying. This did not start as a small sway, it seemed to be a severe sway right away. As much as I want to remember how this happened, I can't. Was I distracted and then did a strong correction to the wheel? I would think I would remember that! It seemed to come out of the blue. I've had little sway before and would hold onto my wheel tightly to not let it affect the direction of my car. I got out of it easily. It can be caused sometimes by a big tractor trailer zooming by, having too much weight in the rear of the trailer, and/or correcting the wheel. This time, however, I did NOT get out of it easily. I swerved back and forth to try to keep myself going straight. Abby was yelling from the back seat, "Mom!! What are you doing??" In an instant, I found myself driving off the road and down a grassy embankment.

We were all in a state of shock over what just happened. I DID say a prayer of protection over our vehicles before we left that morning. We always do that before every trip. My dad taught me that and set that example for me when I was a kid. I believe the fact that there were no cars for me to run into and that we safely drove off the road without flipping. God sent me many "angels" that day to help me out. I never felt abandoned. The first angel was a man who pulled over immediately to make sure we were all OK. None of us had anything wrong with us...no scratches, bruises...nothing! We didn't hit anything, so there was no reason to be hurt! He used his Onstar and got us the highway patrol almost immediately. They came, asked me questions, and then called my next angel, Butch. Really, his name was Butch. At this time, Paul and Lisa were just coming back since they were ahead of me on the highway. Paul (my third angel) corralled the kids and took them all to the nearest McDonald's while we took care of all the details. I called Ted, who was working at home, and he said he was on his way (he's always my angel).

Butch looked at my trailer and said it was a jackknife and that I was lucky I owned a Suburban. He has seen people towing loads that their car can't handle. Just three weeks ago, they pulled a young family with a 30 foot trailer out of an embankment across the highway from my accident. They flipped their trailer and totaled it. How did I keep mine upright? Duh. I don't know...I don't even know how it all started to begin with. Maybe it was my angels. They had dogs in their trailer (big NO NO) that had pooped all over the trailer during the accident. Those poor dogs! Back to Butch. Amazingly, the damage came from jackknifing and it was just a small corner of my trailer eaten up. When we opened the door to the trailer, it was like every holding area vomited. The refridgerator door was swinging open with all of it's contents strewn all over the floor...including my favorite marinade which opened up and baptized anything in it's path. It smelled like I was about to cook my trailer. Clothes had been thrown from the closet, plates and cups were all over, fire wood made a dent in the door, canned goods made dents on my counter. It was a mess. Butch and his brother were trying to close my slide out that unlocked and were trying to step between the mess. "Don't smash my bread!" I'm thinking..."I'll need it this week!"

Can you believe I never once thought I wasn't going on my trip? I spent so much time packing this trailer, and excitement with the kids dreaming about this trip...I was NOT turning around! Butch took his big rig and pulled us out of the ditch and onto the service road next to the highway. Paul took the kids, in shifts, to McDonald's. Lisa (my other angel) followed me back to the tow truck brothers' shop and helped me clean up the inside. Ted dealt with Butch and his brother over the details. Butch fixed our Suburban up with two new tires to replace the flattened ones. Lisa and I put everything back where it belonged and used Clorox wipes to clean up every surface. When we were done, you would not believe anything had ever happened to it! I gave my sister a big hug and thanked her for being there for me and sacrificing her vacation day to help me out.

During all of this, I was remarkably calm. It was probably shock. What was going to happen to our treasured annual trip to Eminence, MO? To you it may sound like a podunk town, but to me it is the place that holds a million memories from my youth until now. I couldn't disappoint the kids! We HAD to make this trip. Ted called the insurance company and he said we could take the trailer on the trip and have it looked at later, if we wanted. But when we talked to Butch and he honestly told us what he would do if it was his family... leave it here. Why take the risk? What if there was structural damage done to the hitch...a crack or something...that we can't see? We knew then and there we weren't taking our trailer. I started calling Eminence. Eminence holds a horse show this time of year every year. Everything was booked over the weekend, but this was Tuesday so I found a motel that would take us until Friday...then we would have to check out. This was better than nothing!

Ted now had obviously abandoned his day off. He was going to take us to Eminence. The three of us unloaded the trailer and filled the Suburban with it's contents. Ted left his golf clubs, and beer to keep the room in the truck...but we still couldn't fit all the kids. Paul called the Decker's (our other angels) who were on their way. They swung by McDonald's, picked up some of my sister's kids so Lisa would have room in her car for a few of our kids. They also brought us McDonald's. We loaded up our remaining kids and headed off to Eminence!

You might ask if it was all worth it. Yes! The trip was awesome. We slept in our hotel room but spent the full day at the campsite with our friends and family. Not once did I feel like we didn't have a home because we hung out with each family (11 families camped with us) and our truck always had what we needed in it. It all felt like home to me. How grateful I am for all of those people...and how they all showed their concern for us and made us feel happy to be there.

When the weekend came, Lisa reminded me that my brother, his fiance and son would be moving out of my parents trailer and that would make room for us. Why didn't I think of this? So the last two nights were spent full time at the campground and happily in my parent's trailer. My parents are my perpetual angels!

Occasionally, Ted was busy with phone calls to straighten out the camper situation, but overall, we enjoyed our vacation without a huge shadow of worry about what was to come. However, our adventures weren't over. Butch called Ted and told him we had a flat tire on our Sonata (the one Ted left in St. Clair with the trailer. Angel, Butch, filled it with air for us while we were on our trip. And that's not all...when it was time to head home, by parents followed us. On one big hill, Ted heard our transmission strain. After much stopping and starting to try different things to fix it, we decided our tranny was going out. My angel parents started and stopped each time with us...pulling off the road whenever we needed to check on something. The transmission would not shift into 4th gear and therefore would strain at 50 mph. We couldn't go over 50. We knew this would not be safe on the major highways and decided to pull into a Chevy dealership. How did we know where the Chevy dealership was? A friend of ours stalled near it on the way down in HIS Suburban and had his car fixed there. See what I mean? Angels everywhere. Anyway, after much deliberation, we piled ourselves into my dad's car and AGAIN unloaded all of our stuff and put it in their trailer. Me, Sam and Abby were not safely restrained in the back of my dad's Mountaineer. I was scared! It did not want to take any chances, but knew we just needed to get home and we were an hour away from Ted's car with the flat tire. Then we could split up and be safe.

I need to wrap up this overly long story. It ends with a $2500 transmission repair, a $750 deductible on the trailer and $10,000 worth of damage to the trailer that is not worth $10,000. We're sure the insurance company will decide to total it. Ted's car made it home with the air Butch gave us, but we got all the tires replaced after that. More decisions need to be made. Do we wait to buy our trailer? Do we buy one before our next trip at the end of this month? Do we stay with our parents when we go to Illinois beach? Lots of questions to answer...I hope our angels help us answer them...

A Snapshot

2008-06-25T21:19:00.002-05:00

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--Make a final grocery list for our Eminence camping trip
--Visit friend in the hospital tomorrow
--Pick up canoe from sister's house this weekend to take down to Eminence

What have I accomplished?
--Put together a bunch of songs to sing around the campfire. Made chord sheet for guitarists and lyrics sheets for singers.
--Organized all of the volunteers for our swim team (about 33) to work the last two meets. Some of it has been crazy...but fun too.
--Finished up a week of Vacation Bible School

What's been driving me crazy?
--The multiple times I have to take Mary to the bathroom at the pool. I swear she is drinking all the pool water!

What has disappointed me?
--I have totally been thrown off my Jazzercize track. Have things gotten busier? Or have I lost the motivation to work on the usual busyness of my life? Either way, I'm disappointed in my lack of discipline to get myself there. Yes, I like Jazzercize, but for some reason I've lost my momentum.

What's my latest obsession?
--I'm excited about the puppy. I set out Charlie's new feeding bowls as a reminder of the change that is about to hit our house. Or should I say the tornado that is about to hit our house. I know having a puppy isn't easy. I've done it before. No more shoes can be left lying around unless I want them to be chewed up. No toys left on the floor that can be swallowed. I need to be ready for accidents. I need to be ready to be on constant duty during that critical house breaking period. I want to do it right. I'm also thinking about the fun things...the kids enjoying Charlie, walks with him, making him a part of our family. He just turned 4 weeks old today. We'll get him when he is 10 weeks old. We have 6 weeks to get ready for the big change in our house...
--Not really an obsession...but my latest thought: Ted just told me he'd be willing to change his stance on the type of flooring we put in our family room. He's always pushed for carpet and just today told me that he's willing to let me put wood in there like we want for the rest of the living areas (eventually). I'm thinking engineered hardwood would be perfect. That way we could install it ourselves (or pay someone to help us). We can't afford to do this now...and who knows when we will...but at least I won't worry anymore about those accidents Charlie will have.

What's been making me happy?
--All the outdoor fun with my family. I love being outside...trips to the pool, walks in the neighborhood, swim meets, softball games, etc.
--Spending more time with the kids. It's great having them home for the summer...and not having to do carpool!
--I just cut Mary's hair to a short bob. No more tangles. But what happened to my baby? She's my little girl now.
--Mary got to finally change her earrings for the first time since they've been pierced. She is now wearing her new cupcake earrings that her aunt bought her for pooping in the potty. She is so proud!
--I'm looking forward to our trip to Eminence. We are meeting about 11 families there! It has just grown and grown every year!
--My brother and his girlfriend got engaged! We will celebrate in Eminence because they are coming too! All the way from New Orleans!

And Puppy Makes Seven!

2008-06-15T13:31:00.004-05:00

Yup. I consider my husband to be very predictable. Very. I need to talk about things about 6 months before I really want them to prepare him for change. Five years ago I know I could not share a home with a puppy and baby again. Since my babies are not babies anymore, I started opening my heart a little bit to the possibility of a dog in our home again. About a month ago we spontaneously led my family into the pet store (you should never go in there with kids unless you are actually ready for pet ownership...EVERYONE wants a dog after a visit to the petstore!). We brought two "Zuchons" into a room with our family to play (A Zuchon is a mix between Bichon Friese and Shih-tzu). The kids loved them. Of course. I've seen Ben and Mary go from crazed, dog fearing children to actually pet the neighbor dog across the street. After that experience, Ted said he might be ready for a dog again...maybe after my trip to Australia. I left it at that.

Then, we went to our babysitter's house for her graduation party two weeks ago. Our babysitter is also family... her dad is Ted's cousin. Anyway, they own two Shih-tzus. They told me her grandma breeds them! Her grandmother, Beverly, owns one male Shih-tzu, one female Shih-tzu and one female Bichon Friese! Which means she breeds full-breed Shih-tzus and Zuchons! To top it off, both females were pregnant! The Zuchons were born May 28th and the Shih-tzus were born June 6th. Lydia called me the next day to let me know about the new Shih-tzus. I told her our concern about Australia and she said she would watch the puppy if we needed! I laughed. I knew that was not Ted's only reason for not taking a dog on right now. I told Ted that we had a sitter...did he still want to wait? I told him he total freedom to say no and I would go along with whatever he decided. He told me we could go for it! What a surprise!

As we were planning our trip to Kansas City this week for Ted's 40th, Ted surprised me further by saying, "Let's go to Samantha's grandma's house on the way down to Kansas City!" I couldn't believe it. My predictable, safe husband can not be so easily put in a box. He was showing me some new colors. We visited the pups and decided to go with the male Zuchon (the female was taken). I didn't really like the coloring of the female Shih-tzu (mostly black), so I guess that's why I went with the Zuchon. Above is a picture of Ted holding the puppy to be named. I would like to call him "Charlie", but I'm getting ideas from the kids, too. We like "Jack", too...but I prefer two syllable names. Ted liked "Tiger" for Tiger Woods...but I think that sounds too feline.

Beverly gave us a great price. We put money down and agreed we would pick him up after our camping trip to Illinois Beach State Park (August 5th or 6th?) when the puppy will be 10 weeks old. We signed a simple agreement... and off we went to Kansas City!

While we were in Kansas City, Ted played a lot of golf, we ate out, slepted in, had free hot breakfasts, ate dessert every night and enjoyed each other's company! It was awesome! We even shopped for our future puppy. We got a dog dish, leash, collar, book on puppies, dog shampoo, detangler, and a couple of toys. I couldn't be happier.

Bad Blogger

2008-06-07T11:57:00.011-05:00

I've not been good about TELLING you what I'm doing, so I decided to SHOW you.

A Snapshot

2008-05-22T09:17:00.003-05:00

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--Pack up last minute items for camping trip tomorrow. We're leaving for Meramec State Park for the Memorial Weekend. I look forward to getting away with my family, my sister's family and my parents.
--Catch up laundry before leaving

What have I accomplished?
--I sent out a volunteer schedule to 47 families that contained 205 shifts! It was a big job and I'm so glad it's DONE. I also sent out a family directory with e-mails and phone numbers if anyone needs to trade with someone.
--I packed up the trailer for the trip and brought it down to the campground yesterday. I caravaned with my dad and brother in law who also brought down their campers. We brought down our campers early and left them there so we were guaranteed a spot. We didn't register in time. This worked out great because it's only an hour and 15 minutes away. Thank God my mom watched the kids!
--Did my last Children's Liturgy for the season! Yaayyy! Now I get a 3 month break.

What's been bothering me lately?
--My long hair! I got it chopped off to shoulder length this week. She called it a Sha-bob (a cross between an shag and a bob). I really like it! It will be much better for summer.
--Another buggy computer. ARrgghh. We need to have my brother, the computer guy, check it out.

What's my latest obsession?
--Finishing that Swim Team volunteer schedule has cleared the plate for new obsessions! I worked on that thing around the clock!
--Starting to think about a dog again. I have settled on the Shih-tzu breed...although "settled" is a poor word for it...I really like the breed! They don't yap like the terriers. They are good for the alergy prone because of their low dander and non-shedding hair. They are small and easier to care for (as long as you don't mind taking them to the groomers). And they are CALM. Now we just have to wait for the right time. Which leads me to my next obsession...
--I started the process of purchasing the plane ticket for Australia. I got $1000 in gift cards through our Shop for Our School program. My next step is to get my cash rewards from my Capital One card and then purchase the ticket! Because of my trip, Ted doesn't think we should get a dog before then. So I'm holding on to this grungy, disgusting carpeting in my family room because I will NOT get new carpeting with dog that is not house broken. But can I wait over a year? I guess I'll have to. Either that, or get a dog sooner. But Ted won't go for that.

What's been making me happy?
--Mary finally going poop on the toilet!! Yaaayy! She's getting so big. Where has the time gone?
--School is almost out! Ben is graduating from preschool tonight. I'm really looking forward to the casual, non-scheduled (almost) summer. Sam has his last golf lesson tonight and then it's just Abby's softball for another month and a half.
--Looking forward to camping this weekend.
--Ted has been working from home more. This has been really nice...and we're saving on gas money!!
--The beautiful weather!
--Keeping up to date with my friends using "Twitter". Check it out at "twitter.com"
--I'm SO GLAD that David Cook won the American Idol Finals!!!

Ben and Mary at the Doctor's Office

2008-05-13T13:48:00.003-05:00

This morning I took Ben and Mary to the doctor's office for their well exam. Ben needed his shots for Kindergarten and Mary needed a shot, too. I realized I would need to tell them this because I had forgotten to. We talked about the shots...we prayed for courage...and boom! They got them and all was well! I was so proud of them. They each turns on the examining table and when the doctor said that he could see they were fully potty trained because they were wearing underpants...I said, "Well...Mary won't poop in the toilet". He turned to Mary and told her she's big enough now and needs to poop in the toilet. The pull ups are gone now. I look at Mary, watching her take it all in and nodding her head.

When we got home, after eating lunch, Mary announced that she needed a pull up. I took a deep breath and said, "Mary, remember what the Doctor said? He said you are big enough now. Let's poop on the toilet." At first she protested, but then she went a long with it. I sat her on the toilet and out comes the poop!! Just like that!! My daughter had pooped in the toilet!! I called the doctor's office and left a message with the nurse that again, he had poop trained another child with his serious talk in the office! Praise God! I told Mary we could now pierce her ears. She was so proud and amazed at how easy it was. The next couple of hours she would say sporadically, "Guess what, Mom! I pooped in the toilet!"

I can't believe it. Finally. Both kids potty trained. Now if I can keep her dry at night.

"I'll Get You Moving!"

2008-05-06T16:28:00.004-05:00

The title of my blog cracks me up because it is actually a slogan of a Real Estate Agent in our area. She has this pasted on every billboard advertising her services. Whenever I see it, all I can think of is BM's. You know...bowel movements? Is this just me? Does everyone look at that slogan and think the same thing? Is she our enema in the world of real estate? Of course, our family has often been accused of turning every conversation into one about the bowels. I don't know how it happens, but it takes someone outside of the family to make us aware of it, because we are so used to it, we aren't even aware it's happening. So this may explain why I look at this billboard this way. And you have to admit, the topic of this blog somehow gravitates to poop more than I would expect. I really don't want it to. Can you think of a lower form of existence than poop?

The above paragraph I wrote a couple of days ago. I don't remember where I was going with it...I know that Mary was constipated and I had to give her a suppository and now everything is operating correctly. So I'm just going to post this and pretend it was a full blog.

Loving the Outdoors!!

2008-05-05T11:13:00.009-05:00

I'm loving this weather! This weekend Abby played her last two soccer games. The season was delayed because of rain, but it was worth waiting for the good weather. We celebrated Ben's 5th birthday on Sunday by going to Pizza Street and opening his gifts. He got a "new" bike (hand me down from Sam...with added training wheels), and a new race car Wii game. Lately, we've been enjoying the outoors whenever we can. Ben really enjoys playing wiffleball and has me pitch to him. And he loves his new bike! We are a corner house on a court, so we have the perfect street to practice bike riding (on the court side). I can tell Mary wants one now, too. Those tricycles were never popular with them. As soon as Ben got his bike, she said she wanted one, too....a Hello Kitty one. I'm thinking Abby's old bike will do. We'll see how it looks.

The only shadow cast on the past couple of days was Mary's constipation! She wanted to be held a lot and complained constantly. At Abby's last soccer game, I consulted the mom's and one was a nurse and suggested a suppository or enema. I tried a suppository on Mary last night and finally, with much pain, it came out! She refused to poop until this suppository and then she just didn't have a choice. This morning I had to do it again and since she refused to wear a pull up, I caught the poop with my wipe lined hands! What we do for our children! I think when we've gone to heaven and God shows us our life, He'll say to her, "And this is what she did for you here, and then she put up with this and look-she caught your poop here!"

It was all worth her glee when that devil was out! Does this remind you of another time in my life? It's all about poop I tell you.

This n That

2008-04-29T13:37:00.005-05:00

Laptop getting funky on me--This isn't my excuse for not posting in a while...but we're in the process of transferring everything from my old laptop to my NEW laptop. Whew! Crazy! It all started when my old laptop started getting funky on me. I decided to make use of that new fangled back up hard drive and plugged it in to save all my precious files. Of course, those were just files...what about all the info in Outlook? My e-mail address, contact information, street addresses, directions to people's houses, deleted e-mails, sent e-mails are all in there! I can't lose that! And of course all the work I put into my digital scrapbook pages...those can't be lost either! This is one very good reason to have everything backed up on an external hard drive. I love that thing! I put all of my pictures on it from 2003 to the present, because CD's are not considered to be the safest storage method. I found this from a Creative Memories consultant, who I consider to be the expert on this stuff. Anyway, because my laptop is over 3 years old and acting funny (overheating and the screen turns black with no notice), we decided to get a new laptop. We got a very cheap one because I don't need anything fancy...but they're all fancy now. Ted got a funny look from the sales guy when he asked if it was wireless, because it didn't state this anywhere. Well, let's just say now we are supposed to ASSUME that every laptop is wireless! Duh! They are on to way fancier features to brag about in their advertising.

So now I am typing on my new laptop and my figures are slipping across the keys. What? No sticky peanut butter? Where's the letter that was jammed? I can see the screen so clearly...where did all the fingerprints go? Never fear...I'm sure this one will start displaying the same characteristics as the old one did...but not if I can help it.

Good bye, PTO!--Today I wrapped up some of the last minute duties of my PTO position. I went up to school to take Sam to get his lower braces installed (well...what other word should I use??), and while I was there, I discussed the calendar dates for next year with the principal, returned the 5th grade teachers jump drive, received the essays from the essay contest for $500 worth of help on one lucky 7th grader's tuition for next year, sat through Sam's appointment, returned him to school fulled braced, and drove to Barnes and Noble to drop off the artwork that will be displayed at our Book Fair this weekend. Whew!!

Tomorrow night is my last Board meeting, where I hand everything over, and I feel myself slightly sentimental about it. I was packing up a bag to give to the new President and felt a little sad to let it go. I won't miss the stress...but will I miss that feeling of being totally connected? Will I feel out of the loop? I'm sure other things will take it's place and I won't, but they were still feelings that were there. I'm in a different place then when I first took it on. The past two years have given me an idea of where I want to go and how I want to help in the future. I wouldn't trade it for anything...but at the same time, I wouldn't want to do it all over again.

Father Daughter Dance--We just had the most awesome Father Daughter dance! It was our best of event of the year! We had no idea how popular it would be! We had 100 daughters and with their dads, brought us to the total of 180 people at this event. The girls had a BLAST singing along to their favorite songs, dancing slow and fast with dad, getting their professional picture taken and eating and drinking to their hearts contents. It was a complete success! I think I want to do set up and clean up next year just so I can be there again.

Jazzercise--With the onset of spring, and the busyness of Abby in soccer AND softball, Sam learning golf and doing regional band, there has been little time for Jazzercise. I'm ashamed to say I've only managed a once a week attendance the past 2 weeks. I already have a plan for summer though. The kids go to swim practice at 9:30am. That's enough time for me to do the one hour workout at 8:15am (if I leave a little early).

Volunteer Coordinator for Swim Team--I think I am a volunteeraholic now! I had no idea how much fun volunteering can be! I swear you get more out of it than you give! We had our swim team sign up and I've been busy e-mailing last years' team with info, making forms on the computer, plugging people into spreadsheets and tracking their availabilities so I can schedule them for the meets. I love this stuff! The meets are a little bit of a juggle because they are the same nights as our Men's and Women's Group meetings. ARgghh! So we have to get a babysitter for every one and I might miss a couple of Women's Groups until I hit a groove in this job and Ted can help out when I'm not there. So far, it's easy, fun and stress-free! Because I'm doing this, I won't have to work a job at the meet. My busy times will be before the meet and in between the first half and second half when the new volunteers take over. I'll be able to watch the kids swim! I tell you , it's the way to go!

Abby and Soccer--Abby has been quite the little soccer player lately. She's very good at sticking with people as a defender, but recently, the coach has let her run up to offense when she gets a chance and has been scoring goals now! I'm really enjoying watching her games.

Toontown--Now Mary is hooked on Toontown along with Ben! This is not fun! My computers on the main level are totally taken. However, now that I have a new laptop...Mary is on the quirky one, I'm on the new one and we are all happy. Don't we sound disfunctional?? Hahaha. Well, I'm not happy they are playing on the computer so much, but it's hard to take them off when it makes them so happy. And it's hard to get them out of the house for anything like the zoo, or a visit with friends, when our days are interrupted with taking Ben to school at 12:15pm. This summer, I hope to get them out of the house more. This should help our computer problem. Actually, they have also been really into legos lately...so that is a good break from the computers.

Camping Plans--We've set up three camping trips for the summer: Meramec State Park over Memorial Weekend, Eminence over the Fourth of July, and Illinois State Park on Lake Michigan towards the end of July. I remember when we used to do 6-7 trips from Spring through the Fall. Now as the kids get older, our calendar gets busier and it's just too much work to be gone for short trips. I like the longer ones better.

I guess that's enough for you to chew on for now. Have a good one!

The Transformations of Spring

2008-04-16T08:08:00.006-05:00

Last night I went to my CRHP group meeting, and at the "Good News and Intentions" portion of the meeting I shared something I've been thinking about lately. My good news was tightly linked with my intentions. My good news is that my two younger children, Ben and Mary, ages 4 1/2 and 3 respectively, are maturing beyond my imagination. They are more independent, better able to entertain themselves without my constant attention, and bringing forth personalities that are irresistible to me! I enjoy being around them! I'm also ending my PTO term soon...I will have more responsibility-free time!!

The change in Ben has been happening for a while, but Mary's is more recent. This is where my intention comes in...with this new found happiness in our household, I am finding myself searching for things to do and sometimes wondering how to spend my time. Inevitably, my old habits are still there of staying in the house and getting as much done as I can because time is valuable. I want to make a mind shift. I want to do take the kids out more and enjoy their company. It won't be long before they are in school full time. Yesterday, we went to Walmart to get some things I could only get there (it's not as convenient as Target is to me so I don't go there much). As we were leaving, I decided to check out the Subway that was in the Walmart to see if they had food for kids. They did! They had pizza! I told the kids to sit down while I waited in line...they did! As I waited, I looked over at them and watched them do something so simple that brought me great joy. Just the fact that they sat there quietly, happily talking to each other...was a huge deal. I savored the moment. When I brought back the food, we ate and talked. We were enjoying some time out together! I want to do this more!

As my PTO term comes to an end (14 days left, but who's counting), my mind will be freer in addition to my time. My other intention was that the new space does not become a dumping ground for anything and everything that comes along. I already see things sneakily seeping into that space. When I see them, I think, how did THAT get there...oh yah....I forgot I opened the door to that a while ago. They are volunteering tasks that are building up:
--I help with music at the monthly nursing home masses.
--I'm going to help coordinate the volunteers for the swim team this summer
--I'm helping with this big marketing effort for our school
--I told the principal to call on me this summer if she needs some administrative help

Now, before you say, "What is she doing??" Do remember that I really enjoy these things. I'm home full time and these activities are the playground for my brain! I just want to remember balance and not let them get bigger than my family and my priorities at home. As long as I'm not "in charge" and I'm helping the big picture...I'm happy and the job is more enjoyable. You'll be happy to know that I turned down a nomination for the school board. I'm trying to do things that I will really enjoy and not add anything that feels like a major responsibility.

My goals for this spring...take Ben and Mary out more. Take them to the park, the zoo, the mall. Pretty soon it will be dreadfully hot and we'll only want to go the pool. I just love the spring! The cool air that doesn't suffocate you, but allows you to breath freely! The sun that brings warmth that is just enough that you don't sweat. It's perfect for walks, bike rides and site seeing. I guess my life is going through a "spring" of sorts. The freezing air of my PTO responsibilities are blowing away and in it's place is a warmer, more refreshing air. The safe, but dark cocoon of this house is opening up because a butterfly is ready to come out! Make that three butterflies!

The Blinking Cursor Stage

2008-04-10T13:09:00.004-05:00

A couple of days ago, I talked about the blinking cursor I was staring at. In a way, I'm in a little bit of a "blinking cursor stage" in my life. This isn't a bad thing. It's really kinda good. I think of the "blinking cursor stage" as a time to think and process where to go next. Kind of like on the computer when there is a blinking cursor...you just said some things and now you are trying to figure out what you are going to say next. I'm finishing up a big chapter of PTO, taking care younger, needy kids, watching my niece once a week... and I'm moving on to a little more freedom. This is a time to pause and say, "How do I spend this extra time?" Yes...as you've noticed...my mind has already moved on to helping school and helping an outreach organization in our church. But still, those are seeds of thought that I can't really act on yet. They really won't start until the next school year. So I am at pause. Not a pregnant pause...whew...just a pause.

I guess I don't let my mind stay idle long. Sometimes this is not a good thing. I want to make sure that God has room to play in there. I want to make sure my mind is not so noisy that I can't hear God's whisper to me. If we overload our schedule, we don't have time to help anybody, much less ourselves. And we don't have time to act on God's promptings. I hope I stay still long enough to hear him. And I hope he tells me something really good!

Pictures! Finally!

2008-04-08T10:14:00.012-05:00

I'm bad about posting pictures. Sorry. Here are some from Easter when I celebrated turning 39!! And some others from the Zoo.

This N That

2008-04-08T09:33:00.004-05:00

My little cursor is blinking. A black line on a white page. It just keeps blinking as if it were saying, "Come on! Don't you have anything to say?" Maybe it's that I have so much to say and I don't know where to start? Or maybe I've been DOING so much that I haven't had thoughts to share? I guess this is when I do my "This n That" blogs. Let's just see what's on my mind right now. It's like the Russian Roulette of thoughts.

--McTeacher night is tonight. I need to work the 6pm-8pm shift. I actually like this. I just go up and socialize with J&A teachers and parents. Ted will watch the kids.
--I have 22 days left as the PTO President. I'm a little stressed that we don't have anyone interested in the VP position. I keep trying to give it to God, knowing that he has someone picked out. We've contacted everyone we can think of. Our Secretary said she would do it as a back up, but I'm not too sure she really wants to. Our election meeting is the 17th. Times a tickin'.
--The kids are playing together right now. Talking and laughing. I don't know that there is anything that sounds lovelier to me. Thank you, God.
--For the first time in a LONG time, I am all caught up in my albums. I went digital as soon as I got my paper albums caught up and it's been so much easier to keep up digitally. I'm lovin' it! I can't wait to have a book actually made. I'm a long way from that, though.
--I have my Women's Group retreat in a week and a half. I'm really looking forward to it.
--I'm also looking forward to getting away for Ted's birthday. I can't write details because he reads my blog. He's turning the big 40. I wish we could do more than we are doing, but we're trying to watch our money until we pay off the new family room furniture. Some day we'll take a nice trip.
--I had a dinner party last Friday night. It was great! We started with French Onion Soup and then we had chicken and vegetable kabobs with a salad. We finished with a brownie trifle. YUM!! My new thing is trifles! I bought a trifle dish through Pampered Chef. It hasn't come in yet, but I borrowed one from a friend. The one I made has layers of cut brownies, cheesecake and chocolate pudding and whip cream. Oh my gosh...it's absolute heaven! And the perfect spring/summer dessert! You can do fruit trifles with pound cake, brownie trifles and more. I can't wait to experiment with them all. People will get sick of my trifles by the time summer is over...."Damn! She's bringing over ANOTHER trifle dish!"
--This summer we plan on camping at Illinois Beach State Park on Lake Michigan. We'll also go to Eminence, MO for an extended fourth of July weekend. My friend, Jackie, has commissioned me to make a book of campfire sing a long songs like "Brown Eyed Girl", American Pie, you get the drift. I started on this last summer and then shelved it for a bit. I think it's time to get it out so I can have it all ready for the trip. I have to find chords and everything. It's a big job.
--Still lovin' Jazzercise. It's so busy, I'm only getting in two a week.
--I've managed to maintain an 11 pound weight loss. It's coming off slower now. I need to step it up a notch.
--I just watched a "Bringing Home Baby" on TLC while I was folding clothes. At first I was put off about how rosy they were bringing their baby home and saying "we don't care how much sleep we get, we are excited to have a new baby!"...and then they'd show shots of them all bonding in each other's arms on the couch. As time progresses, they start looking less smiley and more haggard. Then their statements were more like "This is hard work!"...and..."I can't get anything done because she wants me to hold her all the time!". I like real TV. I like real pictures. People need to be prepared! It's hard work...mixed with little joys a long the way, of course. I'm just amazed that I can look at babies now, love them, hold them, kiss them and treasure the moment....and then not want another one for myself. I feel complete! I've got my four and I'm happy. Sometimes I fear a surprise pregnancy. I picture my reaction and how I might feel. Would I fear that I would go back to that dark place after having Ben and Mary? I don't know. I just know I'm very happy where I'm going and where the kids are now.
--Just recently I started thinking about what next year will be like...with two days a week free. I think I might volunteer one day. I might split the day with the Care Service (helps people who are struggling to keep their house, pay the bills....it's a pantry too. It's connected with our parish). And then I might spend the other half of the day helping our office at school. I'm hoping that through spending this time in both places, I can find a part time paying job once Mary goes to full time school. This a new thought for me, but it feels so right. When I thought of this path, I immediately felt happy...like I had a purpose. At first I thought, "Why even work if it's for a small wage?". Recently I thought of how much I admire people who work for low wages for the sake of helping a good cause. Of course, I could continue volunteering and not get paid, but I would feel better if I brought in SOME money to help with high school. I'll just start on this journey and see where God takes me. I'm pretty open minded right now.
--Mary is telling me she wants to use the "waptop". Now she's telling me she has "a wot of hello kitties on my shirt". I asked her "how many" to keep her busy while I type.

Ok...it's hard to focus now. But I was able to regurgitate pretty many thoughts for you. Now you have a snapshot of where I am. Actually, it's a very good snapshot. Now it's time to get things done.

Busy, Busy, Busy

2008-03-26T16:53:00.003-05:00

I can't even tell you all that I'm busy with. It's all little stuff. I guess I can start with what was (or still is) on my dry erase board this week:
--Sign up Sam for CYC Instructional Golf this Spring
--Turn in updated Medical Info for Sam for Boy Scouts
--Schedule Sam's physical for sometime this summer (turn in physical paperwork for 6th grade)
--Deliver Creative Memories order to Teresa (Today)
--Make sure Ted brings Uppercase Living order for Cheryl to Men's group (to deliver to Paul who is married to Kay who knows and lives near Cheryl)
--Return pants to Kohl's
--Help Sam get his First Aid Kit together for Boy Scouts due by end of month...work on merit badge
--Design and print up tickets for Father/Daughter dance
--Write up Love Letter for Larry who is teaming for an ACTS retreat this weekend
--Send out e-mails to moms that principal recommended as possible VPs for next year...ask them if they are interested
--Call Music store...see if they have that little nut that holds in a guitar string

This is just a busy time of year. Getting the physicals in for next school year for those who need them (Sam and Ben), dental visits over Spring Break (Sam and Abby), registering for school (Sam, Abby and Ben) and Mom's Day Out (Mary). I'm just trying to knock out on thing at a time and get my breathers when I can. More later. It's too busy!! :-)

A Snapshot

2008-03-16T22:10:00.004-05:00

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--Set out clothes for Spring pictures tomorrow
--Get the house back in order after a busy weekend
--Take Ben and Mary to the zoo while Ben is on Spring break (Sam's and Abby's is next week)
--Wash sheets after Ted's day of puking...yes you heard me
--Catch up in Ben and Mary's albums (the only ones left that are behind), so I can start digital scrapbooking!!! I'm so obsessed with getting this done. I've been behind since Ben and Mary were born. I'm almost caught up!! I vow to keep my scrapbook supplies on my dining room table until I'm caught up. I better finish in April, because Ben's birthday is May 6th!! I was intrigued by this digital scrapbooking when I went on my crop weekend...but thought it was too expensive to print a book. It was my friend, Stacey, who got me looking into again because she found an affordable option...Winkflash!! A website that prints your photobook at a much cheaper price!!!

--We're getting a computer fixed and bringing it into my bedroom for the kids who do NOT want to go downstairs to be on the computer... they will be able to go onto the one in my bedroom and I can have my laptop available to ME!

What have I accomplished?
--Hung mirror in family room (ok...Ted did that)
--Staying caught up on laundry with the "load a day" method
--Went on a date night with Ted and did NOT order off the Weight Watcher menu and enjoyed every minute of it. Followed THAT with a big chocolate candy bar purchase from the gas station and ate it during the movie. Did not count a single calorie
--Got to mass even though Ted was horribly sick. Managed to take Mary with me and had Sam watch Ben (Abby was at a slumber party and Sam had gone to the 5pm mass with Ted on Saturday--thank goodness!)
--Have kept my 10 pound weight loss holding steady. It's even creaped to 11, but I'm not counting it yet.
--Bought Creative Memories software for digital scrapbooking--Storybook Creator PLUS!!! It was instant gratification because I downloaded it! However, I'm putting off totally playing with it until I catch up my paper albums.

What's been bugging me?
--Mary is all over my scrapbooking efforts. Of course. I wouldn't expect her to do anything else. She is paging through my pictures, getting them out of order, looking for the ones with her in them, then she'll want to wear what's in the picture, so I have to get her angel dress from halloween and put it on her, and then she talks with spit spewing from her mouth (her mouth is just above the table) so I have to wipe the spit droplets from my pictures...*gaspforbreath*. She just cracks me up and she just goes non-stop. Talk, talk, talk, question, question, need. *sigh*. However, she is getting used to it all and I've noticed her interest in the whole thing, waning. This is what I hoped would happen! I just give her a pink pen and paper and she's happy!
--I was supposed to scrapbook at Archiver's today but Ted was sick so I stayed home. Oh well. It was a worse loss for him than it was me. It stinks to be sick on the weekend when you work full-time. Poor guy. He's staying home tomorrow to recooperate.
--We don't have a Vice President for next year's PTO board yet. Yikes.
--I WANT TO DIG INTO MY SCRAPBOOK SOFTWARE!! Breath...it's ok.
--Not having access to my computer. The kids are always on it. I'm looking forward to getting a computer in my room.

What's been making me happy?
--Mary. Can you believe it? Ever since my rant about that horrible weekend, she has totally improved! She's so much better. I'm actually enjoying her now. Thank you, God. I never had to resort to locking doors...didn't need to. Which reminds me... I should just stick to my instincts and trust that most of the stuff like that just blows over.
--DUH. Just the thought of digital scrapbooking...
--Spring is almost here and I'm ready! Goodbye winter!!

The Big Reveal!

2008-03-05T14:10:00.021-06:00

It all started when I felt stuck with my full brick wall fireplace, when I decided to change the rest of the room instead and make the best of the wall that I had.

The first two pictures are what my family room looked like before...the rest are after:

The next two pictures show the two peices that pull it all together:

And this artwork...

It's mostly done. I have a mirror that needs to be hung over the couch, the mantel needs to be updated as well as the fireplace front. And I need a couple more peices for the walls. Oh yah, and new carpet! But it will happen in due time. This room is now more "me"...and it feels so good!!!

This N That

2008-03-03T21:00:00.008-06:00

Mary--Today was a much better day. Mary didn't reach any of those dizzying heights that she reached last week. I just think sometimes they are more tired than normal and that can turn a typical, functioning 3 year old (is there such a thing?) into a raving lunatic. It doesn't mean she was an angel...she was just more of the Mary I know. I still want to make my changes of expecting more from her, I just thank God she is back to 'normal Mary'.

Family Room--Tomorrow we will be getting the two chairs delivered! I can't wait to see them because I forgot what my swatch looked like and I couldn't find it when I went back to the store. There is some bad news...the carpet will be much more expensive than I thought. I forgot to calculate waste. Argghhh. I just don't want to spend that money right now. I have to buy a plane ticket to Australia! We are less than a year away now! That will come first. We'll have to wait to replace our horribly old and stained carpeting. I like it when it's winter because when I'm entertaining this time of year, the sun goes down quicker and you can't see how bad the carpet is. However, Ben's birthday is in May. It will definitely be sunny then. Oh well. I don't really think my family cares.

Once the chairs are delivered and the mirror is hung above the couch...I will take my promised 'after pictures'. You'll just have to see it with old carpeting.

Ted is Back--It's so nice having Ted back home. He says his retreat went great and he's really glad he got to go. On Sunday we had a nice time catching up while the kids played outside in the 70 DEGREE WEATHER. Do you believe it is going to snow tonight? Welcome to Missouri!!! Anyway, I gradually told him about the Mary horror story and he sympathized, but was glad I came out of it more determined to stand my ground with her.

A Load a Day--Man, I'm bad. Would you believe I've already messed this one up?? I was thrown off by a busy morning of registering Mary for Mom's Day Out for next year, delivering the cousin's guitar hero they left at our house and then running Ben to school. I'll try to get back on track.

CRHP Meeting--I had a great CRHP meeting last night (on top of everything else this weekend!). We talked about the importance of doing an 'Examen'. When our leader for the night mentioned this, I wasn't sure what she was talking about. It's basically a review of the day. I used to journal in a binder nightly and realized I should get back to this because it was basically an examen. I would write what I was thankful for, how I failed that day, my intentions for others, and my own personal petitions. I decided to add a section where I could put any words of knowledge I received in mass, from others, from my groups, etc. This would make it possible for me to look back on them for encouragement. I also want to get better about my intentions which I have not updated. I made this binder after I wrote out my Rule...and decided I could do it from memory without writing it down. Now I know it won't happen if I don't write it.

Jazzercise--I'm so sad. I missed too much Jazzercise while Ted was gone. This week is so crazy with a Boy Scout meeting, a required meeting for parents of third graders, regional band practice, and a PTO Board meeting that I have no idea how I will squeeze in my two times during the week. I know Saturday will be a sure one. I think the only possible other day I can fit in is Wednesday. Darn.

Snow--The kids are probably going to be home tomorrow because of SNOW, SNOW, SNOW! We are supposed to get 4-8 inches. We've had 3 snow days already. This is when I keep kicking myself for not buying sleds at the beginning of the season. It will be my mission next year to get them BEFORE the first snowfall. My neighbor is getting frustrated with all the snow days. I'm not sure if it's because we're going to go later in the year, or if it's having all the kids home (she has four, too). All I know is that I'm a kid at heart and I LOVE snow days...even as a mom.

Last Night with Mary

2008-03-02T10:16:00.004-06:00

Last night, when I left Ben and Mary with the sitter, they both just cried for me. Ben was better about giving me a kiss and hug goodbye, but still did not like be separated from me AND Sam and Abby. They are much better when Sam and Abby are with them. I had a nice break at Blue and Gold and thoroughly enjoyed myself. When I came home, both kids were crashed in the family room. The sitter told me they fell asleep at 8pm and she didn't want to disturb them. When the sitter left and carried them both into bed.

Mary woke up in the middle of the night, because she wet through her pull-up. I wanted to get quickly back to bed so I changed her into dry clothes and let her sleep with me. She must have woken up about four or fives times, running to the door and saying, "Mommy, wait for me! Don't leave!" I guess it kinda showed me the stress she is under and how much she really feels she needs me. It doesn't mean I'm going to accept controlling behavior, but it does help me to provide a balance that feels right.

I'm looking forward to Ted getting home. I'll meet up with him at the noon mass today. I'll do my best to let him fill me in on his weekend and be present to him without saying, "WAIT until you hear what MY weekend was like?"

This morning I was worried that she may not WANT to go to Mom's Day Out next year and that worried me, so I asked her, "Mary, do you want to go to school next year and meet some friends?" and she said, "Yes, I want girlfriends". Thank God! Not that if she said No, I wouldn't do it. It just makes it easier if she wants it, too. I'm so looking forward to the summer when the kids are home, our schedules are free and we can get out of this house more. Maybe that will help Mary focus less on me. And then of course next school year I've termed my Jubilee year, when Ben goes to Kindergarten and Mary will be gone two days a week...and I can take some time for myself.

Battle Weary over Mary

2008-03-01T15:41:00.004-06:00

For someone who is only 38 inches tall, my little Mary packs a power punch. She's like a boxer who never tires. She will fight and fight for what she wants and rarely gives up. She exhausts me. She wears me out more than Jazzercise ever could. Where does she find the energy to display all of these emotions? I'm tired just riding her roller coaster with her. I don't really want to ride it...but I'm pulled along as an unwilling passenger. She needs me. For everything.

Things have been really rough since Ted left. I told you about her fit at Ted's send-off....well, it hasn't gotten any better. Last night she woke me at 3am and 5:15am like a three month old. It's like she had a dream of still fighting with me and woke up yelling at me...both times. And then when she got up in morning she started the day with another angry cry for me. I find it harder and harder to continue to be her maypole that she wraps herself around. But it seems that the more I put her off, the more she wants me. So I sit...I hold her...get her her milk...her blanket...whatever it is she needs for that moment to feel secure and at peace, but it's not long before she needs something else.

Mary's tantrums have gotten louder and longer and more demanding. They are little things that aren't even worth describing here. This morning after dealing with her through the night and then again when I woke up just put me to the point of exhaustion. Jane (mother-in-law) came over to take Sam to his basketball game for me...which I appreciated greatly. I told her I had a rough night and morning with Mary. When Jane came back with Sam, Mary was able to display some very ugly colors when she kept yelling at me for talking while she was trying to lay down and "sleep". I told Mary I was not going to stop talking and if she wanted to sleep, she could go in another room. Mary started screaming. Jane and I were trying to continue our conversation above the screams...but it was difficult. I told Mary to stop or I would put her in time out. She didn't stop so I put her on the stairs. She didn't stay, so I had to hold her down. Meanwhile, my frustration is building. I brought her to her bedroom and spanked her with my hand three times. I don't know why I let myself do that...it's fruitless. I just felt helpless. She did the same thing last night at my parents. She wouldn't listen to me and through a fit. She made everyone suffer while she expressed her displeasure.

I did the only other thing that I know works for both of us. Since I can't keep her in time out, I put myself in time out. I locked myself in my room. But then she said she had to go to the bathroom...and I accompany her on ALL of her bathroom trips. Are you getting the drift here? I'm just starting to realize how ridiculous all this sounds. Anyway, I came out of my room defeated. Jane was there to hug me as I cried. And then she gave me a wake up call. Just like my pediatrician did when I had trouble getting Ben to poop in the potty. In so many ways she told me I needed to take it to the next level. That things are getting worse and all that I am doing now is not enough. You really don't want to hear these things from you mother-in-law, but after she left I thought about what she said. I thought about how it must feel to see her daughter-in-law get bossed around and manipulated by her 3 year old daughter. She was standing up like a warrior, fighting for me, wanting me to fight for myself. Jane doesn't say anything like this unless it's absolutely necessary.

In my mind I defended myself. "Some battles aren't worth fighting with her"...."I DO discipline her with consequences....locking myself up can be very effective!"...I DO tell her no...and don't let her screams keep me from enforcing my stand". But deep inside I knew I was missing the point by defending myself so much. The point was, I need to try something different. I called my sister Lisa, who is someone I can always go to in despair. I can bawl like a baby and let her comfort me. Only someone who grew up sharing a room with you can know where you are coming from. Only another mother who has "been there" can truly hear you and giving the knowing "I know" nod, and you know...they really DO know. She dropped everything to be there for me. She had already been praying for me because I had called her and asked for prayers during the bad morning I was having. But she was there to hear my humiliation with the recent incident. She knows how to talk to me...she knows what to say and she knows how to listen. She's perfect active listener. She's in my corner, ready to defend me to the end. She agreed that she didn't like the way Mary had been treating me. We talked about the problems with time out and she suggested that I lock her in her room. She suggested getting a safety type door handle that won't let her out when she is in time out...so it can be a truly effective time out.

You can't always lock yourself in your room. When she disrupts our mealtimes, Ted has to take her to her room and stay up there with her so she doesn't leave. It's a total pain. When I was at my parents and she acted up, it was just unrealistic to lock myself up. This door handle thing might sound extreme...but I have to take control. I feel she's old enough to understand that this isn't acceptable. It took some women in my corner to make me stand up and do something about it. Something more than I was doing. It took Ted to be gone, in order for me to reach rock bottom, and reach out to them. Normally he gets everything (all of my emotions)....and he fixes everything, but on retreat...you are supposed to RETREAT! He deserves a break from all of this.

I can hear Super Nanny saying to me in her beautifully British voice, "She needs to know that this behavior is unacceptable." And then I hear Dr Phil asking while she's throwing a fit, "What is she getting out of this?" Most probably...HER WAY. It's not like I give in to her after a fit. I tend to keep the peace to AVOID the fit. For an example, I'm trying me new firmer way...in all the small things. After going potty she told me to turn out the lights. I politely told her she could turn out the lights...she's a big girl. Then she threw herself to the floor, spilling her gold fish. She then cried and told me to pick them up. I told her that she could pick them up. Before, I would have just turned out the darn lights. Now she is screaming while I'm locked in my room. Before I locked myself up, she said, "I'll stop crying!". It is really is a punishment for her to be separated from me.

I'll let you know how things change in our house. I'm hoping for greater peace at mealtimes and other times in our house, a greater sense of dignity for myself, and a sense of control. And hopefully, I'll be a better example to Abby on how she expect herself to be treated by her children. I've been giving Mary the age excuse too long. She's old enough to toe the line like the rest of them. Now I need God's help to see it through.

Has It Really Been That LONG???

2008-02-28T21:12:00.003-06:00

I really can't believe how long it's been since I've blogged. My blogging time has been limited because Ben dominates my computer during the day. At night, when it's my turn to put the kids down, I sit outside Ben's door and that was normally my blogging time...but lately I've been reading a book about the saints called The Fulfillment of All Desire. I kind of fell into a habit of not blogging...or should I say, I fell out of the habit of blogging. I can't believe it's been 19 days. I was going about my merry way until my aunt said,"You have got to get back to posting.......that's the only way I can keep up with your life! So even if it's a short post.......enquiring minds want to know........WHAT'S UP WITH MISSY!!!!!"

I kind of forgot people read my blog and may be the slightest bit anxious to hear what I have to ramble on and on about! So thank you, Kathy, for bringing me back to my senses. Let's go topic by topic.

JAZZERCISE--It deserves all caps because I truly love it. I've been getting in 3 x's a week...and I feel totally indulgent doing it! Why? I can't quite explain that. I think I saw joining a class for exercise as being the epitome of self care. One deserving of mothers whose kids are older and all off to school. Not deserving of women who have no desire to get up at an ungodly hour to fit important things in before the kids wake up. That would be me. I knew I didn't want it badly enough to do that. So to find a solution that works for me...letting the kids practice watching themselves for a little over an hour while I exercise...is like a sinful delight! So far, my times flex from week to week. Last week, I did Tuesday at 4:25pm, Thursday at 5:35pm and Saturday at 8:15am. Saturday has been my most consistent day so far. The other two fall where our schedule allows from week to week. Thank you, God...for Jazzercise.

Diet--Ok...back to normal caps. I started this diet before Lent. I wanted to capitalize on my motivation. Can you believe after 3 1/2 weeks, I've lost 10 pounds?? I can't. Healthier eating, smaller portions, counting calories, more sensible snacking and no late night binges...have all helped. I said before, I want to make a lifestyle change. To do this, I allow some of my favorite "bad" foods in small doses....and I love so many bad foods. I love bread, pan crust pizza, brownies, custard, donuts, fried foods, etc, etc! I've tried to find healthier foods that I really enjoy and I keep my pantry and fridge stocked with them. I've added whole grain crackers, fruit mixed with yogurt and granola, dried fruit, romaine lettuce for salads, and spinach for my sandwiches every day. I took out the chips and substitute crackers (wheat thins), pretzels, or Sunchips. Sometimes just knowing it's healthy, makes it taste better to me, or gives me the motivation to eat it. Like fruits. I like fruits...but I like cookies better. It's a decision for me to chose the fruit instead. I'm trying to make those good decisions regularly. And then as a treat I'll have a cookie. This works for me right now...and I hope it continues to work for the long haul.

I was 132 lbs when we got married in 1992, 140 before getting pregnant with Sam in 1996, 145 before getting pregnant with Abby in 1998, 150 before getting pregnant with Maggie in 2001, 155 before getting pregnant with Ben in 2003 and went up to 160 before Mary. Lost 10 lbs on Slim Fast, gained back 5. Had Mary...stayed at 155. And now, for the first time in 10 years, I'm back to 145!!! I'd be happy to lose 5 more.

Illnesses--We've been battling colds, ear infections and sinus infections in this house the past couple of weeks. I had a since infection two weeks ago. My teeth hurt! I had to take 14 days of antibiotics for that! Mary is on antibiotics for a nasty ear infection. Carpool was bad the day it peaked. She cried so hard, no one wanted to sit by her. I had to take seven kids to the pharmacy so I could get a dose in her QUICK!! They all tolerated the stop because they felt so sorry for her crying out in pain. Sam has had a bad cough for over a week and I'm wondering if I need to get it checked out. Ben is waking up with matter in his eyes and green gunk in his nose. Hmmm...

New Furniture--I'm almost ready for my family room "after" picture!! I have everything in there but two chairs. They are being delivered Tuesday. We're also waiting on the new carpet. They measured the room last Tuesday, I'm waiting for them to call with the estimate. This all started with hating my fireplace wall. I decided to embrace it and make changes with the other parts of the room I didn't like. Now the fireplace wall is a non-isssue. You'll see why when I post pictures!! Ted got his big screen plasma TV that he'd been dreaming about. If you remember, it came free with the purchase of the furniture. TV's aren't a big deal to me, so it's cute to see him all excited when he doesn't get excited about material things. The TV is a guy thing I guess. I was more excited about my new couch!!!

Retreat--We bid Ted farewell for his ACTS retreat this weekend. We met him at the church for his send off. I wish I could have given him a proper and sincere goodbye. Unfortunately, Abby was crying about missing him, Sam had to take Ben to the bathroom, and Mary was crying because we made her give Daddy back his name tag. She just kept screaming, "I want Daddy's name tag!!"...over and over. I decided to take her outside, but that was no better because Ted was loading in the bus and I could see him, "That's my daughter...she's not missing me...she wants my name tag". *SIGH* That's the note he had to leave on. The screams of his daughter while the whole bus listens. I'm sure they all had a good laugh.

Single Mom--So yah, Ted was at Dallas on business at the beginning of the week and now he's on retreat. Friday, Saturday and Sunday I have the following: A meeting with the principal and priest of our school and the other two marketing committee members to do our "marketing" homework, a dinner at my mom's, Sam's basketball game, Blue and Gold banquet (bring a lot of mac n cheese), Abby goes with Grandma Jane to see Ted at Candlelight and spends the night with Grandma, babysitter for Ben and Mary, Noon mass to welcome Ted back, and a CRHP meeting at MY house! Yikes. I'm sure it'll all go by quickly.

PTO--I'm so grateful that I got the VP to take on the Father/Daughter dance in April. I'm not in charge!! Yaaayyy!!! We only have a McTeacher night, Art Fair, and PTO meeting with the parents left, besides the dance. And of course we have prep for next year and we don't have a VP yet...but I will be D-O-N-E. I can't wait to be a regular mom again....as fun as it was.

A Load a Day--It's my new mission. To put in a load of laundry a day, no matter what the size. I want to stay caught up. My neighbor inspired me because she made this change and seems so happy. She said putting it away is no big deal when you only have a load. I always thought that was inefficient. Why go to all those locations in the house for so few things?? Now I see it as exercise....and a chance to be less overwhelmed.

At the moment...that's all I can think of. Time to veg out in front of the TV. It's another long day tomorrow.

I LOVE JAZZERCISE!!!

2008-02-10T10:39:00.001-06:00

I absolutely LOVE Jazzercise!! I went Saturday and felt like it was totally for me! It was exactly what I thought it would be: Led by an energetic and too happy to be real instructor, high energy dance/aerobic moves, all set to great music. They greeted me with friendliness, no clickiness and it was a classroom of women of all ages, shapes and sizes. The instructor was always offering ideas on how to make each move more of a challenge for you or less of a challenge if you wanted low impact. It is what you make it. I can come straight out of bed, throw on clothes that may be too tight to wear anywhere else and make a fool out of myself while I try to learn all the moves. It's awesome.

Although, really, I can only come "straight out of bed" on Saturdays. My goal is to fit two afternoon/early evening classes somewhere else in the week. This would not be favorite time to workout, but it will have to do until Mary is in preschool (a year and a half from now). Until then, I hope to have Sam and Abby watch the kids one day at 4:25pm and another for the 5:35pm sessions. We'll see how this goes. I'm a little nervous that the time of day is too crazy for me to be gone. But I am NOT one to workout at 5:30am in the morning and I really don't want to take my kids to the free babysitting because I could picture that being a disaster. I'm afraid to even try it like my husband is really wanting me to do.

The success of this hinges on my commitment to this. I hope this can be a regular pattern for me. One I stay committed to for a long time. Any new thing you try is an experiment and you never know how it will turn out. This just seems like it has all the ingredients it needs to work for me. Let's hope!!

A Snapshot

2008-02-06T21:22:00.000-06:00

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--To try to focus on my sacrifices in Lent as a way to bring me closer to God, instead of focusing so much on the sacrifice itself!
--Plan my Children's Liturgy for this Sunday
--Update my picture wall before my Uppercase Living party
--Get a sitter for a date night with Ted
--Sign up for Jazzercise this Saturday and start my first class!

What have I accomplished recently?
--Stocked my kitchen with fresh fruits, vegetables and healthier foods
--Lost 5 pounds!!
--The Teacher Appreciation Luncheon. It went so smoothly!!
--Registered Abby for Softball
--Registered Ben for Kindergarten (Yikes!)
--Got caught up on laundry (huge feet!)
--Bought valentines for the kids to exchange

What have I said I was going to do, but haven't?
--Remember those pureed vegetables? After the failure with the mac n cheese, I've abandoned the remaining vegetables in the freezer. I just didn't feel the kids were getting that many vegetables anyway since half the kids didn't like the food I was hiding it in anyway (my picky boys don't eat ground beef or hamburgers)
--I'm doing some of my Rule from Mother's Rule of Life, but not all of it. I feel like I have a long way to go to be consistent on the house and other routines with the kids. I've made permanent changes to my prayer life that I remember to do almost daily but my day seems to just "happen" after that. I'll have to focus on this more.

What's been bugging me?
--Staying outside Ben's door until he falls asleep. Ted and I hardly have any time together in the evenings because one of us is putting all the kids down and sitting outside Ben's door until he falls asleep. Sometimes it can take an hour! It's a pain. Sam had us going through this, too. It will pass as everything else does.
--Mary's clinginess. She screams if I'm leaving and she hasn't gotten to say goodbye the million times she needs to before she feels ready to part from me. She's just going through a really tough time with separation and fears of being alone in any part of the house.

What's been bringing me joy?
--The show John and Kate plus 8! It always takes away any residue of self pity I might have.
--American Idol. I love that show, too.
--I'm just so happy that I get to be at home with my kids everyday. It's such a gift. Even on the bad days.
--Eatting healthier. It's been so fun to find ways to eat healthier but stay under my calorie limit.
--I can't wait to start Jazzercise!!

I Haven't Told You Yet....

2008-02-04T20:24:00.000-06:00

For the past week I have been doing something I always thought would be excrutiatingly painful...something that always sounded like pure torture to me and just a plain mood killing thing to do...I am counting calories. I can't believe those words just came out of my mouth. Not only am I counting them, but I have figured what my weight and height need every day and I'm taking in 500 less...to lose weight. I really don't like being on diets. It takes a lot of motivation for me to go in that direction, but once I do, I'm really into it.

It started with Lent. What can I give up? How can I cut back in my areas of excess? Do I stop eating my Rainbow Chips Deluxe cookies? I'd really been addicted those and it was getting worse and worse. Instead of just 2 after lunch, I was eating 3-4...and instead of just after lunch, I would eat them as a midafternoon snack and and after dinner dessert. It had to stop.

Or should I give up icecream? It's always been my favorite evening treat when the kids were all in bed and I could fully indulge myself. For some reason, after a tough day, frozen custard (especially my favorite turtle sundae) always cheered me up. After Thanksgiving, I always have to sacrifice this indulgence, but would still grab Dairy Queen every now and then.

Maybe I should cut back on my portions? I often eat past being full and never think twice about another helping of bread. My worst behavior doesn't really happen with meals at home, but parties with appetizers, eating out, and anything that encourages me to eat more than I normally would.

Or should I just eat more healthy? I often throw a meal together and realize later that I did not serve a vegetable. I always make sure I have fruit, granola and yogurt around for the kids, but did I ever make an effort to eat it? No.

I decided to do it all. Not give it all up, but cut back drastically on what I eat in a day and make sure what I DO eat is good for me. I decided to find food that didn't make me feel like I was on a diet. My breakfast hasn't changed much, because it was already pretty healthy. However, with lunch, I've changed my ham into turkey. I've cut back on my mayo and changed it to "light". I'm making sure my wheat bread is 100% whole wheat and not just "made with whole wheat" (I didn't realize the difference!). My chips have turned into baked Lays or wheat thins. And guess what...no more cookies (unless I want to waste 80 calories on ONE FRICKIN' COOKIE!!!). When your counting, if you add one place, you can subtract somewhere else...but sometimes that's at a great cost and it's just not worth it!

My icecream has been replaced with fruit and yogurt sprinkled with granola cereal. YUM!! And I don't have to feel guilty eating it mid day! If I'm hungry for a snack, I eat an apple, banana, a 90 calorie granola bar, or wheat thins. It's a challenge to find things that don't rob me of my allotted 1300 calories a day. Salsa, lettuce greens, pickles, mustard, parmesan cheese...are all surprises that contain basically NO calories. So I'll pile on the greens with a little of Paul Newman's Sesame Ginger salad dressing!! It's so good. I sprinkle it with Feta cheese for extra flavor and when I have fresh veggies, I love red onions and peppers thrown in.

This has been going on for a week now, and despite some boughts of real hunger (I kept telling myself it was burning the fat), it's not been too bad. Since I'm not totally strict and will allow myself a little treat (half a brownie at my sisters and an errant cookie every now and then), I think it helps me go the long haul. I'd never make it if it was too strict. I know myself better than that. My real challenge is at get togethers. At a Superbowl party I went to, I tried to eat lightly the day of the party and then let myself snack on chips and salsa and veggies in light dip. I did treat myself to half a chocolate cake. I know I went over that night, but I allowed myself to slightly over without a pig out binge (which is my normal party behavior...especially where there is buffalo chicken dip...DAMN that stuff is addictive!!)

OK...I know I'm making you sick now. I try not to talk about dieting. Does ANYONE really want to hear about someone else's diet? NO! It makes you feel guilty and jealous of the person with all the self discipline. I will talk at great length with other dieters (my sister, Becky, is on the same diet). People would vomit if they heard our conversations. I reserve all that obsessive talk with her. And since Lent is coming up, I will blend in quite easily. I just couldn't wait until Ash Wednesday. My Catholic neighbor thinks it's silly that I'm not going to have a true Fat Tuesday. Oh well. You have to strike while the iron is hot.

There is still one piece to tell you. I want to exercise, too. I know...isn't it all maddening?? I'm doing things my way this time. I've tried the treadmill in my house. It doesn't work. Kids follow me, they want to play on the treadmill and in the evening I'm too tired. I've decided to get out of the house! I'm going to try Jazzercise. The recent 80's Dance reminded me how much I love to dance...and any exercise I do, MUST resemble dancing. That's Jazzercise! I'm going to sign up Saturday. Since aerobics is dying out, I can't find these classes anywhere...but Jazzercise is going strong! They have so many times to chose from, I feel good about being able to fit it in. I'm thinking about doing Tuesdays 5:25pm, Thursdays 4:25pm (have Sam and Abby watch the kids for the hour I'll be gone), and Saturdays at 9:30am. If something comes up to mess any of those times, I can go to an evening slot (not preferred) or use their day care and do a 9:30am slot (also not preferred). Since it's not going to a gym and running a treadmill, doing stairs or pumping iron, I think I will like it and actually enjoy it. I'm hoping that will be enough to keep me going. I don't want this to just be a Lent thing. I want it to be a life change.

So after a week on this diet, I've lost 5 pounds. I'm sure it will be slower going from here. That was too easy. It must have been all water or something. I doubt fat could burn that quickly! Plus, it's not healthy to keep that pace anyway. I'm sure my body was just shocked by healthy eating.

Ok. I've divulged it all. I'll try not to talk too much about it.

SNOW DAY!!!

2008-02-01T21:47:00.000-06:00

Today the kids had a snow day. I love snow days. The excitement reminds me of when I was a kid and we prayed that school would be canceled after the slightest bit of snow. To find out that we could stay at home and play in the snow all day was such a thrill. And now I get to relive that through my kids. It's great to have them home. And although it can get hectic with the in and out, snow trampled in and melting on the floors, and the coats, hats, snowbibs and gloves going in and out of the dryer, it's still a refreshing change from the regular day.

I would have to say this year marks a first for us. All four kids equally participated in all the sled riding activities. It was Ben and Mary's first year sledding down a hill. I can't honestly remember them doing it last year. I know the older kids went out to a special hill, but I think I stayed home and watched Ben and Mary. I was so happy to get out there and document it this moment. Not only did I document it, but I also went down the hill on a snowboard with a handle (kind of like a scooter). It was so fun and exhilirating. I felt like a kid again! I love showing the kids a different side to me.

As lovely as it was, it wasn't all roses. Mary had a rough time and cried most of the time. She wanted a sled that was the neighbors, but couldn't have it. Ben was pretty good most of the time. Despite the tears, we had a great time. We were in our neighbors yard, so it was easy to scoop Mary up and take her home after I felt everyone had had enough listening to her whailing.

After the neighbors, Sam and Abby went to a friends house to sled, then I picked them up and we went to my sister, Lisa's, to eat dinner and then sled some more! What great sleep they will have tonight!

Ted is on retreat this weekend so I'm going at it alone. Sam has a basketball game tomorrow at 9am, and then I'm going to a fundraiser tea with my mom and sisters. Other than that, we are pretty free.

Post 300 (and still talking about poop)

2008-01-30T20:21:00.001-06:00

I just realized this is my 300th post! I've been blogging since August 2005. Wow. My first post was about Mary learning to walk and Abby deciding to jump off the diving board for the first time. I find myself in a quandry with Mary, 2 1/2 years later. I've taken the do or die approach on pooping in the potty and it totally backfired on me. With Ben, it worked...but he was 4! And he magically found his motivation button. Fear. All Ted said was, "It'll collect if you don't let it out". And boom. He pushed the poop out like he was expelling a demon. That didn't work on Mary. We've tried material incentives. Nope. We've tried the incentive of letting her get her ears pierced. Nope. I let her go for a while and let her use diapers to poop in. I thought we'll get the potty part down first since she doesn't mind that part and deal with the poop part later.

Well, I thought now was later. I tried to hide the diapers and tell her we can't do them anymore. Mary panicked and cried when she felt the urge, but wouldn't sit on the potty. She just held it in. For three days. We heard cries whenever the pain would come to a peak. A couple of times I actually forced her to sit on the potty when I noticed she felt the urge. I held her down hoping that if she just let it come out she would see it's not so bad. That just made things worse. I heard my Pediatrician's voice in my head, "The pains are a natural consequence of their refusal to poop in the potty. This is a behavior. He KNOWS how to do this."

Those words kept me going for a little bit. If I saw ANY progress at all in those 3 days...like a willingness to sit on the potty, that would have kept me going. She just seems majorly not ready. She is scared to death of the thought! I looked back on my first blog. I was writing about Abby jumping off the diving board and this is what I said, "The more a child is rushed, the more they seem to resist the jump. Let them go on their own, and it's amazing what they'll decide to do."

I look at those words now and I wonder if they were meant for me today. This stuff exhausts me. It takes so much of my energy. I'm trying so hard to do the right thing. I'm trying to take every bit of advice I've ever heard and do them all. I'm tired. She's even regressed. She wouldn't take off her diaper today after she pooped. She kept saying she wasn't finished yet. *sigh* Tiring I tell you.

So I've backed off. She has control again. Hopefully I'll be inspired as to when I'm supposed to try this again.

I Want to Go Back to My Happy Crop Room!!!!

2008-01-28T10:21:00.000-06:00

My crop weekend was AWESOME. I got 123 pages done. 525 pictures were put into albums!!!

However, coming back has not been easy. Here's an e-mail to Ted I sent this morning...
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This has not been a good day...
1) Abby forgets medicine. I call the secretary...the nurse is out. So I have to TROUBLE the secretary to give Abby the medicine SHE forgot!!!
2) **** (PTO VP) lets me know I need to do her part at the Teacher Appreciation Luncheon (her dad is dying... which is also why I am doing the tasks under #3)
3) I'm still trying to get the Room Parent Coordinators to respond to my e-mail about the classrooms needing help during the luncheon. I end up needing to call the two Kindergarten classrooms and leave them a message.
4) Mary will not poop in the potty and keeps crying (Ted had the idea to get rid of all diapers...last night she wet the bed and today she keeps crying because she needs to poop but refuses to go in the potty)
5) **** (Carpool friend) calls to tell me about the party and how bad the girls are getting. She said the **** (her daughter) told her that Abby is a member of the "******* Haters Club" and someone put a nasty note in ****** back pack. ******* (Carpool friend) also proceeded to go off on different things about the school (some PTO related). Argghhh!!!

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!! I want to go back to my happy crop room. :-(

Missy
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In parenthesis I added my own remarks so you would understand what I'm talking about. Yes. We have thrown out diapers. It's do or die for Mary. Or, I guess you could say "Do or Constipate". She's holding it in. What a surprise. It's gotta come out eventually! I'll let you know how this goes...

This N That

2008-01-21T21:07:00.000-06:00

80's Dance--The 80's Dance went great!! We didn't have a huge crowd (about 50), partially due to family illnesses, but we sure had a great time! I have to say that being on the PTO has brought me experiences I never would have had otherwise. It's been worth my two year commitment. I don't regret any of it! Hopefully, they'll do it again next year (notice I said they?)

Cooking Slump--Remember all those lovely pictures of French Onion Soup and homemade bread? It's a distant memory. I got side-tracked with other things and never did a good December meal plan and everything slid downhill after that. I never got back on the horse. I keep popping frozen stuff into the oven and canned stuff on the stove and calling it dinner. Not that there's anything wrong with that...:-) The spirit just isn't movin' me. I'm hoping some creative juices start flowing soon. I'm just getting sick of all the family friendly food and I want to cook like I want to eat. Spaghetti, tacos, and pizzas get old after a while. And making two meals to please everyone is no fun.

Vegetable Pureeing--I have many unused, pureed vegetables in my freezer. Again, unmotivated. It all went down hill when Ted put the pureed cauliflower in the macaroni and cheese (probably too much) and the kids wouldn't eat it. My women's group friend went home and cried after me and another member shared our excitement over hiding pureed vegetables in our kids' food. She felt like a looser mom because she didn't. Well...I can tell her I am not all as I appear. I just don't think this is for me. I just started wondering if it was worth the effort and how much were they really getting when it was split up over a whole dish. And THEN I had to deal with the kids that didn't like the food I was hiding it in to begin with. The taco meat and hamburgers were great...but my boys don't like either of those two foods! Nothing can help them!

Latest Thoughts--Me, my mom and sisters need to get together more often. I was having a rough day when I asked Ted if I could get out of the house. I called my mom and we saw "P.S. I Love You" and I thoroughly enjoyed it!! It was great spending time with my mom and we had a nice chat in the car about this time in her life with dad and how much my dad put up with when my mom was ill. She just told me how much she loved him and how happy they are. My parents are my reminder of my future with Ted and what we can look forward to. I want to do this more often. I want to schedule it once a month on the calendar...and invite my sisters, too. That is my challenge...to follow up on this thought.

Mary is Dry at Night!!!--For a week now, Mary has been dry the majority of the nights. In fact, last night she woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom! What a victory! We'll see if this continues. Then we'll have to deal with the whole poop issue. Again. *Sigh*.

Lent is Coming Soon!--Lent is quickly approaching. My CRHP group (and the Catechism) has helped me to change my attitude about Lent. I thought it was kinda of negative to give up something. I thought it would be better to DO something...like improve your prayer life, or help others, whatever...something other than the (what I thought was) unproductive idea of giving something up. But my CRHP sisters shed some light on this for me. Giving up things is a practice in self control! We often do whatever we feel like....which leads toward a us-willed life instead of a God-willed life. But practicing this small virtue of temperance can protect us from giving in to temptation of gluttony. This is the same way that diligence (or budgeting our time and putting first things first like prayer, house work, etc) can protect us from "sloth" or laziness. Wow! OK! New info for me. I know this is really old information for some...but it's put in a new light for me and now I "get it". Basically, the practice of the Seven Virtues, can protect us from the Seven Deadly Sins. I'm hoping this will improve my Lent. I'm asking God to show me my weakness and what He wants me to work on during Lent...what needs to be balanced out, or put into order. I'll let you know if He speaks.

I'll post some 80's pictures from the dance in my next blog. I'm upstairs sitting outside the kids' bedrooms and nowhere near my camera for downloading. Two down, two to go.

Volunteer Overload

2008-01-16T08:17:00.001-06:00

OK...so you know that Ted and I had a conversation about "balance" and "being present" and you remember that I told him that it's been a crazy two months with the PTO and once that is done, things will be SO much better! I'm always promising, when I take on something new, that it will not be a big deal and not cause me stress.

So anyway, just recently I had agreed to "help" with Vacation Bible School this summer. I was a part of the planning "team". We had the two people who ran it last year, plus two of my CRHP friends. No problem! Oprah always says when you have an abusive husband or one who is gay (or whatever) that there are clues along the way that you chose to ignore or write off. Well the other day the DRE asked me if I could call all the girls on the team and get a date for our first meeting. This was big clue #1. I thought, oh....maybe she just wants me to do some of the organizational details. No big deal. So I started calling and my first call was to one of the ladies who ran VBS last year. I got her availability and preferences and then I heard her say towards the end, "You guys will make a great team". That was BIG clue #2. I thought, "Did I hear her right? What is going on?" So I went to my CRHP friend next and in talking to her about this she said that she got the impression the ladies who did it last year will only meet with us a couple of times to get us going and then they are moving on. They are passing it all on to us! So that was more than a clue. That was a revelation. I got angry. That wasn't my perception at all! When I was given the team members, my DRE listed last years co-directors!

I started going through all my past e-mails with the DRE to see what other clues I had missed. Her first e-mail to me said:

"Missy, Would you be interested in working on a team to get VBS up and running this summer? You would have lots of help from last year's team. I think your expertise with children's programs and your sense of organization would be extremely valuable."

I missed it all together! How could I not see what I see now? The e-mail after I agreed said,

"Missy, I have dates for VBS. June 16-20 with the 15th open for set up. We have the gym, cafeteria, and junior high buildings. Melanie has not yet returned my call. I can't seem to reach Barb Schnarr. So, if you can try them, perhaps we could line up some plans. Even if it involves you and Kelley and Cathy and Maggie to start, that would work. Let's see what happens within the next week. At least we have dates." (All names have been changed)

Cathy and Maggie were the ones who did it last year. That e-mail helped me to see how I could keep the misunderstanding going. So back to being mad. At the time, I felt misled. I called the DRE and told her my misunderstanding that I would be a "helper" and not really the "coordinator" and that this is just not the time for me. I still have a semester of PTO to go before I'm finished and with everything else, this is just too much. Actually, I told her voice mail. I know that's a no-no, but I had to get it off my chest before I went to my Women's Group meeting. The next morning, while I was out, she left a message telling me it's OK and she understands. I called her back and we talked and it was good. She sounded genuinely surprised that I didn't know the girls from last year weren't coming back. And then it was done. I had said NO!

Now I'm sure I'll be helping in some way...but I am not in charge! If there is anything I know right now, after working on the 80's dance this past month...I'm DONE with being in charge! I'm counting down my fundraisers to freedom!

What's left--
80's Dance --this Saturday night.
Chuck E Cheese's--next Tuesday...no big deal
Winter Carnival--Feb 2--I'm a helper...I have a chair...so that's no big deal
McTeacher Night--April 8--No big deal.
PTO Meeting w/parents--April 17--Nominate new officers
Father/Daughter Dance--April 26--I really don't want to be in charge of another
dance. Maybe a committee member or board member will step up! It's so
late in the year and I know I'll be mentally done by then.

I think I'll ask for a volunteer from the committee members now. I don't want this hanging over my head!

Humility Brings Me Gratitude

2008-01-13T12:04:00.000-06:00

This morning in Children's Liturgy was quite a hoot. The night before I set up the room (after the 5pm mass). Room set up involves, putting a cover over our "altar" which is a cabinet. They go with the liturgical seasons, so I had white on today. Candles are set on the altar, along with a cross, the holder for the children's lectionary, the cards the prompt the kids responses (Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ, etc). I bring in my guitar, put the big sheets lyrics on the wall and set up my music stand. So I felt good that that was all done. This morning I come in to lead it and the first thing I do is sing the wrong song. I know two "This is the Day" songs. I started singing one from my youth instead of the one from THEIR youth. Half way, I realized I didn't have the correct music for the song I was singing AND my guitar was miserably out of tune (oops...forget that one important detail). For the life of me I couldn't recall THEIR This is the Day and asked the kids if they could help me. My outgoing boy, Richard, happily chimed in and started to sing the song for me. I tried to play it but my guitar sounded so bad and I wasn't playing it right because I had lowered the key and couldn't make sense of all my cross outs...so I just stopped playing and sang acapella the rest of the song.

Somehow when I set my guitar down, it fell more out of tune. I must have bumped it or something. It sounded horrible on the next song! I just smiled and kept playing because the kids didn't seem to notice.

There are quite a few things that I'm grateful for after this humbling moment
A) These are KIDS! They don't care!! (Although there was an adult in the room)
B) The kids were singing so loud, they couldn't really hear my guitar anyway.
C) I gave a lesson in humility by setting an example. I was able to laugh it off and thank them for the help. I told them I was a little rusty after the break.
D) Wasn't Jesus humbled to be baptized by someone much lower than Him when He didn't even need it?
E) My homily was better than normal
F) We got a new Time Keeper trained
G) The adult at the back of the room often comes, but never smiles at me and doesn't really acknowledge me in the parking lot of school. I was blessing each child with holy water as they were dismissing and made a comment to the other lady about how I was trying to squeeze this in and SHE SPOKE! She said that their were more kids than normal this time and smiled at me. I think in my stumbling, humbling moment she was able to relate to me more. This is a great thing.

The other day, Ted reminded me that I've been very distracted lately with all of my activities and that he misses me! I know what he's talking about. I may be "present", but not really present. He saw it starting with the holidays and all the craziness that brings and then it just continued into January. I told him when this PTO thing is done, I'll be able to relax and enjoy my home time more. I don't know if I was very convincing, because what he sees looks quite different.
--He sees me being pulled to help the nursing home communion services
--He sees me saying "yes" to helping with Vacation Bible School this summer
--He remembers that I offered to help the Volunteer Coordinator for the Swim Team this summer
--He knows that I agreed to be on this marketing team for our school to learn how to attract more families
--He sees his time with me shrinking as I get enveloped in all these activities.

As we discussed this, I admitted that I love all of these things, but sometimes they require more planning than I thought, because I like to do my best. Sometimes, even though I don't believe they are taking away from our evening family time, I'm secretly running to the computer to send out an e-mail about the 80's Dance, or researching chords for a nursing home song, or writing my homily for Children's Liturgy. He pointed out that I work from home, so my work never leaves. I don't have a specific start and stop time. He doesn't want me to stop doing what I'm doing...it's part of what he loves about me. He just wants me to practice balance, and set aside times as more sacred, and be present to the family, and be present to him.

I'm humbled again. I'm not doing a good job at home. Which is my MOST important job!! But I'm grateful for his honesty and I'm grateful for the stability he brings me. Me, the roller coaster girl who flits from one thing to another and tries to get it all done, while he....he is constant, solid, responsible, measured, consistent and loyal. I'm trying to be loyal to everyone. He wants to be loyal to me. I like his priorities. I like the balance he is to me.

So again, humility brings me gratitude.

An Overdue Snapshot

2008-01-09T10:52:00.000-06:00

I thought I would do a snapshot since I haven't written anything in a WEEK.

What's at the top of my to-do list?
--PTO 80's Dance is January 19th. We need to get the keg, soda and check our paper product supplies. We need to advertise more and get those tickets sold! So far our fundraisers have brought in $8765! Our goal for the year is $12,000 and I think we will make it!
--Laundry, laundry, laundry
--Clear off the shelving in my bedroom hall to make room for more items to store. Ted needs more closet space. We are going to reorganize his closet and make two rods for clothes by moving the one and adding another. This will eliminate his floor space, so I want to clear off his floor and high closet shelves and move the items to my hall shelving. This will double his hanging space! Since he has to dress up for work, he needs more space for suits and dress shirts!! Pictures will come later...
--Prepare for Children's Liturgy homily for this Sunday
--Prepare for leading music for Women's Group this Monday.
--Get ready for Crop Weekend at the end of January!

What have I accomplished?
--A while ago a wrote a blog about needing help with my full brick wall fireplace. Millions of people responded with their ideas. Just kidding. No one did. It turns out it was heavily googled by people who needed their OWN help. However, I did solicit friendly help from anyone and everyone who would come look at my puzzling wall. I got all kinds of responses from "Don't EVER paint that brick!", to "It is a little too much brick" to "Can you cover part of it?" to "I LOVE that brick wall!". Anyway, I decided to keep the wall for now and embrace it...change other things and see how it works.

I've always been a little frustrated by my choice of furniture from 9 years ago. At the time, plaid navy and hunter green was all the rage! I thought it was a safe choice for a life with children. Unfortunately, it held up REALLY well and I never felt I had a good enough excuse to replace it. I knew that new furniture would change my feelings about the room. Around this same time, Ted saw a flyer that advertised a free 50" plasma TV if you spent $3300 in furniture!! We felt we could make this purchase with Ted's end of year bonus check. We went shopping at the store and picked out this leather couch (in dark chocolate brown), two chairs (photo not available) and a console for the new plasma TV! I don't know if I've ever made decisions that fast for so much furniture! But really, I've been thinking about it for a long time. So I was ready. I really wanted to make sure I did it right this time. I chose a dark, chocolate brown, leather couch and for the 2 chairs, I picked a golden wheat fabric. Since it is custom order, we have to wait 12 weeks! But we figured that would give us enough time to replace the disgusting carpeting that I've been complaining about and to pick out end tables and a coffee table.

I got these two end tables at World Market , this leather ottoman in the Global Bazaar section of Target. And finally after bringing home a handful of paintings, until I came upon one at World Market that outshone the rest when I put it up on the brick. I will show that later when I do an "after" picture of the room. Unfortunately, you have to wait until the end of March for that!!

I'm really looking forward to putting it all together.

What is my latest obsession?
--Finding accessories for the mantel.
--Reinventing the hall that leads to my bathroom. I think I'll take before and after pictures.

What's been bugging me?
--Mary and Ben fighting. It actually makes me look forward to Ben going to school so they don't have a chance to fight as much. It's really sad to say that. I don't want to feel that way. For example, today, I took Mary to Target while Ben was at school. I bought her a pink watering can with butterflies on it. I was about to walk away, when I KNEW I had to get one for Ben too, or I'd be in trouble. I got him an orange one with frogs on it. When he saw it, he was immediately upset because he wanted to a pink one too. He cried and cried and demanded that Mary let him have hers! A pink one! He wants whatever she has! It's exhausting.

What's been making me happy?
--Shopping for the family room!
--Watching Ben and Mary play nicely together (I really appreciate when it happens and I always praise them for it whenever I see it.)
--Planning the 80's dance has been a lot of fun!
--The warm break in the weather
--Knowing that I only have less than four months left on the PTO. I've enjoyed it, but it will be nice to be a regular mom again...without the added responsibility of all these fundraisers!!
--I'm really looking forward to my weekend crop
--Watching Sam and Abby be such a big help to me with Ben and Mary. They always chip in.

Year End Review

2007-12-30T10:46:00.001-06:00

At the end of every year I like to review the significant moments of the year. Some of them are happy moments... some struggles. The happy moments remind me to be grateful for what God has done for me and the struggles remind me of what He's brought me through.

January
--After being laid off by Charter in December, Ted started his new job at AT&T.
--Ted finished installing new baseboards and six panel doors upstairs.
--Threw a retirement party for my mother-in-law
--Abby's First Reconciliation
--Went on Crop Weekend and got so much done in my albums!
--Mary, then Ben, then Sam all had a stomach virus
--I did a personal inventory to stay in touch with what makes me happy...among the list was: learning, reading, great conversation, helping others and spending time with my family and friends. I also decided that I am happiest when I'm "underbooked". Having some free time, allows me to do any of the above favored activities. I decided to make it my goal and the goal of me and my family to stay away from too much structured time and always keep room for down time.

February
--FINALLY furnished my empty Dining Room after 3 years in this house! Bought curtains for both the Dining and Living Rooms. I felt so complete after doing this!
--Had my first dinner party with couples from college. Made my first Beef Wellington!

March
--Became obsessive about cooking. Watched The Food Network a lot. Tried many new recipes
--Gave Sam and Abby swim lessons for the FIRST TIME EVER. I wanted them to gain confidence for the swim team over summer.
--Bought a panini press. Wow. I still love this thing. We use it all the time.

April
--Sam started piano lessons from neighbor
--Sliced my hand on a mandolin making french onion soup. Got stitches. I still can't use the mandolin without cringing.
--Bought a new riding mower
--Replaced our asphalt driveway with concrete
--Went on Women's Group Retreat
--Got a new refrigerator (cheap one) to put in my laundry room. I don't know how I survived without two refrigerators now.
--Discover that Abby's "tics" could be seizures. Confirm "Absence Seizures" through an EEG. She gets put on Lamictal and will be on it for about 2 years.
--Abby's First Communion!!
--Ben turns 4!

May
--Abby gets an MRI to eliminate the possibility of any other brain problems. She's clear. Whew!
--Was officially handed over the role of PTO President for the 2007-2008 school year
--Camped with family at Injun Joe Campground in Hannibal, MO.
--I get my very own, used, mini-disc recorder. I use it to record songs for Children's Liturgy to help the liturgists who don't like to lead singing. LOVE this toy.

June
--Borrow my parents bread machine and I've been using it ever since. LOVE IT!!
--Took the kids to Six Flags
--Girl Scout camp, Cub Scout Day Camp, Webelos Overnight Camp
--Sam and Abby start their first summer on the swim team

July
--Went camping with friends and family at Eminence, MO
--After this trip, I figured we've logged 12,700 miles on our Jayco Kiwi Travel Trailer and taken 33 camping trips with it. It has been money well spent! We've had our trailer since the summer of 2000.

August
--Took a camping trip with my sisters and their families and my parents to Door County, WI.
--Became disgusted with potty training. Ben was still pooping in his pants at the age of four and Mary showed no interest in potty training at the age of 2 years and 10 month.
--Made my first slide show. It was shown at our back to school night. This was a LOT of work!
--Ben had his 4 year appointment, on August 18, with his Pediatrician and we made a decision to not tolerate any more poop in the pants. His favorite game would be taken away each time he pooped in his pants. Within two weeks he was fully trained with no accidents. It didn't come easy, but it had to be done this way. After pooping in pants for one full year past being potty trained, he is finally fully trained. YAAYY!!!
--Started doing major purging in my house. Got rid of many toys from downstairs that weren't being played with.
--Sam started fifth grade, Abby started third, Ben started preschool and Mary stayed at home.

September
--Continued purging. I went through closets, the storage room, drawers in the kitchen...everywhere...getting rid of junk. It was liberating!
--Start practicing Flylady again.
--Make a renewed effort to potty train Mary again, but hit a roadblock when she decides she wants her diaper back.
--Started meal planning and LOVED it! I make a plan for the whole month. I rarely do everything on the day planned, but I'm always ready to do any of the meals for the week.
--Abby turned 9!

October
--Mary goes back to underwear full time during the day. She needs her diaper for pooping and night time. Decide not to make an issue of this and take one thing at a time.
--Mary gets a big girl's bed! And over the past couple of months stopped taking an afternoon nap.
--Sam turned 11!

November
--Mary turned 3!
--Flylady flies out the window. No more organized cleaning. Other things take over, but I still desire to return someday.
--Felt a frustration with the difficulties of raising Mary when I heard a voice in my head telling me "She will be amazing". This gave me hope and renewed my energies in dealing with her. I looked at all my sacrifices as investments in creating something beautiful.
--Read "Mother's Rule of Life" and decided to put a better plan of praying daily, into action. I'm still following this plan and it's really working. So often, I come up with something that's not me and then it doesn't work. I found a daily prayer ritual that is me and works!

December
--Became frustrated with my family room. Decided I didn't have to wait for my kids to be 20 before I invest in new furniture in carpet. Also decided that I would enforce a "no food" policy in the family room. Also expressed my confusion over my fireplace wall.

Just Yesterday
--Ted found an ad for "American" that offered a free 50" Plasma TV with a $3300 purchase of furniture. We decided it was time. I place an order for a new leather couch, two chairs and a console for the new TV. The current furniture will go downstairs. We'll order new carpet in March. I still don't know what to do with my fireplace wall.

Much has happened in one year! Some things are still a struggle (Ben and Mary fighting), but some things continue to change. Mary is maturing and not having as many fits (or maybe I've just accepted them and gotten used to it). We are enjoying more things as a family as Ben and Mary get older and are able to adapt to camping better, mass, movies and the mall. I'm happier when I can enjoy time with my family. Just now I am seeing how we are doing this so much better than we used to. We're now off to see the Chipmunk movie. Wish us luck!!

Deceptively Delicious

2007-12-21T07:54:00.000-06:00

Well, last week I finally got around to making my purees inspired by the cookbook Deceptively Delicious. I went to the grocery store and bought a bag of carrots, one zucchini, a head of cauliflower and 2 sweet potatoes. I was wondering what they would equate to, once pureed. Well, you see it above (minus a carrot I let my neighbor borrow). Each bag is a 1/2 cup. I used my own hamburger recipe but added the pureed zucchini and finely diced mushrooms, like the cookbook suggested. I also made taco meat using the sweet potato puree. Ted said the hamburgers were great and couldn't tell those two vegetables were in them. The kids ate them fine! I haven't served tacos yet but plan to sometime this week. However, I did taste the prepared meat by itself and couldn't tell there were sweet potatoes in them. Yayy!! I'll let you know how future recipes go, but so far, this is a hit with me and the family! Now that the purees are made, it's easy to pop them into whatever I want....spaghetti sauce, pizza sauce, mac and cheese (you don't have to make it from scratch), grilled cheese sandwiches (that will be interesting)

I also made use of my new soup crocks (bought last spring...you need a warm day to make soup) and loved them! I made french onion soup, homemade croutons and served it with some focaccia bread with olive oil mixture for dipping. YUM! Here are some recipes so you can enjoy it too.

The Ultimate French Onion Soup (Home Cooking Magazine Feb 2007)

3 tbs butter

3 large onions, thinly sliced (I used Vadelia... sp?)

1 tbs flour

1/2 tsp salt
Ground black pepper, to taste

5 cups beef broth

8 tablespoons grated Swiss or Gruyere cheese (I used Swiss Emmenthal...slightly cheaper)

4 baguette slices (I used homemade croutons so as to not waste the rest of the bread)

Melt butter in a soup pot. Cook onions slowly until limp and golden (about 25 minutes). Sprinkle flour over onions and cook for several minutes to remove floury taste. Season with salt and black pepper. Add broth. Bring to a boil; lower heat and simmer for 30 minutes. Spoon into 4 individual bowls. Sprinkle with homemade croutons (or lay a sliced baguette on top) and sprinkle Swiss cheese on top of baguette. Bake in the oven at 450 for 10 minutes.

Homemade Croutons (From local restaurant...Miss Aimie Bee's)

1 loaf day old French bread

3/4 cup olive oil

1 tsp garlic powder

1/3 cup Parmesan cheese

Preheat oven to 275 degrees. Dice bread into bite size cubes. Heat the oil. Drizzle the heated oil over bread and toss well. Add the garlic powder to season. Toss again. Pour the seasoned cubes into a cookie sheet and spread evenly. Bake at 275 for 45-60 minutes. Remove from oven and drain on paper towels until cool. Fill a ziplock bag with toasted croutons, add 1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, zip closed and shake. Refrigerate or freeze until ready to use.

Focaccia Bread --Ted loved this bread. I've wished I could be able to make my own artisan bread, but now that I found this, I don't feel like I have to! We dipped it in a olive oil, garlic, salt, pepper and Parmesan mixture. YUM!

This would all be too much to do in one day. The focaccia was left over from another day, the soup I made last week and refrigerated it until we were ready to eat and the croutons I made the same day. In case you're wondering...the kids had frozen pizza! They would never eat French Onion Soup!

Here's a picture:

No One Told Me

2007-12-18T21:30:00.001-06:00

I didn't know I could be quite so tickled pink. I mean, I know how frustrating some of this child rearing stuff can be...but no one really accurately portrayed the highs. How good you can feel when you are excited for your child. You don't really know until you experience it yourself. I think I'm kinda used to being on the losing team. I never get too proud of my kids because I'm aware how quickly things can turn, given a certain age. I know that all the good they do and are...is because of their Creator, not me. However, you can't help but really enjoy the good. I'm in my corner cheering them on!

Tonight, Sam played in his second band concert. This is not any great achievement, really. It's his first year in band and he's the only one playing the trombone (because it was the only instrument left since he joined late). There are many other kids that enjoy playing in the band. I guess the achievement is one I feel in my heart. I am overjoyed that Sam is in love with music! It's not really anything I saw coming.

It all started when he would take out our keyboard and piddle on it. Then he would teach himself songs that are programmed into the keyboard. He would play them over and over and get every key just right. It was all about mastering it. Then, we started to take him seriously and signed him up for piano lessons last April. He loved it! He's always jumping on the piano and practicing...I don't have to beg! His teacher says he is a quick learner and has great dexterity. She moves him faster than her other students to keep him challenged. When I went to his piano recital...I thought he would be the "beginner". He wasn't. He was the most advanced!

You'll have to excuse my excitement here. You know I'm the first one to tell you about my disappointments in child rearing...as well as my struggles. I'm real about it all. So I have to be real about my excitement with Sam. To see his eagerness to learn just thrills me. I'm so happy he has something that he's really into...besides gaming. I've seen him do less gaming (really it was out of boredom) and more music playing. I feel like it's a goal for every parent to find something their child enjoys. If they have hobbies or interests, they can feel good about themselves and feel like they offer something to the world. I want my kids to always feel they are important and offer something to the world.

This is the just the beginning for Sam. Who knows where this will take him? I know it's already brought him out in a way I haven't seen before. It's all he talks about. He likes playing all the parts in the band on the piano and charting out all the notes that each instrument plays. He listens to his band music on his mp3 player and plays along on his trombone. I love it. Sam's great grandfather played the clarinet in a band. My mom and her sisters all sing. My aunt taught herself guitar. And I love music. I love singing and I love playing guitar. And now Sam has the bug.

I have to tell you a little story. I was at a prayer meeting and in the early stages of pregnancy with Sam. There was some very spiritual woman who was there as a guest and seemed to have some gifts. I couldn't tell you what exactly they were, but she seemed to know I was pregnant. She said a prayer with me and then said that she felt that "through the storms, this baby would come out the songbird". I think I focused more on the storms part. What storms? What's going to happen? I often think back and wonder still, "What were the storms?" There were many trials with Sam, but I can say each child has brought there own. I have no doubt though now, that what she said has come true. He is my songbird!

The "N" Word

2007-12-12T11:08:00.000-06:00

I've practicing that sound you make when you press your tongue to the roof of your mouth and follow it with your lips in a circle...you know...the "n" word. I'm talking about the word... NO. There...I did it. That word is really tough for a lot of us women. I'm working on it. These things take practice. It's amazing. The more you do it, the easier it gets!

If you would have talked to me early yesterday, I would have something so different to say. Why do people make it SO hard to say NO?? I got a phone call from my dear elderly friend from my CRHP group. Could you please play guitar for us this Friday at the nursing home? I really respect the elderly and find it VERY difficult to say no to them. I explained that I can't ask my mom to watch the kids every Friday. I feel comfortable with the once a month mass, but don't feel ready to commit to weekly communion services. Can you bring your kids with you? No...you see, the last time I tried practicing Christmas Carols with the Girl Scouts, Mary screamed to be held and Sam had to take her out of the room. I'll do my best to come once a month. Sigh. She said she would keep praying that I would be able to come. Can you make it any harder on me?

And then, following my mother-in-law's advice, I politely bowed out of a cookie exchange. Then I got an e-mail from one of the exchangers saying, "Can you just go to Shop-n-Save and buy some chocolate chip? No one will care." What? Are you kidding? I just don't want to make 4 dozen cookies on top of everything else I am doing! Again, why make this difficult for me?? I think my nos are too polite and they know they I get a true kick out of helping people and it's too obvious I want to please. Like with the elderly CRHP lady. I think she saw my genuine interest in helping her. I have to learn a more resolute NO.

Well, the whole cookie exchange fiasco had an interesting turn of events. After my e-mail to bow out, others came forward confessing they were too busy and now the cookie exchange has been scrapped! See? We just need to come forward and speak up and say NO. Especially to reserve some sacradness to Advent. I'm sure God just shakes his head at us as we scramble about trying to fulfill every tradition of the season. When I was discussing the whole NO thing with my mother-in-law, she reminded me of a chapter in a book we have both read, "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World". In Chapter Four, she paints a story of God asking a man to pull a wagon of 3 rocks to the top of the hill. The man agreed. It was a light load. However, one by one he was asked to help others bring their rocks to the top of the hill. He agreed to help them all until he could no longer pull the load. He got frustrated and said, "This it it! I can't do this anymore, God!" God said, "If you will be content to let others take their own burdens, I will help you with your task." The man protested and then God said, "Let others shoulder their own belongings. I know you were trying to help, but when you are weighed down with all these cares, you cannot do what I have asked of you." He removed everything except for the three rocks and happily pulled them to the top.

I know for sure that God has asked me to be a good wife and mother....first and foremost. Everything else comes second. It doesn't mean I can't take on other things, especially if they make me happy...making my burden actually lighter. I just need to avoid letting the wagon get so full that I can't pull it anymore. Sometimes I have to find out the hard way that it's too full and I just need to start throwing out the rocks. It's a balance we are all looking for. Especially during THIS season.